Peter Lee's Notes from the Field

by Angela Ahn

  Kendra came up to me and said, “Peter? Are you okay there?”

  “I’m…fine,” I managed to say through my tight chest. My throat started to feel scratchy.

  “You don’t sound fine.” She watched me cough and wheeze for a while before she started flipping through her clipboard. “It says here that you have asthma and that you’d be bringing your own medication. Do you have your inhaler?”

  I was able to shake my head. “No.”

  Kendra reached for her walkie-talkie. “I have a sick child. Will be returning to base.”

  By now, I had started to become worried. I could not catch my breath. It was the first time in years I hadn’t had my inhaler with me. I lay down on the hard, crusty earth and stared up at the sky, trying to breathe calmly. In through my nose, out through my mouth. First rule of an asthma attack: don’t panic. Anybody experiencing an asthma attack knows that that is easier said than done.

  While I was lying there, watching clouds of dust drift by my face, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I was a total idiot with stupid lungs and foolish dreams. I had forgotten my inhaler on the most important day of my life. My “practice excavations” hadn’t prepared me for anything. Digging in the pit at Hammy and Haji’s was nothing like the real thing. Not even close. Here I was looking the part with my “professional” vest full of tools, and my ridiculous socks—why did I wear the socks? I came here today confident that I was prepared. Lying on the ground gasping for air proved I was not. As my wheezing became louder and louder, I summoned up my last bit of strength and, in a rage, I threw my official field guide away, into a small scrubby bush.

  Kendra gave her assistant instructions and then she helped me up off the rocks and led me back to the bus. My body was fighting with itself. I wanted to breathe so badly, but I couldn’t get any air. It was like a plastic bag was covering my mouth, and no air was getting through.

  “Come on, Peter. We need to get you back to your parents so they can get you an inhaler. Just try to relax.” Kendra drove me back to the museum. I wheezed the entire way. I was the only kid who probably ever failed the Junior Scientist Dig.

  Chapter 14

  WHEN AN ASTHMATIC MEETS ANCIENT ROCK DUST

  Still the worst day ever, 2;30 p.m.

  Conditions: MOOD

  There they were. Mom, Dad, Hammy, Haji and L.B., who was leaning against Hammy’s leg, all standing in a line. They had fake “I feel so sorry for you but I’ll just pretend everything is great” smiles. I scowled. I could hardly lift my chin off my chest to look at them. My mother quickly handed me an inhaler.

  I didn’t even care about turning my back when I used it, like I usually did. This was just another small insult in my day. Plus, I really needed to breathe. I knew it wouldn’t kick in right away, but just knowing I had the first dose in was calming. The cool mist tickled my tongue with its weird taste. It had never felt so good. The bus ride back to the museum had been the longest fifteen minutes of my life.

  When I felt calmer, I ripped off my field vest and handed it to Mom. I didn’t want to look at it anymore.

  “You okay, Peter?” Mom asked.

  I looked away and shrugged my shoulders. It was hard to talk and I wished I could have recovered without the audience.

  Kendra gently put her hand on my wet and dusty back and passed me over to Mom. She gave Mom a restrained little smile. “I think he needs to take it easy for the rest of the afternoon.” She handed me my Royal Tyrrell Museum field notebook, the one I had thrown into the brush. There was still a twig stuck to it. “I picked this up before we got on the bus.”

  I took it reluctantly. Then I inhaled my second puff. I was still wheezing, but it was quieter now. The scratchy ache in my throat was now just a tickle.

  Kendra looked at me with pity in her eyes. “Peter, I hope you had a little bit of fun at least. I know you must be a real dinosaur enthusiast. Could you just wait for one second?”

  I couldn’t look at her. Did she really think I had fun? I had excavated for a total of eighteen minutes. My life’s ambition has been crushed by a cloud of rock dust.

  I had never felt so awful in my life. Before this, I thought Ryan scoring on me was bad. But this? This was a million times worse than getting scored on. My blood felt like lava.

  Kendra came back, holding the latest issue of the Royal Tyrrell newsletter. “Do you know about this upcoming contest?” She pointed to the back page.

  I half-nodded, half-shrugged.

  “When we were having our environmental observation time, I saw that you were sketching the landscape. I love the way you showed the layers and textures of the rocks. It would be amazing if you sent me something!” She held out the newsletter for me. I refused to take it, so L.B. took it instead.

  Kendra waved, turned around and spoke into her walkie-talkie while heading back to the bus.

  “Peter, it’s okay,” Haji said gently. I couldn’t look at him. He was probably so disappointed in my failure. They had built me the excavation pit at their house. They had tried to help me so much. I let him down.

  He leaned over and said quietly, “Want Haji to buy you something nice from the gift shop?”

  Mom rolled her eyes and said, “Dad…”

  I hated being so weak, but the idea of him buying me something actually made me feel better. I wanted to be strong and tell him, No! I don’t need new toys! My life’s dream has been shattered and you want to bribe me with material possessions? But instead I nodded and the corners of my mouth involuntarily curved upward. I didn’t think it was possible, but now I felt like even more of a pathetic weakling. I was such a loser I was going let Haji buy my happiness. I had no self-respect.

  He nodded back. “Okay, anything you like,” he said quietly so Mom couldn’t hear.

  “Anything?” I whispered back, as I could feel the oxygen coming back into me.

  “Anything!” His eyes were kind and reassuring.

  I played it cool. I scanned the merchandise and couldn’t help but notice that they had some good stuff.

  “Look at all these really amazing paleontology books, Peter! We don’t have this one,” Mom said, standing in front of a packed bookcase.

  “I’m kind of over it,” I replied.

  “What do you mean?” she said, confused.

  “Dinosaurs.”

  She stared at me. “You’re over dinosaurs?”

  “Well, I mean, I still like dinosaurs, in a general way…like, I’d go see the next Jurassic World.” I took a slow breath. It wasn’t deep, but it was getting there. “But I’m never going to be a paleontologist. Mom, you don’t know how harsh the conditions are! Vancouver seems like a paradise compared to what it’s like out there. The sun is brutal! The dust. There’s so much dust! The chipping and brushing! And it’s so dry!” I had said too much and gasped for air.

  Mom tilted her head and gave me an “are you serious?” stare.

  “It’s just…” I paused, calming myself. The carpet of the gift shop was suddenly the most interesting thing I’d seen all day and I stared at it intensely. After a very long, uncomfortable pause, I glanced up. “I just didn’t know it was going to be like that. It’s just not for me. It seemed so cool in books, but in real life, it’s lame.”

  Mom’s face contorted: first angry, then amused and finally frustrated. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, like she was going to say something but then changed her mind, before she finally said, “So, this trip was a waste of time?”

  “What? No! It wasn’t a waste of time at all. At least now I know. I won’t spend any more time dreaming of doing something that I can’t…I don’t want to do.”

  She pursed her lips. “Okay, I see your point, but…we should probably talk more about this later.”

  Haji came up behind me and asked, “So, Peter, do you see anything you like?” I hadn’t had a chance to look
around enough yet. I shook my head.

  Everybody split up to browse on their own. I saw L.B. run to the giant bin of stuffed dinosaurs.

  She picked up a mint green T. rex stuffie and yelled across the gift shop, “Hammy, look! So green, so soft!” She waved it around.

  Hammy smiled at L.B. “It’s cute!”

  “Trixie,” L.B. said loudly. She had a seriousness about her as she walked closer to where the rest of us were standing. “Combine tyrannosaur and rex. Perfect. Trixie is mine. I’m never going to let you go.” She gave Trixie a large, suffocating hug.

  “Put that back, L.B.,” Mom said offhandedly.

  “No,” she said firmly. She tucked the stuffed dinosaur under her right armpit and quickly ran both of her hands up the panel of sequins on her smiling-emoji T-shirt, changing the face to a frowning emoji. I didn’t even know that T-shirt had a frowning-face side!

  Mom and Dad looked shocked. “L.B.!” Dad said sternly. “Your mother asked you to put that back!”

  “I won’t,” she replied. Her face matched her T-shirt and she clutched Trixie closer to her chest.

  I perked up. Oh, this was getting good. My afternoon of humiliation faded a little into the background.

  My mother crouched down to look L.B. straight in the eyes. “Put…that…back.” Mom spoke slowly and deliberately, unable to hide her bubbling irritation.

  I stared at the scene. It was like the best movie I had ever watched, but it had no action. It was all drama.

  L.B. said nothing, but she glared at my mother and shook her head no, strongly with her jaw locked into place. It was like an old-fashioned Western showdown at high noon.

  “It’s a stuffed toy for babies,” Mom said contemptuously. “It is not suitable for somebody of your abilities!”

  “L.B.,” Dad said, “I’m very disappointed in your immature behavior.”

  L.B. held her ground.

  Hammy stepped in. “Aigoo. Let her have it. People looking.” Her eyes darted around to the other customers in the gift shop who were pretending not to watch.

  Mom looked at Hammy and said, “Mom, I’m not going to buy it for her! It’s a silly toy. She’s beyond something like this!”

  “Fine. Then I’m going to!” Hammy grabbed L.B.’s hand and walked her to the cash register. “Grandparent’s job is to make grandchildren happy!”

  L.B. smiled and hung on tightly to Hammy.

  “My job is to provide her with opportunities that help her reach her potential!” Mom shouted back as she brandished the Complete Encyclopedia of Ancient Life: Ultimate Reference Guide with Subatomic Illustrations in the air. She needed two hands because it was about six inches thick. Now lots of other shoppers were staring at us—and not even trying to pretend that they weren’t.

  That was the best free entertainment I’d had in weeks. I leaned in toward Haji and told him, “I’ll take that, please.” I pointed up to a microscope behind a locked cabinet.

  He winked at me. “Sure.”

  Hammy stood in the checkout line to buy the dinosaur stuffie and Mom stood right behind her, practically breathing down Hammy’s neck, clutching the giant textbook. When we left the gift shop, Haji passed me a large shopping bag with my new microscope, and I looked at him gratefully. It didn’t make up for my terrible day, and so I did the only thing that would make me feel better—I threw my official Royal Tyrrell Museum field notebook in the garbage.

  Chapter 15

  MISSION: GET OUT OF DRUMHELLER

  Friday, July 5, too early

  Conditions: Blah

  We had one more day in Drumheller after my terrible afternoon. One more day of being surrounded by all things dinosaur. One more day to remind me of my stupidity. One more day to remind me what a failure I was. I vowed to myself that my note-taking days were over. After today, we still had a few days of holidays, but I didn’t care where else we went; I just wanted to get out of here.

  L.B. sat on her sofa bed and read a book to Trixie. As Mom watched, she winced, as if she had developed a sudden eye tick.

  “Come on. Let’s all get ready to go.” Dad interrupted me as I pretended to read a two-day-old newspaper that had been left in the room.

  “Can I just stay in the hotel room?” I pleaded.

  “No, Peter, you’re coming with us,” Mom insisted while packing up her purse.

  “I really don’t need to see anything else.”

  “There’s the World’s Largest Dinosaur statue and Mega Fossil Land!” L.B. said perkily. “The animatronic dinosaurs look quite fascinating!” She held up a pamphlet for me to see. “Audio engineers have estimated the sound the T. rex may have made and have reproduced it. People with sensitive ears are required to wear ear protection!”

  “I can see the World’s Largest Dinosaur from pretty much anywhere in the entire city. And I don’t need to go deaf listening to a T. rex scream. I already have you in my life.”

  She frowned at me and crossed her arms.

  “Ah, but we can climb inside!” Haji said, looking at the brochure.

  “Hammy needs you to hold my hand. Stairs might be steep. I might fall.” Hammy gave me her little look, the one where her eyes twinkle and she tries to look all serious, but it was more likely that she might start laughing at any time. It was the look I couldn’t say no to. I put down the newspaper, defeated.

  20 minutes later

  I refused to unbuckle my seat belt.

  “I’ll stay here with Peter until he becomes reasonable,” Mom said to Dad as the rest of the family got out of the car.

  She was going to be waiting forever.

  She folded her arms and gave me a laser-beam stare that could have split me in two. Trying desperately to distract myself, I kicked the soccer ball at my feet. It felt deflated, just like me.

  “What if Hammy falls?” Her scowl darkened.

  “Mom, L.B. will be clutching her hand the entire time. Hammy will be fine. Plus, look at that thing—would I even fit inside?” I pointed to the World’s Largest Dinosaur. You could see the rickety metal stairs inside the cavity of the structure even from the parking lot. “I’d probably bang my head a dozen times anyway.”

  She wasn’t buying anything I was selling. My mother’s piercing gaze was making the van seem stuffy. I needed to change the topic. I seized this moment of privacy to ask what I’d been wondering for a few days.

  “Mom, what’s wrong with Hammy?” No point beating around the bush.

  I could see the muscles in her face tense up. She squeezed her lips together.

  “I mean, I know she’s getting old. I know old people can forget things or whatever, but this feels…different.”

  “Well, Peter, to be honest, we’re not sure,” she finally answered.

  “You’ve seen it, though, right? All the weird stuff that’s been happening with her?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she answered, nodding slightly.

  “She keeps forgetting stuff. She called me Ji Won. I’m worried, Mom.”

  “We’re all worried, Peter. She has a few appointments when we get back, so we’ll know more later. Right now, please just try not to make a big deal about it. It’s important to be patient with her.”

  I leaned back in my seat. “Okay.”

  “Do you want to go inside now?” She motioned to the giant T. rex.

  “Fine.” I unbuckled my seat belt.

  As I got out of the car, all I could hear was the resounding echo of L.B. roaring and then giggling hysterically from inside the dinosaur.

  “See, aren’t you glad we waited?” I asked Mom.

  Chapter 16

  THE HOODOO THAT YOU DO

  7;30 p.m.

  Conditions: Surprise, it’s still hot

  I really just wished we could have gone straight home, but Mom and Dad insisted we continue with the rest of our iti
nerary as planned. After being dragged into the World’s Largest Dinosaur, I was then forced to take a train ride while sitting in a converted coal cart at the Atlas Coal Mine. It was exactly as uncomfortable as it sounds.

  The very last thing in Drumheller was our visit to the hoodoos. I didn’t want to admit it, but they were pretty cool. They were made of the same layered sedimentary rock that was all around the badlands, but erosion had caused them to take on special shapes. Imagine big sandstone mushrooms popping up on the side of a scrubby mountain. It was like an extraterrestrial landscape, teeming with alien life (but they were actually tourists).

  L.B. kept shouting, “Hoo-dooooo!” Over and over again. It got old pretty fast. We had to leave when she put Trixie on top of one of the solid slabs of rock protecting the soft sandstone column and she got caught by one of the park rangers. She must have missed the big “Do not touch!” signs that were everywhere.

  “But he’s a dinosaur! It’s his natural habitat!” she argued with the ranger.

  “Sorry, miss. Even dinosaurs aren’t allowed to roam here anymore,” he replied. I guess he was pretty good-natured about the whole thing, but he was still insistent we get back to the van and leave.

  The best part was Mom’s face. She was mortified. Something about the whole thing almost made me laugh. Almost.

  Then, that was it. We were done with Drumheller and we could leave tomorrow. When we got back to the hotel, I packed up my suitcase and, with it, all my dreams.

  Saturday, July 6, 10;30 a.m.

  Conditions: Drumheller in the rearview mirror. Total, absolute relief