by Kacey Shea
29
Chase
“Why do they make these things so damn tight?” My brother pulls at the collar of his dress shirt. His nerves rise along with the hand on the old-fashioned clock.
We’ve been inside Alicia’s childhood home for the last hour, getting ready and waiting in one of the guest bedrooms upstairs until it’s time. The room is more like a suite. This house is as immaculate as one would expect from the outside. Despite all its hallways, I hoped to run into Alicia when we arrived. I discreetly checked inside all open doors as one of the staff members led us up here, but came up empty. No sight of Matthew or Simon either. I have no idea where they are hiding, but I thought I’d at least catch a glimpse by now.
Staring out the windows that lookout onto the yard, I don’t spot her in the crowd. She should be here. The ceremony starts in fifteen minutes.
I turn, my back against the window and give my brother a once over. “Your tie is crooked.”
Cam moves in front of the mirror. “Fuck!” He fiddles with it, only making it worse.
I can’t help but laugh.
“I can’t fucking breathe in this damn thing.”
“Here.” I step between him and the mirror. “Relax. You’re freaking out.”
“I should’ve listened to Jill. Eloped at the courthouse. Or jetted off to Vegas.”
“Hey now.” I loosen his tie and adjust it so it lays flat. “Where’s the fun in that? I wouldn’t get to witness my big brother lose his shit.”
He glares at me.
A chuckle rattles my chest. “Okay, okay. Eloping might have been simpler, but I for one am immensely grateful you went all out.” I step back, nodding with approval at his suit before bringing my gaze to his. “Because if you hadn’t planned this wedding, I wouldn’t have met my son.” I shrug. “You basically changed my life with this one day.”
Cam’s shoulders fall, the tension slipping away as his brow furrows with concern. “You’re right.”
I wink. “Always.”
He rolls his eyes, a scoff leaving his lips. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
I nod to the clock. “I think it’s time. You ready?”
Cam claps his hands and rubs them together. “I’ve been waiting years for this.”
“Then let’s go.” I catch a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror, then make sure I have the rings in my coat pocket before following Cam out the door and down the stairs. We walk toward the back doors, passing the kitchen where several workers move around preparing trays of food.
Outdoors, the air is crisp and cool, the sky overcast but not stormy. It’s the perfect day for a wedding. I’m seriously impressed at how the lawn has been transformed. It might not be what they had planned, but life has a funny way of working itself out.
Again, I look for Alicia but come up short. Most of the guests are seated and we’re only a few minutes from the ceremony starting. She’s cutting it close. Fuck. She wouldn’t miss this, would she? Or catch an earlier flight back to London? My pulse races with the possibility.
“You okay, bro?”
“Yeah,” I say absently, scanning the crowd again. It’s not as if I’d miss her. “Just looking for someone.”
“Julia?” Cam clasps my shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll be here.”
“No.” I wince, meeting his stare. “She’s not coming. We broke up.”
“What? When?” He shakes his head. “Last night at the bar?”
“No.” I exhale a long breath. “After. I went to her apartment.”
“Wow.” His brows shoot up with surprise. “That’s big. I take it this has something to do with Alicia?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey,” Cam says, pulling my gaze back to him. “No matter what happens, promise me one thing?”
“What’s that?”
“Wait to do whatever it is your planning until after my wedding.”
Laughter catches me by surprise, along with his request.
“I’m not fucking around. Promise me.”
“Fine.” I shake my head still laughing. “Promise.”
“There you are,” the officiant says. “I think we’re ready to start.”
Nerves grip my gut and I’m not even the one getting hitched. My brother walks with confidence. His gaze is steady as we find our place at the end of the aisle. The simple music cuts off and the guests milling around quickly find a seat. I stand at Cam’s side, staring toward the guest house, expecting Callie then Jill to walk the short distance. But that’s not who slips from the door and makes her way to the rows of seating.
It's Alicia.
My breath hitches. Time stops. The world stills. All because of her.
Crazy as it is, for a moment I imagine this is our wedding and she’s walking to meet me down the aisle. I shake off the vision, knowing it’s probably too much to hope. But when she finds a seat and her gaze finds mine, I swear she sees it, too.
I can’t look away. Even as everyone stands and the familiar wedding march plays. I should probably stare at my brother and his bride, but it’s hard when she’s here. It’s not until Alicia glances down, her lips curving with the hint of a smile that I realize the ceremony is already underway.
The officiant does a good job moving things along. She sticks to the script which will make Jill happy. “Now it’s time for the vows. Both Cameron and Jill have written their own to share as a testament of their love and commitment.” She glances between the couple. “Jill, would you like to go first?”
“I, um.” Jill looks panicked for a moment. Her deer-in-the-headlights reaction would probably freak out most grooms, but my brother doesn’t miss a beat.
“Actually, I’d like to go first. If that’s okay with my bride?”
Jill presses her lips together and nods, gratefulness in her eyes.
“Okay, well. I’m not much of a writer, so you’ll have to forgive me.” He pulls a piece of paper from his suit jacket and unfolds it. “But this comes from my heart, and I think everyone here knows that belongs to you.” He glances up to flash her a smile. “Jill Bennet, my lover, my confidant, my best friend. I promise to live a life that brings honor to you. I already consider you my family and that’s something neither of us takes for granted.”
Jill’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as she nods.
Cam takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. “You showed me what it is to trust and love again. You make my days bright. Every day I come home to you, I feel like the luckiest man in the world because I get to spend it with you. I don’t deserve you.”
“You do,” she whispers.
“I promise to love you, and cherish you always, even when you tell me to fuck off.” He pauses, grinning as several people chuckle. “I’ve always loved you, and I am so grateful for each day you’ve given me. I’ll never stop showing you how much you mean to me, for as long as you’ll let me.”
“Fuck. I should’ve gone first,” Jill says, earning a few laughs. “Those were good.”
“I bring my best for you,” Cam says, leaning forward and stealing a quick kiss.
“Hey,” the officiant says, pretending to act offended as she glances down at her book. “We’re not at that part yet. A little self-control.”
“Okay, okay.” Cam grins, holding up his hands.
Jill presses her lips together, meeting his gaze before clearing her throat. “Cameron McClain. You came into my world unexpectedly and unprovoked. I never felt worthy or safe or cherished . . . not until you. I know I’m not always easy to love. I like to argue. I like to be right.”
“You usually are.”
“I am.” She flashes a grin. “But even on the rare chance I’m wrong, I promise to always listen, with my ears and with my heart. I promise to stand firm in us, even when the world tries to shake our trust. I promise to love all the parts of you, because you love all the parts of me. And I vow to love and care for Kenslee, because she’s the most precious person in your life and I don’t mind sharing that spotlight.”
Kenz beams from her seat in the front row.
“I promise to stay vulnerable, even when I’m scared, because I know you’ll be by my side every step of this life. I love you, Cam.”
“I love you, too.”
The officiant takes over, reading a few thoughts on the institution of marriage and leading them through the exchange of rings. I try to keep my total focus on the ceremony, but it’s impossible when I know exactly where Alicia is sitting in the crowd. I glance over more times than is socially acceptable. I’m sure I’ll get shit for it later when the pictures come back from the photographer. But I don’t care. I’m impatient for this thing to be over so I can pull her aside. We need to talk. We need to address last night, and what happens next.
“By the power vested in me by the state of Virginia, I present to you our happy newlyweds, Cameron McClain and Jill Bennett. You may seal your marriage with a kiss.”
Cam pulls Jill into his arms, his mouth claiming hers then dipping her back, just like they do in the movies.
Hoots and cheers from the crowd spur him on.
Jill laughs, pressing against his chest until he lifts her back up. Celebration by Kool & the Gang pumps from the speakers, adding to the jubilant mood. Jill winds her arm through Cam’s and they dance their way down the aisle.
I hold my arm out to Callie, and we follow behind. Given our past, this should be strange or awkward, but that’s all behind us. Forgiveness and second chances are a beautiful thing. Ash is in the last row, smiling and waiting for his girlfriend.
“You. Are. Stunning,” Ash says.
“Thanks. I clean up pretty nice.” I wink.
He socks me in the shoulder with a playful punch. “Not you, dumbass.”
Callie laughs and we step to the side for guests to exit their rows. She slides an arm around him and presses a kiss to his lips. They whisper a few things to each other and I leave to search for Alicia. I spot her talking to a couple one row up from her. I move to get closer.
“Uncle Chase!” Kenz calls, practically racing over. She’s beautiful and looking way too grown up in her simple pale pink dress.
“Hey, gorgeous.” I open my arms and hug her to my side. “You ready to party?”
“Mom says we have to take pictures first.” She frowns.
“Oh, right.” Damn it. That’s happening now. I glance over to find Alicia walking toward the reception tent. I’ll have to catch her later. “Come on. Let’s go get this over with.” I wink at my niece. It takes all my willpower to walk away from Alicia. I want to chase after her, but I grasp for patience. We have all night. I’ll catch her in a few minutes.
Or so I think.
But after pictures, there’s dinner, and while I’d normally be free to sneak away, being seated next to the groom keeps my ass planted in my chair. Then after dinner it’s time for the toast. I’m thankful I had the foresight to write mine out last week, because my mind is distracted by the woman across the room. Each time our gazes collide I swear I get a hit of dopamine. I long to pull her aside. I ache to kiss her and beg her to give us another chance.
I finally get my chance when Cam and Jill head out to the dance floor, but Alicia is nowhere to be found. I consider sneaking into the main house because I’m almost certain she’s there. I settle for hanging out near the tent’s entrance. Soon I become the unofficial director for the restrooms. There’s a sign, but it’s not well lit and half the guests are too tipsy to notice.
Callie walks outside, stopping short when she notices me.
“Bathrooms?” I ask, pointing to the sign.
She laughs, nodding. “How come you’re out here? You use up all your dance moves last night?”
“Something like that.” I smile.
“You should come dance with us.” She nods back at the dance floor.
“Maybe later.” I’m happy to see everyone having a good time. Normally, I’d join them. But I can’t celebrate until I’ve had a conversation with Alicia. “Hey, you haven’t seen Alicia, have you?”
“Not since she left to go check on Matthew.”
I exhale a breath of relief. Of course. She hasn’t left. She’s being a good mom. “Are they inside the house?”
She shakes her head in the negative. “No, I think Simon took him to spend the day with one of her brothers.” Callie’s gaze lifts suggestively. “Which means she’s kid-free for the night.”
Wait. Does she know?
“I saw you two last night. Cam told us you broke up with Julia.” Callie rolls her eyes. “Just make a move already.”
“Oh, I’m not . . .” I scrub a hand down my face. “You don’t think it’s too soon? I don’t want her to think she’s a rebound. I want a real chance.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”
Fuck. She’s right. “Well, it’d help if I could find her first.”
Callie smirks, nodding down the pathway. I follow her stare.
Alicia sits on a bench that’s nearly hidden by the bend in the pathway. She blends with the wall of ivy behind her. I almost let out a laugh. I was out here waiting. Driving myself nuts. But she was here the whole time. Her gaze lifts toward the sky, and the light streaming through the open tent behind us casts shadows upon her face. My breath catches at her beauty.
“Good luck.” Callie squeezes my shoulder. “You both deserve to be happy.” She struts away, passing Alicia with a wave on route to the restrooms.
I wait a second before I walk that same path, clearing my throat as I get close. “Hey.” Nerves rattle my confidence, but I push them aside. I’d rather look the fool than miss this chance. “Mind if I join you?”
She hesitates a second, almost as if she’s warring with herself, but the slight nod of her chin is all the invitation I need. She scoots over, putting space between us as I sit down.
One of the wedding guests, a co-worker of Jill’s, walks over and glances around as if looking for something or someone. “Do you know where the bathrooms are?”
“Down the path to the building on your left.” Alicia points.
“Thanks.” The woman nods, following Alicia’s directions, but her heel catches on one of the pavers and she nearly trips.
I wince. “That could’ve been ugly.”
“We should have put more lights out here.” Alicia nods. “When my parents used to host their big fundraisers, the entire path had solar lanterns. I don’t know why my mother had them removed.”
“They host a lot of parties like this?”
“Not in the last couple of years.” She doesn’t explain more. Almost as if she’s uncomfortable with my question. I wonder how her family feels about her living overseas with Matthew. I’m sure they miss him. It’s only been a matter of days and I already do.
“I missed seeing Matthew today.”
“He was out with my brother and Simon.”
“Yeah, that’s what Callie said.”
“Sorry, you probably want to spend time with him.” She wrings her hands together in her lap. “Maybe this week before we fly back?”
My heart sinks at the mention of it. Time is not on our side. “Yeah, I’ll move things around. Take a day off work. Whenever you’re both free I’ll make it work.”
“You can take him out on your own. If you want?”
Of course I want to see my son, but I want her there too. I stare at Alicia, trying to read between the words she won’t say. “Why would I want that?” Does she not want to spend time with me?
“It’s probably not a good idea.” She won’t meet my stare. “Us. Getting too close. You know? Considering everything with our past.”
My chest aches. My nostrils sting. The thought of her not willing to give us a real chance is almost too much. Is she still scared to be with me because I’m a recovering addict? “Alicia?”
“I’m sorry.” She shoves to her feet, shaking her head. “I can’t.” She takes a few steps toward the tent, but must change her mind, because she doubles back to take the path tow
ard the restrooms. She storms by, her gaze on the ground as if she can’t stand the sight of me.
I can’t let her walk away. “Alicia. Wait.” In two long strides, I catch her wrist, stopping her from running away. “What’s going on?” Anger surges in my chest as she turns her face downward. “Damn it, Alicia. Why won’t you look at me?”
Her chin lifts, the dim light illuminating the torment in her features. Tears escape from the corners of her eyes. She shakes her head, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. “Chase. Please. Don’t. Just let me go.”
Confusion furrows my brow. Let her go? I don’t understand. The request feels impossible. Even if I tried, I’m not sure I ever could.
30
Alicia
“No.” He shakes his head, the lines on his forehead deepening with his frown. “I won’t. We’re talking about whatever it is that has you running away.”
Fine. He wants to know what’s keeping me away? What’s been nagging in my mind since reconnecting. I’m tired. I can’t fake it anymore. “I’m exhausted, Chase.” I throw my arms out wide. “Pretending things are perfectly fine when they aren’t. Pretending I have my shit together when I have no idea what I’m doing.” I blink back the tears but they fall anyway. “Pretending I don’t care when I can’t stop thinking about you. Even when I shouldn’t. Even when I don’t want to.”
His eyes narrow as he takes a step forward. “Why don’t you want to?”
“Because I messed up.” My voice cracks. It hit me during the wedding. I missed my chance. I fucked up any possibility of a future with him. And worse . . . I have no one to blame but myself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stayed away. That I kept our son from you. I’m sorry I left in the first place. I wish I could go back. I wish I could erase the pain I’ve caused you, but I can’t.”
“I accept.” He crowds my body.
I frown, taking a step back. The ivy on the brick wall at my back tickles my exposed skin. “You?”
