The Forbidden Plan

by Erika Starits

  “Ana, have you been clueless to the way he gawks and beams at you whenever you are near him?”

  I was dumbfounded. Sure, I had noticed his…smile. There was the weird uneasiness in the pit of my abdomen. But I was unaware of any gawking or beaming directed toward me specifically. Old Jake did not wait for me to answer.

  “All of this was not substantial enough to stir concern. Simply instances I spotted here and there on the occasions I had cleaning duty with you. Or when he happened to be near our vicinity. I was positive you were oblivious.”

  He jokingly winked at me and shook his head incredulously.

  “I noticed because I watch over and care for you so closely. I was sure nobody else would be aware of a lowly cleaning drudge and a few extra smiles sent her way. I figured there was nothing to worry about...until about a month ago. You had cleaning duty at the School for the Firstlings. You were approaching the entrance of the building when Jude went out of his way to open the door for you.”

  I frantically searched my memories, but scarcely remembered the incident. It did not seem to hold significance and must have been quickly forgotten. I burdened the depths of remembrance and finally a faded recollection surfaced. It was the sensation of my insides briefly fluttering with unexplained nervousness. The invoked sensation manifested the moment. I was aware of Jude Meadows’s gaze as I walked through the threshold. I attempted avoidance, but glimpsed a soft expression in his bright happy eyes. I whispered a hurried, “Thank you, sir.” He graciously nodded in my direction and a contagious smile spread across his features. I rushed through the door and immediately busied myself.

  The gesture was polite, but why would he be nice to me for a particular reason? He was a firstling and with all firstlings...I was respectful. I also strived to avoid unnecessary encounters. I habitually evaded the elite tens and firstlings as if they were infectious diseases.

  After thoughtful reflection I responded, “Yeah, I remember. But it happened so fast…”

  Old Jake inquired, “Ana, can you think of another firstling opening a door for you?”

  I flashed through my years of life. Other drudges had extended the courtesy, but a firstling never offered the gesture. It would be humiliating and degrading to put a drudge before themselves. Jude Meadows’s actions were peculiar.

  Old Jake took my lingering silence as his answer and remorsefully announced, “I was about fifteen feet behind you, my old legs not as quick to keep stride. Chief Meadows was standing near the school.”

  Chief Meadows was there? I could not place him which was perceptibly no surprise, if not disappointing. I resolved to pay closer attention to my surroundings moving forward. Old Jake appeared to be terribly distraught.

  “Chief Meadows was mortified and he peered menacingly in your direction. His icy glance chilled me to the bone my dear sweet, Ana.”

  I could hardly concentrate on everything Old Jake was revealing. The information spun around the room in nauseating speeds. I was dizzy and prone to faint. I leaned forward in the hard, wooden chair. I cradled my head in my hands and processed our conversation. My heart sank to my feet.

  This was my unintentional wrongdoing? Through his revered offspring, I significantly upset and offended the most powerful man of Starosa.

  Chapter 7

  The next few weeks were a blur of tasks and slow-moving time. I kept to myself and fulfilled my duties to the best of my abilities. I went to great lengths to avoid any trouble at all costs. I tirelessly endeavored to ensure crossing paths with Jude Meadows ceased. If I saw him in the distance, I immediately stepped in the opposite direction as soon as he came into view. Was he doing the same? We had not made eye contact and I had not seen his easy grin for a long time. Was I more cognizant of our previous encounters than I initially gave credence?

  I would report for Remembrance Duty the next day. I was uneasy and fearful for two reasons. First, I hoped my good behavior and avoidance of Chief Meadows’s son would secure my duty without Zander. If Zander served with me it would reestablish mortification. It would prove no amount of good behavior could deliver me from the awful fate Chief Meadows ensured.

  The stinging and frigid weather of wintertide was warming. This was my second fear. The temperatures were rising and wild beasts were prowling once more. Could I already hear them howling for my flesh and blood? I shivered with fright.

  Enveloped in trepid expectancy, I forgot to be on the lookout for Jude Meadows. It rained all morning and was a dark, dreary, and downcast day. The gloomy sky, and my focus on beasts roaming the vast unknown, distracted my attention. I glanced up and locked eyes with him. His brown eyes pierced me as we brushed by one another. He stared for a brief second and hurriedly diverted his gaze.

  He was flanked by a group of boys around his age. They were all wearing similar attire. Denim jeans and brown or black boots. Each boy wore a different style of buttoned shirt beneath black coats. Most male firstlings dressed the same, apart from black slacks worn occasionally instead of jeans. A cold sweat of anxiety surfaced when I saw Jude Meadows’s father. He was a few feet away, talking to another firstling.

  Chief Meadows’s dark black eyes were burning holes into my person like two lumps of glowing coal. His heated glare was daring me to look at his son, but I would not. I immediately cemented my concentration to the earth below. I persisted past the crowd of boys and deeply desired to make myself go unnoticed. Was Chief Meadows giving his son a similar scornful regard? One of the firstlings with Jude Meadows suddenly yelled in my direction and I halted. My misgivings were debilitating.

  “Hey there, cleaning drudge. Come here!”

  He addressed the gathered boys, “Dang, did you notice? Not bad looking for a drudge. Why don’t you come here? Might as well be the meaningless drudge to clean the dirt from my shoes today.”

  Publicly requesting drudges to clean their shoes on wet muddy days was notoriously used by firstlings as a degrading and humiliating task. I wanted to ignore him and briskly walk away. But I could not ignore a firstling’s demand, especially in the presence of Chief Meadows. I suppressed rising dread and simmering spite as I returned to the crowd of boys.

  I responded, “Okay, sir.”

  It was disgraceful. I had to address a boy younger than me as sir. His name was Tim Jones and he could not be older than his fourteenth year. All of the boys were sneering at me, including Jude. I pulled a rag from my bucket of supplies and was startled by Jude bellowing in my face.

  He confidently sniggered, “Nah, Tim. I am sorry, but I think I am going to need this pitiful drudge’s services to help me out instead.”

  I chanced a fleeting glance in Chief Meadows’s direction. He was studying the situation threateningly. Was he suspicious his son’s actions would embarrass him again? From the way Jude spoke to me there was nothing for the Chief to worry about.

  Jude’s eyes darted toward his father and he glimpsed Chief Meadows’s fiery observation. He swallowed hard and took a short respite. He hesitated to give a command. Jude was faltering on what he previously resolved to accomplish.

  Tim taunted, “Yeah, Jude? Get on with it already. Please. I dare you to find something even worse for her to do for you today.”

  The crowd of boys snickered with anticipation. They were beaming at the idea of him revealing something more demeaning than cleaning a firstling’s shoes. Especially after a day of rain and muck.

  Jude’s countenance hardened and he flashed a gleam of arrogance at his peers.

  He jeered, “Oh, don’t you worry. It is easy as pie to top little Timmy here.”

  He teasingly shuffled Tim’s yellow strands of hair. The top of his head closely resembled a pile of hay. Tim playfully shoved Jude in the arm with a mischievous look on his face.

  Jude declared with words of menace, “Pathetic, drudge. I have been walking in filth all day and will need you to clean not only the tops of my shoes, but the bottoms as well.”

  He looked at his audience conceitedly, awaiting t
heir cheers of admiration.

  One of the boys shouted, “Ohhh good one, Jude boy, good one!”

  Many hands of different colored skin clasped Jude’s shoulders in approval. I was mortified and wanted to bolt to my drudge house as rapidly as possible. My cheeks were unquestionably flushed with embarrassment. There was also an underlying heat rising within me as well. Anger was pumping through my veins and onto my flushed face. I dared not look, but the imagined image of how pleased Chief Meadows was with his son increased my intense emotions. With tremendous effort, I refused to meet Jude Meadows’s stare.

  I answered in a strained murmur, “Yes, sir.”

  I kneeled at his feet. He lifted his foot in front of my face and wiggled it mockingly. This caused a roar of laughter from the petty crowd, including a thundering boom from Chief Meadows.

  Faltering hands betrayed the smoldered resentment, disgust, and embarrassment searing through me. I cleaned Jude Meadows’s shoes, including the filthy soles. Degradation painfully seeped through each motion of my hands. When I completed the tedious task, it required extreme discipline to not fire daggers at him.

  Through gritted teeth I announced, “I am finished, sir.”

  He briefly glanced at me and I detected the slightest bit of regret in his eyes. His previous manner of demeaning slander vanished. He whispered his command.

  “Great, now get out of here.”

  As I hurriedly gathered my supplies to leave, Tim Jones kicked sludge and dirt in my direction. Flecks of muddy water and grime covered the side of my face. I held back humiliated and infuriated emotions as I hastily wiped my eye and cheek.

  I wanted more than anything to punch Jude Meadows and Tim Jones right in their faces. The way they treated me was maddening. I especially loathed Jude Meadows for his shameful request. I was livid! The one thing keeping me grounded was the possibility of a positive outcome from the display. Chief Meadows would clearly see he had no reason to worry. Especially when it came to his son and me, the “pathetic” cleaning drudge. Jude extending unprecedented politeness in the past, surely meant nothing now.

  Hopefully I could live in obscurity once more. Maybe his plan to have me break Starosa laws by falling in love with Zander would be halted. It would be revealed if I ascended his execution list in the morning when I reported for my monthly requirement. The report-slip given as a reminder for duty was handed to me by my elite ten, Cornelia Fadflair. We could not read, but the red piece of paper only meant one thing. It signified we were to attend Remembrance Duty the following day. I determined a report-slip was not given to Old Jake.

  My previous, longstanding and constant duty companion would not be joining me. I did not have the energy to find out who, if anyone in my drudge house had been given a slip as well. I was too afraid to discover no one had and it would be Zander to greet me in the morning. For this reason, I dared not ask and learn an undesirable outcome. It would only result in fretting and my life was already clouded with constant awareness of my impending destruction.

  I trudged home and despite my best efforts, a few tears escaped my eyes. A few months prior, I was happy and at peace with my existence. It was amazing what one month could change. I hated being a drudge and I loathed the Chief and Jude Meadows. It was true. Zander was right. We were treated cruelly. For the first time, I fervidly wished there was something I could do to change my circumstances. I wanted to talk to Old Jake, but he would be well on his way to an old ones meeting.

  Chief Meadows met every three months with any resident of Starosa who could recall life in the Previous Sphere. They would conjure memories and try to describe their recollections to creator drudges. The creator drudges would attempt to replicate important items and tools from the past. After a meeting, Chief Meadows would send a team of strong men outside of Starosa. They would search for useful items for the benefit of our people.

  It was comfortable to live in the Previous Sphere and Chief Meadows desperately wanted to recreate items of importance. His latest obsession was something the old ones referred to as an automobile. The contraption carried you around like a horse, but was not living. I found it difficult to invoke an image of a machine with such capacity. I groaned. Old Jake would be at the meeting most of the night. I would not be able to talk to him until after Remembrance Duty.

  After I showered and ate the usual tomato soup with white crackers, I headed straight to my confined room. I climbed on top of my uncomfortable cot and covered myself with the supplied blanket each drudge was allocated. My mind was racing, my spirits were dreary and Jude Meadows was the worst firstling in Starosa. Eventually, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I slept restlessly and woke tremulous many times. The dismal dreams of my bleak future overpowered my normal exhaustion and peaceful nights.

  Chapter 8

  An endless night transpired before morning arrived. I went to the shared bathroom and waited in line to clean my teeth and face before heading downstairs and out the back door. This is where I would be collected and chained to be dragged outside the gate of Starosa. I would spend another day and night fighting for survival and remembering the blessings from living in the community. But I no longer concurred with the childlike sentiment of my fortune to be a drudge.

  The tiny seed Zander planted regarding the unfair life of drudges, grew into an unrelenting weed of vexation. My way of viewing things was changing. It was no longer an unheard notion, an insignificant concept in my mind. It was now a full-blown desire. I wanted freedom too! How could you not want to be free, free from this life of drudgery? I waited impatiently, pleading to an unknown entity for Zander to not be my Remembrance Duty companion. I desperately needed my fate to change.

  My hopes splintered when two of the elite tens appeared with Zander dragging behind them. The incident from the day before had obviously done nothing to alleviate Chief Meadows’s disinterest in my life. I was given a brown coat. A knife was put into a sheath and tied around my waist and I was cuffed within minutes. The elite tens who oversaw us were Zed and Lankin. The black haired and extremely tall brothers did not speak to us or to each other, the entire trek to the gate.

  When we made it to the end of the road, we were uncuffed and motioned to leave the safety of the electric barricade. One of the elite tens slammed the gate shut and locked us out of Starosa for the next twenty-four hours. They mounted their horses and galloped away without a single word. Apparently, we were two drudges not worth the time or effort it would take to grumble orders and give harsh instruction. Certainly, we had been on duty enough times to know what was expected.

  Zander and I looked at each other. Surprisingly his features were etched with apparent concern. My sentiments did not match his own. Being stranded with Zander caused misplaced resentment. My negative energy festered uncontrollably and it was geared at him. I did not hesitate to set straight my overwhelming worries. Surely, they had plagued him as well.

  “Zander, I will not fall in love with you. His plan will not work. I swear to Starosa.”

  Zander appeared to be stunned. I might have glimpsed a wave of hurt cross his features, but it was swiftly replaced with his regular surly brooding.

  He huffed, “Well, Analysse. That makes two of us.”

  After he spoke, he hastily turned his back and walked further into the wilderness. He sat against a tree and carved a branch with his knife. We spent most of the day not talking and keeping busy. We listened for the stealthy approach of wild beasts and flesheaters. Zander made a few ineffective attempts to make conversation, but undeserving anger prevented my compliance.

  As I traced the scar on my hand with my finger, I was especially alert to the sounds of the flesheater. From what I pieced together from overheard conversation, the creatures surrounding our community were different than the Previous Sphere’s beasts. Those dwelling on the land near Starosa were more rabid and savage. Their food supply was not as readily accessible and they were hungry. They were ravenous for any meat they could dig into with their claws and fangs.
They were bloodthirsty beasts who seemed to have an unrelenting taste for human flesh.

  The old ones related stories of relentless fleeing and hiding from the crazed creatures in the wilderness. They told tales of their ferocious attacks on the newly peopled area. Before the electric fence kept the survivors safe, they had to constantly fight for their lives. The old ones and the origin of Starosa sparked a newly discovered interest. There were so many unknowns regarding our community. How did our people arrive in this area after the devastation of the Previous Sphere? Where was the Previous Sphere? It was a place scarcely remembered by a generation of people who were dying of old age and would soon be extinct. My thoughts invoked enough intrigue to put aside my annoyance and willingly comply to communication with Zander. I hoped he had more knowledge of the past than I possessed. He was a few feet away, leaning against a large boulder.

  “Zander, do you know how the firstlings and drudges were decided in the beginning? How did one become a firstling and how did one become a drudge?”

  It was silent for a few moments before Zander decided to answer in his silky, smooth voice.

  He asked, “So now you have decided to talk to me?”

  I rolled my eyes in aggravation. It was not a falsehood. I had brushed aside every attempt Zander made to converse. The frustrations of our bleak situation caused an overly adverse reaction in regards to him. I knew my growing animosity was wrong and misplaced. It was not his fault we were both doomed to death. I was in this mess because my mere existence had inadvertently infuriated Chief Meadows. Despite the knowledge of Zander having no part in my dire circumstances, I persisted to project anger onto him. He deserved a dose of his own uncouth medicine. He treated me curtly the last time we served together. Perhaps he would know what it felt like to be regarded as coldly now.

  I grumbled, “Yes, I have decided to talk to you. It's not fun being ignored all day, is it?”