I'm Not Who You Think I Am

by Felicitas Ivey

  Xiu moaned and I bent over her, hoping Harper didn’t kill us both.

  “You know you’re going to have to choose which one of them you’re going to save,” he drawled.

  I shook my head, trying to deny the truth. Harper laughed as he casually shot one of those light bolts at Fido. Thankfully he missed, but Fido yipped even as he covered Sutekhgen with his body.

  “Don’t pick on the puppy, asshole,” Xiu slurred without opening her eyes.

  “Shh…,” I soothed. “Just don’t move. It’s going to be all right.”

  Harper laughed. “You truly believe that,” he snickered.

  I tucked and rolled into his legs, knocking him down. He hit me on the back of the head, but I shook it off—barely. I managed to stagger to my feet, heading toward the Expo Center, trusting Harper would follow me. He did.

  I got over the wire fence around the building, tearing the rest of my shirt while I did so. I headed over to the side doors, hoping one of them was open. I didn’t know if it was better to be caught inside or that I get him away from everyone else. Rat might follow us, or Fido could keep him occupied.

  The door I’d headed for was locked. I rattled the handle and managed to get it open enough for me to slip inside. I shoved it closed and ran to the center of the building. The place smelled like an open sewer, with a hint of something else in the air. All I cared about was that I didn’t step on something disgusting. There didn’t seem to be anyone in here either.

  I’d gone about ten feet when Harper blew the door out of the frame. I turned around, ready to make my stand.

  He strode in, wings spreading out as soon as he was through the door. He looked like a hawk, swooping down on his prey.

  “You think this will stop me?” He laughed. “Or you?”

  “I have to,” I said. “I don’t know what’s going on, and Sutekhgen needs to know what my boundaries are, but you…. What you did to Rat is miles beyond the stuff he did to me. Because you watched him for Set knows how long and that’s really creepy. What just happened out there is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. You’re the worst person in his life right now. If you’re even a person anymore.”

  Harper’s face darkened when I said that. “I am beyond what you can even believe in your shallow life.”

  “And I believe you’re as stupid and petty as the imbecilic bird you worship!”

  He shot a bolt of light at me, enraged by my words. And it was at that second I realized what I had smelled underneath all the debris. Gas. I couldn’t believe it was still active in the building. From the split second I had before the place was engulfed in a fireball, Harper had just realized the mistake he’d made.

  Things went black then. I still didn’t know what was going on. Why I was part of this mess.

  “BELOVED, YOU need to wake up,” Sutekhgen said. “It’s not your time to walk the path.”

  I sat up when he said that. “Are you okay?”

  I looked around and noticed we were in the endless desert. The sky and the land were different shades of red. It was kind of pretty. I could stay here for a while just looking at it.

  “I am fine,” he assured me.

  “It looked bad,” I said. “I didn’t know….” My brain caught up with what he’d said. “Beloved? I can’t be. Not that you aren’t…. But I’m pretty sure that I’d know I was her by now.”

  “You are not making much sense,” he said ruefully. “But you can’t stay here.”

  “I like it here,” I protested. “It’s pretty.”

  “Now is not your time. There is much for you to do,” he coaxed. “Now is the time for you to wake up!”

  Chapter Sixteen

  I WAS surprised to find I was in the hospital when I woke up. Well, in an emergency department. Uncle Yushua was hovering over me.

  “Where’s Xiu?” I demanded. “Rat?”

  “There was an accident,” he said, looking at me intently. I noticed there was someone else with us. “A gas explosion at the Bayside Expo. The whole building is gone.”

  “I don’t remember much,” I said, knowing that an accident was the cover story the Shawmut had concocted. I wondered what they were going to do to explain Harper. If there was anything really to explain. And the story was kind of true; there was some sort of explosion. But why was I here? Because I shouldn’t have survived a building falling on me. “How did I…? Is everyone else?”

  “Xiu is fine,” Uncle Yushua assured me.

  “Not if her nainai catches wind of this,” I muttered. “The lectures we’re both going to get.”

  “If you feel that either of you are in a dangerous situation at home—” the other person started.

  I squinted and saw her jacket said she was Dr. Rhonda Watson, Emergency Department, Brigham and Women’s Hospital.

  “What? Oh, just you get in trouble, even if it isn’t your fault, you get a talking-to about being safer about stuff,” I said.

  “Or not getting caught.” Uncle Yushua smiled.

  “That too,” I added. “Depending on who’s doing the scolding.”

  Dr. Watson smiled. “Just let me check your vitals and we can see about releasing you. You all are in good shape. You seemed to have been caught on the edge of the blast.”

  “Let me go check on Rat and Xiu,” Uncle Yushua said. “Never let it be known I didn’t take a hint to leave.”

  While Dr. Watson was flashing a light in my eyes, she said, “If you need to….”

  “He’s my mother’s brother. Nothing hinky is going on. My friend and I are just visiting for a couple of weeks.”

  “Some of those bruises—”

  “I’m fine. No one is abusing me or whatever craziness you think is going on. Can I get dressed and leave now?”

  So I did look like I’d been in a fight. And that made the “gas explosion” explanation a little thin. The authorities were going to think we had been doing something illegal there to cause the building to blow up. If they even cared why an abandoned building had blown up, since no one died. I think no one died, because I survived, then Harper has to have too. But he wasn’t here, so where was he?

  “You need to follow up with your own physician in a couple of days,” she said. “If you can give me his name, I can send the scans to him.”

  “What scans?” I asked.

  “We suspected a head injury, so you had an MRI,” she explained. “And until you woke up, there were some strange readings. Your uncle seemed quite worried.”

  I rolled my eyes and grabbed my clothing, which was in a pile on a chair. I was relieved my skirt was there, or the questions might have been even more intrusive. My shirt was in shreds, but there was a T-shirt in the pile.

  “You weren’t speaking English,” she added.

  “I know five different languages. I could have been talking in any of them, so I’m not worried. Just give me the scans and I’ll make an appointment with a doctor later.”

  She opened her mouth to protest.

  “Mine might be on vacation too,” I said. “I don’t know if I want to go all the way home to have someone look at me.”

  “Your uncle was worried,” she said. She made it sound like we were lying about that relationship.

  “If you can’t tell we’re related, how bad were you in med school?” I asked, stepping into my skirt.

  She huffed and left the room at that, leaving me to dress in peace. My head felt like it was going to roll off my neck and I hurt, but I was alive, and that was the important thing.

  Xiu popped her head around the door to the cube I was in. “I got a concussion,” she crowed. She handed me my purse. “And some really good drugs. Not that I think the two of them should go together, but—”

  “So happy for you,” I interrupted, relieved to see she was still alive. “I thought….”

  “I was so annoyed.” Xiu nodded, knowing what I wasn’t saying. “I hate physics. Remind me later that isn’t going to be my major.”

  I lost it when she sa
id that, and Xiu joined my laughter after a couple of seconds. We’d calmed down a bit when Uncle Yushua stopped to get us, wheeling Rat in front of him.

  Rat looked bad, and it wasn’t because he was injured. Harper’s little mind whatever had done a number on him, and he was just huddled in the wheelchair.

  “We all ready to go home?” Uncle Yushua said brightly.

  Xiu nodded. “I need to get out of here.” She leaned over and loudly whispered to Rat, “We were in a gas explosion.”

  She lost her balance, and I grabbed her before she could fall into his lap. “He was there.”

  Xiu nodded and then winced. “The drugs aren’t that good. Remind me not to do that for a while.”

  “Get in a gas explosion?” Rat mumbled.

  “Move my head that much,” Xiu said. “It hurts.”

  “Let’s get moving,” Uncle Yushua said.

  “Yay, a car ride,” Xiu said. “Wait. Do you know how to drive? How did a car get here?”

  I thought she was laying it on a little thick but wasn’t going to argue with her. With the way she was acting, I was glad she wasn’t proclaiming to the entire department what we had just done. We’d all end up in a psych ward for sure if that happened.

  “You take Rat and I’ll deal with Xiu,” I said.

  “I like it when you deal with me,” she said, her eyes wide and serious. “I’d be a brownie for you.”

  “Wow, she’s really on the good stuff,” Rat said.

  “She’s like this naturally sometimes,” I explained.

  I wanted to cry, because Xiu was serious. She’d be anything I wanted her to be, when I just needed her to be my best friend.

  I ENDED up with all the discharge papers for us dumped on my lap. I was looking through them when I started giggling.

  “What’s wrong?” Uncle Yushua demanded.

  “If that’s your real name, I can see how you got Rat as a nickname,” I said. Ararat Sankisin was his real name.

  Rat groaned from the front seat. “You’re evil.”

  “I could have told you that,” Xiu chimed in. “And let me see.”

  I tossed the papers into the front seat. “Nope. If he wants to tell you, he can.”

  Xiu leaned on my shoulder. “I think I’ll have a lot more fun trying to find it out on my own.”

  “I don’t think I would,” he said. “You can dump me off at my place.”

  “No,” Uncle Yushua said calmly. “You need people around you now.”

  “I’ll tender my resignation when I get home,” Rat continued. “I….”

  “It wasn’t you,” I insisted. “You… you think we’re going to abandon you because that son of a dung beetle messed with your head!”

  “Dung beetle?” Xiu muttered.

  “You were a victim,” I pointed out.

  “Again!”

  I was glad the windows were up and the air-conditioning was on, since he was shouting. But the bad thing was I didn’t know what it would do to Xiu’s headache.

  “It wasn’t your fault! No one knew!” I insisted, my voice rising on the last word. Xiu winced and then curled up so her head was on my lap. “You…. How will being alone do any good? We don’t even know if it was you in those pictures….”

  “Or not you-you,” Xiu added. “Just a guy who looked a lot like you. But probably wasn’t you. I… we think.”

  “Enough so we thought it could be you,” I continued. “Rat… don’t let him win.”

  Rat stared at us, and I knew he wanted to ask what we were talking about but lacked the energy to do so. Or even care at this point. There was an awkward silence for another mile or so.

  “I’m sorry I brought such troubles into your life,” Uncle Yushua said softly, his guilt filling the car. “I never wanted this for anyone else.”

  Rat turned and glared at him. “This isn’t your fault either. Someone had to take you to that place. It could have been anyone.”

  “But it was you,” Uncle Yushua said. “I didn’t know if it was better or not….”

  “It’s always better,” Rat snapped. “What was I going to do with my life after the Army? This way I have meaning in mine. It wasn’t what I wanted, but this isn’t what you wanted either. Josh, you should be teaching some place and fighting off undergraduates.”

  “They should kiss,” Xiu announced. “This mess needs a good ending.” She pouted. “It’s not like I’m getting any kisses soon.”

  There was shocked silence from the front seat.

  “And that jerk…,” she continued. “I didn’t get to kick him in the balls for stealing your first kiss.”

  Uncle Yushua made an odd sound when she said that.

  “You punched him,” I assured her. “That was the best thing.”

  “I did get to punch him,” Xiu said smugly. Her lip quivered. “But I didn’t get to say goodbye to Fido!”

  “They’re fine,” I said.

  There was another awkward silence after I said that.

  “That’s who you were talking to,” Uncle Yushua finally said.

  “He wanted to apologize,” I said after another silence. “And I wanted to see if he was….”

  “You’re a good kid,” Rat said.

  “I wasn’t who he thought I was,” I said. “I hope he finds her.” I hesitated and then blurted out, “Do you think that’s what Harper’s problem was? He thought you were his soul mate or something like that and that’s why he…. He made you his champion?”

  “That didn’t give either of them the right to involve us in whatever sh… stupid religious war they were in. Because we all know how badly those end,” Rat said bitterly.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I GROANED when I heard the doorbell. I didn’t want to move. Even a hot shower hadn’t taken away all the muscle aches I felt. Xiu wasn’t much better, but all I cared about was she wasn’t seeing double. She had a minor concussion, and I had spent part of the night waking her up so she wouldn’t go to sleep and not wake up.

  “I’ll get it,” Uncle Yushua said.

  He buzzed whomever it was up without checking, but I was too tired to care. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do, knowing what was out there, but I wasn’t going to remind him.

  We were expecting Indian takeout, so that’s who it probably was. Xiu’s parents weren’t happy she’d gotten injured in a freak gas explosion, but they let her stay up here with me. When there was a knock on the door, Uncle Yushua opened it, fumbling for his wallet.

  “Just give me a second,” he called out.

  He stopped short when he saw it was my parents. He didn’t invite them in, which showed me he wasn’t that careless. You never invite trouble into your home.

  “Fereshteh, Justin.” He nodded. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You called and told me she ended up in an emergency department,” my mother snapped. “What was I supposed to do?”

  I bit my tongue to keep from saying something really snide and uncalled for. While my parents weren’t everything I wanted them to be, they weren’t neglectful. That phone call must have scared them so much.

  “Wow Dr. and Dr. V, good to see you,” Xiu piped up as she toddled over to see them.

  I got up and limped behind her, ready to catch her if she fell. She still wasn’t walking a straight line, which was the only reason she hadn’t gone home. That, and I don’t think you could pry her from my side.

  My parents gazed at the two of us in horror. “What happened?” Mother demanded.

  Xiu didn’t look bad. She just had a black eye and a couple of bruises on her face. Her back was one big bruise, and she had some scrapes on the backs of her calves, but her clothing covered all that. I was bruised and looked like I had fought the Sphinx and lost. I knew I’d never felt this sore in my life.

  “I don’t really know,” Xiu giggled. She was still a little loopy. “But now I get out of being on another sports team. I don’t want to break my brain again. I like my brain.”

  She leaned agains
t me, and I put my arms around her.

  “I like your brain too,” I said. “Let’s get it back to the couch.”

  “You’re such a good hero,” she slurred. “Can I stop being the sidekick and get promoted to love interest?”

  I thought my parents were going to have a fit when she said that. “You’ve got to find a nice girl for that,” I said as I guided her back to the couch. “There is nothing heroic about getting caught in a gas explosion.”

  I tucked her underneath the blanket and checked on Rat, who was passed out on the other couch, before I went back to my parents. They were still in the hallway, glaring at Uncle Yushua. Well, Mother was glaring, Father looked very thoughtful.

  “Did you work out things?” I chirped. I needed a distraction, and that was the first thing that came to mind. “All reevaluated?”

  Mother’s eyes widened at my tone, and I knew I was going to get a lecture. It was one way to make sure she was who she was supposed to be. She opened her mouth and closed it when Father spoke.

  “I don’t know what happened,” Father said. “But is Xiu going to be all right?”

  “She’ll be fine,” Uncle Yushua said. “Her parents don’t want her traveling like this, that’s all. And I don’t have a problem with Mykayla and her camping out in my home all summer.”

  “What has gotten into you, Yushua?” Mother demanded.

  “I’ll tell you if your head is out of your ass,” Uncle Yushua said bluntly, staring her in the eyes.

  The doorbell rang, and Uncle Yushua buzzed the delivery person up without breaking his gaze.

  “I’ll take care of this,” I muttered. Uncle handed me the money, and I brushed past my parents. Rude, but I was too weary to be polite right now.

  They were still standing there when I tottered up the stairs. “There’s enough food for everyone,” I announced.

  They followed me inside, looking around. I don’t know what they were looking for.

  “Food?” Rat mumbled, sitting up slowly. “Shit! Everything hurts.”

  Xiu giggled, and I wondered what painkillers she’d been given to make her so silly.