Uri Full of Light

by Holly Sortland

  Before he could answer, she went on, her eyes sparkling with zeal as she spoke.

  “So, if that light goes on, then it must mean that we go on too, right? Our souls and our love. It has to go somewhere."

  Impressed with her deep questions and curiosity, Uri pressed her more.

  "Do you pray?" he asked her.

  "I have Christian friends, but I've never prayed to Jesus. Maybe that's because I've never been part of a church. When I pray, I always pray to God. But sometimes I think maybe my faith isn't strong enough. . .you know, because my prayers aren't answered."

  "Are you talking about your dad, Hannah?" Uri asked her, tempted to touch her arm.

  Tears started to form in her eyes. "Yeah," she said. "Or maybe God is punishing me?"

  "Hannah," Uri said firmly, placing his hand over hers. His physical touch startled them both; he quickly took back the gesture.

  "Your dad's body might be failing him, but his soul is not. If he raised a daughter like you, I have no doubt that he is a righteous man. And he will be rewarded by HaShem."

  Hannah looked at him in silence, digesting what he said.

  “Is HaShem God?” she asked him.

  “It means, ‘The Name’,” Uri explained. “It’s the way we refer to God outside of prayer.”

  Hannah nodded and looked back to the pages of the Bible he gave her, the expression on her face turned serious.

  "Uri, you don't know everything about me. But thank you for what you said."

  The bell rang and the two gathered their belongings. Uri smiled to himself when he caught a glimpse of the book It’s a Mitzvah! Step by Step Guide to Jewish Living poking out of the top of her backpack.

  "Hannah," said Uri. "I hope I will."

  "Will what?"

  "I hope one day I will know everything about you."

  She paused to wipe the corner of her eye and gave him a small smile.

  They stood up from their chairs and started walking towards the library exit. As they did, their hands brushed against each other. For a split second, Hannah locked her hand inside his, but then quickly let go.

  Uri felt dizzy with pleasure and confusion. What Hannah did was forbidden. The warnings of his father and Daniel rang through his head, but he wanted her so badly to do it again.

  They continued to walk, neither of them acknowledging what just happened.

  As they left the library, Uri felt like he did when he punched Greg Moorehouse, but this time, it was arousal, not anger that raced through his mind. He slid his hand back into hers and squeezed it before quickly letting go. The simple, forbidden touch thrilled him.

  Hannah's past with Will no longer ate at Uri. He began to admire her complexity, her wit, and her intellect. There was much more to Hannah Hagen than her sexual history.

  He looked at the chancing, capricious, intelligent girl standing before him. A girl whose fiery personality intimidated him. He had never felt intimidation from a girl, and strangely, he found himself drawn to it. Just as Hannah felt the first time she saw him, something stirred deep in his stomach, a fire lit in his belly. Things were changing in Uri’s life; he was now part of a wonderful string of events sparked by Hannah Hagen.

  10

  Hannah and Uri met as often as they could in their own corner of the library, hidden away from the rest of the school.

  Hannah overwhelmed Uri with details about her family. He learned that her dad was a Vietnam combat veteran who had miraculously survived a bullet wound near his heart, only to be diagnosed with a rare, terminal lung condition a decade later.

  She regaled him with stories from her childhood when she remembered her father in his healthier days.

  "He worked for the National Park Service," she told him. She shared tales of him bringing home a new creature each day to show the family—from a praying mantis to a family of horned toads, to various snakes.

  Uri learned she had one sister, Leah, who was five years her senior. Leah lived in Montana and was working on her nursing degree.

  Hannah talked about her mother, who had supported a family of four working as an assistant manager at a local Safeway.

  "We've never had much money," she told him. "But my mom always makes sure that we have what we need," she said, seeming to get lost in her thoughts again.

  She snapped out of her daydream and looked at Uri. "Your mother is beautiful," she said. "I love her hair."

  Uri smiled. "It's a wig, you know."

  "I wondered about that!" Hannah exclaimed. "Is she. . . bald?" she asked hesitantly.

  Uri laughed.

  "No. Most married religious women cover their hair with scarves or wigs. It's a modesty thing."

  "A modesty thing?"

  "Yes," said Uri, his voice softened, almost hypnotizing Hannah. "A woman's hair represents intimacy between herself and her husband. Once she is married, it is only for him to see."

  Uri didn't realize that he moved closer to her as he spoke. She focused on his dark eyes, framed by his set of full lashes. She stared at him with her familiar half smile that brought him a sense of warmth. He wanted to hold her hand again, to move a piece of stray hair away from her face, anything to get closer to her.

  They held their stare, until Hannah could feel tears building in her eyes again and looked away.

  "What's wrong?" Uri asked.

  "Nothing," she said, pausing. “I guess I wish I would have made different choices. I've made some stupid mistakes."

  Her pain palpable; Uri felt a crushing urge to embrace her.

  "Is this about Will?"

  She looked up at him, her eyes less watery, and wiped her nose with her sleeve.

  "Will," she repeated and sighed, looking across the room silently.

  Uri didn't speak. The two sat in a silence that seemed to speak louder than any words.

  Finally, Hannah said, "Will is a story for another day. Today is going to be a happy day. I've talked to Daniel!"

  "About?" Uri asked.

  "Well, fall break starts tomorrow and tonight is a Wednesday."

  "So...?" he responded, still confused.

  "We are going to see Romeo and Juliet tonight! Don't worry, Daniel has it covered. There will be no lying to your parents. Faith is coming, too. It's like a double date!" she said, smiling, all traces of her tears gone.

  "A date?" Uri repeated. A year ago, even months ago, the notion of a date was unimaginable, let alone with a gentile girl.

  "Yes, is that ok?" Hannah’s voice softened as she smiled; her blue eyes sparkled with anticipation. Uri admired her charming smile, accentuated again by her soft lip balm.

  Uri smiled back. "Yeah," he said tenderly. "I like that."

  The bell rang, and as they gathered their possessions, Uri picked up Hannah's backpack and helped slide it over her shoulder. Before he could turn his head, Hannah quickly kissed his cheek.

  His face felt like it was on fire.

  "Talk to Daniel," she said. "See you tonight."

  She quickly left the library, leaving a stunned and shaky Uri alone in their little corner of the world, wonderfully terrified of what would happen next.

  11

  Uri Geller and Hannah Hagen shared their first date on a Wednesday evening, the first night before the fall break of 1996.

  "Daniel's mother, Mrs. Baker called me this afternoon. Apparently, there is a plan for you to go to a movie tonight?" Uri’s mother asked as she picked him up after school.

  Wishing he had had a chance to catch Daniel at school to learn more details of Hannah's plan, Uri was uncertain about how he should respond.

  "Yes," he replied to her. He cracked his window as he began to sweat.

  "Romeo and Juliet?" his mother continued. "I'm surprised that you want to watch Shakespeare." Not allowing him to respond, she continued. "And Mrs. Baker said that several of your classmates will be attending?"

  Again, before he could respond, Devorah Geller continued with her questioning. "I assume girls will be attending. Will tho
se girls who visited the house be there?"

  This time she took her eyes off the road and looked directly at Uri, expecting a response.

  Uri swallowed uncomfortably.

  "Yes, Imma, I think they will be there."

  "I don't know about this, Uri," Devorah sounded worried. "I'll need to talk to your father again."

  "Imma," said Uri. "I will be fine. It's just a movie. You let me see movies back home."

  "Yes, but never with girls, Uri!" her tone indicated her displeasure with his backtalk.

  They rode in silence until they arrived home. Uri was sure the movie was off. His mother placed her purse and keys on the table and dialed the number to the hospital.

  "Hello, yes," she stated to the person on the line. "This is Devorah Geller, Dr. Geller's wife. May I speak with him if he's available?" There was a long wait as Uri assumed his father was being paged.

  Finally, his mother spoke. "Avi!" The rest she continued quickly in Hebrew, relaying her concerns to Uri's father about Uri attending a movie with girls. She stopped talking while Dr. Geller responded. Uri could hear his father's voice but couldn't make out what he was saying.

  "Are you sure?" his mother asked, this time in English. She flashed Uri a look of concern while his father finished speaking.

  "Ok, Avi, bye," she said, hanging up the phone. "It is a good thing your father is busy at work today," she told Uri. "He's in a more lenient mood than usual.”

  Before he could thank her, the phone rang. Uri prayed that it wasn't his father calling to say he had changed his mind.

  But it was Daniel who was calling, much to Uri’s relief.

  “Hello?” Uri answered after his mother handed him the phone, still wearing her disapproving look. She sat down at the kitchen table, giving him no illusion of providing him with privacy.

  “You owe me big time, Geller!” Daniel exclaimed on the other end of the line. Looking nervously at his mother, Uri wished that he would lower his voice.

  “I had to get my shift switched and now I have to work Sunday. Do you know how slow and boring Sundays are?

  “And who is this Faith girl that I’m getting stuck with. Is she cute?”

  “Um, yeah,” said Uri as his mother looked at him over her shoulder.

  “Let me guess, your mom’s in the room so you can’t say much,” Daniel wisely noted. “Ok. I’ll pick you up at 6:30; the movie starts at 7:00. Is that ok with your parents?”

  “Hold on a minute,” Uri cupped his hand over the phone receiver. “Imma, is it ok if I ride with Daniel to the movie?”

  Devorah looked perplexed.

  “Yes, I already told Daniel’s mother that earlier when we spoke. Isn’t that what you planned?” She looked at her son even more suspiciously.

  “Yes,” said Uri. “I just wanted to double check.”

  “But your father is picking you up. As soon as the movie is over,” she said sternly.

  Uri repeated the information to Daniel, who interrupted him. “Yeah, I heard her,” he said. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours. Wear your best kippah.” Daniel hung up without saying good-bye.

  “Thank you for letting me go, Imma,” Uri said as he hung up the phone.

  Devorah turned to looked at her son. Now three inches taller than her, he had grown into a man since they’d left Philadelphia. She sighed, resigning herself to the idea that she couldn’t stop him from exploring the secular society that surrounded him.

  “You’re welcome, son. And Uri, please recite your evening prayer before you leave. And no popcorn. It’s not kosher. I will fix you a plate before you leave.”

  Uri kissed his mother on the cheek and went to his room, feeling as if he was living the life of someone else.

  12

  Before Uri Geller shared his first date with Hannah Hagen, he recited his evening prayer, which included the phrase, “Blessed are You, who arranges the stars in their heavenly courses according to plan.”

  Arranges the stars in their heavenly courses according to plan, thought Uri. Surely if HaShem could arrange the stars and the heavens, he could arrange a plan for Hannah and him. He read some verses from Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs. For the first time in his life, the beauty of the words resonated with him. He stopped at Chapter 4, verse 7; “You are all fair my beloved, and there is no blemish in you.” If only Hannah could see herself how HaShem sees her, he thought, without blemishes.

  Feeling unsettled, Uri wrapped himself in his prayer shawl as he ended his prayers, taking time to remember the significance of the tzitzit, the fringes tied to the four corners of the shawl. They reminded him of the commandment not to follow his heart in lustful urge.

  As he put his prayer shawl away, he wondered if that was what he felt for Hannah—lustful urge. He recognized his physical attraction to her, the arousal he felt being around her. But deep within him, he felt his attraction to Hannah was spiritual; almost supernatural. He prayed that HaShem gifted him with these feelings. That they weren’t feelings of lust, but of love.

  After his prayers, Uri showered and dressed in fresh clothes. He chose a dark brown, long sleeved khaki shirt, one that his mother said she loved because it brought out his brown eyes. He attached his kippah to his head, went to the kitchen, and ate a plate of breaded chicken and potatoes prepared by his Imma.

  Later, while he was brushing his teeth, he heard knocking on the front door.

  “Uri, Daniel is here!” his mother called up to him.

  He walked downstairs to greet Daniel, who wore his standard red hoodie.

  “Thanks for letting Uri come out tonight, Mrs. Geller,” Daniel said in an overly pleasing tone.

  “Yes,” said Devorah. “I saw in the paper that the movie is out at 9:40. Uri, your father is working late tonight but he plans to pick you up no later than 9:45 outside the theater, understand?”

  “Yes, Imma, thank you,” he said, giving her another kiss before he left.

  As they walked out the door, Uri noticed that Daniel touched the mezuzah and his lips, probably to make himself look good in front of Mrs. Geller. Uri touched it as well; for him it was as natural as opening a doorknob, he had been doing it ever since he was big enough for his father to hold him in his arms.

  They loaded themselves in Daniel’s Datsun, filled with fast food trash, papers, and Mountain Dew bottles. It was obvious from the wrappers that Daniel didn’t keep a kosher diet.

  “So, you have a problem, dude,” Daniel announced to Uri.

  “What do you mean?”

  “If your dad picks you up as soon as the movie lets out, how are you going to spend any time alone with Hannah?”

  “Do you think she wants to spend time alone with me?” Uri asked, beginning to feel nervous.

  Daniel raised his eyebrows as he switched gears.

  “Yeah, dude. This theater is known for its kissing balcony. She obviously expects you to make a move on her.”

  Uri looked at Daniel with panic and confusion.

  “What I mean, my innocent, virginal, friend—is that Hannah probably wants you to kiss her tonight.”

  Uri sat quietly, watching the city lights, and listening to the grind of the transmission as Daniel switched gears.

  “She doesn’t know I’m leaving,” Uri suddenly broke the silence.

  “What? You didn’t tell her?”

  “No, I think she believes that my father's position at the hospital is permanent.”

  “Well,” Daniel responded. “It probably doesn’t matter anyway. She’s graduating this year. I’m sure she’s applying to schools out of state. Either way, you’re going in different directions. Plus, she’s a goy and you're a Jew! Have you forgotten that?”

  Uri didn’t answer.

  “Look, Uri, Hannah’s cool. She understands things. You can explain how things work for you. She might be disappointed but she’s not going to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

  “She kissed me on the cheek,” Uri blurted out.

 
“What?”

  “And we held hands.”

  Daniel pulled into the theater parking lot and put his car in neutral. It was cold outside, so he left the engine running.

  “How do you feel about all of this?” he asked Uri.

  Uri gripped the dashboard in front of him.

  “I don’t know. I really like her. But I know what we’ve done is wrong and I know we probably don’t have a future.”

  “Probably?” Daniel pressed him.

  “She mentioned the idea of converting once. But I think she was just kidding.”

  “Do you love this girl?” Daniel asked with a sense of unexpected empathy.

  Uri placed his face into his hands. “I don’t know, maybe?” He looked at Daniel, realizing his trustworthiness. “I think so.”

  “Okay,” said Daniel. “Because I think you need to know the difference between being in love and just getting caught up in the physical stuff. I kissed a girl when I was 15 and I didn’t love her. I liked kissing her. But there was no love there, bro.”

  “Have you ever loved a girl?” Uri asked.

  “Nope. I mean, I love looking at them, and I’ve crushed hard on some girls, but I can’t say I’ve ever been in love.”

  Uri nodded. They sat quietly for a moment, listening to the sounds of other movie-goers leaving their cars.

  “Look, they’re probably waiting for us. You play things how you want to with Hannah. Either way, I’ve got your back.” Daniel smiled at his friend.

  “Thanks Dan,” Uri said, slapping him on the back. “Let’s go watch some Shakespeare.”

  13

  Uri Geller fell in love with Hannah Hagen that Wednesday, the night they had planned to watch Romeo and Juliet.

  When Uri and Daniel arrived in the theater lobby, they searched for Hannah and Faith.

  “They’re late, what a surprise,” grumbled Daniel. “So, tell me more about this Faith girl.”

  “Well,” began Uri. “She has really big, pretty green eyes. She seems cool. And she’s Catholic.”