Hush Little Baby

by Jennifer Rebecca

  “Hey!” she says, jumping up to hug both Emma and me.

  “So, how was the honeymoon?” I ask.

  “Italy was amazing,” Wes says with a smug smirk on his face.

  “Oh gross,” I tell them, making a gagging noise. “That’s my sister, asshole.”

  “No, that is my very sexy wife.” Wes chuckles.

  “Okay, that was kind of gross, Wes,” Claire says.

  “Too far?” he asks playfully.

  “Just a smidge,” she replies, holding up her thumb and index fingers about an inch apart.

  “My apologies,” he says on a not at all feeling guilty smile. The fucker. He’s lucky he’s my best friend or I’d punch him in the face. Again.

  The waitress comes and takes our order, and I settle on the double cheeseburger and extra fries. Emma asks for chicken noodle soup, but she just pushes it around in her bowl. Come to think of it, she’s not looking that great. I hope she’s all right.

  “Are you feeling all right?” Claire asks her softly, but I hear the concern in my sister’s voice, and it only serves to make me worry more.

  “Are you sick?” I ask Emma.

  “I’m fine,” she answers, but the look on her face says she’s anything but. “So what did you call us down here to tell us?”

  Claire leans back in her seat and looks at Wes before answering. “I’m pregnant.”

  “No shit.” I laugh. “I thought you were just fat.”

  “You asshole,” she grumbles while Wes laughs. “Why do I like you again?”

  “Because I’m your favorite big brother.”

  “You are my only big brother,” she corrects me with a smile on her face. I love my kid sister more than just about anything, and the feeling is clearly mutual. Even with the gap in our ages, we grew up close.

  “And I’m really happy for you, kiddo,” I tell her with emotion ringing in my voice. “But for real, you are looking kind of fat.”

  “Nice knowing you,” Wes mumbles.

  “I’m not fat, you nutsack! I’m having twins!” she shouts, making me laugh.

  Emma looks around a little uncomfortable before seizing her opportunity to escape. “I guess I’m not feeling well after all. I should go,” she says before tossing a twenty on the table and practically running for the door.

  “What was that all about?” Claire asks me. I just let out a frustrated sigh.

  “I just don’t know. We were fine until about a week ago, and then she just stopped calling and started looking really sad again. I can’t get her to talk to me,” I admit. I don’t know where we went wrong. I thought we were building something, but clearly, I was wrong like always.

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  “I will,” I tell her, but in truth, I’m not so sure. What I do know is that Claire doesn’t need to be stressing about me. “Don’t worry about me. I’m happy for you guys.”

  “Thanks, Lee,” Wes says, shaking my hand as I stand and drop a twenty on the table. And then I walk out of the diner.

  I should have known. Something was obviously up with Emma months ago. I should have been paying more attention, not lost in my own self-pity. She asked for time to come to grips with being an us, and then… there was no us at all, and I had just let her drift away.

  But I will not make that mistake again.

  I grip the window ledge tight in my hands and drop my head forward. I can’t stop the images of her in the ambulance, all pale and lifeless, to when they took her from me here. They play on a loop through my head, and I hope to God it isn’t the last time I ever see her face.

  And then I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I pray.

  I don’t know how long I stand there, lost in the wind, until a heavy hand on my shoulder pulls me from my thoughts. I look to see who it is, and I’m not surprised it’s Wes. We’ve been friends for a long time. The sad look on his face takes me back to the day my five-year-old baby sister Claire wandered out of the woods behind our house. She had been missing for days, and the police had started to give up hope, and then there she was, running like her life depended on it—and now we know that it did. She was so tired and malnourished and filthy that she stumbled and then collapsed right into my best friend’s arms.

  I will never forget his voice ringing out, “Lee! I got her!”

  I look past Lee and see my sister, now his wife, wringing her hands with tears in her eyes.

  “She’ll be okay,” she says quietly to me. I can’t trust my voice right now, so I just nod my head once.

  Behind her stands my parents, my niece Brooklyn, and my little nephew Seth. Their older brother Eric is deployed with the Army. Claire and I didn’t know we had a sister named Bonnie until she was murdered over a year ago, but her children are with our family now. I wish with all my heart that we could have known her, and it will always cut deep that we didn’t, but I am so thankful we know the kids.

  I feel a warmth flow through my chest at the sight of my family. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I ask.

  “Wes called,” my dad answers, and I look to my brother-in-law.

  “We’re family.” He shrugs. “It’s what we do.”

  “Thanks, brother,” I tell him, and I have to clear the emotion from my throat.

  “Let’s sit,” my mom orders out of the chaos of our entire family in this waiting room.

  She hustles us all to the group of open seats at the back of the room. One look around shows me the room is full of pockets of families huddled together while they wait for news. I was alone before, but now I’m not. Emma didn’t have anyone, but now she has all of us. If she pulls through, she’ll be a Goodnite for the rest of her days.

  “Come sit by me, Liam,” my mom says as she pats the chair next to her, and I lower myself into it. I feel decades older than my forty years. A heavy sigh falls from my lips.

  Claire lowers her belly-heavy body into the chair on my other side. Wes stands back and leans against the wall, watching as she grabs my hand in hers and squeezes it tightly. Her entire life, I’ve looked after Claire. Being eight years older than her, it was always my job to protect her, to comfort her when she needed it, and now here she is, comforting me.

  “She’s going to be all right,” Claire leans in and whispers to me. I squeeze her hand twice quickly, our secret code for I love you.

  “You’re a great kid sister.”

  “I know.” She smiles at me.

  “Papa,” Seth says to my dad. “Can I have a snack?”

  “Sure, buddy,” Dad answers. “I think I saw a vending machine on the way in, and I know I could use a cup of coffee. Anyone else?”

  I shake my head, and everyone else answers for themselves. Brooklyn jumps up to go with Dad and Seth. At nineteen, she’s studying her undergrad classes at a local community college, but she just told my parents that she’s transferring to a school in San Diego in the fall. Like the rest of us, they’re sad to see her go but so ready to watch her fly.

  I watch as the doors swing closed after Dad leads the kids through to the snack machines. Silence settles in around us, and I want that; I need it. I need to be alone with my thoughts. I need to be ready so I can face whatever is happening with Emma. I need to be ready to be there for her and the baby, whether she wants me there or not, because they need me, and I need them.

  I let my head hang forward, and I close my eyes, focusing on the pattern of my breaths in and out of my lungs. And all the while, I hang onto my sister’s hand like a lifeline. She’s the only thing keeping me grounded while my world is spinning out of control.

  And then I hear the doors swing open.

  I think Dad is back with the kids, so I don’t open my eyes. That is, until the shouting begins.

  “I need to see someone right now!” Jerrod, Emma’s douchey ex, shouts, and I open my eyes. What the fucking is he doing here?

  “What the actual fuck?” Wes cli
ps out, mirroring my own thoughts.

  “Sir, can I help you?” a nurse asks, and I can see by her body’s posture and her alert eyes that she is uncomfortable with his outburst. I am too, and a quick look at Wes and Claire show the same.

  Fuck.

  “Yes,” he answers crisply. “I am the significant other of a woman in your care, and I need an update on her immediately.”

  “He can’t mean….” Claire whispers.

  “And who would that be?”

  “Emma Parker.”

  “He does,” Wes practically growls as the nurse looks to where my family and I sit.

  “Ms. Parker’s family is here already,” she informs him hesitantly, and I stand in case I need to be ready.

  Jerrod looks at me, and his eyes flare. He clearly didn’t know I would be here. “That man has nothing to do with her. I am her boyfriend, and I have to tell you that time is of the essence.”

  “And why would that be?” the nurse asks just as an older woman who looks familiar approaches them.

  “I need you to save the baby,” he bites out. “Now. Emma is gone, but my child is not.”

  The breath seizes in my lungs.

  “I assure you,” the nurse says, “now is not the time to make those decisions.”

  “I have already made them,” he snarls.

  “No fucking way,” I growl. Wes grabs me from behind as I try to move forward. “You want to just let her die?”

  “She’s already gone,” Jerrod says.

  “No, she’s not!” I yell. “You don’t fucking know that.”

  “It’s my right to make these decisions on her behalf,” he says, turning to the nurse. “I have documentation.”

  “I’ll need to see that,” the nurse says.

  “Here,” he replies, handing her the paper. “It’s a copy.”

  She looks up at me, and there’s a sad look in her eyes. Shit. Fuck, fuck, no. She thinks it’s legitimate, and he’s going to let Emma die and take the baby? That doesn’t make sense after I heard him push her more than once to give the baby up.

  And then it dawns on me where I know the older woman from—the adoption agency.

  “Why do you want the baby delivered so quickly?” I ask.

  “Madame Driskill is here to take custody of the child,” he says.

  “You’re giving the baby up?” I ask quietly, too quietly, and Wes knows it, because his hands tighten on my shoulders.

  “Of course,” he answers. “It’s the right thing to do.”

  “No, it’s fucking not,” I practically shout.

  “You don’t have a say here,” he snaps, and I hate his haughty fucking tone, but I’m about to shut him up, because there is no way I would believe this asshole over Emma.

  “Oh, but I do.” I give him a lethal sneer, and I hear Wes chuckle.

  “I don’t see how,” Jerrod replies.

  “The baby is mine, not yours,” I tell him.

  “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not, and we both know it,” I tell him, Wes, the nurse, and anyone who is listening. “Emma swore to me only this afternoon that she had never slept with you. Ever.”

  “They will never believe you,” he snarls.

  “It’s a quick DNA test,” the nurse adds, and I smile at her. She did not like the idea of not trying to save Emma.

  “We don’t have time,” Madame Driskill snaps.

  “It’ll take a lot longer if I have to bring you in for kidnapping the child of a police captain,” Wes drawls. “The FBI frowns on that kind of thing.”

  “Well, I never,” she pouts.

  “I’ll get a cheek swab,” the nurse says.

  “I’d appreciate that,” I tell her gently before she hustles out the door.

  Wes and I stand facing Jerrod and Madame Driskill, when the doors whoosh open one more time. I don’t look up, because I’m sure it’s the nurse coming to swab my cheek for DNA that they will match against Emma’s baby from a sample through her womb. It’s a simple enough procedure, and if it keeps this asshole away from my woman and my baby, the sooner the fucking better, but it still seems shitty that this asshole is here forcing an unnecessary procedure because he wants Emma’s baby all of a sudden. I just don’t understand why he’s that bog of an asshole.

  But it’s not the nurse, and I know by the deep voice that calls my name.

  “Captain Goodnite?”

  “That’s me,” I say, turning to the doctor in scrubs, looking exhausted. He holds my whole world in the palm of his hands, and I won’t know if he’s about to break my heart with his words or not.

  “Emma Parker is asking for you.”

  “She’s all right?” I ask, and my voice is rough. I have to clear my throat a few times to get the words out.

  “She is,” he answers. “She’s a little out of it and needs her rest, but you can go back and see her for a bit.”

  “And the baby?”

  “Still cooking like she should be.” He smiles at me for the first time, and I feel my breath whoosh out of my lungs.

  “Thank God.”

  “I’ll take you to see her now,” he tells me, and Wes pats me on the back.

  “Thank you.” I follow him to the door, and when he moves to unlock it with his badge, I look back over my shoulder and see Jerrod and Madame Driskill are gone.

  SIXTEEN

  * * *

  YOU SCARED ME

  “She’s in here,” the doctor says as he pushes on the big silver handle of a hospital room.

  “Thank you,” I say, but once I look through the door, I lose my voice.

  Emma is lying in a hospital bed. Her blonde-and-pink hair is dark and matted with sweat around her forehead, and it’s a stark comparison to her pale complexion. She’s paler than usual, and I hate it. She looks so small, lying there in the middle of the bed, and I can’t help but feel like this is all my fault. I’m the one who put her here.

  And then slowly, her baby-blue eyes flutter and then finally drift open.

  “Hey,” she says softly, and her voice is scratchy.

  “Hey, baby,” I say softly, and I can hear the emotion welling up behind my words.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispers, and it’s then that I move to her. I can’t be standing across the room from her when she’s laying it all bare like this. I grab a chair from over by the wall and drag it to the side of her bed.

  “No, baby,” I tell her, my voice strong and sure, and I take her cool hand in mine. “It’s me who’s so fucking sorry.”

  “Lee—” she starts, gripping my hand in hers.

  “No, honey, I fucked up.”

  “But so did I,” she says.

  “Yeah.”

  “Can we…?” she trails off, and I wonder if she’s fading in and out like the doctor said she would. But when I look up at her beautiful face, it’s scrunched up, and her eyes are on me.

  “Can we what?” I ask as I use the pad of my thumb to smooth out the wrinkle she’s making between her light brows.

  She takes a deep breath and then answers me. “Can we move on from this?”

  “I hope so,” I tell her honestly. “I love you, Emma.”

  “I love you too,” she says, and a tear runs down her cheek. I swipe it up with my fingertip.

  “No tears, baby.” I take a deep breath and lean farther into her, gently touching my lips to hers. “I don’t know what the future holds for us, and I have no crystal ball. But I know that what I feel for you, how much I love you, I have never felt for another.”

  “Lee—”

  “I love our baby, and I have never met her,” I continue. “And I know that if we work at it, we can have a beautiful life. But I also know that will not happen if we do not trust each other and give each other honesty at all times. Can you give me that?”

  “Yes,” she whispers.

  “Because I can give you that easily,” I tell her honestly. “I would give you anything in my power.”

  “Lee, honey,” she whi
mpers, lifting her hand to touch my face.

  “I just need you to love me.”

  “I totally do.”

  “That’s good, baby,” I tell her. “Because you scared the shit out of me today.”

  “I scared the shit out of me too,” she says. “If I’d lost the baby—”

  I cover her rosy mouth with mine for a quick kiss that was more about stopping the flow of words from her mouth than passion. “You didn’t.”

  “But what if—” she tries again, and I cut her off.

  “No,” I say firmly before laying my hand gently on the swell of her belly. “You didn’t. She’s all right. Safe right her in your belly. We can’t think past that.”

  “But—”

  “No,” I state firmly. “That path leads to nothing but darkness. Stay with me here in the light.”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  “Now tell me. Are you here with me in the light?”

  “Yes, Lee,” she answers. I can tell by the look on her face that she sees how serious I am about this and lets it go.

  “Good, baby,” I say before I drop another kiss on her lips. “Now let’s talk about scaring me like that.”

  “Lee,” she hisses as she eyes me. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “Oh, I know,” I tell her and let the wicked smile spread across my face. “But still. I think we can come up with something.”

  “Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

  “I think a lot of rest and books and some movies are a fitting punishment,” I tell her. “I hear absolutely terrible things about that tiger documentary, so it’s probably right up your alley.”

  “Come here, honey,” she urges softly.

  “And baths and foot rubs…”

  “Please, baby,” she begs. “I need you to come here and hold me.”

  Emma scoots over on her bed to make room for me, and I carefully climb in and pull her into my arms, while being mindful of the tubes and wires coming off her. “Anything for you, Emma. Anything in my power.”

  “I know,” she says quietly. “But I just need you.”

  “And our baby.”

  “And our baby,” she agrees.

  “We really need to give her a name,” I reply with a smile on my face so she knows I’m not mad.