Kissing Perfect

by Lauren Barnholdt

  I am obviously crazy. Stealing bikes. Getting all weird with Josh Noth. Josh Noth is so not a good idea. Josh Noth is a player and very hot. Which makes an extremely bad and dangerous combination. Plus he’s at Home Depot with me, which can only mean that he’s crazy, too.

  “Where are you going?” I ask as I follow him down the aisles of the store. I beat him out of the car, but then as soon as we got in here he took over, walking around like he owns the place. I guess maybe he does know about tools after all. Which just makes him sexier. I mean, a guy with tools? Like, fixing things? Maybe even shirtless? That’s a major fantasy.

  “We’re going to get a pocket chain saw,” he says. He has really long legs, and so I’m having trouble keeping up with him. I’m five foot seven, which is pretty tall for a girl, but Josh has to be at least six-one. “Did you forget we have a bike to steal?”

  “No,” I say, “I didn’t forget.” I think again about how we were just sharing a water bottle, and my fingers go up to my lips, which feel kind of tingly now.

  “So here we are,” he says, bringing me down an aisle filled with tons of tools.

  Saws, pliers, screwdrivers, huge hammers….

  “Wow,” I say, “I never knew there were so many different kinds.” They look a little scary. And like something you shouldn’t be using unless you know what you’re doing and/or want to lose a thumb.

  “You should get this one,” he says, picking up this huge saw that’s exactly like something you’d see in a horror movie.

  “I can’t handle that,” I say. “That’s way too big for me.” Then I realize I just said I can’t handle big things, which is realllly embarrassing, but luckily a Home Depot employee is walking by, a girl with short blonde hair that looks bored, and so I quickly say, “Excuse me, but I need some wire cutters.”

  “No you don’t,” Josh says. “You need a pocket chain saw.”

  “Oh, right,” I say, “Um, I need a pocket chain saw.” Although now that I’m thinking about it, a chain saw definitely doesn’t sound like something that should go in your pocket. What if you accidentally saw your leg off or something? Hopefully it comes with a safety of some sort.

  “A pocket chain saw?” the girl asks incredulously. “What for?”

  “We want to steal a bike,” Josh says.

  “He’s just kidding,” I say quickly. “Haha. We…” I’m trying to think of something else you would use a pocket chain saw for. “We’re building a fence,” I decide.

  “Building a fence?” The girl looks even more skeptical now. “Then what do you need a pocket chain saw for?” What is up with her? Doesn’t she know we’re in a recession? I mean, seriously, she should just be thankful for the sale. Everyone knows that the retail sector determines when the market is going to bounce back.

  “Yes, a fence,” Josh says, rushing over to my side. He slides his arm through mine. “My girlfriend and I just bought a new house. And we need to cut down a fence.

  A chain link fence. Hence the need for a chainsaw.”

  I nod. I can’t believe he just called me his girlfriend. I can’t believe he slid his arm through mine. I can’t believe I like it so much. I look up at him, at his profile. He has a nice face. A really nice nose. I’m big on noses for some reason. Aaron had a bad nose, all long and angular.

  The Home Depot girl gives us a skeptical look. “She’s your girlfriend?” Oh, for the love of…

  “Yes,” I say haughtily. “I am. And we need to cut down our fence. So chop chop to the pocket chain saws!”

  “Let me go ask someone,” she says grumpily.

  “Chop chop?” Josh asks, once she’s gone. He grins. “I didn’t know you were so bossy.”

  “We have a house together?”

  He shrugs. “I needed her to take us seriously.” He still has his arm linked through mine. Is he just doing it in case the Home Depot girl comes back? Or is he doing it because he wants to? Because, suddenly, I want to. Have my arm linked through his, I mean. It feels right. And perfect. He’s wearing a really soft gray sweatshirt, and I can just imagine snuggling into it. Of course, I’m obviously brokenhearted and crazy, which could definitely be messing with my head. I mean, it’s Josh Noth. There’s no way he could ever be interested in me. Plus I’m pretty sure he’s hooking up with Kaci March, this girl who everyone at our school calls The Ass. I mean, enough said.

  “Excuse me?” a man behind us says. He’s holding a clipboard and wearing one of those orange Home Depot vests.

  “Yes,” Josh says, turning around. “Are you here to help my fiancé and me with the chainsaw?”

  Wow. Now we’re engaged?

  “Uh, no,” the man says, “But I couldn’t help but overhear that you two just bought a new house.”

  “Yes,” I say, “It’s a cute little bungalow.”

  “But not too cute,” Josh says, “And we’re planning on putting in an addition.

  You know, an extra bedroom and whatnot.” I nod.

  “Well, congratulations,” the man says, sounding genuinely happy for us. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course,” Josh says.

  “How’s the kitchen in this cute little bungalow?”

  Josh

  Wow. Brynn is even crazier than I thought. When that man came over and asked us about kitchens, not only did she run with my whole fiancé/house idea, she took it to a whole other level and let him lead us back to the Home Depot kitchen supply center, where she proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes designing her dream kitchen. It had cherry cabinets and granite countertops and overhead lighting, and was way too extravagant for a “cute little bungalow” but whatever. It was pretty much awesome.

  They’re coming out to measure our fake house (located at our fake address, 90120 Main Street) next week.

  Luckily it’s all cancelable. The salesman will still even get some kind of finder’s fee, because apparently once the order goes in, he doesn’t get penalized for cancellations.

  We said we were the Watson-Campbells. Well, soon to be, once we’re married and all. I guess really rich people always have hyphenated last names.

  “So,” I say, once we’re back in the car, our new pocket chain saw tucked away safely in the trunk, and the brochures on how to care for our new Home Depot kitchen hidden in the glove compartment, “Back to the bike, Mrs. Watson-Campbell?”

  “Back to the bike, Mr. Watson-Campbell.”

  When we get back at Emily’s house, Brynn takes the chainsaw out of my trunk and then, for some reason, things get awkward. I guess when we were goofing around at Home Depot it was like we were kind of on a break from reality. Now, back here, with people from school just a few feet away inside at the party, the rules are all different. But for some inexplicable reason, I don’t want them to be. I want to go back to messing around the way we were. It was the most fun I’ve had in a while. And most of all, I don’t want her to leave.

  “So,” Brynn says, “Um, I should probably do this myself. I don’t want you to get into any trouble.” She unzips the hoodie she’s wearing and then ties it around her waist.

  She’s wearing a plain white t-shirt underneath, and even though it doesn’t show any skin or isn’t even that tight, it’s somehow the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. She looks up at me with her blue eyes, and I really, really do not want to stop being around her.

  “It’s not any trouble,” I say, taking the pocket chain saw from her. “I would never let you do this on your own, Mrs. Watson-Campbell.”

  “Are you sure?” She bites her lip, and all of I sudden I want to lean over and kiss her. “I mean, I don’t want you to get in trouble on my account. You don’t even know me.”

  “Married couples are supposed to stick together,” I say, as we start walking toward the bike. I’m walking a little faster than I probably need to, because I’m all screwed up from the weird overpowering urge I just had to kiss her. I need to put some distance between us, asap. “And besides, stealing a bike wouldn’t be the most trouble
I’ve ever gotten into.”

  “Are you saying you’ve been in a lot of trouble before?”

  “Not that much,” I say, shrugging, “Just normal stuff. Car racing, public intoxication, robbing banks.”

  She smiles. God, I really want to kiss her. But I won’t. It wouldn’t be fair. It’s one thing to go around kissing girls like Kaci March. It’s another to go around kissing girls like Brynn DeLeo. You can’t just kiss a girl like Brynn DeLeo. She’s too… I don’t know. Special. She’s not the kind of girl I usually go for, but for some reason, I just want to wrap her up in my arms and hold her. What the fuck is wrong with me? I never get like this about girls, especially not ones I just met.

  When we get to the bike, I pull the pocket chain saw out of the Home Depot bag and hand it to her. “You want to do the honors?”

  For a second, I think she’s going to chicken out, but then she kneels down and saws until the chain falls to the ground. “Good job,” I say.

  “Now what?”

  “Now what what?”

  “Now what do I do with the bike?”

  “I thought you were going to steal it?”

  “I was… I mean, I was…I was going to hide it behind the Safeway.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “What?” she asks defensively. “It’s not like that’s chickening out or anything.

  Aaron will still flip out when he finds out his bike’s at the Safeway.”

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “You were thinking it.”

  “It’s just that I expected more from you than hiding a bike at the Safeway, Mrs.

  Watson-Campbell.” It’s supposed to make her laugh, but instead of smiling, her face gets a weird look on it, and before I know it, she’s sitting down on the curb, crying.

  “Hey hey hey,” I say. “No crying.” I sit down next to her and rub her back like I did before. “He’s not worth it. Some tool who still rides a bike?”

  “I know,” she says, “I know he isn’t worth it.” She’s looking at me and she’s so beautiful and I reach out and push her hair out of her face.

  “Then why are you so upset?”

  “Because I liked him.”

  “You’ll get over it.”

  “I will?” She’s looking at me, her eyes all shiny with tears.

  “Of course you will,” I say, “You’ll find someone better.”

  “I guess.”

  “Brynn,” I say softly, “You’re beautiful.”

  “You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” she says. But I’m not. She is beautiful. She’s pretty much the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, which makes no sense because like I said she’s not wearing a low-cut shirt or a short skirt and she doesn’t have huge boobs. She’s just… beautiful. And smart. And then, before I know what I’m doing, I’m leaning down toward her, and her lips are right there and I’m so close and I’m almost kissing her and I really, really, really want to, so bad that I don’t think I can stop myself.

  “I’m not just saying that to make you feel better,” I say, “Brynn, you are so, so beautiful.” She moves closer to me, just a tiny bit, and then I kiss her. Her lips are sweet and soft and I pull her closer to me and we’re kissing and her tongue is on mine and then all of a sudden, I hear a voice behind me.

  “What the fuck,” it says, “Did you do to my bike?”

  Brynn

  I’m kissing Josh Noth. He told me I’m beautiful, and at first I thought there was no way he could mean it, but he was looking at me like he really meant it and then he said it again, and I couldn’t stop it, my heart was beating at like five million miles a minute and he is just SO HOT. And then his lips were right there, and I thought he was definitely going to kiss me and so I moved my lips just a tiny tiny bit toward his and then he kissed me and his hands were in my hair and the kiss was amazing. Perfect and soft and his fingers moved around from the back of my hair to my face and he slide his fingers down my cheekbone and –

  “What the fuck did you do to my bike?” someone screams.

  I pull away from Josh Noth and look up to see Aaron Randolph standing there on the grass, looking down at his bike chain and sounding pissed. That’s the thing about Aaron. He’s exactly like a politician – he thinks he’s cool even when he’s not, and he’s not afraid to make a big fuss about things.

  “Nothing,” I say quickly, and stand up from the curb. I smooth my hair. “We were just….” My brain is still all hazy from Josh’s kiss, and so I can’t think up a suitable lie.

  “Stealing it,” Josh says amicably, standing up next to me.

  “Stealing it?!” Aaron walks over and picks up the now sawed-in-two chain.

  “We weren’t stealing it,” I say. “Haha, Josh is just kidding, aren’t you Josh?”

  Josh doesn’t say anything. He looks annoyed, and I start to panic a little, but then he reaches over and squeezes my hand, and I see Aaron’s eyes flick down and see my fingers intertwined with Josh’s. And before I even know what I’m doing, I quickly pull my hand away.

  “Someone,” Aaron says, “Better tell me what’s going on.”

  “Look, dude,” Josh says, sighing. “I was stealing the bike. Brynn had nothing to do with it.”

  “Why were you stealing my bike?”

  “Because I wanted it,” Josh says. “It’s a sweet bike.” I look at him, not believing it. He thinks the bike is stupid and ridiculous. But he’s taking the blame for me. Even though I just pulled my hand away from his. Who would have thought that Josh Noth was so sweet?

  “Well,” Aaron says, and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell. “I’m calling the authorities.”

  “Not necessary,” Josh says, “Since no one actually stole the bike. It’s right there.”

  “But you were going to,” Aaron says. But he hesitates, his fingers poised over his phone.

  “You can’t prove it,” Josh says.

  “Yes, I can,” Aaron says. “There are wire cutters right there.”

  “That’s a pocket chain saw,” I say. Aaron looks at me in confusion, then glares.

  Josh picks up the pocket chain saw, then opens his car door and tosses them in the car.

  “What wire cutters?” he asks, looking around in feigned confusion “I don’t see any wire cutters.”

  “Pocket chainsaw,” I say again.

  “Stop,” Aaron says. “Put those back.”

  “No.” Josh takes a step toward Aaron, and for a second, I see something flash in Josh’s eyes, like maybe he’s going to hit Aaron or something. Yikes. I mean, yeah, Aaron broke up with me and everything, but I don’t want him to get his ass kicked.

  “Josh,” I say, putting my hand on his chest. His very, um, hard chest. “It’s fine.”

  Josh looks at me, and then he looks at Aaron. Finally, Aaron sighs and then he says, “Look, forget about the bike.” He turns to me. “Brynn, can I talk to you?”

  “Umm… “ I look at Josh. This is awkward. I was just kissing him. But Aaron is standing there looking cute and I just … ugh. I wait to see if Josh is going to say anything, if he’s going to say no, I’m coming with him, or something else that would happen in a good romantic comedy, but he stays silent. So finally I say, “Yeah, sure.”

  “You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to,” Josh says. But it’s kind of too late.

  “No,” I tell him. “It’s fine. Just… I’m fine. Thanks for everything.”

  He looks at me like he can’t really believe I’m blowing him off, and then he turns around, leaving me standing there on the curb with Aaron Randolph.

  Josh

  I can’t believe I kissed her. I can’t believe she blew me off. I can’t believe she likes that tool. What happened to her being cool Mrs. Brewster-Campbell, the girl in Home Depot who was sexy and fun? That girl would never have hooked up with a douche like Aaron Randolph.

  I’m furious, but there’s something else. It’s like… I don’t know, I’ve never felt this wa
y before. I’m sad. And there’s a weird feeling of longing. I shake my head.

  There has to be something wrong with me. I don’t get attached to girls. Ever.

  As if to prove this point to myself, I pull my phone out as I’m walking away from the curb where Aaron and Brynn are sitting, then scroll through until I find Kaci March’s number.

  “Hey, cutie,” she says when she picks up. “What’s going on?”

  “Hey,” I say, “What are you doing?”

  “Out with my girls,” she says, “At Emily Mulally’s party. What are you doing?”

  Kaci’s not my girlfriend. She’s just…well, she and I have kind of an arrangement. Like, a hook up arrangement. We’ve had it forever. It’s not really that sleazy. It’s just more that it works for both of us.

  “Wanna hang out?” I ask.

  “Yes,” she says immediately. “Where are you?”

  “I’m outside,” I say, “But I don’t want to go to the party. Can you come out?

  We can go to my house, my parents aren’t home.”

  Half an hour later, we’re in my bed. “How come you didn’t want to go to the party?” Kaci asks. She’s lying on top of my covers, in my arms. But it doesn’t feel right.

  For some stupid reason, all I can think about is Brynn DeLeo. I wonder what she’s doing right now, if her and Aaron are getting back together. I’ll bet that prick wouldn’t know the first thing about how to have fun in Home Depot.

  “Hello!” Kaci yells, “Earth to Josh!”

  “Sorry,” I say, “Um, I just didn’t feel like being around a million people.”

  “You wanted to be alone with me,” she says. She turns her head and starts kissing my neck, and I try to get myself to relax. Kaci’s hot. She smells amazing. She has long blonde hair and this tiny little waist and huge boobs and she doesn’t expect me to call her the day after we hook up. According to most guys, this would make her the perfect girl.

  The fact that they call her The Ass is just a bonus.

  But I can’t stop thinking about Brynn. And about our kiss. It was a good kiss.

  Actually, it was a fucking amazing kiss. But I’m here with Kaci. And Kaci’s hot. Much hotter than Brynn. Well, not really. I mean, Kaci’s hotter in a more obvious way. But Brynn. Brynn is sexy. And adorable. And she does this thing where she bites her lip when she’s thinking that drives me crazy. Not to mention how she went along with the whole Brewster-Campbell thing. Which was kind of awesome.