Heart's Darkness

by H D A Roberts

  Now that my brain was working again, I recast my shields and dismantled the Shade Armour. The rage was passing quickly, but I was still shaky and paranoid enough not to take safety for granted.

  Seriously, what the hell was that? What had she done to me? I'd nearly... very nearly...

  I shuddered and looked back towards the hotel, where a small crowd had gathered. They were all cheering and clapping, not that I could hear them through the shield.

  I nodded to Price, and she tapped something in her hand, which made the barrier drop. I actually sagged, my legs feeling loose. Crystal came to my side, and I let her through my shields so she could help keep me upright.

  "That was amazing," she whispered in my ear as Price dispersed the crowd with promises of discounts and free rounds at the various tables.

  "I need to sit down," I said wearily, feeling a little dizzy, actually.

  "Sure you wouldn't prefer a nice warm bed? I have one in my room," Crystal said, her breath hot on my ear.

  "I'm afraid that after all that, I'm not going to be of much use to man or beast for a while. I think I overdid it a bit."

  She kissed my cheek anyway and helped to settle me down on a bench.

  "My sister should be here in a minute; do you have a phone I can borrow?" I asked. Now that the adrenaline was fading, I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I would have gone home, but I knew that I had at least one Warden on the way, as well as Hopkins, neither of whom would be much amused at having to come all that way and then turn right around without an explanation. So I settled down for a wait.

  "Sorry," Crystal said, gesturing at her outfit, which couldn't conceal a feather, much less a phone.

  "S'okay," I said, lowering my shields at last, "I'll just rest my eyes for a sec..."

  I closed my eyes, leaning against the Vampire.

  And woke up with my sister shouting in my face.

  "Mathew Graves!" Jennifer Hopkins (the Starborn Lady, Archon of Space, my former English teacher, one of my best friends, and frequent scolder) shouted, jolting me awake.

  "What?" I asked, suddenly alert again. Cassandra and Demise were with her, both looking slightly ruffled (no doubt from Demise's aborted attempt to keep Cassandra from attacking the Champions on her own).

  "What do you think you're doing?" Hopkins said, looking me over for injuries (with a little too much poking), "You were in a bloody coma! You should not be wondering about!"

  "Sorry," I said with a wide yawn, I couldn't help myself.

  Hopkins sighed, rubbing her eyes. She sat down next to me, dislodging the Vampire, who looked a little disgruntled, but she took it in stride.

  "Are you alright?" Hopkins said, a little softer this time.

  "Fine," I said, trying for a smile, though from the look on her face, it didn't quite come out that way.

  "Yes, that was convincing," she said dryly.

  My smile was a bit more realistic this time.

  It hurts, I sent to her, mind to mind, like my heart's being squeezed.

  I know, I know, she said back, taking my hand.

  How did this happen? And why? Couldn't they have talked to us first?

  She pulled me into a hug, which helped hide the tears I was trying not to shed. Now that I was just... sitting, with nothing to do but think and feel what was missing (if that makes sense), it was getting harder and harder to hold back the pain I'd been trying so hard to ignore.

  Cassandra discreetly led the Vampire and Demise out of the way so I could be alone with my sister.

  "We don't really know what happened or why," Hopkins said, "One day, the ambassadors from both sides simply showed up and told us they were pulling out; severing all ties. Within an hour they'd cast the Spell which supposedly freed the princesses of you, without warning anyone, I might add. Seconds later the barriers went up, and that was that. They'd sealed themselves off from us."

  I sighed, miserable, "I miss them. I didn't know how much I'd cared until they'd gone, and now I can't tell them."

  "I know. I'm sorry."

  "How long? Cassie said something about it being a while, but, is there any chance...?"

  "I don't think so, Matty," Hopkins said gently, "these aren't the sorts of spells you cast for a weekend away. It could be decades, or even centuries."

  I nodded sadly, "They could have asked me to go with them."

  "Would you have gone?" Hopkins asked, a little nervously.

  "I... I don't know. I guess I never will now."

  She sighed, "You and your women, Mathew," she said in a long-suffering way.

  I couldn't really blame her for that one, much as I'd have liked to. My relationships had all ended... badly, to say the least.

  I managed a glare, which made her smile.

  "Give it time, you'll be alright," she said, patting my hand.

  "I know. I always am, eventually."

  "Well, at least you managed to avoid the Champions, there's that."

  I coughed a little and looked away. Normally I lied like Mozart used to compose, but not so much to Hopkins, something about her cracked my poker face and always had.

  "Oh, what did you do?" she asked.

  "It was self-defence," I said, getting my defensive fire in early, "sort of."

  "And in that 'sort of' lies the source of all my stomach ulcers," she said with a frown.

  I told her what had happened and why. Her face turned grim.

  "Geld?" she asked in a rasp, her face actually turning red with fury (rarely a good sign in an Archon), "That's what he said?"

  I nodded.

  "All of them?"

  "I assume."

  She snarled.

  "What does that mean?" I asked.

  "Something very ugly that hasn't been done in five hundred years, as far as I know. It's a metaphor, really, like castrating a horse, only for supernatural creatures. It's ripping their essences away, their energy, power and nature, leaving them as human as they can be with what's little is left of them. It's an abhorrent practice, as close to evil as you can get without using the Black. When he resurrects, I think I'll kill again him myself on general principles!"

  I chuckled.

  "Any idea about what the hell that Margaret woman did to me?"

  "That, I don't know. She has quite a few powers we don't understand. That War Cry of hers should have left you near powerless and catatonic with terror, that's what it does. That you went the other way is... interesting."

  "There's something else," I said, looking around to make sure that Cassandra was still out of earshot, "I feel... thinner; stretched, since I came out of the coma, like there's less between me and the Black than there used to be. I'm scared, Jen."

  She looked at me for a long moment, her dark eyes boring into me.

  "What you've lost will come back in time. But who you are is who you are, and that has not changed, little brother. You are the man who stands in front of legends and dares them to come past you to the people you care for. Angry, scared, happy, sad, grieving, with the Black or without it, you are the man you've chosen to be. And so will you continue," she said, very quietly, very seriously.

  "You really think so?"

  "Of course. If there's one thing you've proven, it's that you're far too stubborn to be anything other than exactly what you want to be. And speaking as one of the people who's been in your head, that's not such a bad person. Try not to be too hard on yourself. That's my job."

  I laughed, feeling a bit lighter.

  "That's better," she said, "keep the faith, Mathew. It'll be alright."

  I nodded and shakily rose to my feet.

  "You know Palmyra raves about this place?" Hopkins said, "Comes here every Saturday."

  "I know," I said with a shudder, "My deal with Price ensures that all records of her visits get very effectively destroyed."

  She snorted, "Good to know. Wait, does that mean she keeps other records?"

  I nodded, "You wouldn't believe half the things that crop up in the files
Price sends me from time to time."

  "You pretend to be all sweet and naive, but you're an evil little genius, aren't you?"

  "We live in the information age, Jen. The man with the biggest file cabinet wins. And my file cabinet is your file cabinet, so everyone wins in the end. Well, everyone I'm fond of, anyway."

  "If I didn't know you so well, I'd be a little worried."

  "But you do, and you know I'd only use information like this in the cause of mischief, not malevolence or megalomania. Just, for example, Price has gathered a whole plethora of interesting titbits on a certain Primus of our acquaintance; the one who really doesn't like me? Well, I've had all this stuff for months, and haven't done a thing. I should get points for that!"

  "No!" Hopkins said, practically dancing with glee, "But he's such a straight arrow. Doesn't even drink!"

  "Not according to his housekeeper," I said with a smile (an ever so slightly evil smile).

  "Oh, tell me!" she said.

  I whispered the secrets in her ear and she blushed from her chin to her crown.

  "Oh, that sanctimonious little bastard! I can't wait to drop that into conversation!" she said happily. If there was one thing a Magician loved more than a good argument, it was a good secret (and a good gossip).

  "It is a good one, isn't it?"

  Hopkins grinned, "You need a Portal home?"

  "No, thanks, I need to smooth things over with Price and maybe find out what drew those pricks here."

  "I think I'll make my way to the poker tables," Hopkins said, "since I'm here."

  "Careful, don't cheat, they're watching."

  "They caught you?" she asked, aghast.

  "Of course not, but I'm smarter than you," I said with a grin that earned me a flicked ear.

  "See you later Mathew, I'll come by tomorrow?"

  "I'd like that."

  She walked off and Cassandra came back with Demise, Price and Crystal.

  "It seems I owe you a favour, Milord," Price said.

  "How many does that make now?"

  "I've offered to pay off my debts in trade, but alas..." she said sadly.

  "You don't owe me a thing, Vivian. If it wasn't for you and your information, I'd likely be dead right now, along with a lot of other people. So, kindly stop keeping score, alright?"

  "Yes, Milord," she said with a sarcastic little curtsey. You wouldn't think it was possible to make a curtsey sarcastic, but there it was...

  "And stop doing that, will you? It's just odd. And I have begged you not to call me that."

  "Maybe I enjoy it," Price said, moving in close so she could tangle a finger in the cloth of my jacket, "both respecting and defying you all at the same time. Women are complex creatures, Mathew, I'd get used to it, if I were you."

  "Oh, I know, believe me, I know. There are days when I think that your whole gender exists just to be complicated!"

  Price just smiled.

  Chapter 3

  So, all things considered... not the best start.

  Coma, then a new enemy, then a nearly cataclysmic loss of control.

  It was half an hour before I was able to disentangle myself from Crystal and make my way home in a cab (I was too tired to try anything Magically clever). I had trouble staying awake on the ride back, and barely made it into my bed before collapsing into a deep (and thankfully dreamless) sleep. Someone had been decent enough to clear out all the hospital gear and lay on nice clean sheets for me, which felt amazing.

  I didn't wake for hours, and when I did, I actually felt a bit recovered, a little more vital. I also awoke with three Pixies curled up at my side and a redhead wrapped around my back... which helped even more!

  The Pixies were just under a foot tall, and not as light as you'd think. They were all of a kind, delicate features, pointed ears and blonde hair. They were called Meadow, Jewel and Melody, and I was really rather taken with them. The girl at my back was Kandi, Tethys' girlfriend of the moment and 'assistant'. She was beautiful, friendly and always cheerful, even first thing in the morning (in spite of my offers to Hex her if she didn't cut it out, at least before I'd had my breakfast).

  I would have been in love with Kandi if her relationship preferences weren't quite so... esoteric. In short, she liked to have fun, and for her that meant... well she was Tethys' girlfriend, you can probably guess what that meant. Their relationship defied easy description, but I knew there was love there, even if it was non-traditional and tended to involve more participants than I would be able to manage without some sort of indexing system.

  Kandi and I had been growing closer lately, forming a deeper bond of friendship and trust that I found very soothing, even if it seemed to be making her a little more bossy (and quite a bit more handsy). She spent a solid chunk of her leisure time with me, generally lying with some part of her on my person while we watched TV, played chess or just chatted. She was an immensely comforting presence, like having a little piece of humanity's better nature cuddled up with me.

  When I woke, the Pixies did too, yawning adorably, dressed in the little cashmere onesies my mother had made for them. I smiled at them; just the sight of them made me feel miles better. But if Kandi was overly active first thing in the morning, those three were only a little less than an adorable nightmare.

  They immediately jumped on me, hugging me tight with their tiny arms, all talking at once, which woke Kandi, causing her to stretch in a very interesting fashion, exposing a long length of toned midriff. Her head slid up, her cheek leaning on mine as she took in the scene.

  "And you complain about my morning activity," she said during a break in the excited babble, before kissing my cheek, "I'm glad you're out if the coma, there's only so much fun I can have with you when you're unconscious."

  "There once was a time when the mere mention of a Shadowborn would strike fear into the hearts of young ladies... I miss those times."

  "I've seen your Spiderman pyjamas, Matty, you could try for a hundred years and not scare me after that."

  The Pixies started talking again before I could reply.

  "We missed you!" Melody said.

  "Very much," chimed in Jewel.

  "Don't do that again," said Meadow.

  "No, don't do that again," Jewel agreed.

  "We were very worried," Melody said.

  "Very, very worried!" Jewel added.

  "I'm sorry," I said, enveloping their tiny backs in a hug, "I didn't mean to."

  "We know," Meadow said, "but we're still mad at you!"

  "I'll make it up to you," I said with a smile, "and I'm sorry about what happened to your home."

  "What happened to the Grotto?" Melody asked, looking confused.

  "I mean Seelie, it's blocked," I replied.

  "That's not home, Silly," Jewel said, "This is home."

  I felt my eyes watering a little and bit on a lip that was trembling slightly. Don't tell anyone.

  "I'm very happy you're still here," I said in a whisper.

  "Where else would we be?" Meadow asked with an impish grin.

  They snuggled in closer, and I felt... a little lighter again, better than I had in weeks. Then my stomach rumbled, ruining the moment; the Pixies giggled.

  "Breakfast bell!" Meadow squeaked happily, jumping up and down, "we'll tell your cook. We love her, by the way."

  "She makes us pudding whenever we want," Jewel added.

  I laughed and they flew away, butterfly wings appearing on their backs as they darted up, flickering with Magic as they slid through the wall.

  I started to sit up and was pulled back down by Kandi.

  "Ten more minutes... and then you need a shower."

  I turned towards her and she tucked herself in under my chin, her arm around my chest.

  "And a shave, and a haircut, and feeding up," she continued.

  "Anything else while I'm at it?" I asked, stroking her back in that way she liked.

  "I'll make a list," she said, shivering a little, her leg twitching.

&n
bsp; Ten minutes became thirty, and then forty, at which point the Pixies came back and stomped up and down on my head until I agreed to get up. Kandi giggled as I obeyed the tiny creatures, heading for the bathroom. I ran the shower and shaved while it was warming up.

  I made quite a sight in the mirror. I'd been pale before, but 'corpse-like' was now a better descriptor; my skin almost deathly white, and my damaged eyes didn't help; they were a dark, blotchy red where there should have been white, with black irises. My face looked a little gaunt, which made the shaky scars in the shape of a pentacle on my left cheek more prominent. I'd had an appointment to get those scars seen to by a plastic surgeon... last week, damn it! And now there wasn't enough time to see to it before university started.

  I looked the rest of myself over, and tried not to wince. The skin on my body matched that on my head, grey and pale. I'd lost muscle mass as well as fat, leaving me looking a little gaunt. Before the coma, I'd been recovering from the effects of Demonic poisoning, which had very nearly killed me and left me very weak. Kandi had taken it as a personal mission to feed me up and get me healthy again, and all her hard work had started to pay off. I'd almost been able to pass for vaguely human (in a bad light, and if you didn't look too closely). And now it was all undone! And only a little over two weeks before I was due to start at Stonebridge University, so there was no fixing it now. And that was assuming I'd even gotten in...

  Come to think of it, I should have had my A-level results by now...

  And now that I was thinking properly again, where were my parents? They should have been at Blackhold, doing their nuts, or at least one of them should.

  I showered thoroughly, getting the stench of two weeks' immobility off me before dressing in comfortable clothes and heading down to breakfast. It was just after nine in the morning on a warm August day, and the house was bustling. I exchanged good-mornings with the valets and Wardens before having a quick word with Mister Webb, the Butler. He was the kindly, middle aged man who ran the more mundane parts of the house; he always had a kind word and a smile on his face. He reassured me that all was well, and that nothing had burned down while I was out.

  He went back to his duties, and I continued on my way, across the great hall, past the open door to the large garden at the centre of the hollow square that comprised the main structure of the house. I could feel the gentle hum of Fairy Magic coming from the large oak tree at the centre of it, connected to the larger source at the Grotto; it made me feel calmer, safer.