by T. O. Smith
I sighed, leaning my head back against the couch. “She’s not feeling good,” I told him. “The baby is kicking her ass this morning.”
“Baby?” Sam asked incredulously.
Fuck. I had forgotten he didn’t know.
I lifted my head to look at him. “She’s pregnant,” I told him quietly. “And yes, it’s mine,” I informed him before he could ask.
“Holy fuck, Prez,” Sam muttered. He shook his head, laughing softly. “You almost made it to thirty without a kid, huh?”
I chuckled, shrugging lightly. I’d never wanted kids, but when I saw those ultrasound pictures, put the dates together, I’d never wanted anything more.
But it was because it was with Adelaide. I wanted everything with this woman.
Adelaide suddenly gagged, jerking awake from her deep slumber. I quickly released her and followed after her as she rushed to the bathroom, throwing up again.
“You sure that this is just morning sickness?” I asked her as she flushed the toilet.
She nodded. “This is mild.” She told me. “It used to be a lot worse. The doctor informed me it may come back sometimes.”
I brushed the back of my fingers over her cheek, watching as she slightly tilted her head into my touch, making a small smile touch my lips. Knowing that I was the one that could make her feel comfortable and safe gave me a strange feeling inside of my chest – one I was loving.
“I need to go deal with some shit at the clubhouse. You can stay here if you want, and I can have Sam stay with you, or you can come with me. If you come, you can rest in my room at the clubhouse.”
“I’ll just come with you.” She informed me. “Let me get a shower and brush my teeth. I reek.”
I nodded, helping her up from the floor. Leaving her to get a shower, I walked back into the living room, grabbing my flannel off of the coffee table to shrug it on. “She alright?” Sam asked me.
I nodded at him as I buttoned the buttons on my shirt. “She’s getting a shower right now, but she’s going to come to the clubhouse with us.”
“Anyone in the club know that she’s pregnant?” Sam asked me.
I shook my head. “The only people that know besides you are Tristan and probably Jesup, and for right now, that’s how I need it to stay. I think Gregory is going to pose a problem and a threat to Adelaide, and I don’t want him thinking he can use my kid against me or her. I just need him to slip up so that I can boot his ass out of the club. I would do it now, but he’s got family with the original members. Shit’s a bit more complicated than it looks.”
“Got it,” Sam stated. He inclined his head to me. “You know I’ll protect her and that baby with my life.” He told me.
I nodded once, knowing and trusting that he would. It was why he was my VP.
My phone went off in my back pocket, and I quickly snatched it out, seeing Val’s name on the screen. “Yeah?” I asked when I answered.
“Red is in town,” Val informed me, cutting straight to the chase, knowing how much I hated beating around the bush.
“Fuck.” I snarled. This was the last fucking thing I needed right now. “Put up proper safety measures on the clubhouse. I’ll be back soon.” I told him.
I hung up, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose. I fucking hated my brother. Nothing good ever came out of him coming around. I never figured out what he wanted when he held the gun to Adelaide’s head – hell, maybe his only plan had been to sabotage what I had going on with the Sons of Death. But the fact that he was now snooping around again was bad news, and it meant my woman was in danger. Red knew she meant something to me.
Sam sighed. “What’s going on?”
“Red is in town,” I informed him. He scowled. “You’re trailing me back to the clubhouse, and Adelaide isn’t to be left alone until he’s fucking gone and taken care of,” I told him.
I wished I could just put a bullet through his skull, but as long as my dad was still alive, that shit wasn’t happening. My old man and I may but heads a lot, but the man didn’t have many more years left to live. I wouldn’t make him miserable in his last years by killing his son.
“He got something for your woman?” Sam asked me.
I shrugged. “Possibly.” And that possibility left a sour, bitter taste in my mouth. “He’s the reason Grim found out I fucked Adelaide. He watched me fuck her, apparently.” Sam’s face twisted in disgust. “And he knows I care about her. I don’t know what the fuck he wants right now, but I won’t take a chance that he’ll use her to get what he wants.”
Sam nodded in understanding, and I knew he also agreed.
Adelaide was our number one priority.
A few minutes later, Adelaide stepped out of the back hallway with a pair of shorts on with a t-shirt that was a couple of sizes too big for her and almost completely covered the shorts. A pair of plain black sneakers were on her feet. She was carrying a small duffel, and she gave me a sheepish smile.
“I figured I could stay with you for a couple of nights instead of you constantly having to stay over here.” She explained.
I grinned as I reached up to cup her cheek. Fuck, she was so perfect, and she had no idea.
I hadn’t wanted to ask her to come to stay with me, knowing that she needed to make that kind of move on her own, so I was beyond ecstatic that she had decided to come to stay with me of her own choice.
She felt the freedom that I was giving her. I didn’t have to fight to keep her with me.
I took the duffel bag from her and handed it off to Sam. “Darlin’, I’m about to be extremely protective and possessive of you,” I warned her. “I’m just warning you so that I don’t alarm you and you end up trying to pull back from me.” She eyed me warily, her guards going up against me. I stayed calm. I knew they would come back down in a heartbeat once I explained what was going on. “Red is in town,” I informed her.
As predicted, they came crashing back down. “Your brother – the same Red that held a gun to the back of my head?” She asked quietly.
I nodded as I reached forward and drew her into my arms. I smoothed my hands down her back, holding her with me. “I hope you’ve got a few outfits in that duffel because I’m not letting you leave the protection of my clubhouse until he’s gone,” I informed her. “Not without numerous members of my club with you.”
She nodded. “Yeah, what I have should be enough.” She told me.
I gently pressed my lips to hers, being extra careful of the bruising on her face. “Good; let’s roll, then,” I said, drawing her tight against my side as I snatched her apartment keys off of the counter.
She drew me to a stop before we could leave. I turned to look down at her. “Thank you.” She whispered.
My eyebrows pulled together in honest confusion. “For what?” I asked her.
“For giving me the freedom that I need. No one has ever understood me before.” She told me, her voice sounding strangely choked up, her emotions almost overwhelming her.
My woman was finally coming out of her shell and opening up to me. I would cherish every bit of her openness for the rest of our lives.
I cupped the side of her neck, letting my blue eyes meet her beautiful, brown ones. “I stayed back in the shadows, learning all of your quirks, what you needed, and what made you tick,” I told her. “I was willing to listen to your unspoken needs, and I will always continue to do that.” I brushed my thumb over her jawline. “I never want to smother you, Adelaide. I just want to watch you grow into the woman you’ve always been meant to be.”
EIGHTEEN
ADELAIDE
My eyes instantly landed on Tristan as I stepped into the clubhouse, River close on my heels. Ignoring Tristan’s eyes boring into me, I turned away from him and strode behind the bar, heading into the kitchen to grab some cereal as my stomach began to rumble, the morning sickness finally beginning to pass for the day.
“We need to talk,” Tristan spoke up quietly from near the doorway to the kitchen.
&nbs
p; I stiffened instantly, my guard going up hard against him. I slowly sat down the box of cereal I’d been holding onto the counter, suddenly losing my appetite.
I didn’t want to have this talk with him. I wasn’t ready. Even if he deserved this talk, it was too hard for me to rip him apart once again, and I knew I would have to. Shit between Tristan and I could never be simple and easy.
Because I wouldn’t be able to give him what he wanted. I never could – not after I got with Joey. And now that I was with River? It would never happen. River was it for me. I knew it – could feel it deep in my bones.
River was the one Joey had told me about.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Tristan,” I told him coldly, keeping my gaze fixed on the countertop. I needed to be cold – void of emotion – or I would walk out of here, ripped apart just like he would be.
He gripped my shoulder and spun me around to face him, steadying me as I stumbled at the force he’d used. His dark eyes bore into mine with an intensity only he had ever been capable of having, and I swallowed hard, my heart racing with nervousness at his proximity.
But those feelings that had once been there? They weren’t strong anymore – not like they used to be.
I was no longer in love with him. I wasn’t sure if that knowledge gave me relief or fucking hurt me. This man used to be the center of my entire universe and now . . . there was nothing.
“Like hell we don’t have something to talk about.” He softly snarled down at me. “You left me, Adelaide. Not only that, but you fucked one of the men I trusted the most.” I flinched, knowing I deserved the cutting of his words. “Why the fuck did you do that? None of this shit has made sense to me.”
I ripped myself from his grip, my walls going back up hard against him as I let that familiar surge of rage rush through my veins.
I had to be angry.
If I wanted to get through this conversation with him, I needed to be furious – cold.
I had to break his heart for the final time – get him to finally turn away from me – from what used to be between us.
“I left because you’re a fucking asshole, Tristan.” I snarled at him. He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. “You ruined me four years ago when you dumped me on the night of my fucking birthday. I was still stupid enough to let you back into my heart a year ago, Tristan, but it only bit me in the ass because you refused to understand me. You were trapping me, tearing me down with every passing second. I couldn’t – fucking can’t – do this with you anymore. It’s only going to kill both of us in the end.”
“I fucking love you, Adelaide.” He snapped, his voice rising only slightly before he controlled it again.
I sucked in a sharp breath at his admission. That part of my heart that would always belong to him sliced open, bleeding inside of me. “You love the old me, Tristan,” I told him – pleading with him. “You’re in love with the eighteen-year-old girl who blushed at the slightest compliment, who needed your constant reassurance and comfort, who needed a hero from the life I was living in.” I swallowed thickly. “You’re in love with the stupid girl that clung to your every word.” I shook my head, letting out a humorless laugh. “Newsflash, Tristan, I’m not that fucking girl anymore. I’m never going to be her again, and it’s time that you realized that. I don’t need a hero anymore. I’m saving myself.”
“I just want you, Adelaide. I don’t care who you are today. I just fucking want you." He breathed.
God, he was killing me.
Tears filled my eyes as my composure slipped. He frowned, stepping closer to me. “Tristan, it can’t happen.” I choked out, stepping out of his reach as he moved to pull me into his arms. “I’m not in love with you anymore, Tristan.” His expression fell as pain filled his gorgeous features – pain that I put there because I was ripping his heart out of his chest. “I fell out of love with you when I realized that you were too controlling for me. I could never just be myself, Tristan. We clash way too much.”
“Addy baby, please.” He pleaded, his expression completely broken.
I sobbed, my heart breaking right along with his.
I shook my head at him, a couple of tears trickling down my cheeks. He shakily reached up to wipe them away, and I let him, letting us have that one last, beautiful moment together before I destroyed both of us completely.
“I will always love you, Tristan, but I don’t love you enough to be with you anymore. I’m having a kid with River. Tristan, he makes me happy.” I choked out, a small, broken smile touching my lips as I thought about how alive River made me feel, how different River was from the other men I’d had in my life.
I looked up at Tristan, reaching up to take his handsome face between my hands as I let my eyes meet his shattered ones. “You have to let me go, Tristan.” I softly begged him. “If you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll let me go, and you’ll let me be truly happy for once in my life.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard as he nodded. I reached up on my tiptoes and gently pressed my lips to his cheek. “I will always love you, Tristan, but I can’t do this with you anymore,” I whispered before I stepped around him and moved out of the kitchen, silent tears sliding down my cheeks as I left that piece of my heart that would always belong to Tristan in that kitchen at his feet.
■ ■ ■
I wanted to drink.
Fucking hell, I wanted to do nothing more than get absolutely shit-faced and trash some shit – something – anything to get this pain out of my chest.
I wanted to fucking fight.
My hands were itching to destroy something – somebody.
Joseph arched an eyebrow at me as I stepped into the garage. “Something got you worked up, girly?” He asked me, sounding concerned, but I didn’t want his concern.
I wanted him to hate me as much as I hated myself because I was a fucked-up bitch with an ugly, dark soul.
I scowled at him. “Fucking call me ‘girly’ one more fucking time, and I’ll shove that wrench so far up your ass that you’ll be tasting steel for the rest of your life.” I snarled at him.
He held his hands up in a defensive gesture, stepping back from me instantly. “Woah, chill. I was just joking, Adelaide. I’m sorry.” He apologized.
I barked out a laugh, slowly feeling my composure slipping. I was hanging on by a thread today, and it was about to snap. And it was going to be ugly as fuck when it did.
“I’m so fucking sick of everyone.” I seethed. He eyed me warily. “I can’t get one goddamn moment of happiness before someone is trying to fucking slaughter it.”
I had been set on what I wanted. I had been secure in what I was doing with my life. I had been completely secure in my relationship with River.
And then, Tristan had to corner me in the fucking kitchen.
I’d been slowly losing my grip on my sanity since then.
I hated it, but it was the kind of effect that Tristan had on me.
“Want to talk about it?” Joseph asked me a bit cautiously.
I snorted. “Do I want to fucking talk about it?” I snapped, another humorless laugh escaping my lips. Tears burned at my eyes, but I forced them to stay back. I didn’t want to cry. Did I even have the right to cry? I’d gone behind Tristan’s back and slept with one of his own club members, and now, I had just ripped his heart out of his chest a second time.
Should I just have been selfless and stayed with him?
“The one man that I’ve loved just about my entire fucking life just made me not only rip out his heart but my own with it, and you want to ask me if I want to talk about it?!” I finally yelled, completely losing it. “I don’t even fucking know why he’s here! I don’t fucking know why the fuck he had to show up!” I screamed, grabbing one of the toolboxes and shoving it to the ground, tears streaming down my face.
There was so much pain in my chest. I wanted it to go away. I didn’t want to feel like this over Tristan. I didn’t want to hurt anymore.
&n
bsp; I was so, so tired of hurting.
Fuck, I just wanted to be happy and secure in what I was doing with River. Joey understood it and what he and I had together ran even deeper than the shit with me and Tristan had. Why couldn’t Tristan just accept it and let me move on?
“I want to hate him.” I sobbed, tears running down my face. God, I was so fucking weak, and I hated it. “Why can’t I just fucking hate him?!” I screeched.
I threw another toolbox to the ground, a scream of rage slipping past my lips as I did so. Suddenly, I felt strong, muscular arms wrap around me, locking my arms against my side. River’s cologne surrounded me as he lifted me so my feet were no longer touching the ground.
