Zombies From Space...and Vampires

by Angela B. Chrysler

  “Where is the Professor?” Aria asked.

  The crew exchanged silent glances that convinced Aria to change the subject.

  “But…don’t you need the venom to create an anecdote?” Aria asked.

  She slid her arms through the ribbed sleeves of a black leather jacket and freed her hair.

  “Yep,” Angela said. “And therein lies our problem.”

  “And the solution,” Norry said quite suddenly.

  Aria looked over her shoulder at the bearded Scandinavian standing on the stairs. “Dinner’s ready.”

  * * *

  CHAPTER 6

  The sound of food shoved all curiosity from Aria’s mind about a problem and a solution to a vampire venom anecdote. Instead, she all but ran to Norry who led Aria to the deck.

  The night sky greeted Aria inviting a clear view of the stars. Aria gasped at the sheer volume of light that speckled the black canopy.

  “It took some getting used to,” Cin chimed in. “When the invasion hit, we lost power within the first week. The silence that followed... the lack of city light...”

  Norry opened the kitchen door and the smell of roasted pork hit Aria hard. Her stomach tightened as she gulped down a mouthful of saliva.

  “We’ll eat,” said Angela. “And then we’ll review the plan.

  The moment Aria stepped into the kitchen, Stanushka swept her into a chair at the table as plates filled up with pork and the brew was passed.

  Norry, Stanushka, and Cin were at their places around the table with the monocled inventor who failed to pull his attention away from his work even for a moment to acknowledge that food was being served.

  “Adam!” Angela called.

  “Yo!” Adam answered, not looking up from his work.

  “Eat! Take a break!”

  Cindy shoved a plate of pork beside him as she unstopped one of her flasks. The joyous clatter quickly filled the room as everyone dove in. Aria wasted no time filling her belly, and only when she forced herself to slow down did she glance around the table at the myriad of faces. A captain donned with a tiara, a purple haired boozer dressed in leather, the blond with bubblegum pink tips... even here, an automatic flint lock had found its place at the table.

  The Scandinavian swapped brews with Cin Dixon who laughed easy. Through it all, Adam had found time to shove a bit of pork in his mouth despite his eye still glued to his gadget, his monocle permanently fixed over his right eye. For a moment, Aria watched him reach a pair of fingers into a small pocket and pull out a gizmo she couldn’t quite identify. Half tweezers, half magnifying glass, or perhaps a screwdriver… she couldn’t tell.

  He adjusted the monocle secured to his eye and kept working.

  In less than twenty minutes, the pork had vanished. Save for a separate platter Stanushka was currently filling up, no other food remained. Aria watched Stani carry the plate to the counter.

  “Now then,” Angela continued. “The solution to our current dilemma—”

  A cry cut the air and the cutlery froze. The crew exchanged silent glances. At the second distinct cry, everyone took up their nearest weapon and charged for the door. Too curious to inquire, Aria jumped to her feet and followed.

  “Back! Back!” a man’s voice screamed from the shore line where only a black blur could be seen from a collected group. The gurgles and growls carried over the river from the bank.

  “Away!” the man called.

  A female voice screamed over the growls.

  “Chess,” Cin said, queuing the crew into action.

  As smooth as glass, Adam casually kicked the side of the ship. A floor board sprang up as the metal clank of anchor being dropped obeyed. Before Aria could inquire, Adam was down on a knee, withdrawing a large rocket launcher styled something-turned-gadget from the ship deck. On beat, Adam aimed for the bank and squeezed the trigger sending a grappling hook into the river’s edge all as the ship came to a full stop.

  As Aria collected her wits about the situation, Stani, Cindy, and Angela all had equipped themselves, and already were dropping a pulley-like contraption onto the rope that Adam had fired into the bank. With three zips, they were off. The subtle light clink of glass drew Aria’s attention back to Adam who was suddenly cradling a cup of tea. He slowly sipped the hot beverage as if savoring the bitter tannins and calm evening on the Saint Lawrence River set to moonlight and zombies. Aria looked to Norry who was already leaning against the cabin wall nursing a water skin she suspected was something stronger.

  Adam adjusted his monocle.

  “What are you doing?” Aria said. “Aren’t you going to help them?”

  “What for?” Adam said as if he was asking a student a pointed question about physics.

  “Relax, Aria,” Norry called. “They’ll get pissed if we steal their fun.”

  * * *

  CHAPTER 7

  From the zip line, Stani fired her automatic flint lock, pelting the Weeches with buck shot. They took the hit, shuddering under the fire, giving the group time to touch down on shore and release themselves from the zip ties. Cindy turned with her daggers leading the way. Weech guts spilled all over her hands as Angela unsheathed her swords and sliced her way into the crowd. Behind them, Stani fired off another round of buckshot.

  As the Weeches took the hits, Cindy and Angela made their way into the crowd.

  “There!” Cindy cried, burying her dagger into a Weech’s skull and drawing Angela’s attention to Chess “Cut Lass” carving out a hole around her.

  “Who is that?” Angela asked as she took the head off a Weech. Cowering behind Chess, wearing nothing but a loin cloth and black ragged boots, crouched a scrawny pale man in the darkness. Aside from his index fingers positioned to form a cross, he seemed to do little else, but release the occasional scream.

  “Back!” he shrieked now and then gathering enough courage to poke his head over Chess’ shoulder.

  With a new direction, Cindy and Angela made their way toward Chess and the wild man. More Weeches swarmed, and Cindy drove her daggers into necks, spilling cold spoiled blood over the ground. Stench engulfed them as Angela cut the legs out of another, driving her blades into skulls and guts. More Weeches came until a sounding pulse, released through the crowd, knocking Chess, Angela, Cindy, and the wild man to the ground.

  As the smoke cleared, all they could see was Stanushka patiently waiting for everyone to rise. A bazooka nestled affectionately on her shoulder.

  “What?” Stani shrugged.

  Cindy and Angela climbed to their feet with Chess. Angela scrunched up her face.

  “What smells like garlic?”

  “Him,” Chess said, pointing at the wild man still flat on his back, muttering madness beneath his breath.

  The moonlight reflected off his chest that shone out like a beacon in the middle of the night.

  “What is he?” Cindy asked, studying the wild man still lying flat on his back.

  “Madness,” he muttered. “Must... fight the madness.”

  Stani made her way through the Weech limbs and came to stand beside Chess donned in 16th century pirate garb from buckled cuffed boots to pirate hat poised perfectly on black hair set with streaks of white.

  “What is this, Chess?” Angela asked.

  “Not sure,” Chess said. “I found him on my run. He was stuck in a tree shouting stuff about the madness and the dark. It was all I could do to get a name out of him.”

  “Which is?”

  “Matt,” Chess said. “But I’ve taken to calling him Mad Matt.”

  Angela nodded approvingly. “It suits him.”

  “It does, doesn’t it?”

  “What’s wrong with him?” Stani asked.

  “Not sure yet,” Chess said. “When the Weeches found him in the tree he was crossing his fingers at them shouting some crazy shit.”

  “He stinks like garlic,” Angela said.

  Chess frowned. “Yes. It’s his loin cloth. I think he soaked it in garlic butter…four months
ago.”

  Mad Matt simply gazed at the stars muttering as they spoke.

  “The darkness,” he muttered. “Darkness... the madness... and the darkness.”

  “Right,” Angela said. “So, what do we do with him?”

  “Well, we can’t very well leave him here,” Stani said.

  “You aren’t seriously proposing that we bring him on board the Slush Brain...”

  “Well, look at him,” Stani said. “He’s kind of sweet.”

  In unison, the girls gazed down at the garlic-infested near naked male splayed on the ground still panting to himself.

  “Right-o,” said Angela. “Bring him.”

  “The darkness... the madness... madness.”

  Aria studied the nearly naked man sprawled out on the lounger as he muttered endlessly in a thick English accent. He clutched the blanket to his chest as Adam moved a stethoscope over the man’s chest.

  “His eyes look like they’re going to bulge right out of their sockets,” Cinders announced as she settled down at the bar clutching a wine bottle.

  “They do don’t they,” Angela said.

  “Darkness…”

  “What’s wrong with him?” Aria asked as Adam pulled the stethoscope from his ears and sighed.

  “Well, nothing from what I can see. Whatever is wrong with him is mental.”

  “Clearly,” Cinders said.

  “Madness…Mad…”

  “Has he said anything else?” Adam asked, contemplating the situation as if watching the machinations of a well-oiled contraption run.

  “Nothing,” Angela said. “He only talks about the darkness…and the madness…”

  “And the darkness,” Cindy said.

  “Right, that too,” Angela said not missing a beat.

  “Hey,” a loud crunch came from the door as Norry bit into an apple. “How’s garlic boy doing?”

  “Could you lot, be any more insensitive?” Aria shouted as she jumped up from her spot at the counter.

  Norry bit another loud chunk out of the apple.

  “This poor man is clearly upset. Something has seriously messed him up—”

  “You can say ‘fuck,’ Aria,” Norry said.

  “No!” Aria shouted. “I won’t! I refuse to believe this situation is that bad! There are no vampires! There are no zombies—”

  “Weeches.”

  “No!” Aria shrieked. “No Weeches! No vampires! No aliens and certainly no zombies!”

  “Caius,” Mad Matt suddenly whispered, drawing everyone’s attention back to the lounger. “Caiu—”

  In one swoop, Matt threw back the blanket and leapt to his feet. “Thou shalt not bring me back from the flames you heathens! Devils! Not back from the darkness!”

  Matt jumped from the lounger and, before Cindy could chug the rest of her wine, Matt was off running up the stairs to the main deck, three steps at a time, his garlic butter soaked butt flap leaving behind a trail of stench.

  “Liberty!” Matt screamed.

  “Get him!” Chess shouted, withdrawing her cutlass and leading the series of whoops as Cindy, Angela, Stanushka, and Chess bolted up the stairs after him.

  Up the stairs, Matt led the menagerie that ran smack into his bare back at the top of the stairs.

  “You,” he growled, pointing a long finger at a figure standing on the deck of the Slush Brain.

  “Be gone!” Matt shouted, but already Angela had withdrawn her sword. Cindy, her daggers, and Stanushka had brought her rocket-launcher-styled contraption to her face and taken aim.

  “Well aren’t you a sorry lot towing around that garbage now,” came the lax drawl from the shadows. With ease, Kylie stepped from the gunwale to the deck. “You’d think we’re at war or something.”

  “We are at war, sucker,” Stanushka said.

  “Right,” Kylie said. “With the war and the Weeches and the blood…”

  “What do you want, sucker?” Angela growled.

  “Relax. I’m not here to help. I’m here to annoy,” Kylie said. “And the easiest way to get under Caius’ skin is to help you.”

  Everyone tightened their hold on their weapons.

  “Caius will be coming for him,” Kylie said, nodding at Mad Matt who still stood terror stricken. “If I were you, I’d get rid of him, lock him up, or run. Personally, I’d drown him, but that’s me.”

  Angela looked the pasty male up then down. Rancid garlic butter dripped into his unlaced boots.

  “Yeah, I know,” Kylie said. “He doesn’t look like much. But I assure you he wasn’t always like that.” With a skip in her step, Kylie was back on the gunwale. “I’d say you have an hour,” she warned. “Caius doesn’t like waiting.”

  With her next step, Kylie was gone leaving behind only the lap of the water against the ship’s strakes.

  * * *

  CHAPTER 8

  “We can’t just sit here!” Stanushka shrieked below deck.

  “We can take him,” said Cin.

  “What if she’s lying?”

  “Of course, she’s lying,” Norry chimed in. “No woman who looks like that is an honest woman.”

  “You would know,” Angela said.

  “He’s coming.”

  The soft sanity from Mad Matt was enough to shake the group into silence. Hunched in the corner, Matt peered up from his hand poised at his mouth as if he had taken in every word exchanged.

  “And you know this?” Chess asked.

  “He won’t stop here,” Matt said. “He’ll destroy your ship… he’ll kill all of you, rip you apart until the blood pours from your hearts…and then he’ll eat it…he’ll eat it…I know,” Matt whispered. “I’ve seen him do it…to my sister…my mother…my wife…”

  “Matt,” Angela said, keeping her voice low.

  Matt pushed the wet from his eyes.

  “Kylie said you know something.”

  “Don’t ask me that, love,” he said. “Nothing ‘bout that. I’m the only one who knows. And if anyone else knows, he’ll come for you too.”

  “Matt,” Stanushka said. “This information-what you know-will it help?”

  “Don’t ask, love,” Matt said.

  He pushed a fresh wave of tears from his eyes and sighed. “I can’t stay here.”

  As if resolved, Matt pushed himself to his feet and at once, grabbed a tool bag he spotted in a nearby corner. Randomly, he began walking through the room, tossing everything in sight into the bag.

  Adam’s tools-

  “Uh…Excuse me?” Adam sputtered.

  -a half-eaten sandwich from Norry’s hands-

  “Scuse you,” Norry said.

  -Cindy’s booze-

  “Hey now,” Cindy growled.

  -a pile of wood shavings from the floor where Angela had been whittling.

  “Alright,” Matt declared as if ready to undertake a great journey. He threw the last of the wood shavings into the bag and zipped it up with vigor. “I’ll be off then. Cheerio.”

  “Now wait just a moment!” Angela shouted as Matt took up Angela’s collector’s edition Doctor Who scarf with which he promptly attempted to dress himself.

  An explosion on deck sent the Slush Brain into a fit of rocking, forcing everyone to grab hold of the tables, railings, and walls to stay upright.

  “He’s here,” Matt said and, with tool bag in hand, fled up the stairs, the Doctor’s fifteen-foot scarf trailing behind him.

  “Not at sea, nor at bay will I sleep again,” Matt howled as he ran up the stairs, plowing ahead with his head down and the bag tucked under his arm. Another bang followed by a shower of debris shielded Matt from view as he slipped behind the Captain’s quarters and snatched a random wrench laying on top of a nearby barrel.

  Another bang from the deck shook the ship followed by a howl.

  Matt grabbed a random gadget and ducked back behind the barrel.

  “Captain!” Caius called over the bang.

  One by one Angela, Cindy, Chess, Stanushka, Nor
ry, and Adam, spilled on deck, joining the horde of vampires all taking turns ripping the deck apart with a series of punches.

  “My ship!” Angela screamed as Caius’s minions took turns punching through the walls of the gunwale and kicking holes in the deck.

  Stanushka raised the bazooka, Cindy withdrew her daggers, and Chess cocked her guns and took aim.

  “Captain!” Caius grinned.

  “Caius,” Angela said. “Get off my ship before I feed your heart to the Weeches.”

  “Tsk tsk,” Caius said. “Such hatred.”

  “Now, Caius!”

  “You have something of mine that I want, Captain. Give me back the girl…and the Doctor, and we’ll call things even. I and my kin will walk away leaving your vessel intact.”

  “You’ll walk away leaving the vessel intact regardless,” Cindy said.

  Caius widened his grin. “Will I?”

  Caius flinched and Stanushka fired the bazooka, missing Caius altogether as he sped across the deck toward the Captain. Caius reached for Angela’s neck as she turned, sword in hand, to behead the first of Caius’ minions. As the first of heads fell to the deck, a small cloud of smoke burst in Caius’ face who snarled at the stench of beets.

  Two more heads fell as Cindy slashed with her daggers, turned, and crossed the blades across another throat. Beside her, Chess fired her flintlocks into the faces of oncoming vampires. They lunged with fingers as long as talons reaching to shred their prey. Bodies dropped to the deck as Norry took up his scimitar and severed the heads of vampires hissing up at him.

  Recovered from the blast and stench of beets, Caius caught sight of Aria. Within a breath, Caius was on her from behind, his talons grazing her neck with a hungry grin.

  “Your blood flows with venom, Aria. It’s only a matter of time…”

  “You touch her and your head will be next to fall,” Angela said, her sword poised to Caius’ throat.

  “Don’t wait, Captain. Kill him and be rid of him,” Stanushka said. “Here. Let me help you.” With her bazooka settled upon her shoulder, Stani peered down the scope at Caius.

  “You know so little beyond your own eyes,” Caius said.

  “Hey, Caius!” Adam called from across the ship’s deck. In his hand, he held something that resembled a child’s top.

  “Go to hell.”

  Before he could release the top, a barrel of gunpowder exploded behind him, throwing Adam, his top, the crew, Caius, and his minions across the deck of the Slush Brain.