The Amish Midwife's Secret

by Rachel J. Good

  I’m not the deserving young doctor you’re looking for. But Kyle couldn’t bring himself to blurt that out and destroy Dr. Hess’s hopes. Instead, he deflected the conversation. “I still can’t believe you’re giving your practice away. Why would anyone do that?”

  “I have my reasons.” Dr. Hess gripped the steering wheel even more tightly. “I did tell you the main one when I called.”

  Yes, something about God. A reason Kyle had quickly tuned out. But there had to be more to it than that. Later, Kyle would press him to discover the other more plausible reasons. Perhaps his business wasn’t doing well, or it was deeply in debt. No one just gave away a thriving practice.

  Chapter Four

  The next morning, while Dr. Hess talked on the phone, Kyle paced the waiting room. Nothing had changed in the reception room or offices since he’d been here last, except the walls had recently been painted and the old-fashioned wooden spindle-back chairs sported new cushions. The dark mahogany paneling on the lower half of the wall gleamed, as did the reception desk.

  Kyle mentally updated the room with a counter and plastic partition for the receptionist rather than the old-fashioned desk. He also added some bright modern seating for adults and some beanbag chairs for the children instead of the small wooden chairs surrounding the scarred maple table. The multicolored beads on a wire frame and Highlights magazines scattered around had been there since he was three, or maybe even before that.

  He shook himself. What am I doing planning changes for an office when I don’t intend to take the job?

  But he couldn’t stop the feelings of nostalgia as he sat in one of the old wooden chairs lined up along the wall. His mom had sat here, as stiff and upright as the chair backs, while he and Caleb paged through the children’s magazines. Esther Hess had ushered them down the hall to one of the small examination rooms, where they waited for Dr. Hess.

  Fearful of getting a shot, Kyle had clung to his mother’s hand until the doctor reassured him he didn’t need one that time. The times he did, Mom let him squeeze her hand and then hugged him after it was over. Dr. Hess always pulled a lollipop from the pocket of his white coat. He wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor still did that. Most doctors had given up the practice, preferring to hand out stickers or small plastic toys.

  Memories of Mom warmed him inside. She’d been so loving and caring. He still couldn’t believe she was gone. Those last horrible days Caleb tried to prevent him from seeing her, afraid it would be too traumatic. He couldn’t get his brother to understand that he wanted to be with Mom as she endured her last painful hours hooked up to machines that fed her and breathed for her. He wanted to hold her hand the way she’d held his.

  “Kyle?” Dr. Hess emerged from his office at the end of the long hall. “We need to make a house call in Gordonville.”

  “I thought Thursday was your day off.” The office was closed, and Esther had stayed in the house after breakfast to work on a baby blanket she was knitting for a local women’s shelter. Dr. Hess had invited Kyle for a tour of the office, but when the phone rang, he’d rushed down the hall to answer it.

  With a shrug, Dr. Hess escorted him back into the house for their jackets. “When you’re a doctor, days off are rare. If someone needs me, I have to go.”

  Esther sat in an armchair in the living room, a Bible in her lap. On the table beside her, two balls of yarn lay next to shiny knitting needles with rows of green and yellow stitching on them.

  “Sorry to disturb your devotions, dear,” the doctor said. “Just got an emergency call. Not sure how long we’ll be.”

  “Oh, Martin, on your day off?” She held up a hand to stop her husband’s spluttering. “I know, I know. You need to help.” She turned grateful eyes to Kyle. “I’m so glad you’re willing to help Martin. You’ll be a real blessing.”

  Kyle punched his balled fists into his pockets and bit back a response. He managed a half-hearted smile. “We’d better go.”

  Dr. Hess nodded. “I switched the office line to ring in here in case of an emergency, but I hope this will be the only call today.”

  “I hope so too, but if anyone calls, I’ll ring your cell.” Esther stood and hurried over to her husband, who wrapped his arms around her.

  When they began to kiss, Kyle turned his back and concentrated on buttoning his coat. Knowing he’d never find a love like theirs left a hollow emptiness in his chest. He’d plugged that hole with nonstop studying, constant work, and general busyness. Some of the women at the hospital, both doctors and nurses, had expressed interest in him, but he’d brushed them off. He had no time—or room—in his life for relationships.

  “Let’s go,” Dr. Hess said as he reached around Kyle for the doorknob. “Miriam said her husband took a tumble and couldn’t get up. She’s afraid he may have broken something.”

  Gusts of frigid air slapped them in the face as they exited the house, and Kyle hunched over to ward off the cold. He wrestled the car door open and managed to get inside before the wind slammed it shut. He shivered until the heater blasted out enough warmth to ward off the chill.

  Dr. Hess drove down country roads and back lanes past farms and barns. As they approached a familiar turnoff, the car slowed, and the doctor clicked on his turn signal. Kyle’s whole body went rigid. A short distance down the road, Dr. Hess tapped the brakes when he reached a long driveway. The tightness in Kyle’s stomach now constricted his throat. No! They couldn’t be going here.

  How many times had he pulled into this driveway? How many nights had he sat out here watching for the light to go out in Emma’s bedroom, counting down the minutes it took for her sisters to fall asleep? For her to slip out to meet him? How many times had he waited impatiently for the front door to open? For her to come tripping across the lawn, all dolled up in Englisch clothes?

  The last time he’d visited this house, he’d come to beg Emma not to marry her Amish fiancé. He’d walked away with a broken heart and vowed never again to fall in love.

  The minute Dr. Hess parked the car, he hopped out and grabbed his bag, but Kyle clutched the door handle. He couldn’t bring himself to open the door. The doctor tapped on the window, and Kyle jumped, his tense nerves making him skittish. When Dr. Hess beckoned him, Kyle forced himself to step from the protection of the car into one of his worst nightmares.

  Dr. Hess was already scurrying along the walkway toward the front door, his old-fashioned black overcoat flapping in the wind.

  Kyle’s feet stayed rooted to the first stone block of the walkway. If he didn’t hurry, the doctor would go inside without him. Then he’d be forced to stand on the doorstep to knock, and he’d have to confront whoever opened the door. At least if he caught up to Dr. Hess, he wouldn’t have to enter alone, and maybe he’d be camouflaged by the doctor’s bulk. Or maybe not. Kyle towered over the doctor by about six inches. He rushed to the porch and arrived breathless just as the front door opened.

  A woman, her face scrunched into worried lines, never looked up. Instead, she took one glance at the bag in the doctor’s hand and motioned for them to come in. “Thank the Lord, you’re here. Reuben’s in a lot of pain.”

  Kyle had never stepped over the threshold of this house. Although Dr. Hess followed the woman, Kyle hesitated. The woman who’d answered the door seemed unfamiliar. Definitely not one of Emma’s sisters; he’d recognize both of them. He’d only met the rest of Emma’s family once. So much had happened that fateful day perhaps her parents wouldn’t recognize him. He hoped not. Sucking in a deep breath that did little to calm his jittery nerves, Kyle padded down the hall after the doctor and stood to one side, trying to remain unnoticed, his attention riveted to the man on the floor. The man who could have been his father-in-law.

  Eyes glazed with pain, Reuben Esh lay sprawled on the floor in an awkward position. He’d gained a great deal of weight since Kyle had last seen him, which would make it difficult for him to move. Emma’s mother sat beside him on the floor, holding his hand.

 
Dr. Hess knelt beside Reuben and began his examination, while Kyle tried to blend into the shadows in the doorway and prayed the doctor wouldn’t ask him to confirm the diagnosis.

  As a doctor, it was Kyle’s duty to treat any patient who came to him. Yet he’d also been taught to keep a professional boundary between himself and his patients. Not treating friends or family members would prevent his emotions from clouding his medical judgment. Did the parents of the girl you once loved count?

  His face grave, Dr. Hess met Reuben’s eyes. “I’m going to call for medical transport to take you to the hospital.”

  Reuben grasped Dr. Hess’s hand. “If you help me up, I’ll lie down for a few hours. I’ll soon be feeling better.”

  Dr. Hess shook his head. “I’m pretty sure you’ve broken your hip. You need to go to the hospital for an X-ray.”

  “I have too much work to do. I’m behind on orders in my cabinet-making shop. With the shop closed so often next month for November weddings and all the Christmas orders coming in, I can’t miss any days of work.”

  “Sorry, but if you don’t get your hip fixed, you could be crippled.” Dr. Hess reached for his cell phone.

  Reuben stopped him and tried to struggle to a sitting position. “At least give me a few hours to see if I can walk on it.”

  Dr. Hess set a hand on his chest to restrain him. “Trust me—this is not something you’ll walk off.”

  Emma’s mother leaned over him. “Please listen to the doctor.”

  Reuben tried to push the doctor’s hand away. “I can’t lose time now. There’s no way Jakob can handle all the work on his own.”

  “Let Zeke and Abe help him,” Emma’s mother begged. “They’re old enough to do some of the routine tasks. You’ve taken them to the shop since they were small. I want you to do whatever Dr. Hess says.”

  Dr. Hess adopted a stern tone. “Reuben, you know I wouldn’t recommend this if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary.”

  His lips pinched together, Reuben glanced from the doctor’s stern look to his wife’s pleading one and back again. Then he lay back down and closed his eyes. “Do whatever you need to do, doc. I’ll cooperate. God must have a purpose in this, so I’ll trust Him.”

  “And we’ll trust Him for your healing,” Emma’s mother added.

  “I’ll be praying too.” Dr. Hess pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed.

  Kyle shifted uneasily in the doorway at all this talk about God. Everyone discussed God as if He were an important part of their lives, the way Kyle’s parents used to do. They’d taught him to believe in God when he was small, but now that he was in the medical field, he’d learned to trust science and rational facts. Losing both of his parents in one week had taught him never to trust in a God who could allow the people he loved to suffer and die.

  Dr. Hess clicked his phone shut and groaned as he struggled to his feet. “It’s a bit chilly on the floor. Perhaps you could cover him while we wait.”

  “I have a quilt right here.” Emma’s mother rose and crossed the room to pick up a quilt that had been draped over the sofa. Her back appeared more bowed than it had years ago. “I tried to put this on him earlier, but he insisted he was fine.”

  Before she turned around, Kyle stepped to a spot where the door hid him from the family’s view.

  A few seconds later, Dr. Hess peeked around the corner. “I’m sorry I forgot about you. Would you like to take a look?”

  Kyle shook his head. Surely the doctor had heard the rumors.

  Dr. Hess stared at him. “Are you all right? You look pale.”

  “I, um…” Kyle ducked his head and gestured toward the room where Reuben lay.

  Light dawned in the doctor’s eyes, and he put a hand on Kyle’s arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in such an uncomfortable situation. I was so focused on helping a patient, the past slipped my mind.”

  “Yes, well…” Kyle cleared his throat. “I could go out and wait for the transport. I can direct them in here.”

  “Good idea,” Dr. Hess said. “And again, I truly am sorry. I should have mentioned the patient’s name and given you a chance to opt out. Esther will have my head when she finds out.”

  Kyle started down the hallway, but Dr. Hess followed him, and when they reached the front door and were out of earshot of the family, he laid a hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “You know, son, there comes a time when you need to make peace with your past.”

  Too sick inside to answer, Kyle only nodded. The doctor had only heard the gossip about the accident. Only Emma’s family knew the truth. As soon as they finished here at the Eshes’, he’d tell Dr. Hess he couldn’t take this job. He couldn’t come back to this town and relive that agony. He should have never come back at all.

  Chapter Five

  After fixing breakfast for her parents and giving Mamm a massage to ease her MS pain, Leah hurried down the passageway from the kitchen to their natural products shop and flipped the sign to OPEN. A short while later, the bells on the shop door jangled, and Leah looked up from her inventory of the vitamin bottles. Her friend Ada stood in the doorway, looking frazzled.

  “Are you all right?” Leah had lost count of the bottles, but her friend’s problems were more important.

  “I don’t see how I’ll get everything done.”

  With assisting the midwife, helping people in the community, working at her family’s natural products store, and squeezing in time to see Ben, Leah’d had little time to help with Ada’s upcoming wedding. “I’m so sorry. What do you need me to do?”

  Ada waved away her question. “You have enough to do.” She gestured toward the vitamin bottles on the counter. “I didn’t mean to take you away from your work.”

  “This can be done any time.” Leah stepped around from behind the counter, took Ada’s arm, and ushered her toward the door that led into the house. The bell on the door would jangle if customers entered the shop. Leah fixed two cups of herbal tea and handed one to Ada. “This is a secret blend I’m working on to calm anxiety.”

  Ada took a sip. “It’s delicious, but does it work?”

  “I guess we’ll find out. If it does, I’ll package it and sell it in the shop.”

  After a few swallows, the tension lines on Ada’s forehead eased, and she leaned back with a sigh. “I don’t know if it’s the ingredients or the warmth of the tea or sitting down to relax for the first time in weeks, but I’m already feeling calmer.”

  “Good. I hope the tea is helping. Now, what’s causing your stress?”

  Ada appeared close to tears. “I don’t see how I can get everything done in the next few weeks.”

  “Take a breath,” Leah advised. “It’ll all get done, and if it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.”

  “The worst part is, we’re both so busy Josiah and I barely spend any time together.”

  “The two of you will have plenty of time with each other soon. Once the wedding is over, you’ll be together in the same house every day.”

  Leaning her head against the ladder-back chair, Ada closed her eyes. “Yes, I need to remind myself this is only temporary.”

  “Unlike my situation with Ben.” Leah regretted the words as soon as they left her lips.

  Ada’s eyes popped open, and she fixed Leah with a tell-me-everything stare.

  Leah shrugged. “Not much has been happening because I’ve been so busy. He has time during the day between milkings at the dairy farm, but I have to work here. And most days, I’m either studying, visiting patients, accompanying Sharon on deliveries, or working long hours at the store.”

  “But I thought your daed agreed to fewer hours for the store.”

  “He did.” Leah couldn’t prevent the deep sigh that escaped her lips. “But with some unexpected bills for Mamm, he changed his mind and took a full-time woodworking job in town, so I need to work his hours as well as mine.”

  Ada shot her a sympathetic glance. “I’m sorry. That doesn’t make it easy for you a
nd Ben.”

  “No, it doesn’t. Ben wants me to give up the midwifing so we can have more time together.” That wasn’t his only reason, though. Once she was his wife, he’d expect her to stay home to care for their own children.

  “But you love being a midwife. And all the young mamms in our buddy bunch have said how wonderful you are at deliveries.”

  Leah picked at a fingernail so she wouldn’t have to meet Ada’s gaze. Sharon, too, had told her she had a gift, but she shouldn’t be prideful. The church frowned on hochmut, which was one of the reasons they didn’t allow higher education. Leah had never confessed to anyone how much she longed to continue her midwife training and be certified like Sharon.

  “Are you all right? You seem a bit down. Not your usual cheerful self.”

  “I’m just tired.” And discouraged. With both Daed and Ben pressuring her to forget the career she loved along with the long hours she’d been working and her doubts about Ben and now the worry that Kyle…

  “That’s not the only thing bothering you. Not with the look that just flashed across your face.” Ada set her elbows on the table, propped her chin in her hands, and fixed Leah with a stare that made her squirm. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  Leah opened her mouth to deny it, but instead the story about yesterday tumbled from her lips. She explained how Kyle seemed frustrated by their Amish ways, but she didn’t mention her secret. She finally ended with, “What if Kyle takes over for Dr. Hess? How will I ever work with him?”

  “If it’s God’s will for Kyle to be here, He’ll work everything out.”

  Though Ada’s words were true, they didn’t calm Leah’s fear that someday Kyle would look at her and remember. And when he did…

  Ada took a final sip of tea and pushed back her chair. “I should go. I have so much to do, but it was great talking to you, and the tea was wonderful gut. So relaxing. You definitely should package it for the shop.”