The Amish Midwife's Secret

by Rachel J. Good

  Her nausea increased when he whirled around, his face set in angry lines.

  “Do you often open the store for customers during the evening?” In contrast to his irate expression, Ben’s tone remained deadly calm.

  Leah shook her head, sending colored dots dancing before her eyes. “Not usually. Once or twice during emergencies.”

  “You considered this an emergency?” Ben’s gaze drilled into her as he waited for an answer.

  “No, of course not. Under the circumstances, though…”

  “What circumstances were those?”

  Leah rubbed her temples. Could she plead a headache and escape up to bed? She didn’t want to explain about the missed delivery. Heat rushed into her face as she recalled accusing Kyle of stealing the boxes. After that, he’d not only helped her unload all of them, but he’d cared enough to notice her symptoms and offer a diagnosis. He’d placed his hand on her forehead so gently…

  Ben cleared his throat.

  Leah jumped. She’d forgotten Ben. Again. This time when he was right in the room with her. What had he asked? Something about circumstances? “I’m exhausted tonight. It’s been a long day. Could we talk about it later?”

  “You didn’t look tired when he was here.”

  “I had to take care of a customer.”

  Ben’s face fell. “You’re not too tired to take care of a customer, but you’re too tired to spend time with me. With everything that’s happened recently, I’m beginning to wonder if you want to spend time with me at all.”

  “Oh, Ben, that’s not true.”

  “I don’t know about that. Two missed dates were bad enough, but then I saw how you looked at him.” He gestured toward the door, indicating he meant Kyle.

  “How?” Nervous? Shell-shocked?

  Ben’s steady stare indicated he’d interpreted the look quite differently.

  Leah crossed her arms. “What are you implying?” Her sharp tone didn’t quite cover the guilty note in her voice.

  “I’m not blind, Leah. And he seemed as reluctant to let go of you as you were to disentangle yourself from his arms.”

  “That isn’t true.” Was it? They’d both been startled and…

  Ben only gazed at her with sad eyes. “I understand he’s here because he’s going to be replacing Dr. Hess.”

  News traveled fast in the Amish community. “Yes, he is.”

  “I also heard he’s only here for three days. In those three days you missed two dates with me. Now I come here at night to find you alone with him in the shop, close together. Touching even.” Ben closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers over them as if trying to erase the image.

  “You’re misinterpreting something completely innocent.” Leah hoped she didn’t sound as defensive as she felt. “Besides, Kyle is an Englischer. I’d never fall for someone who isn’t Amish.”

  A muscle in Ben’s jaw quivered. “I should hope not.”

  Leah had never been attracted to Englischers. Ever.

  Until now? her conscience whispered.

  She shook her head. Of course not. This was ridiculous. By dating Ben, she’d committed to possibly marrying him someday, a commitment she took seriously. Perhaps she should reassure him of her loyalty.

  Before she could say anything, Ben hung his head. “I’m sorry, Leah. I’ve been struggling with jealousy, and seeing you with the Englischer, seeing him hold you…” He shook his head. “It added to my worries that I’m not a priority in your life. Tending the store, being a midwife, and studying take up so much of your time it seems there’s none left for me.”

  “Oh, Ben, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you weren’t an important part of my life. It’s just that I have so many responsibilities right now.”

  “I understand.” But the stiffness of his posture, that muscle still working in his jaw revealed a different story. “What I don’t understand, though, is why you weren’t here yesterday when I arrived.”

  “I got a call from the Fishers. They needed me because Sharon wasn’t answering her phone.” She wanted to add she’d already explained that in her note today but didn’t want to sound defensive.

  “And you couldn’t have left me a note explaining where you went? How long you expected to be gone?” The hurt underlying Ben’s words only increased her shame.

  “I’m so sorry, Ben. It’s no excuse, but when I thought a baby might die, I rushed off.” Leah clenched her hands in her lap to prevent herself from reaching out and running a soothing hand over his white-knuckled fists. As a healer and a midwife, she had a tendency to touch people. A tendency that had shocked Ben during their first months of dating. He’d discussed her forwardness once, and Leah had worked to keep her natural touchiness hidden when they were together. Kyle seemed to have similar tendencies. He’d reached out several times tonight. She shouldn’t misread his touches. He’d meant to be reassuring, but the warmth of his fingers remained imprinted on her skin. She forced herself to tune back in to what Ben was saying.

  “I understand you had an emergency then.” His words didn’t sound quite convincing. “But what about earlier today? You knew I was coming back this afternoon to talk.”

  Leah bit her lip and averted her eyes. Silence stretched between them as Ben waited for an answer. She couldn’t tell him, in her excitement to learn more about breech deliveries, that meeting him had taken second place. “I left you a note.”

  “But I drove all the way over here, only to be disappointed again.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t have any way to let you know. Can I do something to make it up to you?” Her gaze strayed to all the boxes piled up beside the counter. She wished he’d propose a date later in the week so she could go to bed. The stabbing inside had dulled to a continuous ache, as if a hand were squeezing her insides.

  She bit back a sigh when Ben suggested they spend the rest of the evening together. “Would it be all right if I unpack—” She broke off at the hurt in Ben’s eyes. He needed and wanted her undivided attention. She’d have to come down to the store at four or five tomorrow morning to get everything counted and shelved. She hoped Ben wouldn’t stay too late. She still needed to catch up on her sleep.

  After Ben had stayed an hour, Leah couldn’t stop yawning. She tried to swallow her yawns, then hide them behind her hand, but he noticed.

  “I guess all my talk about cows and milking is boring you.”

  “Not at all. I’m only a bit overtired.”

  “I know. I worry about you. You shouldn’t be doing the midwifing and trying to care for the shop.”

  They’d had this discussion before, and Ben’s solution to her dilemma was for her to give up her dream of being a midwife. Leah was much too tired to argue tonight, so she clamped her mouth shut as Ben pointed out the various reasons why becoming a midwife wasn’t practical.

  “The main reason, though, is that it’s rather foolish to train for a career.”

  Why? Leah longed to retort, but Ben had made it clear his wife would not work outside the home. Not even before they had children.

  Ben stopped speaking and stared at her. “I’d like to think we’re finally seeing eye-to-eye on this topic, but I suspect you really are tired. You haven’t argued with anything I’ve said.”

  “It’s been a long week. Maybe we could spend some time together over the weekend.”

  “Shall I pick you up for the hymn sing on Sunday evening?”

  “That sounds wunderbar.” Even if Sharon called about a delivery, she’d turn it down. And Kyle would be gone by then, although that was no guarantee he wouldn’t be taking over her thoughts.

  With a grateful heart, Leah locked the shop door and turned out the lantern after Ben left. Spending time with him had driven the crippling cramps from her mind, or maybe the tea had taken effect. The pain had been almost manageable for the past hour or so. As soon as he walked out the door, though, the spasms returned with a vengeance. With a moan, she closed the kitchen door behind her before she heated t
he kettle to fill a hot water bottle.

  Too late she realized she’d left the lantern in the shop. Used to finding her way in the dark, she climbed the stairs to bed without a light. Hugging the hot water bottle to her, she fell into a restless sleep, dreaming about a man who wasn’t Ben.

  Chapter Twelve

  Several times, as the car sped to the airport, Kyle opened his mouth to decline the Hesses’ offer. Each time, no words came out. He was still struggling with what to say when they exited the highway and followed the DEPARTURE signs.

  After he pulled up to the curb, Dr. Hess laid a hand on Kyle’s arm. “Son, you don’t need to tell me now. I understand it’s a huge, life-changing decision. Just pray about it, and we’ll talk when you’re finished covering for Dr. Patel.”

  The tightness in Kyle’s chest eased slightly. A reprieve. Unfortunately, he’d be done in two weeks.

  Kyle reached out and shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you and your wife for your hospitality, and I’ll let you know my decision.” As soon as he could compose a polite letter of regret.

  “Take your time, son. This decision will determine the course of your future. Be sure it’s what God is calling you to do.” The doctor motioned toward signs saying unattended cars would be towed. “Wish I could walk you inside, but…”

  With a quick nod, Kyle got out of the car. Grabbing his bag from the backseat, he thanked the doctor again for the visit and the wonderful offer before saying a quick good-bye and dashing off. Guiltily, he turned to wave, but the doctor had already pulled out into traffic.

  Kyle dozed on the brief flight and woke disoriented when he landed. On the drive back to his apartment from the airport, he went over his conversation with Leah in the store. He worried about her health. Her boyfriend—or at least Kyle assumed it was her boyfriend from the jealousy gleaming in the man’s eyes when he’d spotted the two of them together—had interrupted them before Kyle could secure Leah’s promise to go to a doctor. He hoped she would. No one should endure such agony. He couldn’t help wishing he could check on her from time to time. Only as a physician, of course.

  * * *

  Staring into Kyle’s eyes last night had driven all rational thoughts from Leah’s mind, but now in her early morning haziness, one memory from the past resurfaced. That long-ago time she’d seen Kyle, which caused a ball of dread in her stomach. As she shook off the last vestiges of sleep, reality calmed her. Perhaps she’d been mistaken he’d seen her back then. She could have sworn he’d stared right into her eyes that night, but the past few days he hadn’t shown any signs he recognized her. Nevertheless, she breathed a sigh of relief knowing he was gone. She hadn’t counted on him interfering with her life in other ways, though.

  Taking a spoonful of the calcium supplement after breakfast and drinking her special tea relieved some of the sharpest pains, and Leah headed into the shop before dawn to unpack boxes. The lantern on the stack of cartons brought back vivid details from last night. Kyle carrying in piles of boxes, holding her hands, offering advice. The memory of his touch lingered as she opened the cartons he’d sat on, took inventory, priced items, and put them on the shelves. He not only helped, but he’d seen her pain and tried to help. He even tried to make it comfortable for her to talk about it despite her embarrassment. Ben didn’t even see her pain.

  Leah went back to work. She needed to erase Kyle from her mind and stop comparing him to Ben, but that proved almost impossible.

  She worked until just after sunrise, then went to gather eggs and do morning chores. After Daed headed off to work, Leah carried a breakfast tray upstairs, but Mamm’s bed was empty. Mamm rarely got out of bed. Puzzled, Leah searched the house but found no sign of Mamm. She wouldn’t have gone outside in this cold snap, would she? Leah hurried to the windows. The front yard and backyard were empty. Only one other place to check. The shop. But why would Mamm have gone in there?

  When Leah opened the door to scan the aisles, a low groan came from behind the counter. She rushed toward the sound. Mamm lay on her back, stiff, frozen, and helpless. The phone, off the charger, beeped on the floor beside her. Her overturned walker had fallen just out of arm’s reach. “What happened? Are you all right?”

  “Ach, I’m so glad you’re here.” Mamm’s weak voice barely carried.

  Leah knelt beside her and helped her to a sitting position. “How did you get down the steps?”

  Mamm closed her eyes. Now wasn’t the time to question her. The only time Mamm could have walked through the kitchen without them seeing her was when Leah and Daed were both outside doing chores. Mamm must have been lying here helpless all that time. Leah needed to get Mamm upstairs, but she couldn’t lift her alone.

  Pounding on the door startled Leah. The shop didn’t open until nine. Who would be here this early?

  Mamm motioned with her eyes to the door. “Answer…it.”

  “But we aren’t open yet.” And boxes still blocked the aisles. But at Mamm’s pleading glance, Leah headed for the door. The rapid banging began again. She moved the blinds aside a fraction of an inch to peek out and sucked in a breath. Joel.

  Leah unlocked the door, and her brother barged in without a hello.

  His head swung from side to side, scanning the store. “Where’s Mamm?” he demanded. “She was in the middle of a sentence when I heard a thud and a loud crash. She stopped talking, but she didn’t hang up.”

  “She’s over here.” Leah led him behind the counter to where she’d propped Mamm against the wall. “Can you help me get her upstairs?”

  Joel glanced around. “Is Daed home?”

  Leah shook her head. “He left for work.”

  “Good.” Joel assisted Mamm up the stairs, and Leah marveled at his gentleness.

  Once he’d helped Mamm into bed, Leah turned to both of them. “What’s going on?”

  “I have no idea.” Joel appeared as baffled as Leah. “Mamm called and said she needed my help. Then a crash, followed by silence. She didn’t answer when I asked what was wrong. I didn’t know what to do except rush over here.”

  They both turned to Mamm, who smiled at Joel. “Thank you. Leah never could have managed to get me up the stairs.”

  Joel dipped his head in acknowledgment but said nothing. He waited for her to continue.

  “The reason I called you is that Leah needs help in the store.”

  Thrusting his hands into the pockets of his parka, Joel shook his head. “Daed would never agree.”

  “If you offered to help, he wouldn’t say no,” Mamm said.

  Joel shuffled his feet and looked away. “You know I’d do anything for you, but Daed made it clear I wasn’t welcome in this house. Or in the store unless I joined the church.”

  “He let his anger get the better of him that day. I’m sure he regrets issuing that ultimatum. Maybe if you give him a chance to apologize?”

  Leah suspected Mamm of being overly optimistic. Daed hadn’t changed his stance so seeing Joel would set off sparks.

  “If not for me, please do it for your sister. She’s trying to train as a midwife and court Ben. And now that I have fewer and fewer good days, she’s taken over all my household chores.” Mamm lowered her eyes and plucked at the bedcovers. “She’s also taken on the burden of caring for me.”

  Leah rushed to reassure her. “You’re not a burden. I’m happy to take care of you.”

  Joel shuffled his feet. “I didn’t realize. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you, Mamm. You never mentioned anything in your letters.”

  They’d been writing letters? So that’s how Mamm had learned of Joel’s job loss. Leah had assumed someone from town had passed along gossip.

  Mamm waved away his apology. “You couldn’t have known. Now that you do, will you help?”

  “Only if Daed asks me.”

  Leah tried not to let her disappointment show. Joel would be the perfect solution. He’d run the store from the time he was sixteen, so he’d need no training. She could easily explain the new p
roduct lines they carried. The only obstacle was Daed’s anger. Leah doubted Daed would unbend enough to allow Joel to take over.

  “I’ll see what I can do,” Mamm assured him.

  Daed only worked half days on Saturdays. After he came home, Leah mentioned Mamm’s fall, although she didn’t give the reason. He rushed upstairs and stayed closeted with Mamm in the bedroom for several hours. When he came downstairs, he had tears in his eyes.

  “Why don’t you take a break for a few hours, dochder? I’ll mind the store.”

  Grateful for a chance to drink more tea, Leah hurried into the kitchen. She’d been fighting off the awful pangs for the last hour or two. After pouring boiling water over the herbs in her teacup, she filled a hot water bottle. She should study her midwifery books, but instead she clutched the hot water bottle to her and fell asleep.

  Soon she and Kyle strolled together hand in hand, while she explained the benefits of herbs. He listened to, and agreed with, every word she spoke.

  A hand shaking her shoulder almost dragged her from dreamland. “Kyle?” she begged, stretching out a hand to prevent him from disappearing.

  “What?” Daed’s voice startled her awake.

  Leah opened her eyes to find him standing over her. Had she spoken Kyle’s name aloud? Her face burned at the thought, but her heart longed to return to those fleeting moments. The fantasy that she and Kyle were enjoying a meaningful conversation about herbs without arguing. That alone signaled it had been a dream. If it had been real life, Kyle would have argued every point.

  Dragging herself back to the present, she sat upright. Nobody ever napped in the middle of the day. Daed would consider her lazy. “I’ll be right out.” She jumped up, and the hot water bottle tumbled to the floor at his feet. Leah scrambled to grab it and tuck it behind her skirt.

  Daed studied her. “Are you feeling ill?”

  How did she answer that? Leah avoided Daed’s eyes. “No.” She wasn’t sick, just enduring the pain she faced every month. “I’m sorry I didn’t come back to work.”