The Amish Midwife's Secret

by Rachel J. Good

  Kyle opened the door to the house and went in. Esther sat on the couch near her husband, who was leaning back in the brown leather recliner, covered with one of his wife’s knitted afghans. As soon as he noticed Kyle, the doctor reached for the lever to pull the chair into an upright position, but Esther stopped him.

  Dr. Hess sighed and ran his hands over the chair arms. With a touch of exasperation in his tone, he said, “If Esther had her way, I’d be tucked up in bed.”

  His wife put her hands on her hips and scolded, “You’ve spent years healing others so you can let me coddle you for a short while.”

  Kyle smiled at their affectionate squabbling. The caring that underlay their words showed neither of them was as exasperated as they pretended to be. Would he ever have an opportunity to share affection like this? Leah’s face came to mind, but he shook his head to banish that thought as he sank into the chair Esther indicated.

  As if he’d conjured her up, Leah tapped at the door. “May I come in?”

  Her soft voice started his blood racing. He kept his attention on the variegated green squares of the doctor’s afghan. The last thing he needed was for the Hesses to see his interest in Leah. Esther had worried enough the night she’d found them in the kitchen together.

  “Of course, dear. We’re all in the living room.”

  Even without looking in her direction, Kyle sensed the minute Leah walked through the doorway. The atmosphere shifted and vibrated around him. Despite his promise to himself not to look her way, his eyes were drawn to her. She brightened the room with her warm, sunny presence.

  Esther patted the sofa cushion beside her. “Why don’t you sit here with me?”

  Leah complied, and Kyle noted Esther had seated them so they were as far from each other as possible. As much as he wished they were closer, the distance might help him keep his mind on the conversation, although it hadn’t slowed the rapid pounding of his heart.

  “First of all,” Esther began, “we want to thank you for taking over for us on such short notice.” She removed envelopes from the table beside her, handed one to Leah, and stood to pass one to Kyle.

  Across from him, Leah opened the envelope and pulled out a flowered thank-you card. A check fluttered into her lap. “Ach, no. I can’t accept this. I came to help, not to work.” She tried to return the check, but Esther pushed her hand away.

  “If we had to hire someone to come in, we would have paid them.”

  “But I didn’t do it for pay.”

  Esther picked up the check Leah had set down beside her. She reached over and returned it. “You will keep that. If it bothers your conscience, please donate it to charity.”

  Leah looked as if she was about to cry. Kyle shifted in his chair and cleared his throat to draw everyone’s attention away from her. He also felt guilty about accepting a check from the Hesses, especially because he had no intention of taking over the practice. Now that they both had turned in his direction, Kyle’s mouth went dry.

  * * *

  Grateful for Kyle’s interruption, Leah faced in his direction. She’d have to find a way to return the money, but right now, Kyle looked as if he needed help. His face had that sickish expression she’d seen earlier. Was he getting ready to tell them what he’d confessed to her? That he had no intention of staying here? Esther and Martin would be devastated.

  Dr. Hess didn’t seem to pick up on Kyle’s distress. “The reason we asked you both to come in here is because I’ve been ordered to take a month’s rest from my practice.” His voice wavered.

  Esther reached over to place a hand over his. “It’s only a month, Martin, and you were planning to retire. Why not consider this a trial run?”

  “It’ll be a trial, all right.” The doctor’s attempt at humor fell flat because he couldn’t manage a lighthearted tone, and his face betrayed him.

  “Oh, Martin, you make it sound as if spending all your time with me will be a hardship.”

  Dr. Hess turned startled eyes to his wife. “Not at all. It’s just that…”

  “You don’t like being sidelined,” Esther said.

  “Exactly. You know me too well, dear,” Dr. Hess replied.

  Then he nodded at Kyle. “I’ve been praying God will send you a wonderful wife and helpmeet like mine. Going through life with such a treasure is the greatest blessing you’ll ever have.”

  Leah winced at his words. What kind of a helpmeet would she be for Ben? Rather than caring for him and meeting his needs, she kept pushing him aside. Often, she’d rather be anywhere than in his presence. Even today, she’d had no qualms about postponing their date for this meeting with the Hesses. She wasn’t being fair to Ben. Or to herself. She had no idea what her priorities were. Unfortunately, the one item occupying her mind day and night shouldn’t be on the list at all.

  Esther drew her out of her musings. “Leah? I’d like to spend more time with Martin while he’s recuperating”—she held up a hand to stop her husband’s protests—“so I wondered if you’d be willing to work part-time for the next month. We’d pay you, of course.”

  “I…I don’t know. I’d have to talk to my parents.” Her daed might be grateful for the money to pay bills. “And Sharon and…”

  “About Sharon.” Esther smiled at her. “Martin and I both think you should continue your training. Because I’m right here in the house, anytime Sharon calls, you could let me know, and I can take your place.”

  What a generous offer. She could help her parents with the finances and still have time to be a midwife. Her heart full of gratitude, she made the mistake of looking up and beaming. Right at Kyle. The smile he sent her way almost proved her undoing.

  Esther must have noticed. “I did want to mention we’d keep the same ground rules I established the other night.”

  Dr. Hess glanced from one to the other. “Esther told me about that, and I hope you don’t think she came down too hard on you.” When his wife sputtered in protest, he held up a hand. “I didn’t say you did. I thought these young people might believe that.”

  “I don’t want you to think…” Leah had been about to tell him she and Kyle didn’t have those kinds of feelings for each other, but could she honestly admit that?

  Again, the doctor held up a hand. “Please let me finish. I’m not questioning you or even implying anything is going on between you two.”

  Kyle stared at the floor, and Leah pleated the fabric of her apron into small creases to avoid meeting the doctor’s searching gaze.

  “Esther and I have our reasons for being concerned over what might be an entirely innocent friendship. Some of it may be because we’re both old-fashioned, but our fears date back to a situation from many years ago.”

  “Martin, I don’t think…”

  “Relax, dear. I don’t intend to give anything away. I just want them to know that we had a young girl staying here, and unbeknownst to us, she’d been meeting a young fellow behind our backs. She ended up having a child, and—”

  “Martin!” The sharpness of Esther’s voice halted his flow of words. “I thought we agreed not to…” She waved her hands in the air.

  “You’re right, dear. I’m sorry. I do tend to ramble on.” He turned to Kyle. “We both don’t ever want something like that to happen on our watch again. I know Leah is courting Ben, so I’m sure we have nothing to worry about.”

  “We’ll just keep the rules in place for propriety,” Esther added. “Better safe than sorry, I always say.”

  Kyle and Leah both nodded, and Dr. Hess beamed at them both. “I’m so glad we understand each other, and that we had this conversation. Thank you both for taking over at the office. Kyle, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ll be joining us.”

  Kyle shifted in his chair. He rubbed at the back of his neck, and a look of dismay spread across his face.

  Deep inside, Leah felt his distress as if it were her own and wished she could comfort him.

  * * *

  Kyle cleared his throat. It was no
w or never. “I’m happy to help out while you recover, but I accepted a position as a covering physician in January, and”—he took a deep breath—“I actually took off November to prepare fellowship applications.” He hastened to reassure the doctor. “I didn’t mind coming here to help out.” He didn’t mention that coming here meant giving up a long-awaited and much-needed vacation in December.

  Dr. Hess’s face crumpled. “I don’t suppose working here changed your mind.”

  Kyle shriveled inside. How could he hurt this couple who had always been so kind to him? But wouldn’t lying to them or letting them believe an untruth be more harmful?

  He forced himself to say the words he should have said a long time ago. “I’ve always dreamed of doing research, perhaps finding a cure for a rare disease. I’ve chosen hospitals on the forefront of discovering ways to fight cancer or inherited diseases. I want to make a contribution to the world.” And make a name for myself.

  He didn’t say that aloud because the Hesses and Leah would never understand that desire. He had to admit being around them had made him question that motivation but not enough to give it up entirely. And definitely not enough to tempt him to stay in a small, backwater town.

  The only draw for him here would be Leah. A dream that never could be.

  They all sat in silence for a few minutes, and Kyle tried to tamp down his guilt. Across from him, Esther’s eyes filled with concern as she stared at her husband. Dr. Hess had lowered his head and massaged his forehead, and his large hand shaded his eyes from view.

  Leah shot Kyle a sympathetic glance. He appreciated her support, but his heart was too heavy to thank her with a smile.

  “I thought…” Dr. Hess said in broken voice. “I thought blood…heredity…would overcome any objections.”

  “Hush, Martin.” Esther’s tear-choked voice twisted a knife in Kyle’s gut. “You promised not to use that as leverage.”

  Blood? Heredity? Leverage? Kyle had no idea what the doctor and his wife were muttering about. Did they know something about his family they’d planned to use as blackmail?

  “Maybe he should know the truth before he makes his decision.” Dr. Hess’s low, frantic whisper to his wife carried across the room.

  Esther shook her head. “It’s not fair to put him in that position.”

  Kyle longed to ask, but something about their whispers convinced him he’d be better off not knowing. Particularly if the information might cause him to change his mind.

  “I do want to thank you for your generous offer,” he told them. “I can’t believe you’d be willing to give up your home and practice to someone you barely know. Many new doctors would jump at a chance like this, and I’d be happy to provide some recommendations of friends or colleagues who might be a good fit.”

  His head bowed, Dr. Hess, who’d fixed his gaze on his knobby fingers clasped on his lap, only shook his head. “You don’t understand. We chose you for a reason.”

  His wife leaned over to set a hand on his. “We agreed to leave it up to God. If this is His will, we need to accept it.”

  “Doesn’t Kyle deserve to know?” The doctor’s harsh whisper was barely audible.

  His wife’s equally quiet response was not intended for Kyle’s ears. “She begged you never to tell.”

  “But she’s dead. They both are.”

  “Are you talking about my parents?”

  The doctor and his wife turned startled eyes toward him.

  Esther turned to her husband. “We never should have started this.”

  “Started what?” Kyle demanded. “If you know something about my family that I don’t know, I think it’s only fair you tell me.”

  “He’s right,” Dr. Hess said.

  “But we promised Hannah…”

  Kyle’s gut clenched. Hannah was his mother’s name. “What did you promise my mom?” Maybe they’d promised to take care of him. That would explain their generous offer. Why would they feel obligated to do that, though? It didn’t make sense.

  The doctor and his wife were shooting secret messages back and forth with their eyes. Esther’s seemed to be begging her husband not to tell, and he appeared to be asking her to break their promise.

  “When I was in the hospital and realized how close I’d been to death,” Dr. Hess said to his wife, “I worried about taking this secret with me to my grave. What if Kyle has an emergency and needs to know his medical history?”

  “You’re right, dear,” Esther agreed tearfully. “I just don’t feel right about breaking a promise.”

  They seemed to have forgotten Leah was in the room. She sat with one hand pressed to her mouth as if holding back the same dread snaking through Kyle.

  His eyes glinting with tears, Dr. Hess took off his glasses and polished them. “This is a hard story to recount, so please bear with me. It begins with my youngest sister, Arlene. As a late-life baby born to parents who were both in poor health, she caused a lot of trouble at home.”

  Esther reached out and took his hand.

  “Arlene rebelled against my parents and God. Esther and I had been married for quite a while by then, and it seemed we’d never have children.” His wife’s lips trembled, and he squeezed her hand before continuing. “We offered to take Arlene in and parent her.”

  Kyle had no idea how this story connected with his parents, and he hoped Dr. Hess would get to the point. For as long as he could remember, the doctor and his wife had been childless. Arlene must not have lived with them during his childhood.

  “We tried our best to set a good example and give Arlene plenty of love, but we struggled with her the same way my parents had. She broke the rules, sneaked out at night, skipped school, and acted defiant when we grounded her. Then we discovered she’d been meeting her boyfriend in our house while we were working in the office.”

  Esther chimed in. “I discovered the two of them together in the kitchen, which is why seeing the two of you there upset me so much.” She turned to her husband to continue.

  “Several weeks later she announced she was pregnant. Her boyfriend deserted her, and she settled down. Having a baby at sixteen turned out to be a sobering experience for her. We helped her through that, but we wanted her to continue her education and have a normal adolescence, so we offered to adopt little Timothy. She agreed, and once we’d signed the papers, she went back home to finish school.”

  Tears rolled down Esther’s cheeks. “I struggled so hard to be a mother and keep up with the office duties. I refused to get a nanny or babysitter. I wanted to do it all myself, despite all the sleepless nights. One afternoon, I broke down in the office.”

  Dr. Hess interrupted her. “I should have been more of a help. Looking back, I can see ways we could have made it work, but we were so overwhelmed with the practice. Adding childcare, well…”

  Esther nodded. “Anyway, only one patient remained in the waiting room when I broke down that day. Hannah Miller.”

  Kyle sucked in a breath. “My mom.”

  “Yes, your mother. When she came over and hugged me, I blurted out the whole story. She came over every day for the next few weeks to help care for Timothy.”

  Now Kyle was confused. If his mom had disappeared every day for several weeks, he would have remembered. He started to ask when this happened, but Esther went on with her story.

  “Your brother, Caleb, was about six, and like us, your parents had struggled for years to have a baby. Hannah begged to adopt Timothy.” Esther squeezed her eyes shut and sobbed into a hanky she pulled from her sleeve. “In the end, I gave up my darling baby boy because I believed he’d have a better life with a stay-at-home mom. There’s never been a day I didn’t regret that decision, Kyle.”

  Kyle’s head spun as he tried to connect all the threads. Timothy? I had a brother about the same age as me? But that doesn’t make sense.

  Dr. Hess cleared his throat. “We’ve always loved you, Kyle, and kept a close eye on you from afar. Even though your parents changed your name, we st
ill often call you Timothy in private when we talk about you.”

  What? He was adopted? He was the Timothy they were talking about? His parents weren’t his birth parents? Kyle sat there shell-shocked.

  What did you do when your whole world caved in?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Leah ached inside for Kyle. She yearned to go to him, to comfort him. If only she could erase his pain.

  His face a mask of shock and betrayal, Kyle stood and staggered from the room. With every fiber of her being, Leah longed to chase after him. She wished the two of them were alone. But Esther and Martin were in the room, so she gripped the sofa arm to keep herself in place.

  Sobs shook Esther’s body after Kyle walked out the door. “Will he ever forgive us?”

  Dr. Hess hung his head and shielded his eyes with his hands.

  “Give him some time,” Leah suggested. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to discover your whole life, as you’d always known it, no longer existed. You weren’t the person you thought you were. Your parents weren’t who you thought they were.

  Esther dabbed at her eyes with a sopping-wet hanky. Leah reached for a box of tissues on the nearby side table and handed it to her. The small china clock on that table showed it was almost two o’clock. Ben had been expecting her to get home soon after she finished work at noon.

  “Would you excuse me while I make a phone call?” When Esther nodded, Leah stood and headed for the kitchen. She paced toward the staircase leading to the bedrooms, wishing she had the right to mount those steps, to be with Kyle while he sorted out all his emotions.

  Instead she hit the button to call Joel. And talk to Ben.

  “No,” her brother said when she asked. “Ben’s not here. He waited an hour, then left.”

  She’d done it again. “Was he angry?”

  “Depressed, I think. Do you need me to come and get you? Dad’s home now, so he could watch the store.”

  “I’m not sure.” She couldn’t leave Esther when she was so distraught. “Maybe in thirty minutes?”