The Hand That Holds Mine

by Jennifer Loren

  “You deserve to be happy, Adeline, I know you don’t believe that but you do.”

  “Not much I can do about that now.” I whisper away from her.

  ~

  Struggling to get into my medication I drop the bottle on the ground and fall back crying. “Oh please.” Closing my eyes shut I try to reopen them and stretch for my medicine but I can do no more than clench my jaw and fist the bed underneath me. “Please …” My body nearly passes out from the pain but I am suddenly rescued by a warm hand. “You again?” I try to open my eyes but the darkness around me does me no favors, so still I see nothing. “You’re not real, I have simply passed out and am dreaming now.”

  The soft laugh, rumbles against me. “Dreaming? Then what are you to me?”

  “Nothing, because you are not here.” I say simply.

  “If I’m not here Adeline, then why is it you continue to hold my hand?”

  “I am not here to make sense of my own dream for you.” I say smartly. His laughter jars the whole bed.

  “Fair enough. So do you mind if I stay here with you?” He says softly, rubbing circles on my hand with his thumb.

  “I don’t know what I can do about it, you seem to come and go without me, having any say. But if you are going to stay … then try to be quiet and not shake the bed. I am sick you know and I need my rest. If I don’t get enough I get very irritable.”

  “Oh, well you must not have slept for days then.”

  “You’re insulting me? In my own dream, you are insulting me? I will wish you away, dream man, if you’re not careful.”

  “So do it then, banish me from your bed, from your dream.” He says sliding in closer to my body and allowing me to pull his arm around me.

  “I’m too tired to bother,” I say curling even further under his arm and holding tighter to his hand. “Lucky you.” I smile.

  “Yes, I am.” He whispers against my ear.

  Chapter 3

  ~ Adeline ~

  The morning sun lights up my room and my soul. I have an overwhelming feeling of strength this morning and I want nothing more than to take advantage of it while I can. Getting dressed, I walk outside and wander my gardens. The beauty of all the flowers, the birds singing high above me is so heartwarming. It is all so peaceful until the sudden sound of barking dogs comes running at me. With an abrupt bump into my legs two German Shepherds force me to acknowledge their presence.

  “Where did you guys come from?” I ask laughing as they wag their tails and allow me to run my fingers through their thick, rich fur. I wonder what they are wanting from their obvious persistence, when one drops a bright blue ball at my feet, anxiously anticipating me understanding the subtle hint. Taking the ball in my hand, I take a deep breath and with a rush of excitement, I throw it and they run, barking and playing the entire way, and returning to me much the same. Again I throw and again they run. The playful routine causes me to laugh, and I soon feel the need to join them. I steady my legs and run to my new friends and fall to the ground between them, laughing and enjoying their instant affections. Lying in the vibrant green grass, I have no more energy to get up but I do not care to. The most fun I have had in awhile and because of two dogs. My new friends lie down close to my side and take a protective position. I watch them both as my eyes begin to heavy. With their fur blowing in the wind, their regal stature displays fearlessly beside me. A soft whimper begins to float around me as I fall to sleep.

  ~

  “Adeline!” Deb yells, taking hold of my arm and trying to wake me, “Jeneba I found her! I found her!” I search around me for the two dogs but they seem to be nowhere in sight. Deb and Jeneba help me back to my bed and do their best to warm up my shivering body. “What were you doing outside? It is freezing out there, and with no coat, either. Middle of winter and you decide to take a stroll. Really Adeline, I don’t understand what you were thinking.”

  “I wanted to see the garden, the flowers are so beautiful.” I say with a smile.

  “The garden? There are no flowers in the garden, you haven’t planted any in years.” She says glancing back at Jeneba and causing me to question my own mind. “I think you need some rest, warm up and I will check on you shortly.”

  Sinking into my warm covers I wonder, “Deb? How did you know to look for me outside?”

  “I thought I heard a dog whimpering and scratching at the door. When I opened the door I didn’t see the dog but I did see you. You’re lucky I opened that particular door, we would never have thought to look for you there.” She says with a motherly frown before closing my door behind her.

  Hmm, must be the meds. A continuation from the night before? Before I close my eyes, I notice a bright blue ball sitting on my nightstand.

  Chapter 4

  ~ Adeline ~

  When I wake I hear someone knocking and obnoxiously ringing my doorbell at my front door. It’s a struggle to leave my bed, my legs can barely hold me up so I make use of the cane I was given. I open the door to see Mitch waiting for me impatiently as he talks on his cell. My earlier joy is quickly evaporating. I find a comfortable seat knowing this is sure to be an exhausting conversation. Mitch chats a few more minutes on his cell before hanging up and turning to me with a forced smile.

  “So how are you doing?” He asks me and I immediately roll my eyes. As if this man cares how I’m doing, other than hoping I die before the divorce papers can be finalized. “You know I do still care about you. In fact, I met this fella the other day, turns out he knows quite a lot about these things. He says you should get some exercise, keep busy and take up a hobby. It will take your mind off it all. I even brought you a present, Kelly gave me one of her yoga videos for you to try. It helps rid her mind of all the bad thoughts and bring in peace.” He has always had an opinion on how I should be, I use to believe it was him being supportive and nurturing but this time, I want nothing more than to punch him in his face. “I will need the video back - unless you want to buy it for $39.95, but otherwise you can use it for a couple of days.” Glancing back at him, I realize that it isn’t only his face I would like to punch. “So I brought you some paperwork for you to sign. Nothing important only some usual things in regards to the house and keeping it in good condition for you, lawn care and some repairs here and there. The association mailed them to me a couple of days ago to get taken care of.”

  “Why are you handling anything to do with my house? I clearly asked for the house to be mine in the divorce. There should be no reason that they are sending you anything.” I ask him as he shrugs.

  “Is that attitude really necessary? This is a beautiful house Adeline, why should it go to waste after you …”

  “You promised me Mitch, you promised that you would not fight for the house if I gave you that money for the restaurant.” He ignores me, placing paperwork I can barely read in front of me.

  “Just sign here …” He says holding out a pen for me but before I can take it, I feel a strange twinge and hesitate taking the pen from him. I look up at him and suddenly the doorbell rings. “Expecting company?” I shake my head and Mitch answers the door for me. “Can I help you?” He asks as I stretch to one side to try to see who it is.

  A well dressed man steps through my door and walks in with a swagger and a smile in my direction, “Adeline, how are you feeling?” He asks taking my hand and leaning down to look me in the eyes before he kisses my hand.

  “Excuse me but who are you?” Mitch snaps.

  The man stands and glares back in his direction, “My name is Aaron Christi, I am Ms. Beal’s attorney.”

  Gasping for breath I stare at him in amazement, “What? What did you say your name is?’ I ask him.

  He smiles back at me with a knowing expression, “Yes, Adeline, it’s me.” I sit back and wonder if this all some kind of joke. “I am a longtime friend of Adeline’s and I am here to see to her interests.” Aaron says picking up the paperwork in front of me. “This paperwork is to have Adeline sign over to you all of the rights t
o her books, why is this necessary?”

  “Mitch! I thought you said it was about the house?”

  “It is nothing, Adeline. Someone needs to make sure after you’re dead that your interests are taken care of.” Mitch says waving Aaron off as if he is to be ignored.

  I fist my hands as Aaron places his hand on my shoulder, calming me instantly. “There will be no need for you to handle anything. Arrangements have been made for all the royalties to go to charity. There is already a firm in place to handle the accounting and business affairs.”

  “Who is this guy? I have never heard of you.” Mitch spits out in anger.

  “Of course, you haven’t.” Aaron says with a soft tone. Taking paperwork from out of his own bag, Aaron hands it over to Mitch. “I would appreciate it if you would sign these divorce papers, as they are written, as soon as possible. Also, there will be no negotiations on anything. You either sign these papers as they are or I will be forced to take you to court. I assume you do not have the financial backing to sustain a long court battle, Mr. Blake? So please … sign these papers.” Aaron smiles handsomely.

  “I will not! These have me giving up all my rights with regard to my wife, the woman I supported and have been supporting in her time of need. I deserve it, I have been through a lot since she got sick. I demand to …”

  Aaron steps toward Mitch and stares him down,” You deserve a lot of things but none of them are things that I can do to you legally or with a woman present. But I promise you, if you do not sign these papers within forty-eight hours then I will be forced to call a friend of mine. He is a police detective and I am sure he would very much like to know about your recent business deal.”

  “I haven’t made any deals.” Mitch scoffs.

  “I wasn’t talking about the legal ones, I was referring to the ones where you are helping launder money to keep your restaurant open.” Aaron says smoothly.

  Mitch steps back and looks surprisingly pale. “I don’t know who you are or what you think you know, but I am not going to stand here and listen to this any longer.” Mitch turns to me, “You and I need to talk - alone.” Aaron steps in between us and shields me from his fury.

  “No, that will not be happening. You are no longer allowed on the premises. I have secured a protection order for Ms. Beal against you. So before I call the police, I advise you to leave, and don’t forget to take your paperwork.” Aaron pushes the divorce papers back into Mitch’s hand and shows him out the door. When he returns I stare at him in awe. “It’s good to see you again Adeline, it’s been a long time.” He takes a seat next to me with an easy smile.

  I want to touch him but I am scared that he is no more than a ghost of my own imagination. Taking my hands, Aaron places them against his face, “You feel real. But how? You’re … you’re only a character, not a reality.”

  “I am real, you created me and so now I am real.”

  “You look just how I imagined you.” Aaron Christi, the principled attorney determined to free his lover after she is sentenced to death for a crime she did not commit. He is brave and daring, taking on more than just the simple judicial system. He takes on anyone who is wrong - like Mitch. Aaron comforts me and reassures that everything is going to be okay and for some reason, I believe him. When I grow tired he helps me to bed and kisses me gently on my cheek. “Will I see you again?” I ask stopping him.

  “I will be around for when you need me.”

  “I don’t need you now?” He shakes his head and settles me back into my bed. “Aaron - was it you that held my hand when I was sick last night?”

  “No, sweetheart - you know who he is.” Aaron whispers and before I can ask anything else he is gone.

  As the night goes on, my fears begin to take over again. Tossing, turning and moaning in pain I clench my fists pleading until a hand quietly slips inside of mine and once again, removes all of my pain. “Sleep Adeline, I am here for you.” The voice whispers against my ear, causing my hair to flutter against my cheek.

  Chapter 5

  ~ Adeline ~

  Again the sun fills my room and again, gives me strength. I leave my bed and wander my house searching for any sign of Aaron but he is nowhere to be found but I do hear barking dogs. Peeking out the window I see my friends returning to play some more. I always wanted a dog, so much so I have written of two … in my novels. With a smile I race out to greet my longtime friends, enjoying the playful puppies and their loving nature. We run, playing to the fullest while I laugh the whole way. In the end, I cuddle close to them, one against my side and the other with his head lying across my lap. The dogs I always wanted and they couldn’t be more perfect.

  The constant licking of my face wakes me and I use my friends to help me back into my warm bed just before Deb walks in.

  “Hello, it’s just me. I brought you something to eat, a little more flavor for you.” She walks in with some more boring food and sets up a tray in front of me. “So did you make much headway on the novel?”

  The novel, I had completely forgotten about it. “Umm no, not much.”

  “Let’s see,” She says turning on my laptop and bringing up the file that I am sure is going to disappoint. “Not much? Looks like you’re on a roll.” What? I take my laptop and review the pages of work that seem to be magically done. “Are you going to let me read what you have?” I shake my head and close my laptop before she has a chance to ask again. “Keeping it a secret until it’s done, some things never change. Speaking of, I heard Mitch came over late last night. Figures he would wait until you are at your weakest to bully you.” She says causing me to nearly choke on my cracker.

  “How did you hear about that?”

  “He called me asking about some attorney that you hired. Oh he is such a mess, I would think he is jealous if I didn’t know better. So where did you find him?”

  “Who?”

  “The attorney, Adeline?”

  “He … well, I wrote him and he came to help me.”

  “Oh, I guess emails can be effective.” She says happily. I nod simply, stopping the odd discussion there.

  Deb straightens up my house and finally settles into a chair next to my bed as we both watch a show on TV. I glance her way every few minutes wanting to say something, trying to work up the courage. “Umm … Deb,” She looks over at me and I wonder how in the world to bring up such a peculiar story. “This is going to sound a little crazy but I swear it’s true.” Her eyebrows rise. “For the last couple of nights there was a man here.”

  “Oh really?” She perks up with a comical expression.

  “No, it’s not what you think. He comes and holds my hand while I sleep. He eases my pain somehow, and all my fears disappear. It is the most amazing feeling.”

  “A spiritual healer?”

  “No, he … appears and then in the morning he is gone. I don’t know who he is, I don’t know his name or even what he looks like. I thought he was a dream at first, but now, I think he might be real.” I confess watching her sigh.

  “Wow, you’re having some pretty heavy dreams lately.”

  “I don’t believe it is a dream, I think he’s real. I think he’s from one of my books.” She’s certainly about to have me committed now. Might as well tell her the rest, “The other morning when you found me outside, I was out there playing with Rondo and Prince.”

  “Rondo? Prince? … The dogs you wrote …?”

  “Yes. And then last night, Aaron Christi showed up, he was my attorney.” I say with a joyful laugh. Her face is frozen and I am not sure if she is even breathing. “I swear, Deb.”

  “Uh huh, honey I know it all seems real but it’s only your medications making you believe that.”

  “No! It’s not. You said yourself that Mitch complained about my new attorney. It was Aaron.”

  “It was Aaron? You don’t think Mitch would have said something about a man having the same name as a character in one of your novels?”

  “Mitch never read any of my novels, he does
n’t care about any of them except that they are making money.” I am not sure what to say to convince her but before I can say another word the doorbell rings. “I bet that’s Aaron.” I sit up with a smile.

  “He rings the doorbell when he comes over? He doesn’t float through the walls.” She mocks.

  “He isn’t a ghost, he’s a man.” I huff crossing my arms.

  She nods sarcastically and leaves me to go answer the door. I hear her talking and my excitement increases until she returns with a stranger. “Apparently there is a problem with your security system, he …,” she motions to the man standing next to her, “is here to fix it. His name is Rick … Rick, this is the owner of the house, any questions you have, she’ll be the one to answer them.”

  “I’ll try to be out of your way quickly, ma’am.” He says politely before getting to work.

  “I know you don’t believe me but can’t you at least pretend that you do?” Setting back in her chair Deb nods with a long sigh.

  “I am happy to see you happy. I haven’t seen that in some time so whatever is causing it I will believe with all of my heart. Fake dogs, real dogs, - attorney ghosts, whatever you need, I’m happy to believe. That new medicine you’re taking … wow.”

  For some reason, I feel the need to hide my still full prescriptions.

  ~

  The night comes quickly and I wake to find a note from Deb telling me the repairman is gone and to call her if I need anything. With the time to myself I give into my curiosity and open my laptop to read the story I clearly am writing. The first few lines are nothing I recall writing but resemble something I remember experiencing. Before I can read much further the doorbell rings and my first reaction is excitement. It must be Aaron this time. I find my way out of bed, steadying myself on my cane I peek outside to see the repairman from earlier. I grab hold of the doorknob and suddenly feel a hand touch mine, “I don’t like him Adeline, be careful.” I snap my head around to search for the whispering voice but find nothing. Again the impatient man rings the doorbell. Opening the door I look him over and notice he doesn’t have any tools.