Paper Love

by Jae

  In the past, Susanne had never liked giving people such insights into her psyche, making herself vulnerable, but now she found to her surprise that it wasn’t a bad feeling at all—maybe because she sensed that Anja liked what she saw.

  Finally, Anja glanced away. Her gaze went to the French doors, and her eyes lit up.

  Susanne turned to see what had caught her attention.

  Muesli was on the other side of the glass, crouching down like a sprinter in the starting block, waiting for the signal to launch himself forward. “Meow!”

  “Ooh! You have a cat? Didn’t you say you don’t have any pets?”

  Susanne groaned. “I don’t. He’s the neighbor’s cat.”

  Tap-tap-tap-tap. Muesli did his best drummer imitation and let out another piercing meow.

  A wrinkle formed between Anja’s brows. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine. That’s just the usual dramatics he pulls when he wants me to let him in.”

  “Can we? Let him in, I mean. I’d love to meet him. He looks so cute with that stripe across his nose.” Anja tilted her head and looked up at Susanne, her big, brown eyes hopeful.

  Faced with that kind of look, Susanne didn’t have it in her to say no. When the hell had she become such a pushover? “Just for a minute. You can say hi while I go get changed and get rid of that confetti.” And maybe use the couple of minutes alone to find her backbone where Anja was concerned.

  At the door, she glanced back.

  Anja hadn’t wasted any time. She had already opened the French door and knelt on the hardwood floor, letting the cat sniff her fingers.

  When Susanne returned a few minutes later, now dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, the French door was closed. For a second, she breathed a sigh of relief, glad that Anja had put the cat back out without her having to be the bad guy.

  But then she walked farther into the living room and found her in the recliner.

  Muesli was snuggled up to her, lying more on her chest than her lap. His purring was so loud that Susanne wondered how she could have missed it, and it became even louder as he rubbed his head all over Anja’s chest.

  Lucky cat.

  Maybe it was just her imagination, but as she plopped down on the couch, she thought the cat gave her an I-win-you-lose grin.

  Susanne glared at him but didn’t have the heart to pluck the cat off Anja’s lap and kick him out. She would give them a few minutes before she did that.

  Anja looked over at her with a blissful smile. She scratched Muesli beneath his chin, making him stretch his neck so she could get to every spot. “God, I really miss this, and I didn’t even know how much until he hopped up on my lap. When I was growing up, we always had at least one cat, but now I haven’t had one in years.”

  “He’s up for adoption.” Those two were kind of cute together, and Susanne would rather Anja cuddle with a cat than with some other woman…or man. She didn’t want to examine that thought too closely. “His owner just had a baby, and he’s not a fan. So if you want him…”

  Anja leaned forward and rubbed her cheek over Muesli’s head. “I wish I could. But my apartment is too small for a cat. It wouldn’t be fair to the poor animal.”

  Just like it wouldn’t be fair to Anja to start something between them, Susanne reminded herself.

  “What’s his name?” Anja asked.

  Susanne watched the cat rub his nose along Anja’s in a feline version of a kiss. “Lucky.” God, had she really just said that? “Um, Muesli. That’s his name. Yeah. Muesli.”

  “Muesli?” Anja laughed.

  Susanne held out her hands. “Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t name him. But he really seems to love muesli, so the name fits.”

  “Cats.” Anja shook her head and continued to pet him. “I could do this forever, but I’ve got confetti stuck in my shirt, and it’s starting to itch like crazy.” She rubbed one shoulder against the back of the recliner and then stood, lifting the cat up with her.

  “Come on. I’ll put him out and point you to the bathroom.” Susanne took the cat from her, and Muesli immediately snuggled up and brushed his head beneath her chin. Anja’s scent clung to his fur, making her want to bury her face in it. She gave herself a mental kick and showed Anja to the bathroom, still holding the cat.

  At the door, Anja turned back around and reached out to pet Muesli, who seemed completely relaxed about being carried around, his front paws hanging over Susanne’s arm. “Oh damn! I got lipstick from the heart on my cheek all over his fur.”

  “Really?”

  They both bent over him to look for traces of red in his fur. There were indeed a few red streaks on the back of his head, where Anja had rubbed her cheek over his fur.

  “Ah, it’s not too bad,” Susanne said. “I’ll clean him up before I put him out.”

  When Anja straightened and looked up, their faces were only centimeters from each other.

  Susanne’s breathing picked up. Her gaze darted back and forth between Anja’s eyes and the soft curve of her mouth. She knew she should step back. They needed to work together. She would leave in six weeks. But she stayed where she was, staring into Anja’s eyes that seemed to draw her in.

  The world around them receded as they gravitated toward each other, Anja rising up on her toes and Susanne dipping her head, both watching each other for any signs of hesitation until the very last moment.

  Their lips met in a tentative brush, then paused for a beat of Susanne’s thudding heart.

  Anja lifted one hand; Susanne wasn’t sure whether it was to push her away or pull her closer.

  She held her breath.

  Anja’s fingers curled around the back of her neck, warm against Susanne’s skin, igniting something deep inside. Her eyes fluttered closed. She lost her grip on the cat, along with the last shreds of her common sense. Muesli landed on the floor with a meow of protest.

  Their mouths met in a careful caress that quickly grew more heated when Anja made a soft sound of pleasure in her throat. She pressed closer, her body fitting perfectly against Susanne’s, despite the difference in their heights.

  Anja’s lips were even softer than they looked. Susanne traced their outline with the tip of her tongue.

  Immediately, Anja parted her lips on a soft gasp, allowing Susanne to slip inside.

  Mmm, raspberries. Anja tasted of the candy she had eaten and something Susanne couldn’t name. Something that made her head spin. Susanne’s knees wobbled, and Anja looped her arms around her neck and held on tighter as if she was afraid of falling too.

  Anja gave Susanne’s tongue a tentative flick.

  Heat spiked through her, jolting her senses, and her rational mind shut down completely. She forgot that they were co-workers, forgot that she wasn’t staying, forgot everything but the taste and the scent and the feel of Anja.

  Soon, Anja lost her tentativeness and matched her caress for caress. Their tongues slid along each other, retreated, then met again.

  God, she never wanted this to end. You have to. She knew she should stop this madness, but she couldn’t. Instead, her hands started to move of their own accord, sliding under Anja’s shirt to caress the indentation of her lower back.

  Her skin was silky and warm, instantly making Susanne want to feel more, to explore every single part of her.

  Anja tangled her fingers in Susanne’s hair and pulled her even closer.

  Crazy. This was crazy. Crazy good.

  A loud “meow” and the brush of a warm, small body along her calves finally jolted Susanne out of her erotic trance. Somehow she summoned the willpower to break the kiss and drew back with one last nibble on Anja’s full bottom lip.

  Anja leaned her forehead on Susanne’s shoulder, her breathing as ragged as Susanne’s own.

  Holy shit. Her heart thudded against her ribs.

  When Anja lifted her head, her eyes were dazed. She touched her fingertips to her lips, which were as red as the raspberries she tasted like.

  The sight made Susan
ne long to kiss her again. She took a step back to resist temptation until the wall stopped her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I didn’t mean to… I had no business kissing you, and I promise it won’t happen again.” She rushed out the words in one breath, then paused and stared at Anja, who stood in the middle of the hall, nibbling her lip.

  God, what would it feel like if she bit Susanne’s lip like that?

  Stop it, dammit! Usually, she had no problems keeping her libido in check, but at the moment, all she could think about was kissing Anja again. She peered over at her, half hoping, half fearing that Anja would say it was no big deal; it had been just a kiss after all.

  Anja regarded her with a frown. “Why are you taking all the blame? I can’t even remember who started it. Maybe I was the one who kissed you first.”

  “Then I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”

  “Do you…” Anja swallowed audibly. “…regret it?”

  She should have said yes and left it at that, but she couldn’t get the words out. “Getting involved makes no sense, Anja.” She tried to inject certainty into her voice, but she mostly sounded resigned. “Our lives don’t mesh—yours is here, and mine is in Berlin. You should focus on Paper Love and I on finding a new job and getting my career back on track. Neither of us needs the complication of a relationship right now, especially a long-distance one.”

  Anja sank against the wall next to her, and Susanne could only hope that she wouldn’t touch her because she knew that would make her resolve melt like ice cream in August.

  “But maybe we could…” Anja trailed off as if realizing that there really weren’t any good options.

  Susanne turned toward her and leaned one shoulder against the wall. “I wish it were different, but I can barely make a relationship work when I live in the same city as my girlfriend, and you are not the one-night-stand type.” She searched Anja’s face. “Or are you?”

  In the silence between them, Susanne’s heartbeat pounded in her ears. What would she do if Anja said she was? But, of course, that was wishful thinking. She knew Anja well enough to have a good idea of the answer before she even opened her mouth.

  “No, I’m not.” Anja lowered her gaze to the floor as if not having one-night stands was something to be ashamed of. Then she glanced up. “I think I’d better go wash off that lipstick before I can no longer remove it.”

  “Lipstick?” Susanne had trouble following, her brain still focused on things other than processing words.

  Anja gestured at the smeared mess on her cheek.

  “Oh. Right.” She opened the bathroom door for her and watched as Anja stepped inside and closed the door between them. “Goddammit.”

  “Meow?” Muesli answered.

  With a sigh, Susanne pushed away from the wall to finally put him outside. If only she could lock out the memory of their kiss as easily.

  Anja turned on the faucet, bent over the sink, and scrubbed her face with cold water, as much to remove the lipstick as to cool her overheated cheeks and to clear her head. She watched the water swirl down the drain. It looked like the mini tornado wreaking havoc inside of her.

  When she straightened and reached for the towel, her gaze went to her reflection in the mirror above the sink.

  Her cheeks were flushed and her lips red and a little puffy. They still tingled from Susanne’s kisses. If she had ever been kissed like that, she couldn’t remember. She could barely remember her own name when Susanne had kissed her. God, the things that woman could do with her lips and her tongue.

  Enough. She wrenched her shirt over her head and shook it. Confetti drifted to the floor, and when she put the shirt back on, the itching was gone. What stayed, though, was the feeling of Susanne’s lips on her own that seemed to be imprinted on her body and mind.

  But no matter how overwhelming, how good that kiss had felt, she had to put it out of her mind. Susanne was right. She should focus on Paper Love. At least that kind of love was safe and wouldn’t end up breaking her heart.

  The buzz of the cell phone in her back pocket made her jump.

  Grateful for the distraction, she pulled it out, expecting it to be Miri, back from her weekend in Berlin. But instead, the name of Nobby’s not-quite girlfriend flashed across the screen.

  She accepted the call and leaned against the sink. “Hi, Ulrike.”

  “Sorry to…” Static crackled, obscuring Ulrike’s voice. “…didn’t have the number for his niece, so I…”

  “The connection is pretty bad. I can barely hear you.” Anja stuck her finger in her other ear, but, of course, that didn’t help. “Where are you?”

  “…the hospital.”

  That word came through loud and clear, as did the worry in Ulrike’s voice.

  A bolt of panic ripped through her body, hot and cold at the same time. “Hospital? Who’s in the hospital? What happened?”

  “Nobby fell when he came over after work. He…” An overhead announcement drowned out even more of Ulrike’s explanation. “Lot of pain… In the ER. Anja? Can…hear me?”

  “Yes. Yes, I heard you. We’re on our way! We’ll be there as soon as we can. Hang in there!”

  Ulrike didn’t answer. The connection had cut out for good.

  Cursing, Anja shoved the phone into her pocket, ran to the door, and tore it open.

  Susanne was just stepping out of the living room and looked at her with wide eyes as Anja came charging toward her.

  “We have to go,” Anja blurted out.

  “Calm down. I can drive you home if you need a little distance right now, but I really hope we haven’t ruined our friendship because of—”

  “It’s not about that. Nobby’s in the ER!”

  “What?” Susanne crossed the hall with long strides, and they gripped each other’s forearms in silent support. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. The connection was shitty, probably because they’re in the ER. All I understood was that he took a fall, and now he’s in a lot of pain and… Oh God! What if he…?”

  Susanne squeezed her arm, wrenching her from the panicked visions of a fractured spine or a gushing head wound. “Hey, let’s not assume the worst. Maybe it’s just a few scrapes. He’s going to be fine, okay?”

  Anja nodded and clung to those words and to Susanne’s arm.

  “Come on.” Susanne wrapped one arm around her waist. “Let’s go see him.”

  Susanne’s dazed brain still hadn’t quite grasped the situation as they hurried toward the sliding glass doors of the ER. This day was giving her emotional whiplash—one minute she had shared this incredible kiss with Anja and the next she was rushing off to the ER.

  She kept one arm around Anja as they burst into the reception area. Anja trembled against her, making Susanne want to hold her closer.

  Someone else was talking to the receptionist behind the glass window, so they had to wait a few steps away.

  “God, I’m so glad you’re here,” Anja whispered. “I’m not family. If I were alone, they probably wouldn’t tell me anything.”

  Susanne soothingly trailed her hand along Anja’s back. “I’m here. He’ll be fine.”

  “I know. I know.” Anja rocked back and forth for a moment, then gave Susanne a grim smile. “Just look at me. He’s your uncle, and yet I’m the one who’s a complete mess.”

  “You’re not a mess.” Susanne’s fingers itched to reach out and cradle her face. “You’re just worried. You’ve spent way more time with him than I ever did.” And, unlike her, Anja hadn’t kept an emotional distance. That was one of the reasons why getting involved with her would not be a good idea. She would only end up hurting her, and that was the last thing Susanne wanted.

  “Anja?” someone called from the waiting area.

  They whirled around.

  A woman in her sixties waved at them. Her chin-length silver-blonde hair was in disarray, as if she’d run her fingers through it several times.

  “Ulrike!” Anja grasped Susanne’s hand and pulled
her over to the woman. “How is he?”

  “I don’t know. He’s still in there.” Ulrike pointed at the door separating them from the treatment area.

  They sank onto a padded bench in the waiting area, with Anja in the middle. “What happened?”

  “He slipped and fell going up the stairs to my house,” Ulrike said. “I’m pretty sure he broke something. Maybe his hip or his tailbone. I think they’re doing X-rays right now.”

  Anja slumped against Susanne’s side, and Susanne again wrapped one arm around her without much thought. It felt like the natural thing to do. Just providing some comfort, right?

  They waited in silence for a minute, then Susanne realized that she hadn’t even introduced herself in the commotion. She extended her hand and reached around Anja. “I’m Susanne…Norbert’s niece.”

  “Oh. You’re his niece? I thought you were…” Ulrike’s gaze went to Anja. “Her girlfriend.”

  “Oh, no, no. I… No.” Of course Ulrike would think that. They sat much too close to be just co-workers, her arm was around Anja, and Anja’s head rested on her shoulder.

  As if only now realizing what she’d been doing, Anja tried to slide back and put some distance between them, but Susanne squeezed softly, indicating that it was okay.

  “Nice to meet you, even under the circumstances.” Ulrike shook her hand. “Nobby has promised to introduce us for years, but…” She trailed off with a vague gesture.

  Susanne lowered her gaze to the grayish floor. “Well, I, um… My job kept me busy, so I didn’t visit very often.” Try never.

  “You’re here now; that’s what counts,” Anja said.

  Susanne gave her another squeeze and a grateful look.

  Ulrike nodded. “I know Nobby will be very glad about that. That man!” She shook her head. “He didn’t want to go to the ER, even though he could hardly move.”

  Anja and Ulrike talked about this and that to pass the time, while Susanne preferred to wait in silence, focused partially on the comforting pressure of Anja’s body against her side and partially on the sliding door to the treatment area.

  Every time those doors swished open, they looked up, but each time, the nurse or doctor either called out another name or bustled through the waiting area on their way to someplace else.