New Quarters

by Tey Holden

  ***

  The women had been in the living room reading and browsing their tablets when Karen asked Addy if she was ready to go upstairs to bed. “In a little while, you can go ahead if you want to, I’d like to finish this chapter before I go to sleep.” She, however, noticed that Karen didn’t go upstairs, as she had intended. Instead she went to the kitchen emptied the dishwasher, and came back to the living room and continued browsing her tablet.

  Addy wondered why Karen had changed her mind about going to sleep, but said nothing. When Addy finished reading, she announced that she was going up. Karen immediately followed her giving Addy the impression that Karen had been waiting for her to come up. Once upstairs, Karen locked the door at the top of the staircase and turned on the alarm system.

  When they rebuilt the cottage, Karen not only had a very sophisticated alarm system installed, but she also insisted on having a door at the top of the staircase that they could lock. Upstairs, in the alcove where the laundry was located, there was a small refrigerator and microwave. The idea was that once they were upstairs, if they were hungry, there was no need to go down to the kitchen to find something to eat. Karen said that the reason for the door upstairs was for safety and to keep the upstairs warmer.

  As they were going to bed that particular night Addy wondered why Karen was always so concerned with safety issues. “Ker, I’ve never understood why we need an alarm system, or the door upstairs. Most people don’t have a door at the top of their stairs, you know?”

  “Addy, one can never be too safe. I’ve told you before. We are a couple of women living alone.”

  “Yeah, Ker, but everyone knows us here, the inn is right around the corner, and there’s absolutely no crime in this part of the country. I just don’t see the point. I’ve never said anything because this is apparently important to you. Just like this thing about checking all the windows and doors every night. I mean, I used to do that when my daughter was at home because there was crime in the area, and because she slept in her own room, but there’s no crime here and you and I sleep together. I just don’t see the point. Why are you always so concerned about security?”

  “Addy, what is wrong with wanting to keep us safe?” Addy noticed that the conversation made Karen a little edgy.

  “Nothing, Ker. I just wanted to know if you had any particular reason for making such a big deal of it. But it’s okay. I’m good with being safe.”

  All became quiet. However, Addy could feel Karen’s restlessness in bed once they went to sleep. After some time, Karen sat on the bed and raked her hair back. She looked at Addy thinking that she was asleep, but Addy was not asleep. Addy was quiet wondering what could be wrong. She looked at the clock. It was two in the morning, exactly two hours since they had gone to bed.

  Karen sat on the edge of the bed for a while looking to the wall and raking her hair anxiously. She got up, put on her robe, walked to the window, leaned against its frame and looked out into the dark night.

  Addy, who had been silently keeping watch from the bed finally spoke in a very soft tone. “Maybe when you are done talking to the window, you can come and talk to me.”

  “I didn’t think you were awake,” Karen was surprised, “did I wake you?”

  “No, I never went to sleep. I’ve been waiting.”

  “For what?” Karen’s voice was edgy.

  “For you to talk to me.” Addy’s voice was gentle.

  “Addy—.” Karen couldn’t keep it together anymore. Addy knew that Karen would never hold up with her. Karen also knew. That’s why sometimes she avoided certain subjects with Addy. She knew that she could never keep anything from her.

  “Come here.” Karen looked like a sad puppy. When she came close to the bed, Addy took her hand. “What is it, baby. Tell me.” Karen leaned her forehead to Addy’s shoulder and became quiet. Addy caressed her back and arms, and kissed her on the head. “Ker, what is it? What’s going on? What troubles you?” Still in Addy’s arms, Karen just shook her head, still not sharing.

  “Karen, I love you and whatever is troubling you is not going to change how I feel about you.” Karen continued to shake her head.

  “Please, tell me. I need to know to help you.”

  “You can’t, no one can help me. It’s been too long.” She began to cry.

  “Baby, why are you crying? Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

  “You’ll hate me when you know. I’ve never told anyone. I couldn’t! I still can’t!”

  Addy held her at arm’s length. “Yes, you can and you will tell me right now.” Addy’s tone was forceful leaving no room for any alternative.

  All of a sudden Karen couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Addy, security is important to me because my mother was murdered.” Addy gasped as Karen cried. She had tried so hard all her life to put those memories away, and all of a sudden, they were all there again. The pain, the sadness, the doubts, the fears of that day and the many subsequent days that haunted her for years. Coming home to a crime scene where her mother had been the victim was such a horrific experience that she still could not talk about. She remembered the tears, the agony, and the horror.

  Karen’s cries were more than Addy could take, and soon she was sobbing as well. “Oh baby, I didn’t know. How? What happened?”

  Karen bent over and dropped to her knees on the floor, unable to bear even the weight of her body. “It was my fault, Addy.” Karen confessed and cried inconsolably. Addy’s heart was torn to pieces. She knelt next to her on the floor, and wrapped her arms around Karen, holding her as if to prevent her from falling into some sort of abyss that had just opened at her feet. Addy closed her eyes almost wishing the she could alleviate some of Karen’s pain by taking it on herself. “How?”

  Karen continued telling her horrendous story as she cried a flood of tears. “I left the door open, that’s how he got in.” At this point Karen was shaking. Her anxiety peaked to the point that it was as if she had lost control of her body. “My mum died, Addy. My mum!” Addy cried and held her with all her might. The doors, the dam doors, that’s why she is always checking doors! Is she is afraid that the same thing will happen again? And it’s me she’s protecting.

  “Why? Why do you think it’s your fault? What happened?” She held her and kissed her not knowing what else to do to comfort her. She pulled her up to see her face. Karen’s face was red, her eyes bloodshot, her face totally covered in tears, and her hair was in total disarray. Addy combed her hair back and kissed her frantically. Finally Karen embraced her, holding on to her as her last bastion of hope or redemption.

  “Ker, we need to talk about this like we always talk about everything. You and I are one. You are part of me. Tell me everything.”

  “I left the house mad because she wouldn’t allow me to go on a school field trip and in my rage, I left the door unlocked.”

  “Ker, how do you know it was you who left the door open? It could have been anyone. Maybe the door was not open and the person broke in.”

  “No, I was mad at her when I left for school that day, it was me.” She continued to cry.

  “Ker, how old were you when this happened?”

  “Thirteen.” Karen’s face was swamped with tears mixed with her saliva and mucus. Addy grabbed the bed sheet and dried Karen’s face with it while Karen continued her endless crying and wailing.

  “You were just a child! Ker, listen to me. Did you ever talk to anyone about this?”

  Karen shook her head. “No, I always felt guilty and ashamed.”

  “Oh, God, baby! You’ve carried this on your shoulders all your life? Oh my God! No more. This stops tonight. Look at me!” Addy was very authoritative.

  Karen looked at her. “You don’t know that you were the one that left the door open. You assumed all of it. A million things could have happened from the time you left for school and when it actually happened.” Karen looked away. “Look at me. Think about it, you weren’t there. You don’t know what actually happened.” Karen thoug
ht for a minute, and it seemed to make sense. What Addy was saying could have been possible. The time of death had been some time in the afternoon. In fact, when Karen came back from school, she found the whole drama of the police and the crime scene going on. She closed her eyes remembering that dreadful moment, seeing her father in tears and all the questioning from the police. She had remained mute through the whole ordeal. Her voice was gone.

  “You assumed it was you because you used the door when you left, but you cannot be 100% sure that no one used that door after you left.”

  Karen began to calm down listening to Addy’s logical reasoning. Although Addy always gave the impression that she was care free, underneath that care free façade there was a very analytical person, and that was the real reason why she was so effective with clients and people in general. Her mind was able to almost immediately organize things in patterns that made sense, an ability that enabled her to explain logically to others what they could not see.

  Unbelievable as it felt, in all those years and for the first time, Karen was allowing herself to doubt whether it had truly been her fault. Addy realized that she had reached Karen and was glad to have been able to create some doubt in her mind. The problem was that now she didn’t know what else to say or do. She felt like she couldn’t just leave it at that and that she needed to build Karen’s confidence up again.

  “Karen, your mother loved you.” Karen broke in tears again. “Do you think she would have wanted you to blame yourself for what happened?”

  “I don’t know. She died, Addy, how could I know?”

  “Karen, mothers like to see their children happy. She wanted you to be happy. The way I see it, you have a double task in your life. You have to be happy for you, and for your mother. You were her life and you owe her your happiness. Can’t you see this? Forget the past, forget what happened, or how it happened, and think what is it that you are going to do for her now. Look at you, you became what she wanted you to become. That’s why she left you all that money in that trust fund. You did it. You did what she wanted.”

  Tears were still running down Karen’s face, but she looked like she was rationalizing Addy’s arguments and felt more upbeat. “You are her creation. She lives through you. You owe her to move past all those thoughts and move on and be happy. You have to make her proud. It’s what she would have wanted. She wouldn’t have wanted you to be blaming yourself for something that no one really knows how it happened. You have no idea. No one did, or … wait! … Did the police ever file a final report?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What? You don’t even have the facts from the police? We are going to need to find out.”

  “Addy. I don’t know about that.”

  “Yes, we are! We need to get to the bottom of this.” Karen smiled slightly. “This is ending. What happened was not your fault, and I need you to take those thoughts out of your head. Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘shit happens’? It does! Why do things happen? How come that individual was there on that particular day, how come he picked your house to enter? How come she was there? No one has answers to those questions. Awful things happen, and no one can be blamed. No one!” Karen’s sobs slowly subsided as Addy gently stroke her back and placed kisses on her head. “Come on, let’s make some herbal tea.”

  They went to the alcove, made tea, and went back to the sitting area of their bedroom to drink it. They sat on the sofa, and Addy cradled Karen in her arms. “Starting tomorrow night, we are both checking the doors together. Don’t ask me why we are going to do it that way, but that’s the new house rule.” Addy thought that by sharing Karen’s responsibility she would help alleviate the burden of bad memories.

  Karen smiled. “Another rule?” Addy had become famous for establishing rules.

  “Yes, the Bible is going to be a pocket book when I’m done with all the rules for this house.” Addy proclaimed, and Karen chuckled.

  “I think we are going to have to write them down to keep track and not forget them.”

  “Don’t worry baby, I’m flexible.”

  “Addy?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks.”

  “You don’t have to thank me for anything. You are not alone anymore. We are together in happiness and in pain. Please, don’t ever keep anything from me again. I want for us to share everything, the good and the bad. We are a team, and we will forever be one. And yes, I said forever. I now believe in forever because I want a forever with you.” She kissed her on the head. Karen smiled contently and surrendered to the warmth and the immense love she felt in the arms around her. She felt an enormous sense of peace, and the joyful realization that she belonged to someone. She kissed Addy’s neck as she came up to kiss her lips. “Come on, baby. Let’s go to bed. We need some rest.”

  Addy held her, as if by so doing, she could make the world right for her, and cleanse her soul and restore her peace. Unknowingly, she already had. Addy could feel the tension in Karen’s body slowly give away as she fell asleep in her arms.

  ***

  After Karen’s revelation, Addy was still thinking of how to approach the Edinburgh police to open an inquiry on Karen’s mother’s case. Unexpectedly, that very same week, Karen received a call from Mel, with whom they had stayed in touch, but had not seen in quite some time.

  “Mel, so glad to hear from you. How are you doing?”

  “Karen, I have a conference in London and thought I would swing by and see you guys. Do you have room at the inn to put me up?”

  “Mel, with such short notice, we don’t have room at the inn, but we have an extra bedroom in the cottage. It’s small and doubles as our office, but it does have a nice day bed, so yes, we can definitely put you up.”

  “Would that be okay with Addy?”

  Karen chuckled “Of course. Wait, here she is.” Karen turned to talk to Addy. “Addy, I have Mel on the phone. She’s in London and wants to know if she can stay here with us for a few days.”

  “Of course! Here, let me have that phone.” She took the phone from Karen’s hand and sat on her lap. “Hi Mel, it’s good to hear from you. We’d love to have you stay with us. Send us a text with the details of your flight and we’ll pick you up in Edinburgh.”

  “Great, thanks, Addy. I should be done in London on Wednesday afternoon, so I’ll text you the details of my flight. I’m so looking forward to see you guys.”

  “Same here, it’s been a while since we last saw you. Hey, I’m going to put Karen back on, I have some groceries to unload.” Karen and Mel talked for another minute, and then Karen went out to help Addy unload the groceries.

  Addy thought that Melanie’s visit was God sent, in fact, almost a blessing. She wanted professional advice on how to deal with Karen’s matter. Melanie’s visit was just perfect.

  Addy was torn between whether she should ask Karen to talk to Melanie about her mother’s incident, or to talk to Melanie without telling Karen. She thought it a betrayal to talk to Melanie about the matter without Karen’s consent, so she had no alternative than to talk to Karen about approaching Melanie for professional advice.

  “Ker, we need to talk.”

  Karen pursed her lips. “About what?”

  “Something you are not going to like, but that needs to be dealt with.”

  Karen was attentive. “Shoot.”

  “First, don’t yell at me, second be reasonable.”

  Although a bit apprehensive, she always liked how Addy ‘couched’ things to soften any blow. “What are you up to?”

  “It’s regarding our talk the other night. Remember what I said about us being one? I feel that we need some guidance.”

  “Let me guess, you want me to talk to Melanie about my mother now that she’s coming.”

  “Yes.” Addy smiled. “I wasn’t sure how to ask you. I was afraid you’d say no. I think you really should. I mean, I said what I said and all, but I’m not a professional, and I don’t know what needs to be said or done, and I feel tha
t since we have such a good person that we know—.”

  Karen stopped her with a kiss. “You’ll do it?”

  “Yes, if you think it will help, but only if you are there with me.”

  “Of course I will, Ker. I said ‘we’ didn’t I? I’ll always be there for you. Thanks baby, thanks for agreeing to talk to Mel. I know this will be difficult for you, but I will be right there with you and we will feel much better knowing that we’ve done the right thing seeking professional advice.” Karen said nothing. She just hugged Addy and nodded.

  ***

  A few days later, they picked up Melanie at the airport. They were happy to see her again. “So, is everything okay, with you guys?”

  “Perfect, the inn is doing well and all is fine.” Karen replied.

  “Karen, I don’t think that’s what she really wants to know.”

  “What then?” Karen gave Addy a quizzical look.

  “I think she wants to know about our sex life. Isn’t that what all psycho folks want to know about? Why don’t we just tell her right off, and that way she’ll get the scoop and can enjoy her visit?”

  Mel laughed. Karen did her usual eye roll, and her face turned red. “Oh, my God, Karen, I never thought I would see the day when I saw you blush on the subject of sex! It must be amazing.” Karen couldn’t believe Mel’s response. Mel had always been a quiet subdued person.

  Addy turned to talk to Melanie in the back seat. “Okay, Mel. I know little red riding hood here is not going to talk, so I might as well do all the talking on the subject. Yes, the sex is amazing. I still don’t know if I’m gay or not, but I can surely tell you that this woman is hot, and she turns me on big time.”

  Mel continued to laugh, as Karen continued to blush an even darker shade of red, if such a thing was possible. “Addy I think that if you continue to talk about this subject, you may need to take over the wheel, Karen seems to be having problems trying to think straight.”