by Rona Halsall
‘I’m not feeling great, Dan.’ She stood up. ‘I’m going upstairs for a lie down.’
His body tensed at the sound of her voice, his hand clamping her arm before he pulled her back down.
‘Ow!’ She glared at him. ‘Let go of me! That hurts.’
His eyes widened, and his hand dropped from her arm, leaving red rings where his fingers had been. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t It’s just You have to stay with me. Don’t go dashing off anywhere.’ He held her hand, a little too firm to be comfortable, his palm sweaty.
She glowered at him, her body tense, her mind darting around, uncertain what she should do for the best. Run for it? Then she remembered that the doors were locked. Her heart beat faster.
‘I need the loo.’ It was her get-out-of-jail card, a request he couldn’t ignore.
He looked sheepish then. ‘Okay.’ But he kept her hand firmly in his and she cursed inwardly as they walked to the cloakroom under the stairs, where he let go of her hand but waited outside the door.
All Chloe wanted was a bit of space, a few moments to herself, to get her head round what was happening and work out how she was going to deal with it. She couldn’t think with him glued to her, watching her every move.
She perched on the toilet, her heart thudding in her chest, her whole body shaking with the force of each beat. Dan was really freaking her out now, the whole thing escalating to a different level. If he wasn’t such a big man, then it might not worry her so much – she was fit and strong with her physio work, not to mention her love of exercise, and she would think of herself as a match for half the men she knew. But Dan was in a class of his own. He wasn’t just a big man, he was huge and could use force to make her do what he wanted. A point he had proven earlier. No, she had to be smart about this. The first thing she had to do was get him to talk about what was happening; maybe then she could use her powers of persuasion to make him see how unreasonable he was being.
Moving to Menorca What was he thinking, just springing it on her like that? But he was deadly serious. He wasn’t going to let her go home. And all that talk about her safety sounded like deluded ramblings. She sighed and leant her elbows on her knees, head in her hands. What on earth am I going to do?
‘Chloe, are you okay in there?’ From the loudness of his voice, Dan was obviously listening at the door.
‘On my way,’ she called and flushed the loo, then ran the tap. Maybe if she pretended to be okay with everything, she could find a moment when he was more relaxed to find out what was really going on. If she suggested a walk, then she might have the chance to get away – even without money, she could get help, couldn’t she?
She had to push past him to get out of the cloakroom door. ‘Sorry, my stomach isn’t feeling great. Maybe a bit of indigestion. Can we go for a walk, see if that’ll settle it down?’
He studied her face for what seemed like a week before nodding, and she let out a quiet breath of relief. She’d feel better if they were outside because at the moment, whether she wanted to entertain the thought or not, she was a prisoner.
‘Okay. If that’s what you want.’ He delved in his pocket, pulled out the key and unlocked the front door, then reached for her hand as they walked down the path, gentle now that the tension seemed to have ebbed out of him.
‘You know that I love you more than anything, don’t you?’
His words caught her by surprise, touched a vulnerable place in her heart, and a lump formed in her throat. She squeezed his hand, waiting for her flush of emotions to subside before saying, ‘And I love you too, Dan. I really do.’ This was her opportunity, she realised, and she forced herself to go on. ‘But I can’t leave Gran. I just can’t, I know you won’t understand, but after Mum died’ She tailed off, taking a deep breath.
Maybe I should tell him?
The thought made her breath hitch in her throat, but it seemed like her only option. If he understood properly understood her situation, then perhaps he’d have a rethink and they could go home. And if he was worried about her safety for some reason, then she’d let him be her bodyguard until they’d sorted out the problem. Yes, there must be a compromise, and if I make the first move, then
‘Dan, there’s something I need to tell you.’ She stopped and looked up at him, swallowed down her fears before she spoke. ‘When Mum died, it was it was my fault. I um’ There was no easy way to say it. She took a deep breath and the words tumbled out. ‘I was responsible for her death. I killed her.’
He frowned, clearly confused. ‘What do you mean?’
She started walking again, her eyes fixed on the ground, her face burning with shame.
‘After uni, I moved back home to stay with Mum, had a few weeks off before I started looking for jobs. A bunch of mates off my course organised a last-minute trip to Thailand and invited me along. We’d shared a house for three years and had become very close and this was our big adventure, a blow-out before we all went our separate ways.’
She could feel him staring at her but knew she wouldn’t be able to carry on if she caught his eye. She’d never told anyone what had really happened, not a soul knew the real truth, not even her family, and it would be too easy to back out. His hand found hers and their fingers intertwined, giving her the encouragement to carry on.
‘Anyway Mum wasn’t well before I was due to go.’ She sighed. ‘No, the truth is she’d been really poorly with flu, stuck in bed for over a week. And with her being epileptic, she had to be careful because any illness made it worse. I did think about staying, but she shooed me off, said she could look after herself and I deserved a holiday after getting my degree.’ Chloe shook her head, knowing that she should have made a different decision, shouldn’t have listened to her mum. She gave a hollow laugh, eyes stinging as she remembered their last conversation, how insistent her mother had been. ‘She was so proud of me. Wanted me to have a life she hadn’t managed to have herself. She’d never had the money to travel when she was young, never had the freedom.’
Chloe’s body started to shake with the effort of keeping her emotions in check and she sank onto a boulder at the side of the path, Dan sitting next to her, his hand squeezing hers.
‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful. I understand.’
She shook her head, voice cracking. ‘No. No, you don’t understand. But you need to because then you’ll know why’ She stopped herself, couldn’t risk angering him before he knew the whole story. ‘So Mum asked me to get her prescription for her epilepsy meds before I went because she was running low. I stuffed the thing in my pocket and forgot about it. I left the next day. It was a really early flight, so I didn’t see her before I went and I just I left the jeans on my bedroom floor, with the prescription still in the back pocket.’ She bit her lip, hardly able to get the words out. ‘She told me not to bother ringing while I was away because it was too expensive. Three weeks later, I came home and’ A sob burst out of her chest, the moment still raw and unreal. ‘Mum She was dead. She’d had a fit and choked.’
Dan folded her into his arms, hugging her to him as she cried, the memory all too fresh, the hurt still raw. ‘Oh, babe, that’s awful, but you didn’t kill her.’
‘I knew she wasn’t well, I mean seriously not well, and couldn’t get the prescription herself. I promised her I’d get it before I went away because she had to have her meds every day. She trusted me completely. And I just didn’t I was so focused on my holiday, going off and enjoying myself, I forgot all about it. Her death was completely preventable. If she’d had her meds, she wouldn’t have had a fit and she wouldn’t have died. I should have put her first instead of thinking about myself and my stupid trip. What did that matter, compared to my mum’s life?’
‘You didn’t kill her, Chloe.’
‘I did.’ She gulped back her tears and wiped her face with the back of her hand. ‘Anyway, the rest of my family is pretty sure that I did. They don’t know about the prescription, but they all blam
e me for her death because I was the one who was at home, I knew what was going on. My brother and sister were in London, Gran was in Brighton, while we were in Leeds, hundreds of miles away. And they didn’t know Mum was ill and they didn’t know I was going away and leaving her on her own.’ She lay her head against his chest, grateful for his embrace. ‘I missed the funeral, so I didn’t get to say goodbye. My brother and sister didn’t talk to me for years. And they still hate me, if our last get-together is anything to go by.’
‘So that’s why they weren’t at the wedding?’
‘I didn’t invite them in case they came and made trouble. Gran wasn’t as bad – you know, she’s so old-school, she’s of a generation who don’t tend to make their feelings known. But there’s been a strained atmosphere since Mum died and our relationship isn’t what it used to be. She blames me too.’
He stroked her hair and she held him tighter, thinking that this was what she wanted, this closeness, not all the strangeness that had been pushing them apart all week. Perhaps now he’d understand.
‘It wasn’t your fault, babe. You shouldn’t be punishing yourself, whatever your family says.’
‘You don’t know, Dan. You weren’t there.’
‘So that’s why you don’t want to leave your gran?’
‘I couldn’t go through that again, being blamed for someone’s death because I didn’t care enough. I owe it to Gran to look after her. I took her daughter away from her.’ She looked up at him, blinking back her tears. ‘That’s why I can’t stay here. Not now. Maybe in the future we could think about living abroad, but I’m not sure how much time Gran’s got left and I need to be there for her. Mum died alone. I can’t let that happen to Gran.’
He released her from his embrace, his eyes locked on hers. ‘I understand the situation. I really do. And if I felt you’d be safe going back to Brighton, then there wouldn’t be a problem. But it’s not safe. That’s the thing you need to understand. Your life would be in danger, and I know that sounds weird and melodramatic, but it’s the truth. You have to trust me on this and stay here with me.’
She gazed at him, wondering how she could change his mind.
‘How about asking your brother and sister to take a turn at looking after your gran? They’re not too far from Brighton.’
She pushed away from him, her head feeling like it might explode. ‘Weren’t you listening?’ she snapped. ‘They won’t talk to me. If I rang them up, they’d slam their phones down. They both have families, they’re busy with their jobs. They don’t have time to do what I do for her. And they don’t know how to clear her chest.’
‘Well, we could pay for the carer to stay a bit longer, how about that? From what your gran has said, things have been fine this week, haven’t they?’
Chloe shook her head, weary with the effort of her confession and his inability to understand. Her head was aching, the sun hot on the back of her neck. ‘It’s costing a fortune and we don’t even know if we’re going to be able to earn enough money to live on over here. At least at home I have a job, somewhere to live. Here we have nothing.’
He kicked at a stone on the path, clearly frustrated by her unwillingness to do as she was told. ‘You’re wrong.’ He pointed back up the track. ‘We have a house, I have a job and the cost of living is way lower here than at home.’ His eyes bored into her. ‘We’re staying, Chloe, and that’s that.’
The look in his eyes chilled her, the tone of his voice telling her that he meant what he said.
Twenty
Chloe let the afternoon drift along according to Dan’s wishes, trying to act as though she had accepted his decision about not going home. They wandered over the hillside behind the house, exploring tracks she hadn’t been on before, but which seemed familiar to Dan, while her mind gnawed at the problem like a dog with a bone. It was no good telling her she wasn’t safe without a proper explanation.
Didn’t he say we couldn’t go back yet? So, this could be a temporary thing.
He has something to sort out, something that he is obviously very concerned about. A mess that needs clearing up, maybe.
Is it me he’s concerned about or himself?
Maybe he’s committed a crime?
She wasn’t sure where the last thought had come from, pushing itself to the front of her mind, but she had to consider it. Was he running away from something he’d done? Christ, the possibilities are endless. Maybe if I reassure him, he’ll be more willing to open up.
‘Okay, Dan, I give in,’ she said, when they got back to the house and were sitting on the terrace. ‘I’ll agree to stay for now. If that’s what you think is best, that’s what we’ll do.’
He let out the longest sigh and reached for her hand, knotting his fingers with hers. ‘Oh, babe, I’m so glad you understand. I really am.’ He squeezed her hand then put it to his lips before holding it against his cheek, and despite all her reservations, the feel of his skin against hers still made her heart flutter. ‘If you can just trust me to sort things out, then everything will be fine.’
And if I don’t trust him? What was the consequence he was so worried about? She puzzled about it while Dan went and made them a drink, but didn’t like where her mind was taking her. You’ve been watching way too many films. Life wasn’t like that. It wasn’t that dark. Not for people like her.
‘I don’t want you to worry,’ Dan said when he returned, putting glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice beside the loungers. ‘Everything will be fine, you’ll see. Another few months and it will all be different.’
She looked at him. ‘Different how?’
He turned to her, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses, but his mouth twitched just a little at the corner and she knew she’d hit the spot.
‘I think we’ll relax into island life and you’ll come to love it. I miss living in Spain. It’s such a wonderful country and the people are so centred on family. It’ll be a lovely place to settle.’
She felt her breath catch in her throat. That was a crass comment regarding family given the fact he’d fathered a son, who lived close by. She mustn’t forget that element of the situation, however much he played it down. And this wasn’t sounding like a short-term solution at all.
She frowned and turned to him, wishing he’d take his sunglasses off so she could see his eyes, work out what he was feeling. ‘But I thought you said once you’d sorted something out, we could go back to England?’
‘Well, I think we should leave our options open.’ He swung an arm around, indicating the panorama that stretched for 180 degrees in front of them – Colom Island to the left, and the headland stretching out to the right with nothing but sea between. ‘What could be more wonderful than living in a place like this?’
It was the most beautiful view, there was no denying it, and for a holiday location it was perfect. But living here?
‘If it’s only for a few months, until whatever it is that’s bothering you has been resolved, then I’m willing to go with it. But I can’t promise to be here forever.’ She shook her head. ‘That’s unreasonable.’
His voice hardened, no longer soft and loving. ‘I’m your husband, Chloe. We’re a partnership now and we do what’s best for us as a couple. At this point in time, living here is going to be the best option.’ He picked up his drink and took a sip. ‘It’s not open for discussion. We’re staying. Both of us.’
‘But why? Maybe if you could explain it to me, then I could understand, but at the moment’ She sighed, unable to find words that wouldn’t anger him, because it was clear his patience was wearing thin.
He put his drink down and swung his legs to the ground, leaning forwards. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just I can’t explain. Not yet. You have to trust me.’
She jumped up, exasperation making her voice shrill. ‘How can I trust you when you don’t trust me enough to tell me what the hell is going on?’ Her eyes felt like they were going to pop out of her head, her voice getting higher and higher as her frustration wound up w
ithin her.
He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. ‘I’m sorry. There are things you don’t need to know.’ He stood and pulled her to him, and the smell of him, the warmth of his body next to hers, created all sorts of confusion in her mind. Instinctively, she responded to him, but why should she accept his behaviour?
His voice softened, and she allowed herself to submit to his embrace. ‘I promise I’ll make it up to you. I wasn’t thinking about your gran. I’ll admit I was only thinking about you. But isn’t it time Lucy and Mark shared some of the burden? Why is it up to us to pay for care? And it’s not as if your gran hasn’t got any money. I mean that house of hers must be worth well over a million. It’s the only one on the row that hasn’t been turned into three apartments, and they sell for half a mill each.’ He huffed. ‘She’s loaded. We’re not. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s time you put yourself first for once. Put us first. And leave your family to sort themselves out. This is the start of our new life together and I think Menorca will be a great place to live for a while.’
‘A while?’ She clutched at the phrase. ‘How long is a while?’
He let go of her, threw up his hands, annoyed again. ‘I don’t know. As long as we want.’
‘But what if I don’t want to in the first place?’ she snapped.
‘So, let me ask you this. If your gran wasn’t your responsibility, what would you feel about living here?’
His question made her pause and it took a moment to find an answer. How long had it been since she’d put her needs before those of others? Not since her mum had died, and that was over nine years ago. His words stuck for a moment until she rattled her mind free of such selfishness.
