by Rona Halsall
‘Chloe! What are you doing? Keep your voice down.’ Dan looked around, but the rest of the tables were empty and anyway, Chloe didn’t care who heard what she had to say.
She jabbed a finger at him. ‘I gave you a chance to tell the truth, but no, you wanted to keep up the pretence. Well, it’s over. Our marriage is over.’
Dan gasped as if she’d hit him, his mouth hanging open. ‘What? What are you talking about?’
The wine made her voice a little slurred, but her anger came through loud and clear. ‘I met Sofia while you were gone. And a lovely little baby.’ Her face crumpled as she struggled to hold back her tears. ‘Who, I believe, is your son.’
She turned to leave, but Dan grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. She struggled against him, tears trickling down her cheeks. ‘Let me go. I don’t want you near me.’
‘Shh. Shh. It’s okay.’ His arms tightened around her, preventing her from escaping. ‘Just calm down, will you, and let me explain.’
‘Let you make up more lies?’ she shouted, still squirming. ‘You must be joking.’
‘No, you don’t understand.’ His arms clasped her so tight, it was hard to breathe.
Suddenly she understood there was no point in fighting him and she stilled. Let him tell his lies then you can get away. ‘Go on then,’ she said with a sneer. ‘Make me understand, why don’t you?’
He loosened his grasp and walked away, heading towards the house where Sofia lived. She stared after him for a moment then followed. I’ve got to know his version of events, she decided. If I’m going to call time on this marriage, I’ve got to be sure. But there was no arguing with the fact that Sofia had a baby and Dan was the father. No arguing at all. Sofia had told her, straight to her face.
She watched him knock on Sofia’s door, somehow distant from the emotional drama of it all. How is he going to try and wangle his way out of this one?
Sofia answered and started gabbling in rapid Spanish, hands flying around, while Dan nodded and replied, both of them casting glances at Chloe, who stood a little distance away. They’re cooking up a story, she decided, reluctant to get any closer.
Then Sofia beckoned to her. ‘Come, come,’ she said. ‘You ran away before I could explain properly.’
Chloe hesitated.
‘Please,’ Dan said as he walked towards her. ‘Listen to what she has to say.’
A voice in Chloe’s head screamed at her to go, not to listen to any more lies. The evidence was plain to see, and she wanted no part of their cover-up story. She shook her head, started backing away, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her behind him, bundling her into Sofia’s house before she could resist. The door closed, leaving the three of them standing in a dim hallway.
‘Just listen, will you,’ he hissed into her ear.
‘I tried to tell her.’ Sofia stood with her hands on her hips. ‘My English. You know it’s not too good.’
‘Sofia is a friend. A gay friend.’ He waited for that to register. Chloe stopped struggling and looked at Sofia, who nodded. Gay? ‘She lives in Mahón with her wife, Gina.’
Sofia went into another room and came back with a photo of her and another woman in wedding dresses, to prove that his words were the truth. ‘This is her father’s house. He runs the water taxi and owns the house we’re staying in.’
‘No letting agency, then. So that was a lie as well.’ Chloe’s head was spinning and she felt nauseous.
Dan gritted his teeth. ‘For God’s sake. I’m trying to explain.’
‘Oh, please do. Don’t let me stop you.’ She shook herself free from his grasp and turned to look at him. He still had his sunglasses on. Still hiding, she thought, preparing herself for more lies.
‘Sofia and Gina wanted to start a family and asked me if I would help them.’
Chloe huffed as she looked Sofia up and down. ‘Yeah, that must have been a real chore.’
‘I was merely a sperm donor. That’s it. Completely impersonal, no sex involved.’
‘That’s right,’ Sofia said. ‘We never had sex. And anyway, Gina had the baby, not me.’
Chloe closed her eyes, completely bemused by the story she was being told. Is this the truth? She felt dizzy, dots appearing in front of her eyes. She steadied herself against the wall but couldn’t stop herself from sliding to the floor as everything went black.
* * *
She awoke in the back of a taxi as it bumped its way up the track to the villa. Dan sat beside her, holding her hand.
‘Nearly there,’ he said. ‘You fainted.’
She drew her hand away from his, closed her eyes again as she remembered Sofia and Gina and the baby. What have I got myself into? More to the point, do I believe him? It was too much to deal with and she gazed at the trees as they drove up through the forest, hardly noticing when they finally emerged at the house.
Dan waved a couple of notes at the driver before getting out and hurrying round to her side, ready to lift her out.
She batted his hands away. ‘Leave me alone,’ she snapped, edging her way out of the car, holding onto the door as she steadied herself. She still felt a bit sick and her legs were definitely wobbly, knees threatening to buckle.
‘Let me help you,’ Dan said, his face full of concern. ‘Please, Chloe.’
She relented as she gazed at the villa and the path she would need to negotiate. He scooped her up and she resisted the urge to kick and scratch and lash out in any way she could, settling instead for grinding her teeth.
As soon as they were in the house, she wriggled from his grasp and hauled herself upstairs and into the spare bedroom, where she locked the door, leaning on it while she debated whether she was going to be sick or not.
She heard his footsteps, then he banged on the door, the vibrations jarring through her body. ‘Chloe, we have to talk. Let me explain.’
‘Let you tell me more lies? Yeah, I don’t think so.’
She crawled into bed, and after a while he went away. In the silence, there was one question that refused to leave her mind. Why would he bring me on our honeymoon to a place where he has secrets? It didn’t make sense. If the child meant nothing to him, if he was the biological father in name only and intended to play no part in the child’s life, why come back? And why would he be trying to persuade me to stay here?
She desperately needed answers to so many questions, but she felt so tired, so weary of it all, that she couldn’t face him. Her eyelids refused to stay open and she fell asleep.
Eighteen
It was morning when Chloe awoke. She lay in bed for a while, listening to the sounds of Dan in the kitchen while she ran through the events of the previous day. The existence of the baby didn’t explain everything, she realised. Although it might explain why they were here, and in this house, there were other things that didn’t make sense.
She got out of bed and wandered into the master bedroom to get showered and dressed, deciding that as they’d be going home tomorrow, she only had to get through today, then she’d be on her way back to normality. Today, she thought, she’d go into town and stay there, unable to face the possibility of running into Sofia again. She wanted to be around people rather than stuck out here with only Dan for company, trying to trick her with his lies. Maybe a day out, in an environment where she felt safe, would help her get everything in perspective.
Her stomach was playing up – the queasiness she’d felt yesterday was still there, and she wondered if it was the stress that was getting to her. She sat on the bed and was towelling her hair when Dan came in. The sight of him looking so worried and sad was like a punch to the heart, making her eyes sting. How has it all gone so wrong?
He sat next to her on the bed, not too close, respectful. ‘I’m so sorry you had to find out like that. You’ve got to believe me, I wanted to wait for the right moment.’
Anger flared in her chest. ‘I don’t think there’s ever a right time for something like that. But you should have told me. And why bring me here, for
God’s sake? Of all the places in the world we could have gone, why did we end up here?’
He sighed, his voice unsteady when he eventually spoke. ‘Because it’s the safest place I know.’
She was shaking with frustration. ‘Safe? Why are you so worried about being safe? This was our honeymoon. What we needed was romantic, not bloody safe. And it might seem safe to you, but for me with your baby here. That’s right, Dan, the baby you didn’t tell me about. And staying in the house owned by their relative. Christ! It’s unbelievable that you’d think for one minute that was okay.’
She stood and paced around the room, the strangeness of the situation more apparent now she’d said it out loud.
‘I’m sorry, Chloe. Really, I am, but I did have your best interests at heart.’ His eyes shone as they followed her movements. ‘I love you so much, you’re my whole world, babe. And if anything happened to you, well I’d—’
‘Stop it!’ she yelled. ‘Just stop it.’ Her hands knotted in her hair as she paced. She looked at him, took in his dishevelled appearance, the fact that he was on the verge of tears, and suddenly it made sense. ‘Have you got some mental health problem you didn’t tell me about? Is that it? Some sort of paranoia? Because that’s what it feels like.’
His shoulders slumped, a look of confusion in his eyes. ‘No. No, what are you talking about?’ He looked away. ‘It’s nothing like that.’
‘Well, what is it then?’ She tugged at her hair. ‘What the bloody hell is going on? Because this your behaviour ever since we got married well, it’s not normal.’
He sat in silence and she screamed her frustration at the ceiling. ‘I can’t cope with you. I really can’t. I’m going into town. I need to get a phone.’
His head whipped up and he blinked. ‘You don’t need a phone. You can use mine.’
She shook her head, her voice slow and determined. ‘I need my own phone and I’m going to get one, okay?’
He thought for a moment, then stood. ‘Okay.’
She glared at him. ‘Who invited you? I’m going alone.’
He shook his head, jaw set. ‘You’re not, Chloe. I’m coming with you.’
‘I don’t want you to. Why can’t you understand? I need a bit of space.’ She turned and ran downstairs before he could argue, pulled on her trainers and grabbed a fleece off the peg.
His footsteps thudded behind her. Handbag! Where is it? She couldn’t get to town without money, and she rushed round the living area, wondering where she’d left it. Normally, it was hung over the back of a dining chair. But not today.
She could feel the bulk of him behind her and she turned, backing away. ‘Don’t try and stop me,’ she warned, her eyes frantically scanning the room, but her bag was nowhere to be seen. She couldn’t remember much about arriving home yesterday, so she really wasn’t sure where she’d left it. Dan carried me in. But had she brought her handbag? Christ, did I leave it in the village? Or the taxi?
Dan blocked the doorway, arms folded across his chest. ‘Either I come or you’re not going.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re not going to get far without any money, are you?’
Her eyes widened as she realised what that meant. ‘You’ve got my bag?’
He nodded. ‘I’m just keeping you safe, Chloe.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake. I feel like a bloody prisoner now.’
He stared at her, his gaze unnerving.
‘Well, you’ll have to give it back to me tomorrow, when we go home, so you might as well give it to me now.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, but that’s not happening.’
‘What?’
‘We’re not going back.’
Chloe held onto the top of a chair while she stared at him, not sure if she’d heard him right. ‘What are you talking about? Of course we’re going back.’
He shook his head. ‘No, we’re not. We can’t at the moment. We have to stay here.’
‘Christ, Dan, you’re not making any sense! I know it’s a nice daydream and I’m sure if you were still single that would be an option for you. But I’ve got to go back to look after Gran. You know that.’ Her heart raced, her head filling with panic, pressing at her skull. He can’t mean it. He can’t. ‘And I’ve got my job. I can’t just walk out of that, can I?’
‘It’s not safe for us to go back. There’s an issue I need to sort out first and I have no idea how long it will take. So, in the meantime, we have to stay.’
She held the chair tighter, trying to find words that were out of her grasp, while he carried on speaking. ‘I’ve sorted out a job in town here, working in a bar for now until I can get something better. And I’ve spoken to Sofia’s dad and we’ve agreed a winter let on the villa. So, we have a home and we have a source of income.’
‘No! No, we can’t stay. Haven’t you been listening to me? I’ve got Gran to look after. And a bar job won’t give us enough money to live on.’
‘Well, we could look for physio work for you. And I can do private tutoring or see if there’s TEFL work around.’ He sounded so rational, so calm, but to Chloe it felt like madness.
She sank onto the chair, the enormity of what he was saying starting to sink in. ‘I don’t speak Spanish. Nobody’s going to give me a job.’
‘You might not need to. Why don’t we just have a look and see what there is?’
‘But I don’t want to stay, Dan. I don’t.’ Her voice wavered as she fought to control her emotions, the whole situation spinning away from her. ‘I need to get back.’
He pressed his lips together and gazed at her for a moment before speaking. ‘I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.’
Nineteen
Chloe stared at her husband as though seeing him for the first time. She’d never seen that expression on his face, the way his lips thinned to nothing, his eyebrows drawn so close together they joined into one dark line, the grooves down each side of his mouth, the set of his jaw.
She kept his gaze for a long moment and finally looked away, blinking back tears. Gran was right, wasn’t she? Marry in haste, repent at leisure. How many times had she said that to Chloe over the last month? But Chloe had thought she’d known better. She wiped her eyes, determined to try and change his mind.
‘You can’t do this to me, Dan. You can’t keep me here.’
He swallowed, but his expression didn’t waver. ‘Look, I can’t go into details at the moment, but it’s for your own safety.’ He sat opposite her and reached for her hand. ‘You’ve got to trust me.’
She snatched her hand away and shook her head, frustration sharpening her voice. ‘I don’t understand. It’s still not making sense. Why wouldn’t I be safe? You’re going to have to explain that to me if there’s any chance of me staying.’ She glared at him, her anger an unstoppable force now, pushing its way into her chest, quickening her breathing. But he didn’t speak, just stared at the table, picking at the wood. She got up and pushed her chair back, jabbed a finger at him. ‘You’re being ridiculous. Overprotective and ridiculous!’
Her eyes scanned the room and found the door, but Dan was at her side before she could make her escape, holding her arm, squeezing it a little too tight. She winced, tried to slip out of his grasp, but his grip tightened.
‘Come on, babe, let’s just talk this through and you’ll understand it’s not as bad as you think it is.’ He tugged her over to the sofa and pulled her next to him. ‘Let’s sit here for a minute while you calm down.’
They sat, his hand still holding her arm until she finally relaxed, acknowledging to herself that now was not the time. If she really wanted to get away, she would have to choose her moment because she would never be a match for him, would never be strong enough or fast enough to get away while he was alert to what she was doing.
She closed her eyes. What’s changed? Why is he being like this? Or has he always been like this?
Her mind took her back over their brief relationship, replaying it like a movie.
From their first date, he’d always picked her up from her apartment and taken her home. In fact, the only time she’d been on her own was when she came home from work and went to look in on her gran. Other than that, they’d been together. She’d enjoyed his attentiveness. Had revelled in it. But was it a sign of possessiveness, of paranoia: an irrational fear that something bad would happen to her if she was on her own?
Then he’d insisted on organising the honeymoon, changing the destination without telling her, taking them to a remote villa, away from people. So, what’s so scary about people? Had something happened to him in the past? She thought about his nightmare. Is this some sort of PTSD symptom playing itself out?
The more she thought about it, the more it made sense, in which case, the solution might be to get him to talk. If she could get to the bottom of his behaviour, then maybe he would see that there was no threat. That it was all in his imagination. And then she could go home, even if he didn’t come with her.
It was inconceivable that she should leave her gran to cope on her own. She needed looking after, and Chloe was the only member of the family available to do that. In any case, she owed it to her gran to stay with her to the end, then she would feel like she’d repaid her debt. You can’t repay a mother for killing their child. She knew her gran’s pain would never diminish, but it was the best Chloe could do and the only way she could live with her conscience.
But you’re married now. You’ve got someone else to think about. From Dan’s behaviour, it was clear that he had problems. Surely, he needed her support as well. Hadn’t she promised to love him in sickness and in health? After all those lies he’s told you? It occurred to her then that he might be having some sort of breakdown. Her heart skipped a beat.
She looked at him, sitting next to her, gazing out of the window, his mind clearly somewhere else, and she was torn as to what to do. She decided that her things were probably in the house somewhere, it was just a matter of looking when Dan was occupied doing something else. Yes, that’s my first challenge. Her pulse started to speed up as she thought about it for a moment.
