Simon Says Mommy

by Kay Stockham

  “Then why did you come?”

  “I came because…” Tell the truth. “I came to use Jenn. I—I came here because I needed help and I knew Jenn wouldn’t turn me away.”

  His eyebrows pulled low. “But she did.”

  And Megan had wound up relying on and using Ethan’s kindness and generosity instead.

  His expression changed. Frustration gave way to out-and-out wariness, his body tensing, hands fisted at his sides.

  She saw the fists but she wasn’t afraid. He would use his fists on himself before he would ever lift them to her in punishment, no matter how angry he was over being deceived. But the wariness, the dawning understanding of who she truly was—who she’d been—and the lies she’d told by omission, that was hard to witness.

  “You’ve been using me. That’s what you’re saying?”

  “I had nowhere to go,” she whispered, mortified. “I ran out of money and got sick. I was sleeping in my car.” Oh, the expression on his face. It hurt to see him look at her with such pity. “I couldn’t go to my parents and Jenn’s house was the closest, anyway, and I thought—Ethan, I never would have risked it had I known that he’d follow me here.”

  His expression darkened even more. “Risked what? What are you talking about? Who followed you?”

  “Sean.”

  “Your ex-husband?”

  She nodded, her hands gripping her arms so hard that she knew she’d have bruises tomorrow. “He’s here.”

  Ethan stared at her in silence, anger stamped on his features. He moved close, until he nudged her to look him in the eyes.

  “I know you were sleeping in your car, and I know you had nowhere else to go. It didn’t take a scientist to figure that out. Now tell me what’s going on. All of it.”

  He knew? And he’d taken her in, trusted her anyway? It’s the type of man he is. A good man. Which made it harder to say, “He’s out of prison.”

  “Prison?”

  “Assault, and more charges. When he got drunk, he got violent.” She lowered her lashes, staring at Ethan’s chin. “He got drunk a lot, and the last time it happened…Sean tried to kill me.”

  “Dear God.”

  “He vowed that when he got out, he’d find me. That I’d pay for pressing charges and putting him there.” Oh, this was so hard, harder than she’d ever imagined. “He said—He said he would find me. After I filed for divorce I moved, and I kept moving. I changed addresses, changed cities. Nine times in two years because I was afraid…When I got sick I thought of Jenn.” She lowered her head. “I hoped Jenn would forgive me and I knew Jenn’s was the last place Sean would look.”

  “But Sean figured it out and he’s followed you here?”

  Megan gripped Ethan’s wrist, but whether it was to pull his hand away or hold it against her cheek she wasn’t sure. Scenes flashed through her head. The past. Instances like this where Sean had grabbed her jaw or neck and squeezed, choked her, hurt her. While Ethan just stood there looking as though she’d betrayed him. And hadn’t she? “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  Ethan dropped his hand and stared at her, the furrow between his eyebrows deepening. “You’ve known all this time, been here all this time, and you didn’t once think you should have told us—me—that you could be in danger?”

  “I thought I’d be able to leave before Sean ever thought to come here.” It was a lousy excuse and she knew it. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t planned to stay, she had stayed, thinking of Beauty as her safe place when there wasn’t one. She shook her head, wanting to plead with Ethan to forgive her but understanding that he couldn’t. “But he’s here. Ethan, I saw him.”

  “Where? When?”

  “Today. He was outside the library. I made an excuse and took Simon out the back, but—he saw me. He called my name. Sean was far enough away that I ignored him and took off.”

  “We have to call the police.”

  Ethan turned on his heel and left the utility room. Megan’s trembling legs carried her to the door, and she watched as he hurried down the hall. She waited, torn, until she heard his voice talking to a 911 operator, trying to explain the situation.

  But she knew what she had to do. With Ethan distracted, she slipped out the door to the garage. Everything was loaded and ready to go. Now that Ethan knew the truth, he could protect Simon. He’d tell Nick and Nick would protect Jenn. They’d be safe. They’d all be safe, because she wouldn’t be there.

  Megan pressed her fingers to her mouth and held them there. To hold in the taste of Ethan’s kiss, to hold back the cry of his name and the words that didn’t matter now. She’d saved every dime Ethan had paid her. She’d travel north. Maybe go to Chicago like she’d planned or south to Palm Beach. She could wait tables at L’Escalier. If she needed help along the way she’d contact the police there, but not in Beauty. Not where it would embarrass or hurt the people she loved.

  The important thing was that since she didn’t know where she was going, how could Sean follow?

  “THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING.” Megan stared down at the flat driver’s-side front tire and shivered. A drizzling rain fell from the sky and seeped into the material of her coat, and all she could think about was the irony of how the last two times she’d tried to run from something, her car had broken down. Maybe because it’s time you stop running? Go back and see what happens. You know Ethan will help you.

  She kicked the stupid flat tire. “Ow. Sh—Crap,” she corrected automatically, in the habit of watching her language because she usually had Simon in tow.

  No cars had passed for a while. One older woman had driven by when it had first happened but she hadn’t stopped. Not that Megan could blame her. Who would stop in this day and age? With no streetlights, the country roads were freaking dark. She wouldn’t have stopped, either.

  Megan muttered to herself as she stomped back to the trunk. The tire iron and jack were dirty and bulky, but she set to work on changing the tire herself, not that she had a clue what she was doing.

  After twenty minutes the only thing she’d managed to accomplish was to give herself blisters from trying to pry the stupid lug nuts or bolts or whatever they were called off the wheels and to have broken three nails.

  Lights flickered through the trees and she turned, blinking the rain out of her eyes as she watched a car round the bend. The headlights blinded her but whoever was behind the wheel signaled and pulled onto the shoulder behind the Buick. Megan watched, leery but hopeful, as the driver’s door opened. Then her smile fell and her past returned. “Oh, Lord, no,” she whispered. “God, please. Not again. I can’t do this again.”

  Sean walked to the hood of his car and with every step the fear built. Her nose ran, mascara burned her eyes—but her grip on the tire iron turned into a white-knuckled fist. If she went down, she’d go down with a fight.

  Sean held up his hands. “It’s okay, Meggie.”

  “Get b-back in your car and k-keep going.”

  He looked at the metal rod, his expression clearly wondering if she had the nerve to use it.

  “Let me change the tire for you.”

  “Go to the devil.”

  He flashed the smile that had won him the hearts of girls and mothers alike. “Nicer than telling me to go to hell.” He yanked at the zipper of his coat and pulled the hood over his head. “Get in the car.”

  “Go. Away.”

  “I’m freezing out here and so are you. You want to stand here and yell at me or get your tire changed? You don’t have a lot of choices.”

  “I’ll do it myself.”

  “Why? Get in the car, lock the doors and toss the tire iron out the window once you’re safe so I can change the tire.”

  He said it so reasonably. “How stupid would I be to give this to you?”

  Did his face soften? “I won’t hurt you, Meggie.”

  “Since when?”

  Sean actually seemed to look ashamed. “You have no reason to believe me, I know that. But I’m telling the truth. Get
in the car before you catch pneumonia.”

  She wasn’t sure what to do. They both knew he could get the tire iron from her if he decided to try. If she got a shot in, it would be her one and only before he overtook her. Megan released a hefty gush of air from her lungs. “Back up, all the way to the end of your car.”

  Surprisingly he did as ordered without complaint.

  Megan opened her car door, climbed in and immediately locked the door. He didn’t move, not until he saw her roll down the window far enough to toss the tool out of the vehicle.

  Rain beat down on Sean as he retrieved the iron and dropped down to look at the tire. She knew what he saw. The bolts were rusted in place. By the time he had the bolts loosened, the tire changed and everything back in her trunk, he was soaked through and his knees were covered in mud.

  He shut the trunk lid, his pace slow and his hands visible as he walked to the driver’s window. Like he tried not to scare her. What a joke.

  “Megan? It’s done. Don’t take off. Meggie, please,” he begged when she reached for the keys. “Hear me out.”

  The bright beams of his car filled her vehicle and lit his face, erasing shadows, giving her the full brunt of his expression. She watched him, reliving every moment of their time together. The things he’d said to her, the things he’d done. The bruises she’d hidden and even the ones she hadn’t been able to disguise.

  “Roll down the window. Please.”

  She shook her head firmly. Maybe he’d changed her tire and maybe he’d put the tire iron back in her trunk, but she wasn’t an idiot.

  Sean lowered his hands to the base of her window and Megan stiffened. His chapped hands were bleeding.

  “Don’t be afraid.”

  It was hard to hear over the rain pounding the roof of the car but she heard those three words and strangely enough, a sense of peace filled her.

  “Meggie? Don’t be afraid,” he repeated. “I know you won’t believe this, but I’m not here to frighten you or threaten you or hurt you.”

  Megan’s hands tightened on the wheel, on the gearshift. She had to part her lips to take in more air.

  “Just listen, okay? Please, darlin’, I need you to hear me.” Sean lowered his head, chin to chest, the rain washing over his head, his neck, the blood on his hands. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I’m not here to ask you back, Meggie. And I didn’t find you because I want to hurt you. I did it because I had to…I had to apologize.”

  She looked at him, totally disbelieving.

  “You were right. I am an alcoholic. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was fifteen.”

  She didn’t respond, unable to believe what she was hearing.

  “I’ve joined A.A. I’m sober, and I plan to stay this way. I scared you, I hurt you and I know it. I did you wrong and there aren’t any excuses that will take back what I did. But I am more sorry than you’ll ever know.”

  Why? Why now?

  “Something happened. Something I can’t explain. But I’m not the same person I was. I’m not here to hurt you, Meggie. I just—You’re number one on my list. You’re the person I hurt the most. You’re the one…” His head lowered even more and he trembled, his breath white in the night air. “You’re the one I owe the most. I wanted you to know that it’s over. I had to see you in person and apologize, and tell you that I won’t bother you again.”

  Sean lifted one of his bloody hands and flattened it gently against the window. He didn’t push, didn’t shove, didn’t hit. Why couldn’t he have shown her this gentleness during their marriage?

  “Goodbye, Meggie.”

  Just like that he pulled his hand from the glass and walked away.

  Megan sat there a moment until the rage boiling inside her got the better of her. She opened her door and got out, just enough that she could see him, call his name. “Why?” Rain or tears streamed down her face, she wasn’t sure which. Wasn’t sure what to believe. “Why couldn’t you write me a letter? Why not leave a message on the stupid answering machine? Why now?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  “YOU MOVED A LOT,” Sean called back. He dipped his head once again. “And I had to make sure you’re okay.”

  Okay? Okay? A strangled laugh bubbled out of her chest, choked and caustic and full of fury. She’d run off in the middle of a storm, at night, because she was terrified and he thought that was okay?

  “Go home, Megan. Go back to Jenn and that guy you’ve been working for.”

  She stiffened, her whole body going ramrod-straight. “Don’t you go near them!”

  “I’m leaving town soon as I get a tank full of gas.” He lifted his chin toward the car. “Where were you going?”

  She didn’t answer, couldn’t. Because she wasn’t sure now. She felt the way she had once way back when in gymnastics. She’d made a run for the vault and screwed up, and the next thing she knew she was on the floor unable to breathe. It was a horrible feeling, mouth open, trying to suck in air but it wouldn’t come. She felt like that now. Breathless, scared. Unsure.

  “Tell him what I did to you,” Sean ordered, his voice carrying over the rain and bouncing eerily off the trees and asphalt surrounding them. “Tell him what I did and where your mind is. He’ll understand. If he doesn’t, he isn’t worth your time.”

  Was this real? It didn’t feel real. The whole scene, Sean, it was like something from a dream. But she knew she wasn’t dreaming because it hurt too much. After all those years, was this what sober looked like? Tired, calm, caring. Sad and yet—free?

  “Goodbye, Meggie.” His lips curled at the corners in a handsome smile. “I wish you a good life.”

  “CAN I HELP—SEAN?”

  At the sound of Jenn’s startled exclamation, Ethan hurried down the hallway toward Nick and Jenn’s front door. If Sean had hurt Megan so help him he’d—

  Nick caught him before Ethan could get there and yank the door out of Jenn’s hand.

  “Let’s figure out why he’s here,” Nick said softly.

  “Hey, Jenn. You look nice.”

  Nick stiffened and Ethan smirked. If Sean flirted with Jenn, Nick would take the guy’s head off—and since Nick had the brutal power to do it, Ethan wouldn’t mind being second in line. Much.

  “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here.”

  “I assume it has something to do with Megan. She’s not here.”

  “I know. She had a flat outside town. I changed it for her.”

  Then where was she now?

  “Look, I was wondering if I could talk to you? Explain some things. Will you hear me out?”

  Ethan wanted to go to the door and give Sean a taste of his own medicine, but Nick and now Luke both held him by his arms. Jenn glanced at them and Nick whispered for her to find out where Megan was.

  “Jenn…I drank over half my life,” Sean said softly. “My old man had a bar in the house for his buddies, but we all know it worked for teenagers, too, remember?”

  Jenn nodded slowly.

  “I was the big man in school with that bar. Toss in fast cars and easy money, and by the time I was a freshman in college I could outdrink the five-year frat boys. I partied hard.”

  “You and Megan both. But why are you telling me this?”

  From behind the sheer-curtained window, Ethan saw Sean lower his head. “Because…Here’s the thing…I’m not proud of how I behaved now. I wound up flunking and instead of wising up and changing my ways, I sweet-talked you into doing the work for me. All that stuff Megan said about me dating you? I hate to say it but it was true.”

  “I see.”

  Sean shoved his hands into his pockets and even though he stood under the stoop, Ethan noticed he was soaking wet.

  “I’m sorry. I mean it, too. I’m in A.A. now, which is why I’m here. To set things right with Meggie, and with you and Meggie because of what I did to the two of you. You know, after she set me up.”

  “She slept with you.”

  Ethan narrowed his gaze, watching as Sean stared
at his feet, head down, shoulders bowed. “No, she didn’t,” he said huskily.

  “Sean, she got pregnant, of course she did.”

  Sean’s nostrils flared and he shuffled on his feet, seemingly unable to raise his head. “Like I said, I’m not proud of how I behaved or what I did to her.”

  “What you did to her?” Jenn whispered.

  “Jenn, I made her. Forced her.” A shudder rocked the man’s shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

  It took Nick and Luke to keep Ethan from barreling out the door. Sean had raped her?

  “You know what happened after she got pregnant,” Sean continued when Jenn remained silent.

  Ethan wondered if Sean had a death wish, if he knew Ethan and his brothers were on the other side of the door waiting on him to finish his confession so they could lay him out.

  “She didn’t know what to do and you know how your parents and mine reacted.” Sean cleared his throat, the sound rough, and wiped his hand under his nose.

  Were his knuckles bloody?

  “I don’t remember much about our wedding day. Only that I woke up on my honeymoon in Mexico.”

  “Sean.”

  “I know.” The words were guttural, broken, but he raised his gaze to Jenn, eyes red-rimmed and flooded with tears.

  Ethan hardened his heart at the sight. The doctor in him understood the ramifications of addiction, but the man in him was furious at what Megan had endured at Sean’s hands.

  “There is nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already said to myself. Nothing you can think that I haven’t—I’m sorry.”

  “What happened to the baby? What really happened?” Jenn demanded hotly. “Megan told me you hurt her, that you hit her. Is that why she miscarried?”

  Ethan shut his eyes, able to picture the scene all too well. The hell Megan had gone through, survived. She’d told Jenn. Why hadn’t she told him?

  “No. Not that first time. They said it was stress. But the second time…That was my fault. That’s why I wound up going to prison. She said she was leaving and I—I tried to hurt her.”