The Marine's Return

by Rula Sinara

  “Where’s your father?”

  “He went to the city to sell wood carvings at the market.”

  “And the others in the enkang?”

  “I won’t put them all in danger. He said he would have his men come.”

  “Don’t you think that he’s beginning to wonder where you are right now? Why his medicine hasn’t arrived? You need to tell us where he is so we can protect your family and the village.”

  “What if you are wrong and you fail?”

  She noticed Chad flinch at the word “fail.” His hesitation made her heart ache for him and what he must have experienced that day in Afghanistan.

  “I won’t fail. I know things. I know that the sneakers you’re wearing were a bribe. I know that the guy is hiding very close to your village homestead and that you take the goats to the north side, up the hill to the left of the gate so that you can smuggle him food or whatever he needs without anyone suspecting.

  “I know he’s a poacher who was injured and that he’s bluffing you. He has no men who’ll come back to hurt you. They’ve abandoned him. That’s the kind of people they are. If they knew he was still alive and on the verge of being caught, they’d kill him themselves to keep him from talking. I also know his wound is infected, badly, probably putrid and smelly, and he has a fever and he’s lying there with his hand on a gun that he pretends he can shoot but he probably doesn’t have the energy to. He probably would have died already if he hadn’t convinced you to help steal medical supplies for him.”

  The kid’s eyes widened. He looked at Jacey and Lexi then back at Chad. “Are you a laibon?”

  Lexi hid her smile. Not a laibon. A marine like no other.

  “I’m not a seer or a medicine man any more than you are mwoga. Listen. You can put an end to this. If we get to this guy before he dies, he can tell us things that will help KWS stop the other poachers out there. The amount of good you’d be doing would be like that of an entire army. Something tells me you’re brave enough to do that.”

  There was a moment of silence. Lexi held her breath and exchanged looks with Jacey.

  “I did not want to hurt you,” the boy said to Lexi. “I said I would, but I do not think I could have. I’m sorry for what I did.”

  “I know you are. Just, please, take this chance to do what’s right,” Lexi said.

  “You promise you will keep my mother and sister safe?”

  “I promise. We will help keep each other’s families safe,” Chad said.

  He slid the plate of mandazi to the center of the table.

  “Eat. You’ll need your energy, Warrior.”

  The kid took a doughnut but paused before taking a bite. The corner of his mouth quirked up and his worry was replaced with a more typical, cocky, teen-boy grin.

  “My name is Leboo. But Warrior is good, too.”

  * * *

  THREE DAYS LATER and it was over.

  Lexi couldn’t believe how fast it all happened.

  Everything Chad had suspected about the injured poacher had been true. His team had betrayed and abandoned him. But, according to Ben, that had made it easier to milk him for information, which in turn had led them to the ring leader.

  She was relieved that everything could get back to normal...this time, for real. She picked a fig and added it to the small, wicker basket. She’d already managed to fill one with mangoes and wanted to pick as much as she could before it rained again.

  Reth was nursing well and Dalila had insisted on burping him for her. Lexi was supposed to be taking advantage of that time to rest, but she really needed fresh air more than anything. She wanted to think after all that had happened.

  Since the poacher had been caught, Chad had been pulling back. He’d gone from relaxing with her and the baby to spending more and more time talking to KWS and his dad about the ring leader and going out target shooting.

  Was he planning to leave her and Reth? Or did he want to pursue whatever was between them? The way he looked at her and at the baby made Lexi feel confident and wonderful inside.

  She found herself imagining them living in the bungalow here at the clinic, helping people, raising Reth...maybe even having more children. She’d be part of a family at last—not just the three of them, but the extended Corallis clan. Coming out here had been good for Chad, but more importantly, it had brought them together. And now she couldn’t imagine being apart. Being together felt so right. She wanted to be with him for the rest of their lives. But did Chad even want that? Did he even love her that way? Did she have the courage to ask?

  Did she dare?

  She stopped picking fruit and stared beyond the clinic grounds and across the savannah grasses that were already shedding their golden sheaths in favor of shades of promising, opulent greens. Transformation. Change. Life depended on it. How willing would Chad be to change his life forever? To change hers?

  Ask him.

  She bit her lower lip. She couldn’t ask. She was moving too fast. Expecting too much.

  But you want this so badly. You love him. Take the risk.

  “Daydreaming?”

  She jolted and dropped the basket then slapped her hands to her chest.

  “You scared the living daylight out of me!”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Chad pulled her in close, then picked up the basket and the few figs left in it. The rest were better left where they’d rolled. Critters would enjoy them.

  “I’m okay. You just took me by surprise.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “This is because of what happened—Leboo taking you at knifepoint in the tent.”

  Maybe it was a mild case of PTSD, but very mild. It wasn’t like she had nightmares about it, probably because everything had ended well.

  “My mind was elsewhere. That’s all.” She scanned the camp. “Is he going to be okay? Leboo, I mean.”

  “He will be. I asked my dad and Maddie to look out for him when he testifies and to get him back home safely. He can be a harsh guy, my dad, but I reminded him of some of the trouble I got myself into at that age.”

  “You’re not going to share, are you?”

  “Got that right,” he said, scratching his jaw. “Let’s just say my dad smiled, shook his head and told me not to worry about the kid.”

  She had to laugh. “You’d make a great father yourself, you know. I can see it. Your patience, understanding...the experience you have to draw from so the kid can’t blindside you with his antics.”

  He didn’t smile. Instead he tucked his hand in his pocket and looked down the wet road.

  Tell him. You pushed Jacey and Taj to face their feelings and open up to each other. Practice what you preach. Ask him.

  She swallowed back the lump in her throat and wiped her hands against her shirt.

  “You’d make a great husband, too.”

  He frowned and looked at his boots before meeting her gaze.

  “What are you doing, Lexi?”

  “I’m...I’m asking you to marry me. To be a family and raise our kids here. I’m in love with you, Chad. I can’t help it. I tried to fight it because of Tony, but I can’t anymore. I don’t think he’d want me or our baby to suffer forever because he’s gone. And being without you would be the worst kind of suffering. I’m sure you must feel at least a little of what I do. I’m hoping you do.”

  His face fell and she immediately knew the answer. Her chest tightened and squeezed against her throat. Why had she said anything? Why?

  “I can’t do this, Lex. I can’t live out here, knowing you’ll always be a step away from danger. It took teamwork to keep you safe this time. I’m not sure I could have pulled it off alone. If it’s not more poachers and evil men, then it’ll be a lion or snake or something else with jaws.

  “I can’t stand by and watch as you put yourself in danger. I made a promise to Tony a
nd I’ve done what I can to make sure you’re okay. But I can’t force you to leave. I realize that now. The fence should be done soon and my mom hired several of the Masai teens who were helping with the fence to work here, one as a guard and the other who’s interested in studying medicine someday. Ben also told me he had a new recruit and he was going to station him here as a permanent guard.” The guy was about Chad’s age. What if he was single and he fell for Lexi? He hated feeling jealous. He had no right to. “I have to go Lex.”

  “No. You know I’m needed out here. I can’t leave. But you don’t have anything tying you down right now. You could move. Be here with us. With me.”

  He pressed his finger and thumb against his eyes then rested his hand on his belt.

  “I do have something. I’m planning to reenlist.”

  “Reenlist? With your level of injuries?”

  “I might not be able to participate in special ops, but at least I could be doing something that would make a difference. Combat isn’t the only way to find the bad guys and root out evil. I was born to do that. I can understand why this clinic is important to you and I’ll admit, it’s needed out here, but I can’t live each day worrying about what’s going to happen and if next time I won’t be so lucky. The guys my parents hired can protect and help you and the baby better than I can. And I believe I can make the world safer by reenlisting.”

  The baby. He was keeping it impersonal. He hadn’t even said that he loved her, too.

  “This is your calling, to be out here, Lexi, but it isn’t mine. I’m not a doctor or a nurse. I can’t be what Tony was for you. I need to reclaim my life and get back to doing the only thing I ever did well.”

  She was such a fool. What was all this then? The holding, kisses and tugging energy between them that she knew she hadn’t imagined... Was he bored out here and using her for entertainment?

  “Lexi, please understand. Being a marine is my calling in life. I can’t turn down a chance to go back. You helped me get to this place. You helped me heal beyond my injuries. I owe you for that. No words could express how grateful I am for it. You made me realize I’m more than my scars and capable of doing more. That’s the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.”

  She bit her lower lip and scratched her chin to stop it from quivering, but she could tell by the pain on his face that he’d noticed.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Lexi. And I don’t want to leave you. But I have to. It’s my duty to serve. By leaving, I’ll be making the world safer for you and Reth.”

  “No, this isn’t some noble pursuit. You’re a coward,” she said. “And you’re running away.”

  “You’re wrong. I’m headed toward something that—” He scrubbed his mouth with his hand. “I do love you, Lexi. I love you both. But my leaving is best for everyone. How long would I last here doing nothing? What kind of example would that set for a child?”

  “Your father gave up his career for you.”

  “That was different. Our mother died. And he’d had a chance to serve for years. This is different. I’ve always idolized my dad, and I wanted to be just like him. But I realize now we’re not the same. I have to follow my own path, and that means reenlisting. That’s the best way I can help you and Reth.”

  “Don’t you dare pretend you’re doing this for us. You’re doing this for yourself. You’re protecting yourself. Chad, just because your father lost his first wife doesn’t mean that will happen to you. Have you forgotten that I know what it’s like to lose parents? You were old enough to remember Zoe, and her death must have had an impact on you, but you can’t use your career as an avoidance tactic.”

  “Don’t accuse a marine of being a coward. Just don’t even go there. I’m not avoiding anything. I think I’ve proved that I face things head-on. I walk around with that proof every day. And finally...finally...I’ve come to realize that there had to be a reason I survived that explosion. I’m still alive because I’m meant to go back.”

  “Right. Your reason for being alive couldn’t possibly be right in front of your eyes. That would be too simple. Your reason to live has to be some grandiose, medal-earning, risk-taking, adrenaline-laden martyrdom.”

  “I won’t be serving in the same way, but at least I’d be serving my dream the way you’ve insisted on pursuing yours here. You’re not being fair.”

  “I don’t care if I am or if I’m not. I’m done. Go. Just go. I was fine before you came into my life and I’ll be fine—if not better—when you leave. I may not have given an arm but I’m a strong person, too. My life out here matters. If it’s not all good enough for you, that’s your loss. You’re throwing away more than you’ll ever know, because if it ever came to it, I would have given more than my right arm for you. I’d have given my life for you, Chad. But if you can’t understand that, then you don’t deserve me.”

  He had no response to that.

  “Well, I’m going to save what’s left of my pride and go back to the house to check on my baby. And you’re not going to follow me or call after me or anything. Understood?”

  “Lexi—” He started to reach out but she shrugged him off.

  “I mean it. Don’t ever look at me like I mean something to you. Just don’t.”

  A single sob escaped with her last word, but she kept her back straight and marched away.

  She should never have let her guard down. She should have kept her focus on helping others...not indulging what she wanted for herself. She should have never let him into her heart.

  She would never make that mistake again.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “IT’S JUST GOING to be you and me, little guy. That’s just how it was meant to be. You and me. We don’t need anyone else.”

  Lexi had learned early on in life, through all her foster care years, that she could survive on her own. She didn’t have to count on anyone. She was a survivor...everyone else’s caretaker and more comfortable with giving than taking. She didn’t need anyone looking after her. That only set a person up for disappointment.

  First all the families that didn’t want her. Then Tony’s death. Now Chad leaving. Both men were so different, yet each had worked their way into her heart without her realizing it. Each had been driven to save the world in a different way. They were givers, like she was...like their families clearly were, too.

  She pressed her lips to her baby’s soft, sweet forehead and closed her eyes against the burn of tears. Family.

  Heaven help her, she missed Tony, but the pain of losing Chad was the rawest right now. She loved him. Really loved him. She’d let him in. She’d let his family embrace her. It had felt good to be part of something...part of a family...a tribe.

  Her work here made her a part of something big and fulfilling, and the people from all the surrounding villages meant so much to her. They were her community. But Chad and his family had made her feel like a part of their inner circle...their family unit. They had been her tribe.

  And now it was all gone.

  “We don’t need anyone,” she whispered again to Reth. She dried a tear that had fallen on her baby’s cheek. It felt like a lie.

  She longed for Chad to be a part of their lives. She wanted him around because...because she enjoyed seeing him every morning or watching him cradle Baby Reth. She missed the way he looked at her. He’d enveloped her in a sacred kind of love. He’d made her feel cared for...like she mattered. And being able to lean on someone she trusted the way she trusted Chad with her life, made her feel like she had finally surfaced and filled her lungs after years of holding her breath, as though trapped in deep waters. With Chad, she wasn’t just surviving. She was able to live life and take it all in, openhearted.

  How would she breathe without him?

  A sob escaped her and Reth opened his eyes and shoved his fist in his mouth.

  “It’s okay. I’ll be here for you. Always.” />
  Promises. She needed to be careful with them. Tony had made that promise. One he couldn’t keep. And now Chad wanted to head back out to a war zone. She couldn’t put herself through that again. The waiting, not knowing, or worse...getting soul-crushing news. Going through that again would destroy her.

  She gritted her teeth and swallowed hard. Weren’t she and Baby Reth enough? Weren’t they enough for Chad...enough for his heart, mind and soul to choose staying here with them over his urge to chase the bad guys or to be a hero?

  Would she ever be enough for someone?

  Why couldn’t he be her hero?

  The baby’s gurgling and fussing turned to crying. She shifted in the chair, adjusted her shirt and began nursing.

  “You’re a lucky kid. You almost had two dads—the one who made you and the one who brought you into the world. Even without them around, you’ll be surrounded by love from friends and from me. That’s one thing you can count on. You’ll always be loved.”

  * * *

  THE PAIN WAS BACK.

  Chad only now realized that he hadn’t felt the phantom pain where his right arm had been since the first couple of days at the clinic, when he’d managed to keep the attacks from taking full hold. This wasn’t as bad as when he’d first returned to Kenya, but it was still enough to come out of nowhere and sweep through him mercilessly.

  Why now, when he hadn’t felt it back at the clinic in several weeks? Was it stress induced? Or because he’d returned to his parents’ home? Maybe being around Lexi had given him something else to focus on. Maybe his days with her, working on the fence, relaxing with her in the evenings and living in a way that hadn’t been defined—a way of life his brain had to adjust to—had helped his brain accept his injury. It was as if being with Lexi had rewired him. Not in a bad way. She’d just made him see life differently.

  He took a drink of water and dragged himself downstairs. Roosevelt met him at the bottom step, sitting patiently, yet wagging his tail hard enough to polish the floor behind him.