The Flow

by Effrosyni Moschoudi

  A great number of people were walking idly along the promenade. As they joined them, Laura tightened the collar of her fur coat against the breeze. The coat had been just one of dozens of presents Charles had given her in the last month that they’d been together. She had accepted them all gracefully. A concubine has no right for complaints or rejections. She had accepted her fate without voicing as much as one negative comment.

  To see them together, you’d think they were very much in love. She knew the rules of the game and she’d given it her all to please him in their private moments in his house whenever he sent the car to fetch her. She was a paid whore, she knew it well, and she did the deeds expected of her. That’s how she saw it and had come to accept it, so that she could function accordingly.

  Her payment was in kind of course, and it was the safety of her loved ones. To his credit, Charles had kept his side of the bargain. He was so pleased to have her at last that he hadn’t mentioned Christian for weeks, and of course he’d given her his word he’d never seek to hurt him. Laura hoped, if anything, that it was still the word of a gentleman. As for her mother, she was still in the sanatorium and was getting stronger by the day. There was only one thing that weighed down on her: the thought that Christian believed she had betrayed him. She couldn’t bear it, and it was always on her mind even though she hadn’t seen him at all since that tragic day.

  Thankfully, Charles had understood and he had respected her request not to ask her to visit the Pier for a while. Since the day of her parting with Christian, she hadn’t been there at all in order to avoid bumping into him. It was bad enough, risking being on the promenade with Charles that day in case he was anywhere near. But Charles had proposed a brisk walk by the sea on their way to the restaurant where he had booked a table for lunch, and she didn’t want to spoil his breezy mood with an objection.

  She was careful not to say no to him at all unless absolutely necessary. She still feared him and what he was capable of. She tried to do as she was told, hoping that eventually he would tire of her and set her free one day, allowing her to live with dignity again.

  She shivered slightly as they walked, her arm around his, and he turned a smiling face to her to point at the street band that played up ahead. He was oblivious to it all. It was like he’d even forgotten she was there only because of his threats and his malice.

  “Are you cold, darling?”

  “Only a little, Charles.”

  He gave a frown. “I thought you’d enjoy the walk.”

  “Oh, of course, this is wonderful.” She forced herself to smile brightly.

  “How are the rehearsals going for the upcoming show?”

  “Very well. I really enjoy the dancing routines.”

  “Good! Dancing was the only thing that might present a challenge for you, my love, for I do not believe there is a song you couldn’t sing like an angel,” he said patting her hand.

  “Thank you,” she replied, fully aware how aloof she sounded in comparison to him. Yet, she couldn’t help it. Calling him ‘my love’ for example, like he had just done, was simply unthinkable to her. But even concubines have their limits. Luckily, he hadn’t demanded of her to refer to him in similarly affectionate terms. It was bad enough that she had to endure it when he expressed himself thus.

  “So, when are you starting the rehearsals at the Pavilion?”

  “In a couple of weeks.” She shot a cursory glance at the theatre building that perched on the West Pier in the distance like a privileged nesting bird. It was the place that had started it all and she hated it, even though it was where Christian worked. She dreaded it, having to go back there with the pretence that she was Charles’s sweetheart. Christian would surely find out sooner or later if he hadn’t already. They had mutual friends, after all.

  With the exception of Maggie who knew the truth, everyone else, including Christian, would be bound to think badly of Laura. For example, Meg and Paul had made themselves scarce and didn’t visit the house any more. Maggie hadn’t told anyone the truth, and so, they probably despised her by now, thinking she’d dumped Christian over Charles’s money . . . and who would blame them?

  “What is it, dear?” asked Charles when he noticed the deep frown on her face.

  Startled, Laura threw him an uneasy glance. “I’m all right.” She shook her head and raised one hand to flick a long, bouncy curl behind her shoulder. “It’s just nerves about the show,” she lied, smiling for effect.

  “Bah! You’re a star!” he responded waving his hand dismissively. “You’ll leave them all speechless again, my darling!”

  ***

  “Christian!” shouted Maggie from behind her haberdashery stall. It was her work post during the wintry months when the swimming station was shut down.

  “Sorry Mags, I was miles away,” he replied tapping his forehead with his hand when he turned around to face her. Maggie smirked at him and noticed a paper bag from the bait shop in his hand.

  “Caught anything good lately?” she asked pointing at it with a chuckle.

  “Eh, you know, this and that,” he said running his fingers through his hair and throwing a glance at the Pavilion up ahead. The fringe on his forehead had grown too long and kept falling over his eyes, but he didn’t have the inclination to go have it cut. He wasn’t inclined to do anything these days, except work and sleep, like a machine. It was the only way to function, just to go through the motions, welcoming the overtime for the first time in ages, instead of begrudging it, seeing that he didn’t have much of a personal life any more.

  “What’s the big rush, anyway?” She noticed he looked uneasy, as if he couldn’t wait to leave. “Are you hurrying to go back to work? That’s not like you!” She gave a titter. “Has Mr Thornton been working you boys too hard?”

  “Ah . . . same as always,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Are you taking good care of yourself? You look rather run down, my friend.”

  “I’m all right, I guess,” he answered, his voice trailing off as he made to go. But he changed his mind all of a sudden. He turned back and instead of saying goodbye, he fixed her with a decisive stare.

  “Tell me, Mags, just tell me! How do you rationalise what she’s done, enough for you to live with her still and not feel sickened by the very sight of her?” he blurted out, anger exploding inside him, making his eyes twinkle with rage as his hands gestured wildly.

  “Please let’s not do this again, Christian!” she pleaded in response. “I’ve told you before, it is what it is! Let it go, for your sake.”

  “But I don’t understand it. Why do you stand by her? Because of her, you’ve distanced yourself from the rest of us. It’s not fair!”

  “Christian please, just leave it alone!”

  “No, listen! Paul said you don’t spend time with Meg any more. And every time I ask you to join us for a drink you make one excuse after another. What are we supposed to think? That you’ve chosen sides, preferring her to all of us? This conniving woman, who has her priorities all wrong? Money before love? How can you stand by her and keep her in your house after what she’s done?”

  “Christian, please don’t do this, all right? And as for Meg and Paul, I have nothing against them. I haven’t chosen sides. They’re still my friends, and so are you. We can all still be friends together!”

  “Friends? With her? Are you joking?”

  “Okay, so maybe you, Paul and Meg don’t want to be friends with Laura any more, but that doesn’t mean I can’t if I want to.”

  “Don’t you see it’s all her fault? We had a perfect circle of friendship, and now it’s broken because of her! It’s not only what she did to me. It’s what she did to all of us! Why do you stand by her?”

  “Don’t ask me to take sides Christian, I won't do that!”

  “Why not? Paul and Meg have sided with me! Why can't you?”

  “Laura needs me. I’m her friend and she’s mine,” she responded raising her chin defiantly. If you’re my friend to
o, you’ll have to understand this. Meg and Paul too.”

  Christian pointed at her with a sharp finger, his eyes ablaze. “You’re wrong, Mags! She doesn’t deserve to have any friends! And as for her needing you, you’re fooling yourself! She’s got Willard and that’s all she needs!”

  “It won't help you to hang on to anger and bitterness! Just let it go!”

  “She’s with him now, isn't she? I mean, they’re not just friends any more, are they?” he asked and his voice softened all of a sudden, revealing his inner pain. It took Maggie by surprise. He looked so vulnerable before her eyes then.

  “All I can say is that you have to let her go, once and for all,” she said, tenderly now, shaking her head.

  “I just saw them on my way here, you know,” he revealed frowning, after a few moments of hesitation.

  “Did you?”

  “Yes. They were watching a street band play on the promenade. She was draped all over him in an expensive fur coat, all dolled up and looking like the perfect accessory to him!” His face contorted into a mask of disgust.

  “I’m sorry Christian . . .”

  “Does she even love him?” His voice quivered as he said this.

  “Please don’t torture yourself any more.”

  “That’s what she always wanted, wasn’t it?” he asked ruefully and looked away to wipe his eyes. It had been bad enough to see her again after so long, but to see her happy next to that bastard and then have to talk about it had been way too much for his dignity. Thankfully, it was just Mags, sweet Mags . . . she would keep it to herself and not shame him by telling anyone she’d seen him cry over Laura.

  “I can't bear it any more, Mags, dreading meeting her around town. I’m thinking about leaving Brighton.”

  “What? Are you sure?”

  “Yes. It’s the only way to forget her . . . put some miles between us . . . start anew somewhere else. The theatre job will soon turn into a nightmare for me if I don’t go. I heard she’s starting rehearsals here soon. How can I be anywhere near her now? The place itself makes me sick as it is. It’s all because of this damned theatre that she met him and that I lost her . . .” His voice trailed off, and he gave a deep sigh that conveyed all that remained unsaid.

  “Do you have anywhere to go?” asked Maggie, coming around from behind the stall to place a reassuring hand on his arm.

  “There’s my aunt in Devon. You remember Cousin Emily from Meg and Paul’s wedding, don’t you? That’s her daughter.”

  Maggie nodded.

  “Well, they have a farm and are planning to get more animals. They’re going to need workers soon. When they mentioned it on the telephone the other day, it sounded like the perfect opportunity for me to escape this total mess.”

  “I think you ought to pursue that, Christian.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yes. You have to take care of yourself. Move on . . . start afresh. And living with family is even better than going off somewhere to be by yourself. This way, I won't have to worry about you.” She gave a wry smile.

  Christian gave her a spontaneous hug. “Cheers, Mags. You’re a brick. I am . . . sorry about before.” He shrugged, his eyes flinching with embarrassment as he turned to go.

  “I understand.” As she watched him go she wondered if she should tell Laura about this. Perhaps she’d wait until she knew for sure that he was leaving. It was for the best, she could see that. It would make life for Laura so much easier. Maggie sighed deeply as she returned to her post, lost in thought. If only Charles would leave Laura alone . . . If only I could bring her and Christian together again! Still, all that seemed impossible now. Perhaps in time things could change to bring hope and opportunity for all that. For now, all she could do is remain a friend to Laura, and pray for better days.

  ***

  When Maggie walked through the door that afternoon after work, she expected no one to be at home, and yet, the light was on in the back room. She could see it from the corridor and the breath caught in her throat. These days, anything unexpected made her worry. So much had happened in the recent months. First, Ruth’s sudden illness and then Laura’s involvement with Charles that had eventually caused so much devastation to her. She tried desperately to keep the faith that all would be mended in the end, but somehow, all Maggie found herself doing these days is dread and anticipate the next disaster to strike.

  “Laura? You’re here! I thought you’d come home late today,” she asked as soon as she emerged into the sitting room to find her friend lying on the sofa with a book. The wireless played soft music, and she sighed with relief before Laura even responded. It couldn’t be anything bad if she was relaxing with a book in hand.

  “Hello, Maggie,” replied Laura putting the book down.

  Maggie noticed dark circles under her eyes. Her friend looked tired so often these days. But there was something else too. She seemed somewhat concerned. “What’s the matter? Are you unwell?” she asked as she approached.

  “Oh, Maggie, I’ve got news to tell you!”

  Maggie registered apprehension in her friend’s eyes and thought the worst. What has that bastard done again? “Is it Charles?” she asked, sitting at the edge of the sofa.

  Laura gave a dismissive wave. “No, don’t worry, it’s nothing like that.”

  “What’s the matter then? I must say, you look awfully tired.” She patted her friend’s hand, concern creasing her forehead.

  “I fainted in the restaurant.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I’ll tell you . . . but let me tell you this first: Charles was wonderful, very attentive! Luckily, a doctor was there among the patrons to help me, and I’m fine now. You needn’t worry.”

  “But why did you faint?” Maggie interrupted her, her eyes alight with unease.

  “It was very warm in there, Maggie. And when the main course came steaming hot, somehow it made me nauseous. I thought I’d throw up and stood to excuse myself and go to the Ladies, but then I collapsed onto the floor.”

  “What? That doesn’t sound good, Laura! Did that doctor you mentioned say anything?” she asked, anxiety colouring her face.

  “Never mind that doctor, Maggie! Charles took me there and then to the hospital to see Dr Barnett!”

  “And? For God’s sake, Laura!” Maggie flailed her arms about. “What did the doctor say?”

  “Oh Maggie . . . I’m pregnant!” Laura’s face lit up but in stark contrast, Maggie’s face dropped then. Her jaw dropped and even her wide, concerned eyes seemed to retreat back into their sockets. It took her a few seconds to take it all in, but even when that happened, she still didn’t seem to know how to take it.

  “But . . . is it Charles’s?” was all she could think to say in a hesitant whisper.

  “I believe so . . . I always took precautions with Christian and now, also with Charles. The only time I didn’t was that first night at the castle . . . you know . . .” she replied, her voice trailing off.

  “I see,” Maggie said, nodding firmly. “And what are you going to do about it?”

  “Well, I have no choice really,” Laura answered, astonishment setting her eyes alight. “Surely, you’re not suggesting . . .”

  “No! Of course not!”

  “It is a new life . . . and even if it’s Charles’s, I have no right to end it. You do understand, don’t you Maggie?”

  “Of course I do, but what are you going to do? Marry the man?”

  “I have to. I have to do right by the baby.”

  Maggie knitted her brows. “Has he even asked you to marry him?”

  “Yes, he actually proposed at the surgery. He was really happy to hear I’m pregnant.”

  “Laura, just listen to yourself! This is your rapist we’re talking about!”

  “Maggie, I have a baby growing inside me. I have to forget all about that now.”

  “Is this what you intend to do with your life, Laura? You’re going to sacrifice yourself so that everyone except you can be happy?�
��

  “What is it now? What are you referring to?”

  “Christian, of course! Have you forgotten about him? He’s suffering Laura . . . and so are you! You used to suffer, that is, up until now. And all of a sudden you’re happy to marry Charles?”

  “I haven’t forgotten Christian! For God’s sake, Maggie! You should know that better than anyone else!” Laura responded and burst out crying, tears streaming from her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Laura! I didn’t mean to upset you,” said Maggie and opened her arms to hold her. Laura held her too, allowing her friend to cradle her in her tender embrace.

  “As much as I still love him, I have to think of the baby now,” mumbled Laura after a while, when Maggie let her go.

  “I really hope you know what you’re doing. Surely you realise that if you go ahead and marry Charles, there’s no going back. Any hope you may have left to be with Christian again one day will be lost forever.”

  “Forever . . .” whispered Laura shaking her head ruefully.

  “Are you sure you can bear that?”

  “I’ll have to, Maggie; I have no other option. And, you know, I think it won't be so bad once I’ve managed to let go of Christian. Yes, Charles did something terrible to make me his. Granted, he has acted like a common criminal. He has been cunning and evil . . . But somehow, he seems different now. I dare say he loves me. I am confident he will take care of our child and me.”

  “And what about love? What about Christian? What about you?”

  “It’s over Maggie . . .”

  Maggie cast a defiant gaze at her friend. “I might as well tell you then, now that you seem to have made your decision.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “Christian is leaving Brighton. He’s moving to Devon to live with his cousin Emily and her mother at their farm.”

  “Leave? Why?”

  “Don’t you know? I saw him again today, Laura. He’s a mess.”

  Laura nodded and then looked away. Nothing else needed to be said or to be explained. Everything had just fallen into place. Their parting was going to be made irrevocable soon, and it was going to be for the best, for everyone concerned.