by Lucy Rains
“To hell with Zraa,” Gavin hissed. “Our biggest concern is not them.”
“I agree with Gavin,” Pierce said. “We use old passports, ones from Florida. Ones that Matteo is not familiar with.”
I heard a groan and it took me a minute to realize it was from Alex. “This is bad.”
“We just need time to disappear,” Pierce said.
“I feel like we’ve said that a lot in the past few months.” Kyson pointed out.
He was right. We had been trying to run from one threat and then another. The realization weighed on my mind and I pulled my blankets over my head. I had heard enough planning that I was ready to slip into my dark hole that would relieve me from my current pain.
*********************
Sleep did not relieve me from my pain.
It followed me into my dreams and ripped me apart.
Screams echoed through my head, blood was everywhere I looked.
Roman’s face would appear, the familiar fear and mistrust in his eyes.
Pierce would be shot. Then Kyson. Then Alex.
Then Charles.
I was running to him, trying to push him behind the log.
But I was never fast enough.
I awoke with tears on my cheeks, my heart pounding.
“Shh, little jewel,” Kyson whispered. His thick arms wrapped around my back and pulled me deep into his chest.
The confidence I had felt earlier the previous day when I had regained my strength was gone. My renewed body was not enough to keep me from feeling the emotional aftershocks of the mission we had completed, and the damage that was done.
Kyson pulled my back against his warm chest and buried his face into my still damp hair. I closed my eyes as I allowed myself to feel his body everywhere around me. His hand pushed into my sternum and sent my vibrations into a buzzing hum that allowed tension to ease from my muscles.
We sat like this for a few minutes, I allowed my tears to stop and dry. I worked on controlling my breathing and bringing my heart rate down. The pain of losing Charles was too fresh. Too new. When my mind was clear from my dreams, the ache in my chest returned.
I sighed and shifted away, “I’m going to get some water.”
Kyson’s body tensed, “We have some up here.”
My blankets fell away from my body, “I know. But I want to move around.”
A low growl rumbled from a nearby pile of blankets.
“I won’t go outside,” I whispered. My sixth sense reached out and felt that the emotions downstairs were wide awake.
No one moved as I left the room, and the door creaked closed behind me.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs I found Merrick standing in front of the large living room window, looking outside. His arms were crossed and his back was to me. I could sense Roman near, but not within the room. My head turned, scanning for him.
“He’s on the porch,” Merrick said, answering my unspoken question.
When I saw the shadow of a rocking chair moving on the wooden boards I relaxed a little. His mood was calm, his own senses alert. I threw a quick glance at Merrick’s back and then went into the kitchen.
Merrick’s soft footsteps were quiet, but not soundless to my ears. I filled my glass of water and kept my back to Merrick. My eyes traced over the plaid pattern of the faded curtains over the kitchen window as he approached me.
“Do you want to talk?” he asked.
I swished water around my mouth before swallowing. “I didn’t come down to talk.”
“I figured you would have more questions.”
I drained my glass and set it down in the sink. He was right, of course. I had a million more questions. Countless things I wondered about. But since losing Charles and then Harold, my spirit had dampened.
“You did well today,” he said, his voice soft with encouragement.
A huff of disbelief came out of my mouth. “Well?” I shook my head.
“You did what you needed to do.”
Merrick was right again. I needed Roman, I got Roman. The rest of my victri were alive and well. It was a good outcome. Charles would be proud of me.
“I should have been stronger,” I whispered.
“Your highness,” he said, taking a step closer.
I cringed and turned to face him. His soft face was not apologetic at the term he used to address me.
“You are anything but weak,” he continued. “You are the strongest ever of our kind. You were born into a world of war and conflict. This would have been your life whether in this world or ours.”
“But I-”
“Five victri? This is amazing!" He whisper shouted. "Never before has an empress had so many, and so talented.”
My mouth closed and I thought about his words for a moment. “How many did my mother have?”
The excitement in his eyes softened, “Only two. It has always been only two.”
My fingers went to my lips, brushing at them softly. “How does an empress chose her vicitri?”
He sighed, “When the krin passes to the next empress, the males born of a chosen bloodline come together for a sacred assembly.”
“Chosen bloodline?”
Merrick nodded, “The warriors of our world.”
“Does that mean...are the guys…”
A smile pulled at Merrick’s lips, “Some of them are related, yes.”
Five faces flashed through my mind, curious about this information. But my question had not been answered. “Then what?”
“The males are brought to the new empress, one at a time. Each one takes a turn and lays a hand on the empress’s own hand. If they are to be her victri, the krin will chose them.”
“How?”
Merrick smiled again. “The power of the krin flows through them and they fall unconscious. The krin uses their sleeping state to bind their souls to the empress.”
A sudden sour ache filled my stomach and my face dropped.
“What is it?” Merrick asked.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “Is that the only reason they love me? Do they only have feelings for me because of the krin?”
Merrick gave me a reassuring smile. “Every Lothree has their agency and choice. The need to protect and care for the empress is carved into their every fiber. The same with you, your krin cares for them, wants to help them. But they were chosen for you because they are perfect for you, designed for you. And you for them. That is why they love you, not because of the power of the krin. The krin chose them, knowing you would be right for each other. The krin has flowed through their veins as well, you are bound together closer than any Lothree can ever be.”
My eyes lost focus and I chewed on the finger that had been touching my lips. The krin did not force the guys to feel affection for me. My heart delighted in the realization of that news. But when I saw a tall figure stand on the front porch, my heart sank again.
“So,” I hesitated, looking back to Merrick, “what about him?”
I looked to Merrick, his emotions turned regretful and my eyes fell to the ground.
“There has never been a victri who did not love his deja. But your situation is so unique, it is impossible to predict. He will care for you and have the instinctual drive to keep you safe, healthy, and happy. But…” Merrick paused to think about his next words, “He has been in a dark place for his entire life. He is scared, and more than anything, his soul is damaged. You will have to work hard to break him free from the pain of his past.”
I considered his words, “I don’t know if he can be much worse than Gavin.”
Merrick shrugged, “We shall see.”
His use of the word ‘we’ gave me a moment’s pause. I had been so focused on the next step for our group, I had not thought about Merrick’s future. “What will you do now?”
His lips pressed together and he gave another shrug. “I am at your or your group’s mercy. I have nothing but the clothes on my back.”
The express
ions he used were so normal, so American. “Why do you talk like we do?” I asked suddenly. “They speak english on Lothreland? Nara was very fluent as well.”
“Yes. Our languages are compatible. This is not an easy question to answer and will take much time. You should rest now.” Merrick began walking around the small middle island to leave the kitchen.
“Wait!” I said quickly. “What is his ability?” I lowered my voice, “What can he do?”
Merrick’s eyes softened but he did not smile. “It will be better if he showed you himself.”
“But-”
“When he is ready, your highness.”
My shoulders drop and I nodded, disappointed.
Through our small conversation I had been fighting off the pull of exhaustion. His words gave me allowance to acknowledge them. My head nodded and I turned to the stairs.
As I took the first step I turned to the window one more time. My eyes met Roman’s through the clear glass and I paused.
He did not look away this time.
Chapter 36
Sleep never came for me that night.
Exhaustion weighed on me, but my mind would not allow me to relax. Kyson’s hand stayed firmly on the center of my chest, his body wrapped around mine. But it was not enough. Blood and death were there every time I tried to drift off.
When the first morning rays began peering through the gray wool curtains, Pierce and Gavin left the bedroom together. I could feel that Kyson’s and Alex’s mind were still deep in sleep. My stomach had begun twisting in hunger, but I ignored it for a while longer so that I could postpone rising for the day.
Sometime in the night, when the room was filled with the sounds of deep breathing, and I stared at the wooden ceiling beams, I whispered my goodbyes to Charles. It was imperative that my mind be fully focused on the present. I could not allow myself to be weighed down with the grief that Charles’s death brought to me. The images of his prone body were not so easily dismissed. The absence of life from his mind. If I let my mind rest on these details it was easy to become upset. So, I needed to let him go. I needed to move past his death. With a firm resolve to keep his memory in my heart and mind, I released the sorrow that was burning in me and made an intense effort to move on.
A kink was beginning to form in my neck and I knew I couldn’t lie on the hard floor any longer. Kyson and Alex started to stir as I threw on a light jacket and left the room. I avoided the creaking stairs at the left side on the very top and padded lightly down the steps.
Someone was moving around the kitchen, confused, frustrated. My senses told me that Pierce and Gavin were outside. I stilled for a moment when I realized it was Roman in the kitchen. Alone.
When I reached the bottom I could see Pierce and Gavin standing outside on the porch, arms crossed, their breaths visible in the chilly air. They stopped talking and both turned to look through the window at me. I pivoted away from them to face the kitchen. Roman stood by a counter, holding a bowl in one hand, looking into a cabinet. Meanwhile, the faucet water was running and fridge door gaped wide open.
My eyebrows pinched together as I regarded him. He had found a black sweatshirt and wore loose jeans that hung low on his hips. His dark hair still hung around his face, framing his high cheekbones. He was obviously lost in thought and I walked over slowly to avoid scaring him.
“Can I help you?” I asked. My hand reached out and pushed the fridge door closed.
His head jerked up and he looked at me, taking a step back.
I took another step forward and pulled the faucet handle down to shut off the water. “Are you looking for food?”
The waves of emotions coming from him were scattered, unsteady. He was nervous, yet curious. I could tell he didn’t know what he should do in that moment. My own nerves felt tight as I stood with Roman. I questioned everything I did, everything I said, worried that it would only increase his discomfort in my presence.
My hand reached out, offering to take the bowl from him. He glanced down at it and handed it to me. I pulled out a black ceramic bowl from the fridge that held the leftovers of our breakfast from the day before, and poured it into Roman’s smaller bowl.
“Do you know who I am?” I asked softly, keeping my eyes on the beige colored slush.
A few seconds passed before Roman answered. “You are Sanaleen. Empress of Lothreland.”
I found a spoon in a drawer behind me, unable to stop my eyes from rolling. “Please call me Jade,” I said dryly.
The spoon made a harsh scraping sound against the bowl as I gathered the last remains of food in it. I tried again, “Do you know why I came to you?” I set the empty bowl down and looked up into his green eyes.
His eyes had been on me up until I looked up at him. When I met his stare, he looked to the bowl of food. “Yes.”
I waited for him to say something else, but he offered no more information. I turned and placed the small bowl of porridge like substance in the ancient microwave in the corner of the kitchen.
Before I could ask him another question the front door opened and the guys walked inside.
Irritation spiked in me at the sight of them. “Why didn’t you guys help him get food?”
“He said he didn’t need help,” Gavin answered in defense.
I turned back to Roman as he watched the microwave intently. Everything was going to be new for him, I realized. “Did they let you watch movies? TV?”
Roman’s head bobbed as he reached out to trace a finger over the microwave timer dial.
Turning back to the guys, “Did you eat?”
They shook their heads as Merrick appeared in the front room, buttoning up a plaid shirt.
The ding of the microwave signaled that the food was heated. Roman pulled on the plastic handle to open it and retrieve his food.
“Wait!” I said, reaching out to touch his wrist before he grabbed the bowl. His hands jerked back and away from my own before I could touch him. I looked up instinctively, trying to read his face. He avoided my eyes and I felt his unsurety. “It’s going to be really hot,” I explained.
I began opening drawers around the kitchen to look for a towel or something to wrap around the bowl, when a gasp and shattering crash sounded.
I spun around to see Roman’s bowl of slush sprayed over the floor with only pieces of the bowl remaining. He shook his hands, his face filled with painful distress.
My mouth dropped open in surprise. “What the hell did I say?” I asked in irritation. I flipped the handle up on the faucet to turn the water back on. “Bring your hands over here!”
I motioned Roman over but he just stood there, staring at his hands and looking at the bowl on the ground. My sixth sense knew he was hurting. I reached a hand out to pull his arm close to the water but he jerked back from me again. His foot slid in a puddle of porridge, causing his hip to smack a drawer handle.
“Listen to her, Roman,” Merrick commanded as he walked over to us.
Roman glanced at me and then back to Merrick. I stood, dumbfounded at Roman’s reactions to me. Like I was poisonous. Other than throwing us out a window, I had yet to even touch him.
Because he didn’t want me to.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” his low voice sounded over the running water. He dropped his hands and looked down at the food.
Feeling like a reject with one of my own, I turned the water off and stalked out of the kitchen and through the front door.
“Jade!” Pierce called after me.
I didn’t slow down. I didn’t stop. I stepped down the wooden stairs and kept walking. Pierce’s footsteps sounded behind me as he jogged to catch up.
Unfortunately, my feet were bare and I only made it to the dirt road before being forced by jagged gravel to stop.
Tears pricked behind my eyes. My hands clenched into fists and I resisted the urge to pull at my hair.
“Jade,” Pierce grabbed both of my elbows. He turned me towards him and surprised me with a firm kiss on my mouth. Wh
en he pulled back, he said, “You don’t get to have any expectations with him.”
My parted lips frowned, “He doesn’t want me near him! Won’t let me touch him! I am not the enemy. I am his deja, he is my victri. ”
Pierce came forward and kissed me again. I huffed in irritation against his lips and pulled back.
“Remember when you came to live with us? Those first couple days?”
I could feel my hands relax as his words sank in. My eyes traced over his face as I thought about the memories.
“You wouldn’t let us touch you either,” Pierce smiled at me, knowing he had me.
I sighed. “I didn’t think about that.”
Pierce kissed me again and I relaxed against his mouth. When he pulled away his smile was gone. “Merrick says things have been hard for Roman. We have to be patient.”
My shoulders dropped and I pouted. “It’s hard.” I whispered.
“Indeed,” kiss, “it is.” Another kiss. “But worth the wait.”
I looked up into Pierce’s eyes as I thought about his words and the implications. “You aren’t close to him, like you are the other guys. There isn’t the same history. How will it be if...Roman and I...if we become close?”
The kiss this time was longer, with parted lips and pressed hips. When he pulled back my breath caught in my throat.
“I might not have grown up with him, but he is one of us.” The morning stubble on Pierce’s chin rubbed against my own. His mind was calm, and at peace. “He is made for you, which helps me to accept him. As long as he is good to you, we will all be fine.”
I stared at Pierce, searching his eyes and enjoying the feel of his warmth against me. I ignored the chill in my toes and rocks pressing into my heels. It was a moment I needed. A moment of peace and positivity. Pierce’s words were soothing, he always thought more clearly.
He planted a quick kiss on my forehead and stepped back, releasing my elbows. “We leave in an hour.” His eyes scanned over my face for a second before turning to walk back into the house.
I let my eyes linger on him as he walked back to the house, traced the outline of his shoulders through his shirt. Warmth built in my chest as they went lower, to the small of waist and curve of his rear in his jeans.
