“So, you see now why anyone who receives them is kept under the strictest confidence. If those in power were to find out what my family has been doing again, after all this time, I…I don’t…,” he faltered, not able to complete the horrifying thought of what would happen if their secret was revealed.
I nodded, quiet for a moment, digesting everything. “Why did you give them to me then?”
“What do you mean?” His voice dropped, his expression growing suddenly wary.
“You didn’t know me, Coal. We hadn’t exchanged a single word. Until we fought against each other that day, I didn’t even know what your name was. And yes, I was hurt in our fight. But I wasn’t the only one. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t go to any others sharing the herbs. Along with your secret. But you shared it with me. Why?”
He took a shaky breath and tugged a hand through his hair. “Everyone may have gotten hurt that day from fighting, but you were the one I hurt. And I knew I could help you, so I did.”
That was true. I knew from his voice. But there was more to it.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
✽✽✽
He crossed his arms against his chest defensively. Stepping closer to him, I lowered my voice.
“Coal. Please.”
“I…just…there was something about you from the beginning, okay?” He purposely shifted his gaze back out towards the pond again, refusing to meet my eyes.
“What do you mean from the beginning?”
He remained silent.
“Does it have something to do with why you were always staring at me when we first arrived here?”
He twisted around, eyes growing wide, his expression of shock confirming I’d been correct in my guess. After a long moment, he nodded reluctantly.
“It was the first time I saw you. Standing in line in the arena. At first, I was just scanning the crowd, looking at everyone, assessing. But then I saw you. I saw your long dark hair and your bright green eyes. Saw the way you gazed around. How, even though I knew you had to have been nervous, just like the rest of us, there was this confidence, this determination you seemed to have. And somehow, as impossible as it is, I felt like I knew you. Or had seen you before. For whatever reason, I felt a connection to you.” He paused, rubbing a hand over his face, trying to mask the tremor I could still see in his fingers. “And…there was something else.”
A torn expression grew on his face. As if he didn’t want to share whatever it was with me, but also knew he should.
He lifted the chain again and grasped the top of the carved symbol, holding it out towards me. Gingerly, I took it between my two fingers, expecting to feel cold metal against my skin. Instead, it was warm to the touch, almost hot. I gasped, letting it slip from my fingers, and staggered back a step, staring as it dangled against his shirt.
So, he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to believe it himself.
“It gets warm,” he murmured reluctantly. “Every time I look at you. Every time I’m talking to you. Every time I’m around you.”
The truth behind his words was unmistakable, the fear encompassing them barely masked. I stared at the twists of metal curves and points. “Okay…,” I said.
He stared at me a moment. When I said nothing more, his expression grew incredulous. “Okay? That’s it? You just accept that metal can grow warm by itself?”
I narrowed my eyes. “What I meant is, okay. So, it grows warm when you look at me. But even though there’s no way to logically explain it, there has to be some reason for it.”
He just ground his teeth, frustrated. I leaned in closer. Something else was bothering him. And I had a suspicion of what it might be.
“Your mother gave it to you just before you left, isn’t that right? Did she say anything when she did?”
He let out a sigh, nodding. “She did say one thing, but I didn’t know what she meant by it at the time. Didn’t understand.”
“What was it?”
He turned back to face me directly, his cobalt eyes holding on to mine as he drummed his fingers together nervously. “She said that it would lead me to the person…the person I would need, if the time came.”
His words circled through my mind and instantly I was back in Earth Society, my mother giving me the ring currently tied at my ankle. And how she said I would need it, if the time came. And then how the dream version of her said it would lead me where I needed to go. But it had to be a coincidence. Just an odd coincidence. It wasn’t possible the two could be connected. Right?
His gaze still hadn’t left mine. “Coal?” I asked.
“Hmm?”
“What happened to the Healers who escaped?”
“No one knows. Legend has it that they started their own village, somewhere far from here. Far from Elemental. But no one knows if that’s true. They say no one has ever escaped from our Society since then. There have been attempts, of course, but those who try are always caught. And taken away.”
A tremble ran through me, and I let out a slow breath, trying not to let my sudden discomfort show. Looking down, I scraped against the cold ground with the toe of my black leather boot. It was flawless, the boot. Brand new and gleaming. Not dull and worn, as was the brown pair I’d arrived here in.
“Sage?”
I scraped at a patch of dirt, creating a small hole. Focusing on it. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t.
“Sage, what is it?”
I kicked another small clump of dirt, doubling the size of the hole. He was going to figure it out. He’d know everything. I couldn’t hide it any longer. And maybe I shouldn’t.
“Sage,” he pleaded. “Tell me, what is it? You did the same thing a few days ago when I joked that you were defiant when it came to the rules here. And then again when we practiced for the Intellect Challenge. When I asked you the question about punishment for breaking laws. Why are you shutting down whenever the topic comes up?”
Clenching my hands tightly against one another, I backed a couple steps away, then turned around. “You’re right,” I whispered with my back to him, my voice thick. “There is a reason I avoid talking about…that. It’s because of what happened. Because…because of what I did.”
His eyes burned into the back of my head, but I couldn’t face him. Not yet.
Silence ate up the next few moments.
I sighed, now hitting a large root poking through the dirt with the toe of my boot. He had entrusted me with his secrets. I needed to be able to do the same.
Slowly I turned. He stood there, concern and question etched into his face.
“You heard me say before that I probably wouldn’t fit into either Proletariat or Regent.” He gave a small nod of confirmation.
“But…but I didn’t tell you the real reasons why. The former is because I don’t truly belong in Earth Society anymore. I haven’t for a long while. The latter is because of what I did in Earth Society to no longer belong.”
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he didn’t interrupt.
“It began when I was thirteen years old. I despised all the rules restricting us in Earth Society, the control we were under. Every aspect of our lives being monitored. Still do, but I just don’t show it anymore. Over the years I’ve learned to hide it. Or at least I try to. As you pointed out, I can’t always mask it completely.” I let out a slow, uneasy breath. “Anyway, it was around that time when I started to…rebel.”
His face flushed in surprise at the word, but he just nodded slowly, allowing me to continue.
“Their names were Juniper and Shale, two boys I was friends with. They were both a year older than me and always testing the boundaries, always tiptoeing that line. Rowan tried to stop me, told me I was making a mistake being around them, but I ignored him. Because the truth was, Rowan had no problems with the rules. He had no problem behaving like we were instructed. No problem with living a life where none of your decisions were your own. But I had a problem with it.”
“And becau
se of it, I hung out with Juniper and Shale more and more, growing closer to them and distancing myself from Rowan. So now they weren’t the only ones testing the boundaries anymore. I was as well. We pushed the limits. We broke them. Little things at first, but we didn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. Even though I knew the possible consequences, the taste of that small amount of control over my own life was all it took. I needed more.”
The look on his face told me he was beginning to understand exactly where I was going with this.
“At first it was just skipping classes. It wasn’t all that often, but it was enough for people to notice. Notice all three of us were missing. On the same days. And the guards grew suspicious as well. I could tell from the way they watched us. But it wasn’t enough for them to do anything about it. Not yet.”
Coal hadn’t taken his eyes off me once. And that made it even harder to say the rest. I spun around again and started to pace back and forth, my arms hugged tightly across my chest.
“We started doing other things. Riskier things. We stole food from the fields a few times. We were still in school but had shifts several times a week there after classes completed for the day. Like I said, eventually they grew suspicious of us. And that’s probably why they placed guards at the exit, checking everyone before they left the fields for the day to uncover any concealed items. Another time we snuck into the Distribution Center to steal food and supplies. We didn’t truly need them. Our families had enough to get by. But I didn’t care about that. I was angry there was a rule limiting how much we were allowed to have to start with.” I continued to pace, then added, “It was the first and last time we snuck in. We were nearly caught that night. Shale accidently set off an alarm. Guards were coming. But we managed to get past them. Barely.”
“But I don’t understand,” Coal interjected finally. “You weren’t actually caught in any of those instances, right? Is there something else you aren’t saying? Something else that happened?”
I nodded, not surprised he’d realized it.
“Yes,” I confirmed hesitantly. “Because what I didn’t realize was that after that moment, after we broke into the Distribution Center, the three of us were being watched. Constantly.”
✽✽✽
A shadow fell across his face, eyes growing dark in anticipation of what was to come.
“It’s been so long, but still feels like yesterday,” I murmured, still reluctant to recount this last part. Still reluctant to relive it once more.
Backing up, he leaned carefully against the trunk of a nearby tree, but didn’t drop his gaze. I turned away, crossing my arms tightly in front of my chest, attempting to hold in the emotions. The emotions I could barely contain anymore. The emotions that for so long had threatened to explode from me. I clamped them down again, then looked up as I began to retell what happened on that horrible day, four years ago.
“I was with Juniper and Shale at the time. There’s a path in our Society that leads across a large field into a forest. It is forbidden for anyone to enter except those going to or coming from the Training.” He nodded in understanding and I realized there was likely a similar route in Fire Society. “That law is one of the most absolute in our Society,” I continued. “Punishment for breaking it would be swift and severe. Or so we were told at the time. I’d never known anyone else to attempt it.”
“Well, one day Juniper decided that finding out where that trail led, what was beyond those trees, was a good idea. Shale agreed. And they convinced me to go with them.” I blew out a low breath. “Truthfully, I hadn’t needed that much persuasion. I wanted to know what was down that path. Curiosity ran deep through my veins. And here was my opportunity to find out.”
Coal fidgeted, his eyebrows lowering into a slight frown. He looked like he wanted to interrupt. But I couldn’t let him. Otherwise I’d likely not be able to finish.
“I was ready. I was so ready to finally find out what was there, what they were keeping from us.” I let out a humorless chuckle. “I was young and foolish to think we’d be successful.”
The apprehension on his face grew.
“We stood at the edge of the path in the early hours of morning. Juniper counted down until he reached one. They both took off, barreling down the path. And at first, I thought I was running with them. Only once I saw them pulling ahead did I look down. And realized I was frozen at the edge of that dirt trail, unable to move.”
Coal’s shoulders slumped as soon as the words were out of my mouth, the tension easing from them, relived I hadn’t followed. But he didn’t understand. Didn’t know that what happened next had slowly eaten away at my core every day since.
“They turned back once they realized I wasn’t with them. And stood there, twenty feet away, waiting for me to join. And…and that’s when it happened.” My body trembled as I took in a quivering breath.
“Three guards ran out, Coal. They’d been watching us all along, waiting for this exact moment. For us to commit a crime.” My breaths grew more rapid as the memories replayed in my head. The complete terror I felt as I stood by watching, unable to do anything.
“They ran towards Juniper and Shale. Where they were waiting for me to join them. But I saw the guards before my friends did. And I screamed, shrieked, trying to warn them. But it was too late.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks.
“Two of them grabbed Juniper and Shale. Wrenched their arms back, covered their mouths to muffle their cries. And dragged them away within seconds. Dragged them as if they were nothing. And I just stood there, watching helplessly, and knowing all the while I was about to be captured as well. Realizing I would never see my family again. That they would take me away and I would disappear, nothing but a memory to those I loved. And it was because of how selfish I’d been that they would have to live with that pain.”
My legs began to tremble and I sunk to the ground, wrapping my arms around my knees and squeezing them to my chest, the image of Juniper and Shale helplessly flailing as the guards hauled them away vivid in my mind.
“The third guard, though. That third guard just stood there, staring at me. Endlessly. I waited, knowing any moment he’d saunter up the path and grab me. But…he didn’t. And after several minutes, he slowly turned and walked off in the direction the other two had gone.” I paused, wiping at my cheeks as I gazed up at him. “I’d never been more scared in my life, Coal.”
The memories flew through my mind. Of that guard. The guard with the dark hair, pressed down to his head like shellac. And the callous smirk he’d shot me before he turned to leave, the same knowing smirk he’d given me each day as I left the fields all these years later.
As soon as the guard had left, I’d fallen to my knees trembling, taking in ragged breaths as tears began pouring down my face. They were gone. Juniper and Shale. My friends. Gone. And I could have been too, just as easily.
I turned from Coal’s worried gaze and closed my eyes, feeling myself sucked back to that very moment.
I rose to my feet slowly and turned around, immediately meeting several pairs of eyes. How long had I been on the ground? We’d come here so early, before anyone would be up. And yet, at once it was clear. They heard the commotion, my screams. Saw what happened. Realized what we had planned to do. Knew that Juniper and Shale were gone. One by one, each person walked away, continuing with their day. But from that moment forward, my life in Earth Society changed forever.
For days afterwards I kept to myself, hid in my room feigning illness, still terrified the guards would come back and take me. Remove me from my house forcibly. Never let me see my family again.
They never did come.
But word of what had happened spread. A trickle of whispers that swept its way through the entire Society, far and wide. Juniper and Shale’s families blamed me for the loss of their sons. They didn’t know exactly what happened, no one did. But their sons were gone while I remained. I saw it in their eyes each time they looked at me. The hate that burned there. But
no one ever uttered a word to me.
Over time, more and more people began avoiding me. Fear runs rampant like a fire uncontrolled, and they feared me, feared they would be committing some crime by just associating with me. I was the only person to ever have come so close to being removed from Earth Society and still remain there.
And yet, after all of it, Rowan was the only one who stuck by my side. He was my friend before and became my friend again, when I needed one more than ever.
When I didn’t deserve him.
A friend who I trusted enough to eventually confess everything I’d done to.
And still he stuck by me.
After that day, there wasn’t a rule I broke, not a single transgression I’d commit. I questioned nothing. From the outside, I was the perfect Society member. But on the inside, I truly began to hate the place I called home.
✽✽✽
Continuing to stare at the ground, the pine needles creating a fine green dusting around me, I felt those barely contained emotions continue to rise inside. The guilt I bore, the reason I carried so much pain.
“Sage,” Coal started to say, but I cut him off, finally letting it out.
“I never saw them again, Coal! Never! We made a deal. We were going to go together. But I let them down. I abandoned them. They stood there in that field, waiting for me to join them, and the guards caught them because of it. It’s because of me they were captured. It’s my fault!” I cried out as my crouched legs collapsed beneath me.
Awakening Earth and Fire: Earth and Fire Trilogy Book 1 Page 26
