Rebecca's Forgotten Journal + Bonuses and Extras Collection

by Lisa Renee Jones

  “Because I haven’t decide if you’re useful or not.” He turns more fully to me, his blue eyes, or rather one eye since the other is swollen to a slit, meets mine, as he adds, “I’m leaning towards, “no”, you are not.”

  My bravado, a defensive mechanism I have honed this past six months far too well, steps up to the plate, and I ignore the obviously threat, baiting him instead with, “They say you’ll do anything for money.”

  “Who exactly is “they”?”

  “Does it matter who? Is it true?”

  “I find what no one else can, for a cash price, yes.” He moves abruptly, his fingers lacing into my hair, pulling my mouth a breath from his. I can’t breathe. I can’t think as he lingers there. “But money isn’t what you’re offering, now is it? And like I told you. If you offer, I won’t decline.”

  I press on his chest and his heart is thundering beneath my palm. “I offered you nothing. I’m not his whore or yours.”

  “Prove it.” His mouth comes down on mine, hard and full of demand, his tongue stroking against mine, and I tell myself not to respond. I don’t know him. I don’t trust him. I have no idea his motives for his actions or what he would do for money. I try to resist. I do but something happens with the flex of his fingers that are somehow on my waist, and the lick of his tongue are quickly becoming bittersweet temptation. I do not want to kiss a man I do not trust, and may not even like, but another swipe of his tongue that I feel in every part of my body, and I moan with the sensation, trying not to respond, but I do. I cave to what I can only see as acid temptation, and it happens. I kiss him back. It’s a mistake I regret instantly as he releases me, setting me away from him and settling behind the wheel, his hand resting on the steering wheel.

  “That meant nothing,” I pant out, wiping my mouth, to try to rid myself of the spicy male taste of him, affected in a way I can barely fathom. My God, he’s more likely my enemy, than ally. I thought he was going to kill me a few minutes ago. I can’t want this man. I don’t want anyone who’d negotiate a price for that Element with Sheridan and he did.

  “We both know that’s the biggest lie you’ve told all night.” He reaches inside one of the bags and I find myself cringing, expecting another gun, relieved when he removes a cellphone instead, along with a battery that he slides into place.

  “What does that mean?” I demand. “It proved nothing. It means nothing.”

  He does what he is proving to do so well, ignoring me, shifting the truck into gear and doing a U-turn. I want to reach for the door and leave and I do. I reach for it and he slams the truck to a stop and grabs my arm. “Don’t make me tie you up.”

  “Do you have the Element?” I demand, wanting to know all of this is for something, that I have made the right decision by aligning myself with him.

  “If I did, I’d make sure it wasn’t found by anyone I didn’t want to find it, and no one could fuck me good enough, or hard enough to get it. Ask Meg, Sheridan’s last bitch. She tried and failed. That’s how I got there with you tonight. As for Sheridan, that bastard can go fuck himself before he’d ever get that element.” He pauses, his teeth grinding together. “If I had it.”

  “I don’t know Meg. I’m not trying to seduce you. And I know you don’t fully believe I am either or I’d already be tied up.”

  His jaw clenches and unclenches, several beats passing as he stares at me with such intensity I can barely breathe. Then, without a word, he releases me to hit the accelerator again, and puts the truck in motion.

  More of that nuclear quality energy radiates off of him and I zip my lips, hugging myself to hide the way my hands are shaking over that interaction. The gates open as we approach and exit, while Chad dials a number on his cell, then curses when he seems to get a voice mail. “I’m alive,” he says into the cellphone. “So break out the damn confetti but not until you call me back. And my sister better be alive and well or you won’t be.” He drops the phone on the seat and we fall into silence but my heart has slowed to a normal beat, my nerves a hair less frazzled. I have just learned that this man is more than his next business deal. He’s a real person, a brother, perhaps a friend to whoever he left a message for. And woman really is his weakness but she isn’t me. She’s his sister Amy.

  ***

  Chad navigates us back onto IH-35 and offers up no conversation, and yet, I am aware of him on every possible level. There’s a charge in the air between us that has everything to do with that kiss and our distrust of one another. I’m certain that he thinks I’ve proven I’m trying to seduce him, and why wouldn’t he? I not only kissed him back, that is what Sheridan’s wants in his eyes. So why didn’t he just leave me behind?

  I’m still debating that question five minutes later when we exit the highway again and pull into the Greyhound Bus Station where he parks. “This is for you,” he says, setting a large purse-sized duffle he pulls out of one of the bigger bags beside me. “Fifty thousand dollars.” He grabs a pen from inside the duffle and scribbles a name on a piece of paper he hands me. “Go to New Mexico and see this guy. He’ll get you a new identity but that alone won’t protect you. Don’t do anything Sheridan would expect you to do. Not the same work. Not the same lifestyle. Don’t touch your bank account or call anyone you know or he will find you.”

  My lips part in shock. “That’s it. Get out. You’re done with me.”

  “That about sizes it up.”

  My options run circles in my mind, but they comes back to two. Beg or leave and begging won’t work. I see it in the set of his jaw and feel it in the tension in the air. He could have the element and I’m about to lose him and it. Buying time, trying to think of what else I can do, I reach for my shoes and put them on, then slide the bag over my shoulder. He surprises me by grabbing my arm. “You’re a risk I can’t take. Too many lives are on the line.”

  “And here I thought you cared about money, not lives.”

  “If that were the case, sweetheart, I would have taken the fifty million dollars, you’re boss offered me for his prize. This isn’t about money anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. He made sure of that.”

  His statement stuns me, and while I want to believe he sees the bigger picture, a much more likely through cuts through me. “Or it’s about you not having what he wants at all. Maybe that’s why you were so confident you wouldn’t talk.”

  “If you’re baiting me, it won’t work.”

  My lips thin. “I was just trying to figure out if I lost everything to save a man who didn’t even have the secrets I was protecting.”

  “This conversation is over.”

  “I can’t just leave town.”

  “Stay then and die. My conscious will be clear knowing it was your foolish mistake, not me, that got you killed.”

  I inhale at the cold bite to his words that tell me I’m on my own, and apparently trying to dig myself ten feet under. “Right. You’re welcome. Happy to save your life to screw mine up.”

  “He wasn’t going to kill me.”

  “I stand corrected. He was just slice off your toes.” Desperation kicks in. “Let me help you protect the element. Please. Let me feel this was all for something.”

  “If I had it, I wouldn’t need any help protecting it, and you’re a fool if you don’t get as far away from this as you can. Get on the bus. Go to New Mexico and get a new identity. If you’re telling me the truth, then you were smart enough to do what you did tonight. Be smart to stay off Sheridan’s radar. I let down my guard. Don’t do the same.”

  “With the other woman,” I state.

  “Yes. With the other woman.”

  “I’m not her. I swear.”

  He faces forward, wrist on the steering wheel. “Go get on a bus and get out of town.”

  He’s done with me. It’s in his tone and his body language. I can fight and argue, but I won’t win. Reaching for the door, I shove it open, still holding onto the hope that he will stop me but he doesn’t. I step ou
tside and I’ve barely shut the door when I hear him gun the engine. Clutching the bag to my chest, I don’t watch him leave. This is for the best. A man like him doesn’t turn down fifty million dollars. He doesn’t even have what I’m after. It’s the only thought that gives me any comfort.

  I take a step towards the bus station and stop in my tracks. What am I thinking? Sheridan will look for me on buses, trains, planes, and anywhere obvious. Chad set me up. The coward didn’t have the courage to kill me himself. He’s going to let Sheridan do it. No hesitation, I start walking towards the mall right around the corner. I don’t know what time it is but if it’s closed, I know for certain there are several fast food restaurants and convenience stores where I can clean up and regroup out of sight.

  Quickly I cross the parking lot and a street, and I hesitate by a hotel, considering it has a public bathroom but decide my bloody legs will garner too much attention. And it’s too close to the Bus Station. Sheridan will look her. Passing it by, I strive for distance from this place and safety. It’s dark though and this time I don’t have a big hunky treasure hunter by my side, and even if he was only a façade of protection, he was a good one.

  I walk several blocks without so much as a car passing and approach the mall parking lot that is both deserted and suffocated black. Drawing a breath, I remind myself darkness is a cover I need, and I rush forward. The next few minutes I run through the darkness, any ache or pain I have, fading away. There is only my need to get out of this parking lot.

  Finally I round the building and I can see the three fast food joints I’ve been targeting in sight. Picking up my pace, I decide the Village Inn 24 hour breakfast restaurant is the right place to go. It takes me another five minutes, but I get there, and it feels like a major accomplishment. I enter the building, and thankfully the hostess is not at the stand. Escaping to my left, I dart down a hallway and enter the ladies bathroom wishing the door had a lock, not two stalls that invites visitors.

  Quickly, I toss the tissue I’m still holding and check my hand to find it has stopped bleeding but it needs a Band-Aid I don’t have, and I’m not likely to get anytime soon. Unzipping the bag, I check inside, relieved, and more than a little shocked, to find the cash I’d been promised. I don’t know what to think of Chad. Why give me the money but leave me exposed at the bus station? It doesn’t matter. I don’t have time to think about it he’s gone anyway. I’m on my own. I grab a bunch of paper towel in case my hand starts bleeding again and stuff them in the bag before I re-zip it. Glancing down at my blood matted knees and torn hose, I realize my hands aren’t the only thing that needs attention. Having no other option, I roll down my pantyhose and take them off, then clean up the scrapes on my knees.

  Glancing in the mirror, I confirm the blood is gone from my face, but my hair is a crazy mess, and I have mascara smudged under my eyes, both making me stand out more than I need to right now. I clean the mascara and decide I need a 24 hour Walmart to buy clothes and personal items before I hit the road, but I can’t take a cab, for fear Sheridan will be able to somehow find me that way. It’ll suck but I’ll walk. Right. Good but then what? Think, I tell myself. Think. Renting a car means using ID that can be tracked. Same goes for buying a car, but maybe if I find a cheap car lot, and pay them double the price, they’ll lose the records. That seems like my only option. I’ll find a lot and sleep there until they open, maybe inside one of the cars. It’s not a great plan, but it’s all I have. I reach for the bag to leave when the door opens and I am stunned as Chad charges inside. A moment later, I pressed against the wall, with his big body molded close. For a moment there is relief. I’m not alone, and I’m not starting from scratch again. But his eyes are cold, his jaw set, and my stomach sinks. Maybe he’s decided I’m a loose end he can’t afford to leave to Sheridan to handle.

  ***

  My hands press to Chad’s chest. “Let me go.”

  “Did you call Sheridan?” he demands, his voice as hard as his thighs shacking my knees.

  I blink, certain I’ve missed something. “What? Why would I call Sheridan?”

  “Did you call Sheridan?”

  “No. I don’t have a phone nor do I plan to call and invite him to torture me like he did you. Did you call Sheridan?”

  “Why the fuck would I call Sheridan?”

  “Isn’t that why you left me at that bus station. So he’d find me?”

  “I left you there to see what you would do and you damn sure didn’t go to New Mexico like I told you to.”

  “I’m not getting on a bus where Sheridan is sure to find me. Thanks for that death sentence suggestion, but no thanks.”

  His jaw flexes, his lips set thin and the next thing I know, he’s grabbed my bag, snagged my arm, and is pulling me towards the door. I grab the wall. “No. Stop. I’m not leaving with you with an explanation. Where are we going?”

  “Wherever I say we’re going.” The door opens and a woman enters. “Get out,” Chad barks at her. Looking startled, she backs out of the room and he turns to me. “Don’t make me carry you out of here, because I will.”

  “That’ll get attention we don’t need.”

  “I’ll do whatever I have to do. You don’t seem to get that. Sheridan might be the Devil but I’m the Devil’s enemy whose been locked up in hell for seven years, and I’m pissed off.”

  ”You’re not worse than Sheridan so if you think that scares me it doesn’t. Why would you want me to come with you?”

  “You were close enough to Sheridan to earn his trust. That means you know things about him and his operation, I intend to know as well.”

  “You left me at the Bus Station.”

  “I needed to know if you’d contact him. Now, are you walking or am I carrying you?”

  He means it. He’ll carry me in a heartbeat but he doesn’t mean to kill me, at least not yet. And if there is any chance he really does have what I’m after, I have to find out. “I’m not his whore or yours either. Don’t treat me like I am.” He takes a step towards me and I hold up my hands. “I’m walking.”

  He wastes no time confirming my submission, leading me to the door and down the hallway.

  We pass through the hostess area and the woman who’d tried to join us in the bathroom is talking to a man in a suit, I assume to be a manager. “Bathroom’s all yours,” Chad says, continuing on the door he shoves open.

  Worried they will call the police, I glance over my shoulder and wave, calling out, “Have a good night.”

  Chad snorts as we head down the sidewalk towards the back of the restaurant. “Have a good night? Really?”

  “I don’t want them to call the police and risk Sheridan monitoring the police frequency which is why you should hold my hand or let me go. Right now, I look like your prisoner.”

  He stops walking, dragging me in front of him, towering over my five feet two inches by nearly a foot I suspect. “You are my prisoner and you’ll stay that way until I’m done with you.”

  “Done with me? Then what? Kill me? Hand me over to Sheridan?”

  “Sheridan will be out of the picture when I’m finished when I’m done with him.” He laces his fingers with mine and sets me to the side of him, begin and charge forward again.

  I double step to keep up, desperate for answers before I’m alone with him again. “As in you plan to kill him?”

  “Death is too good for that SOB.” We step over a curb and enter the mall parking lot, where the truck is parked, stopping at the passenger’s door. Releasing my hand he opens it and wait for me to enter.

  I stand my ground. “You didn’t answer my question. What are you going to do with me whenever you’re done with me?”

  His hand comes down on the window and he steps closer, crowding me. “The same thing I was going to do for you with that fifty thousand dollars but better.”

  “You set me up to fail back there.”

  “I told you. It was a test. Stand in the way of me and Sheridan. Th
en we have problems.”

  “Why doesn’t that answer make me feel any better?”

  “It’s the only one you’re going to get right now.” He motions to the truck cab. “Get in.”

  “If I say no?”

  “You won’t.”

  He’s right. I won’t. This is bigger than me and any danger I might meet. I do as he says and climb inside the truck. He doesn’t immediately shut the door. He stares my direction, as if he can see me in the darkness. I feel the hesitation in him, the torment, and I know it’s about me. He’d said “know your enemies” and I have a bad feeling that’s what he is doing and perhaps I’m the one in danger of being manipulated.

  Finally, he slams the door and rounds the hood of the truck before climbing inside. The two duffle bags are gone that had sat between us and I suddenly realize we aren’t in the same truck as before. This one has a backseat. Chad climbs in beside me and shuts us inside, setting my bag down in between us to mess with under the dash, confirming he got this truck the same way he did the last.

  I unzip the bag and pull out a paper towel, balling it in my sticky palm, before moving it to the floorboard. If I have to exit quickly, I’m taking the money with me. “Where’d you get this one?”

  He glances up at me. “Since you seem to believe Sheridan can tap the police scanner, I got if from the hotel. They won’t miss it for hours, at which time we’ll be long gone.” He straightens. “Any more questions?”

  “Where do you want me to start?”

  “I don’t. Forget I asked. You might as well lie down and rest. We’ll be on the road for hours.”

  I want to point out that he hasn’t slept in days and we could wake up in a ditch, but somehow I think that might land me on the sidewalk. Sighing in defeat, I kick off my shoes and curl my legs to my side on the seat, letting my head fall back on the cushion and I start replaying every moment I’ve spent with Chad, every word spoken, looking for a way to understand him. Ensuring I haven’t missed anything that might save my life. We are just leaving the Austin City Limits headed towards Lubbock, which makes me think New Mexico as he’d suggested before, when I linger on the way Chad had vehement insistence that death was too good for Sheridan and his claim he turned down fifty million dollars, something I know Sheridan wouldn’t take well. And I think of his weakness.