The control was still there, she was still hanging on with by a thread, she could still stop as much as she didn’t want to. And then Nat’s hips pushed towards her and the intimacy of the movement pushed her over the edge.
She dragged herself away, pulled against the magnetic force drawing her to Nat, and took Nat’s hand in her own, taking her towards the living room.
“Are you sure?” Nat asked, breathlessly.
“Unshakeably certain.”
The large windows showed the city splayed out beneath them, bathed in orange and yellow light as the sun sank down. But Kate saw only Nat. She hesitated for a moment, a brief second. Not because she didn’t want this, but because she wanted to remember Nat like this. Nat with the orange light in her hair, with her cheeks flushed and reddened and her lips swollen. Nat longing for her just as much as she did for Nat.
And then Nat stepped forward and their lips met again and all sensible thought disappeared into a chaotic chasm of sensations and movements.
Kate remembered in snapshots. The arching of Nat’s back, reminiscent of the photoshoot they’d done at the cabin, the movement familiar and new all at the same time. She remembered the whisper of silk touch against her skin as Nat stroked down her body, the sharp spark as Nat’s tongue teased her nipple.
She remembered the exact feeling of her fingers sinking into Nat’s wetness, the smooth, velvety motion of it. And then the burning necessity of thrusting her hips towards Nat’s hands as Nat surely and confidently took her to the edge of what she could control and back again and again. Until she was going to scream. Until Nat took pity on her and took her to the edge and then pushed so that she floated out on a screaming cloud of pleasure that came over her in pulses and waves.
There was the sound of Nat’s sharp breaths, coming faster and faster until they stopped in a moment of stillness that Kate could hear. And then the groans that escalated until they became words, Nat moaning her name again and again as Kate’s fingers teased her and tempted her. Nat flying off that cliff herself, her body taut with pent up energy, shaking as in one final release that energy spent itself and rushed out of her.
It was a swirl of motion and color and sensation that was so intertwined that Kate didn’t know where she ended and Nat began. It was the sound of gasps, the smell of sweat on skin and perfumes and creams, the taste of salt and citrus, the sight of eyelashes sweeping a cheek, of a raspberry bright nipple peeking from a half closed shirt. It was beyond any linear narrative, a heady mixture of bodies and energies that seemed inexhaustible.
And then it was night, the darkness of the sky reflecting the bright lights of the city below them. Stripes of orange and white lighting the darkness of the living room, illuminating scattered clothing and pale skin juxtaposed against olive skin, soft curves and shadows.
“We never got to dinner,” murmured Nat.
“Complaining?” smiled Kate.
Her hands were already in motion again, loathe to leave Nat alone even for a second. Now that the barrier between them had been broken Kate found that she couldn’t bear to stop touching Nat’s body.
“Not really,” Nat said, nestling against her chest. “But we should maybe think about sustenance sometime soon.”
She nibbled on Kate’s breast as though to prove her point, and Kate felt a pang of need rush through her.
“Soon,” she said, bending her head, letting her fingers slide down the softness of Nat’s thigh. “Soon.”
✽✽✽
Half-empty cartons of Chinese food littered the coffee table, a candle guttered in a holder. Kate felt her sheet slide down to bare her breasts but did nothing to cover herself. Nat offered her a spring roll and she took a bite, tasting the powerful saltiness of it.
“I want this to work,” she said, still chewing.
“So do I,” answered Nat. “I mean, I think we’ve proven that we’re physically compatible.”
“You think?” asked Kate. “I thought we should probably try again a couple more times to be sure. Better safe than sorry.”
Nat laughed and pointed her chopsticks at Kate. “You interrupt me before I’m done with this sesame chicken at your own peril.”
“I’ll have to remember that,” said Kate. “Dangerous to come between a woman and her food.”
“Damn right.”
She looked down at her own chopsticks, clicked them together, wondering how to put this into words. Wanting to say it, but not wanting to ruin the moment.
“What?” asked Nat, mouth half full.
“What, what?”
“You’re thinking something. You get this look on your face, half kind of constipated, half sort of like a kid trying to work out a math problem. So whatever it is you’re thinking, just spit it out. The worst thing that can happen is that I don’t agree with whatever it is. And if you don’t speak then I can’t read your mind. So say it.”
Kate rubbed her nose. She was sure about this. Really sure. Fine.
“Would you be my girlfriend?”
Nat laughed so hard that Kate was afraid that noodles were going to come out of her nose.
“What? Jesus, why are you laughing at me?”
Nat wiped her eyes with a napkin.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You just sounded so much like a scared fifteen year old. It was adorable. I didn’t mean to laugh, I swear.”
Kate shifted uncomfortably, half laughing herself but not sure why.
“Kate, I kinda thought that we were already in a relationship if I’m being honest. I kinda thought that you were already my girlfriend. So in answer to your question, yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.” She paused for a second, then said: “Um, will you be my girlfriend?”
Kate laughed. “I think that’s the only way this is going to work.”
The candle flickered a little again as Nat reached out to take Kate’s hands in hers.
“I don’t want to say it yet. You know what I mean. I don’t want to jinx things. But that L word. I think I might be getting there.”
Kate smiled.
“I think I might be getting there too.”
“Too soon to say it?”
“Maybe, a little.”
“Then I’ll save it for another time. When we’re ready. Really ready.”
There was something else though, something that Kate had no right to ask. But Nat was right, if she didn’t speak what was on her mind then it would never be heard. So she took a deep breath and turned to Nat.
“This thing with Jake,” she said.
“Is only a ruse, you know that.”
“I know. The thing is, it bothers me. Kind of a lot. I know it shouldn’t, but it just does. I’m not saying that you need to come out or anything. Definitely not until you’re ready anyway. But I would really like you to consider ending this charade with Jake.”
Nat put down her chopsticks. “Would it make a big difference to you?”
Kate nodded. “I don’t like the idea of being with someone else’s girlfriend. Even if it is a fake relationship. I don’t like the idea of people potentially thinking that I stole you from him, or that I’m cheating. I’d like there to be as much honesty as possible. I know that’s idealistic, but it’s important to me.”
Nat’s face was unreadable. “I can talk to Brooks about it.”
“Would you?”
“Yeah, sure. No guarantees. I’m not sure he’s going to like the idea of me and Jake breaking up. But I’ll see what I can do.”
That would have to do, Kate guessed. She really hoped that Brooks would agree. Even though she knew that Nat wasn’t really with Jake, it still bothered the hell out of her. Without honesty then the relationship would never work, especially if they were going to be so far away from each other. She wasn’t going to push though, not yet.
“Here, try the chicken.”
Nat was holding out her chopsticks and Kate bent to allow her to put the chicken into her mouth. It was velvety and sweet and savory all at the same time. Just like Nat. K
ate grinned. If a fake relationship with Jake Allingham was the worst thing she had to worry about, then maybe things weren’t so bad after all.
Chapter Fourteen
She hadn’t meant to spend the night. But curling up next to Nat had been just too tempting. And now the dawn was streaking in through the windows and Nat was breathing deeply beside her and Kate knew she had to get up. She had an assignment and needed to stop by the studio. Still, she lingered for as long as she dared.
This was all... perfect. So beautiful, so comfortable. And partly that scared her, because she’d learned that perfect shouldn’t exist. She was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But Nat had said that they were a couple, Kate had wanted them to be a couple. She’d even promised to talk to Brooks about Jake. So what was bothering her so much? The move to New York? Maybe.
With a soft sigh, she slid out of bed, careful not to wake Nat. There was no reason for them both to be up so early. She pulled on her clothes and eased her way out of the bedroom. The kitchen was on the way, and she stopped off to pour herself a glass of water before she snuck out of the apartment.
She was just up-ending the empty glass onto the draining board when a laugh sounded.
“Caught red-handed.”
Turning, she found Jake, hair wet after his shower. He pulled his own glass from the cupboard and opened up the refrigerator.
“You’re up early.”
“Got a shoot starting today,” he said. “Always best to start off on the right foot, be on time, all that jazz.” He poured juice into the glass. “And I’d ask what you’re doing here, but I think I can guess.”
Kate blushed and bit her tongue. She wasn’t attracted to Jake, but he was certainly attractive. Charming. There was something about him and she could see why women fell in love with him on screen. He turned to her and gave her his trade-mark grin.
“I’m glad,” he said.
“Glad?”
“You and Nat. I think you’re good for her. She seems calmer somehow. Better. God knows, she could use someone. It’s not easy being in the public eye, you know. It’s nice to have someone to ground you every now and again.”
“Like Van?”
He raised his eyebrows, then shrugged and nodded.
“Like Van.”
“Have you guys been dating long?”
“A couple of years now,” Jake said, chugging his juice. “I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
Kate watched the way his muscles rippled under his skin. She wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what, wasn’t sure how.
“So are you and Nat an item now?” he teased.
She smiled, his grin really was infectious. “Yep.”
“I’ll have to watch my step then.”
That was opening enough. Kate leaned back against the kitchen counter.
“Why do you do this?”
Jake laughed. “I’m not the only one doing it. These relationships of convenience are all over the city. It’s an arrangement and it’s got mutual benefits.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Alright, I’ll admit I wasn’t mad about the idea when my agent mentioned it first. But it’s working out well. It’s a hell of a lot better than being paranoid that I’m going to get outed at any second. Nat’s like my security blanket, she’s my cover. And we don’t hate each other.”
Kate wasn’t entirely sure about that. The only times she’d seen Nat and Jake together they’d seemed ambivalent at best.
“This place is more than big enough for both of us,” Jake continued.
“And what about later?” tried Kate. “What happens a year from now, five years from now?”
Jake shrugged. “Who knows?”
“Don’t you want to be with Van?”
“I am with Van.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Jake ran his fingers through his still-wet hair. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but isn’t it a little soon for you to be interfering like this? I mean, you don’t even know if things are going to work between you and Nat. Do you really have the right to be trying to turn her life upside down?”
“Turn your life upside down, you mean.”
He looked at her under his long eyelashes, then grinned again. “Maybe I do.”
“It must be painful,” Kate said now. “Not being able to be yourself, having to pretend all the time.”
“I’m an actor, pretending is my job.”
“Not being able to go to the awards ceremonies with the person that actually matters to you.”
He paled a little at this. And matters were made no better when the sound of soft footsteps came down the hallway and Van himself appeared.
“We haven’t met,” he said, smiling at Kate. “I’m Van.”
“Kate. Photographer.” She thought for a second, then added: “Nat’s girlfriend.” The words sent a little shiver down her back.
“Kate was just trying to persuade me to come out, I think,” Jake said to Van.
“A woman after my own heart,” smiled Van. “We keep talking about it. And then Jake keeps putting it off.”
Kate pulled herself together. “I’m not necessarily telling you to come out. I guess, I’m... I don’t know.”
“You’re telling me to back off from Nat,” Jake said, but he was still smiling a little.
“Maybe,” said Kate. “Yes. A bit. Please. But I’m also saying that maybe it’s time to be honest. There isn’t enough honesty in this town. You should live your life the way you want to. Be yourself. And screw what other people think.”
“Other people pay my salary,” said Jake. “It’s ticket sales that keep my face on that screen.”
“And some people will hate you for being gay,” said Kate. “Some people will hate you for having dark hair instead of blonde, for being American rather than French, for all kinds of reasons. There are always people who’ll hate you. Besides, if you want to make a splash, want to hit the front pages, then what’s better than coming out?”
“I’ve been telling him that for months,” Van put in.
“It’s not easy,” Jake said.
“What is?” asked Kate. “But you should think about it. This arrangement with Nat can’t last forever.”
Not least because Kate wasn’t prepared to live her life undercover. This wasn’t a conversation she’d had with Nat yet, wasn’t one she was ready to have. But it was one that would have to happen eventually.
“And this arrangement with me can’t last forever,” Van said softly, coming to stand by Jake’s side. “I’ll wait for you, you know that. I’ll wait for you to be ready. But I can’t wait forever.”
Jake rubbed his face. “You know, you guys really know how to bring down a morning.”
Van touched his arm. “We’re not ganging up on you.”
“We’re not bullying you,” Kate said.
“But you have to think about the future. You have to think about the impression you make. Sure, there are people out there that won’t like that you’re gay,” said Van. “But what about all the people out there that won’t care? And what about all the people out there that could use a role model, someone like you, to show them that it’s okay to be who you are?”
Jake held up both hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll think about it. I’ll think about ending things with Nat and I’ll think about coming out. But I won’t be pushed into it. Not by either of you.”
Van turned and half-smiled at Kate, who took it as her cue to leave.
“Thank you for thinking about it,” she said to Jake. “And it was nice to meet you,” she added to Van.
✽✽✽
“Can we turn that god-damned phone off!”
Kate blushed and fumbled in her pocket. The magazine had sent a producer for the shoot, of course they had. And though he wasn’t speaking to her directly, it was only a matter of time before he realized that it was her phone that kept ringing. She switched it to silent and shoved it back in her pocket.
“Right, just step a little more into the light,” she said.
The model did as she was told, turning as she did so. A shadow cut across her face. Kate pushed her irritation down.
“Try and stay in the light itself, no shadows,” she instructed.
The model twisted a little and though the light was now right, the pose was not. She looked awkward, unnatural. Kate took a deep breath, put her camera down and stepped into the light so that she was enough to the model that no one else would hear her.
“You need to relax,” she said. “Do some deep breathing. Just do what comes naturally.”
The girl was young, seventeen maybe, her hair a waterfall of gold, and plainly nervous. Kate wanted to pose her, wanted to dictate and position her. But Nat had taught her better. Nat had taught her that it was the natural poses that worked, the ones that got the best shots.
“You’re beautiful,” she tried again. “And you’re a professional. You know how to do your job. So ignore everyone else, and do it. Do what feels right.”
The girl took a shuddering breath then managed a smile.
“Alright.”
Kate felt her phone vibrating in her pocket yet again. She ignored it as she stepped back behind the camera.
✽✽✽
Five missed calls and a whole bunch of emails. Kate sat in the front of the van and scrolled through the messages. All freelance clients, all people trying to book her. Business was booming. Even as she was scrolling through the messages, her phone began to ring again. This time she recognized the number though.
“Hey.”
“You’ve turned into LA’s little golden girl,” Mel said. “Your shoot with Nat is out, and people are loving it.”
“And you’re calling to tell me that?”
Fair of Face Page 11
