Desertion

by River Savage

  “Moved on with men like Grant?” I watch her face flush with embarrassment, but she doesn’t respond. “You’re mine, you belong to me.” My eyes move to her neck and watch her swallow slowly.

  “Correction, I was yours.” The tip of her tongue skirts out leaving a trail of wetness that glistens under the light. What I wouldn’t do to taste her again.

  “And you will be again. You’ll see. Now unless you’re going to remind me what’s under this towel.” I pause and run my finger along the top of the towel. “I suggest you go and get dressed. I’ll wait for you here.”

  “What are you doing here, Jesse?” she asks, ignoring my touch and squaring her shoulders once again.

  “This is me winning you back, sweetheart. This distance isn’t working for me anymore. I’m making my play.”

  “But you don’t play fair,” she accuses; shocking me for a moment before a smile fights it’s way over my face.

  “I never said I would, Bell. But just so we’re on the same page, I never will when it comes to you. I’ve given you your space, and time, but sweetheart, your time is up. I will play dirty. I will fight every obstacle you put up and I will surpass the tests you put me through because you are not getting away from me. Ever again.” She doesn’t reply but she doesn’t have to. I see it in the way she relaxes her stance and holds my stare—she gets it. The sooner she stops fighting me, the sooner we can move on to the next step.

  “I’ll go get dressed.” She finally breaks her silence. Without taking my eyes off her, I slowly step back and let her pass.

  “I’ll wait for you here.” I move toward the sofa and sit down, getting comfortable.

  “Yay!” she cheers, but I can see the glint in her eye. She’s enjoying this.

  “Careful, you know how I love your smart little mouth.” She spins and lowers her gaze on me.

  “No, you be careful, Jesse Carter. I might be giving you this chance to see where it takes us, but let me tell you something. It’s going to take way more than a few dirty words and getting in my head to get me back.” With her parting words, she slams the door shut, leaving me sitting there with the hardest dick I’ve ever had.

  Fuck me.

  I didn’t think it was going to be this hard.

  And I wasn’t talking about my dick.

  Forty

  BELL

  “So what do you want to do today?” Jesse asks five minutes later when I exit my bedroom. After sitting and calming myself from all lustful thoughts, I managed to get dressed and fix my hair without having a total meltdown. I knew first thing this morning when I woke to his text, I was in serious trouble. The thought thrilled me for a second before I pulled back. Truth is, even though part of me isn’t ready for anything more, part of me wants to say yes, yes I’m ready for him to step up so we can move forward. Yes, I’ve forgiven him. Yes, things can go back to the way things were. But I know it’s not that simple. Jesse’s issues aren’t easily fixed. They’re always going to be there between us.

  “I’m going shopping.” I exaggerate the I’m so he knows he’s not invited. After looking through my pile of quickly packed clothes this morning, I realized I didn’t have anything decent enough for the wedding tonight, so I need to head out for some retail therapy.

  “Great, I’ll come with you.” Jesse stands from the sofa he planted himself on.

  “Umm, no.” I shake my head and move to the table to snatch my bag. “I’m going with Lissy,” I lie, knowing Lissy is still somewhere in this hotel with Beau. The hussy. She texted earlier telling me to spend the day having fun and she would see me tonight at the wedding. I wasn’t mad; in fact, I was happy she was having fun and looking forward to the alone time. But now I’m wishing she was here to put some space between Jesse and me.

  “Lissy is with Beau. Don’t play games with me, Bell.” Jesse walks up to me, places his finger under my chin and forces my face up. I hold his stare while I try to figure out how to spin this.

  “You really don’t have to come, Jesse. I can handle the strip.”

  “Didn’t say you couldn’t.” He removes his finger then slides his hand down to mine, interlocking our fingers. I move to pull out, but his grip tightens, trapping me.

  “Just give me a day. If that’s all you can give me, just today.” His plea is desperate, needy, but it stills something in me.

  One day.

  It takes me back to our first date, his one-date plea. I fell into his trap then and for the life of me, I can’t stop myself from falling now.

  “Okay.” I nod, agreeing like I did the first time, falling prey to Jesse Carter.

  He smiles huge, his grin pulling a lip twitch from me.

  “Let’s go, sweetheart.” He leads me toward the door, on a mission to weasel his way into my life.

  “Ugggh, you haven’t changed.” I shake my head, trying to keep up. He abruptly stops, causing me to collide into him.

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Bell. You’ll see and after I’ve shown you, I’ll have you in my bed,” he boldly replies, and all I can do is stand there in shock.

  “Come on, I’ve only got fourteen hours.” The order is desperate as he moves us to the door once more.

  I don’t reply, because what is there to say. If he keeps up this act today, I’m not even sure he would need fourteen hours.

  I’m not even sure he would need one hour.

  Oh, God, what is wrong with me? Have I not learned anything?

  Clearly not.

  * * *

  “There you are. You hiding from me?” Jesse steps out onto the open patio, breaking me from my thoughts. It’s later that afternoon in the north wing of the Bellagio. With just five minutes till wedding time, I snuck out, trying to catch some alone time.

  “Yes, I needed a few minutes to myself.” I turn and watch his grin grow wider. “It’s not funny, Jesse.” I complain, knowing he’s not giving up. He’s dragging me back into the flames, burning me all over again.

  “Come on, you know you’ve missed me.” He pulls me into his chest and settles his arm around me. We’ve gone from not talking for over a month, to him pestering me every chance he gets.

  “Seriously?” I move to step out of his hold, but he stops me.

  “Stop fighting it, sweetheart,” he whispers, setting my heart on fire. I don’t want to react to Jesse’s touch, but I can’t help it. It’s as if his body electrifies mine. Like we’re in sync, and being away from him has made my body fall out of step momentarily, but now with each touch, my body begs to realign.

  “I’ve barely had time to myself since you showed up at my room this morning. I haven’t even had a chance to miss you,” I complain, only half meaning it. The truth is Jesse not leaving me alone hasn’t been all too bad. After we left the hotel, we walked twenty minutes down to Fashion Show Mall, which the concierge directed me to. Jesse insisted on coming into every store to help me find the perfect dress. I have to say the man is smart. Walking around the mall, him cracking his lame jokes and acting like a normal boyfriend and girlfriend really affected me. We had been so caught up in our own lives, in the pain and misery we both carried inside of us we never even had these sorts of days back home.

  Once I found the perfect dress, one that Jesse insisted I show him or he would storm my fitting room, we stopped for lunch and caught up on the last few weeks. It was comfortable and easy, like we hadn’t even spent those weeks apart. When I allowed myself to let go, allowed him one day, we fell back into our old selves. Only this time, Jesse wasn’t guarding himself. He had dropped his defenses and boy did I notice it.

  We spoke of my mom and dad, and the lack of news on Paige and how much he was trying to work a new angle. It was interesting to realize that over the last few weeks, my thoughts about finding Paige had really taken a back seat. I was too caught up in myself and how my life was moving forward. But after talking with Jesse again, he gave me a newfound hope. It was enlightening and something I wasn’t expecting. Jesse talked freely about his
dad, how he was reconnecting with his mom and brothers, and he also talked more about his time in Afghanistan. I opened myself up to it and allowed him to talk. I know he has a long way to go, four weeks is barely enough time to scratch the surface of what he went through and the guilt he carries, but being able to talk to him about it with me, shows just how far he has come.

  “This is true.” He agrees, pulling me out of my thoughts. “But you’ve had a good day, you can’t deny it,” he pushes, still trying to get me to admit it.

  “Hey, guys, they’re ready.” Kadence ducks her head out, breaking the moment and allowing me to get away without answering. Her grin is wide, knowing but I don’t let myself get caught up in it. I’m sure when we get back to Rushford I’ll be grilled for every detail.

  “Great.” I smile and step back out of Jesse’s reach. “We were just heading in.” I go to move around him to follow, but don’t get very far when he reaches for me again and interlocks our hands.

  “You said one day,” he reminds me with a wink. Rolling my eyes, I let Jesse take my hand and guide me inside the small chapel set up for Holly and Sy’s wedding.

  The room is intimate, soft purple and cream colors set in a low light. When Holly told me she and Sy decided to make her bachelorette party a combined wedding, I had thoughts of Elvis and some tacky drive-through chapel, but am pleasantly surprised how absolutely breathtaking this place is. It’s perfect for them, elegant but casual.

  Taking a seat next to Lissy, I ignore Jesse next to me and give her my attention.

  “I see you haven’t been able to get rid of him yet?” Lissy leans into me, rolling her eyes at Jesse’s Neanderthal ways.

  “No,” I reply and look back at Jesse. He bounces his brows but doesn’t say anything.

  “You have a good day?” My eyes find Beau, sitting two rows up. Z sits to his left, Red to his right, and he’s bouncing Low on his lap, while Kadence continues to get everyone settled. Lissy only crawled out of his bed late this afternoon, but with Jesse on my heels all day, we haven’t had a chance to talk about what happened.

  “The best,” she sighs, a small blush darkens her cheeks.

  “Do I want to know?” I ask, not sure if anything will surprise me.

  “Let’s just say, he’s very…commanding.” She finishes on a lustily sigh and I narrow my eyes.

  Okay, I really don’t want to know. “Just be careful, Lissy. He’s not really the type for relationships.” I only know what I’ve seen of Beau around the clubhouse and the man is a mystery.

  “Please, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I can tell you that now.” She vehemently states, and I believe her. As much as some of these men are players, so is Lissy. I shake my head at the thought just as soft music fills the chapel. Taking our cue, we all stand and watch as Holly, wearing a sleek cut, ivory gown, begins to walk down the small aisle. Her son, Xzavier, is cradled in her left arm wearing the cutest baby suit, made more adorable by the fact he’s fast asleep, missing his parents’ special moment. Her dad leans in and whispers something, stealing a soft smile from her. I keep my stare zoned in, watching her reply and I find myself wondering what he shared to fill her smile with love. Was it a simple I love you, or telling her how amazing she looks?

  Moving my gaze from the bride to the groom, I’m thrown further off when I see Sy wipe a lone tear from his face. Lost in the romance of the moment of his love, I find myself leaning closer to Jesse. Somehow sensing a change in my stance, Jesse’s hand grazes mine, his touch sending electricity through my fingers and up my arm. My body tenses, but not because I don’t want him to touch me right now, because I do. If I’m being honest, I’ve wanted it since he showed up in the bar last night, flashed me with his ‘Jesse’ smile and scared off Grant with a simple stare.

  “You okay?” Jesse leans down and whispers his question so only I can hear.

  “Yeah.” I reply, watching Sy lean forward and kiss his bride.

  “Good.” He squeezes my hand as we take our seats. After Holly kisses her dad, she turns and hands a sleeping X to her mom before facing back to Sy.

  “Friends and family of Holly and Sylas, welcome, and thank you for being here on this important day,” the wedding celebrant begins. “We are gathered together to celebrate the very special love between Holly and Sy, by joining them in marriage. In life, all of us need and desire to love and to be loved.” Jesse’s hand tightens in mine and my heart skips a beat. “And the highest form of love between two people is within a monogamous, committed relationship. Holly and Sy, your marriage today is the public and legal joining of your souls that have already been united as one in your hearts. Marriage will allow you a new environment to share your lives together, standing together to face life and the world, hand in hand.” An awareness washes over me as I try to focus on the words, but I get lost knowing Jesse is watching me.

  “What?” I twist my head and mouth, but he just shakes his head. Turning my gaze back to the front, I force myself to focus on Holly and Sy and not on what Jesse is doing.

  “Marriage is going to expand you as individuals, define you as a couple, and deepen your love for one another. To be successful, you will need strength, courage, patience and a really good sense of humor.” Jesse’s hand tightens in mine again, the words speaking to us on a different level. I shift my gaze back to him once more and this time something holds me. It wasn’t that Jesse’s smiles hadn’t affected me before, but the one he was giving me right now held so much more understanding. More depth. Like we were the only two people in this chapel, and everything we had been through the last few months ceased to matter.

  “You look beautiful,” he whispers, breaking the moment.

  “Shhh.” I shake my head, not surprised he’s laying it on thick in the middle of his friend’s wedding ceremony. Ignoring my resistance, he continues to whisper small thoughts and steal glances, so that when Holly and Sy finally kiss, my body is alight and I have no defenses left against him.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Dean.” The small chapel finally erupts into cheers as Sy and Holly step forward as husband and wife. We hang back as everyone rushes to them, showering them with kisses and well wishes. By the time Holly and Sy move to us, I’m a ball of emotion.

  “Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your special day and for welcoming me into your family.” I smile, wiping at my eyes after hugging both of them.

  “Bell, you will always be family to me now.” She hugs me one last time. Sy gives me a nod before taking his wife’s hand and dragging her toward the doors.

  “We’ll meet you all at dinner. I need a moment with my wife.” He turns and addresses everyone. The men shake with laughter and the girls roll their eyes.

  “Be back.” Holly winks, letting Sy drag her away.

  After hanging around a few more minutes, saying our goodbyes to Holly and Kadence’s parents, who are on babysitting duty, everyone decides to move to the bar for a few drinks before dinner. “You sure you don’t want to go up to your room?” Jesse pulls me back from following everyone. My body is still reeling from our moment in the ceremony, my skin burning feverishly where he touched me.

  “You and I both know that’s a bad idea.” I move toward the group.

  “It’s the best idea I’ve had all day.” He catches up, locking my fingers with his. Kadence and Kelly steal a glance back at us both grinning as brightly as my skin feels. I know I have some explaining to do, but right now isn’t the time.

  “Just behave,” I say when we make it to the table. The group talks about the ceremony, while I fight the soft touches of Jesse under the table. Each time I pull back, the more daring his advances become.

  “Bell?” someone calls, pulling me out of my lust induced fog.

  “Sorry?” I look up, my cheeks warming when I see everyone’s eyes on me.

  “Your dress, it’s so pretty.” Kelly’s lip twitches when her gaze travels down to my lap to see Jesse’s finger tracing small circle
s on my knee.

  “Ahh, thanks. I picked it up today.” I push Jesse’s hand away only for him to find his way back. The table, now totally aware of the tension, watch with open amusement.

  “We picked it up,” Jesse corrects further, laying his claim.

  “That’s right, you have good taste, Jesse.” I turn my head an inch to look his way.

  “I do, but I’ve decided it could be better,” he taunts, his cocky grin coming out to play.

  “Better, how?” I bite, wondering where he’s going with this.

  “I’d like it better on the floor of my hotel room.” His smile is blinding as he waits for my reaction.

  “You’re terrible, Jesse.” I shake my head as the table groans at his lame joke.

  “You love it.” His mouth moves closer to my ear, and drags out the three words.

  “I used to,” I correct him, even if I am lying. I still hate he’s right. I do love it and I do love him. I never stopped.

  “You love it, Bell. And you love me.” His hand cups the back of my neck, preventing me from pulling away from him. The room around us disappears and the tension between us skyrockets to new levels.

  “I do love you, Jesse,” I croak, no longer able to resist the truth, my throat restricting with emotion. How does he manage to do this to me? “But maybe that’s not enough,” I say, knowing I’m failing at putting my barriers up. Jesse has a way of working his way through them and nestling in around me.

  “Sweetheart, it’s fucking more than enough.” He rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “Your love is enough for me, Bell. This time apart has been fucking hard on me, I won’t lie. But we needed it. I fucking needed it. It made me see that the love I have for you is also enough. You’re mine. I finally see what you’ve been trying to show me.” A quiver of electricity moves through me, igniting my senses. This is the Jesse I loved. The man who stole my heart.