All Our Next Times: Fallen Brook Series: Book 1

by Jennilynn Wyer

  “Jayson,” her voice is soft but commanding.

  I sigh and lean into her hand that’s now running through the side of my hair. “I know. Yes, we can talk.” I stand up and spin us so she’s sitting on top of the table. Grasping the back of her head, I angle her to kiss up her neck and across her smooth cheek.

  “No necking in the library,” a voice calls from outside the room. We turn to see Mrs. Peters walking by the window.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Liz giggles. I grab Liz’s bag and take her hand. “How about we head on home and I cook you dinner while we talk.”

  Liz’s eyes brighten along with her face. “You had me at cook dinner. Let’s go.”

  Fifteen minutes later, we’re back at my house and parked on the driveway. My parent’s cars are not here,but I see Elijah’s. Once we step up onto the porch, I tell Liz I’m going upstairs to change and will meet her in the kitchen. I don’t see Jules or Elijah in the living room so they’re either upstairs or out back. I’ve already stripped my shirt off by the time I get to the bedroom door which is closed. I hear Julien’s voice as I open the door and freeze.

  “What. The. Fuck!”

  Elizabeth

  I’m grabbing two sodas from the fridge when I hear Jayson’s booming, angry voice, so loud it makes me jump and drop one of the sodas. The can explodes on impact spraying my legs and feet.

  “What. The. Fuck!”

  I go to grab the paper towels to clean up the mess when I hear Julien say, “It’s not what you think Jay. Let me explain.” Oh, shit!

  I run as fast as I can up the stairs to see Jayson’s rigid body blocking the doorway.

  “Elijah, get the fuck out of my house right now!”

  “No, Elijah,” Julien replies back. “Stay where you are. We’re not hiding this anymore. He needs to know.”

  I reach Jayson and grab his arm. “Jayson, please. Calm down. Just sit and listen to Julien. Please.”

  If I thought I saw Jayson angry before when he was beating on Marshall at Fallon’s party, this is much worse. And it’s directed at me. “You knew about this?” his voice is cold, hard.

  Julien gets out of bed to put on his boxers and hands Elijah his clothes.

  I swallow convulsively wanting to tread lightly with how I answer his question. The truth is the only option I have. “Yes,” I answer meekly, nodding slowly.

  “You knew about this!” he shouts at me. I startle backward. “How long, Liz. How fucking long have you known?”

  Julien and Elijah have dressed and are standing together facing Jayson, but he’s glowering down at me. Julien steps closer to Jayson breaking his angry gaze from my scared one. “Jay, let’s go downstairs and sit down and talk. We owe you an explanation.”

  Jayson doesn’t say a word. He jerks back on his shirt and stomps downstairs leaving the three of us looking at his retreating back. “Julien. Julien, I’m so sorry.” Tears are streaking down my face. Julien pulls me into his side and kisses my hair.

  “You have nothing to apologize for Liz. Nothing. You hear me? He’s just in shock. Once he calms down and we talk things through, I’m sure he’ll understand. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I should have told him a long time ago.” Julien takes my hand in his and reaches back to take Elijah’s. We make our way downstairs to the living room. Jayson is sitting on one of the armchairs, knees splayed, forearms resting on top. His hands are pulling at his hair and he’s breathing hard.

  Evening is falling. The living room is decorated with dark shadows and an orange hue from the setting sun. The mood is somber and quiet. I go to stand next to Jayson, but he bolts up out of the chair the moment I’m next to him. I reach out and he forcefully pushes my hand away. “Don’t,” his gravelly voice warns me. His angry rejection increases the tears that fall down my face. I don’t know what to do, so I stand there motionless.

  “Jay, sit down so we can talk. Please,” Julien begs his brother.

  Jayson goes to the opposite side of the room from where I’m standing and sits down on the sofa. My heart breaks as I want to hold him so badly right now. Give him comfort.

  “I’m here. So talk.”

  Elijah and Julien sit down, hands clasped with one another’s, a show of solidarity. I’m so proud of Julien right now. I know how scared he must be and how hard having this conversation with his twin brother is. Julien doesn’t waste time and jumps directly to the matter.

  “I’m gay, Jayson. Well, actually, if you want to be technical about it, I’m bisexual. And I love Elijah. I have for a long time.”

  “How long?” Jayson murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper.

  “How long have I known I was gay or how long have E and I been dating?”

  Jayson looks up at him in question.

  “We’ve been dating for years. My feelings for Elijah were what made me finally come out to Liz.”

  “When?”

  “When?” Julien looks up at the ceiling and then at me before moving his gaze back to Jayson. “Um, I told her the summer we went to the beach for July fourth. I knew before then. Just never told anyone. I was scared I guess.”

  “Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me Julien?” Jayson’s face is etched with anguish when he lifts his head. “I’m your twin brother for fucks sake! I should have been the first person you talked to. Why Liz? Why her and not me?”

  “I don’t know. Liz is just the person I go to when I need to talk. I don’t know why I ‘ve been afraid to tell you all these years. I guess I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

  Jayson's face is horrified when he looks at his brother. “You thought I would be…Why would you…Fuck.”

  Jayson rushes over to Julien and yanks him off the sofa into his arms. “I would never be disappointed in you. Never, Julien. I love you. You’re my brother. I love you. No matter what.”

  Years of pent up uncertainty release like a dam bursting as Julien starts to sob on Jayson’s shoulder, his arms convulsively tightening around his brother’s back. The scene before me is so earth-shattering, so real and emotional, I openly sob with them. Jayson reaches out to Elijah who’s been sitting silently and pulls him up to join him and Julien in the embrace.

  For several minutes, I watch them cry and hug. Jayson is the first to let go. He takes Elijah’s arm. “Thank you for loving my brother, E.”

  “That’s the easy part,” Elijah replies.

  “Have you told Mom and Dad?”

  “No.” Julien wipes his face on his shirt. “Would you mind being here with me when they get home tonight?”

  “It would be my absolute honor, Jules.” Jayson embraces Julien again for one strong hug.

  “I can stay too, Julien, if you want me to,” I speak from my corner of the room.

  Jayson turns indignant eyes at me. “No. You need to leave, Liz.”

  “Jay, she can stay. She has every right to stay. She’s been there for me and E – has supported us the entire time. We wouldn’t know what to do without her.”

  Jayson’s face morphs into anger once again. “Basically, what you’re confirming is that my girlfriend has been lying to me for years.”

  “No, it’s not like that Jayson. I never lied to you. It wasn’t my story to tell. I couldn’t tell you without breaking Julien’s trust.”

  “But I’m your fucking boyfriend, Liz! The one person you’re supposed to love and trust more than anyone else! How could you keep a secret like this from me? From me dammit! It should have been me he came to first. Me he talked to first. Not you!” he yells.

  “Jay. She’s right. It wasn’t her secret to tell. It was mine. And the fact I told her first shouldn’t be a factor of consideration. She was there for me when I needed her.”

  Jayson shakes his head back and forth, his dark chocolate locks falling into his eyes. “No. All I see in front of me is someone who has lied to my face for years.” He points to me. “I can understand why Jules was afraid to tell me, but what I don’t understand is why you locked me out and
kept it from me. How many opportunities did you have, Liz, to tell me to talk to my brother? That there was something going on with him and he needed me? He needed me too, Liz, and you took that away from me. You stole that chance from me. You stole years of me being there for him, supporting him.” Jayson makes a strangled sound and sits back down looking defeated. “Get out, Liz. I can’t look at you right now. I can’t speak to you right now. Just get out. I want to be alone with Julien before our parents get home and I don’t want you here.”

  “Jayson, please. Please. I love you. I never lied to you.” I try to reach for him again and he stands up and backs away from me.

  “Get out! Now!” he shouts.

  My face crumbles. I grab my purse and run out of the room, out of the house, and into my yard, tears making everything look blurry. I hear Julien and Elijah calling my name, but I don’t stop. Hailey must be home because our car is in the driveway even though the house looks dark, no lights turned on. Of fucking course she’s home now after ghosting me all day when I tried to find and talk to her. Dealing with Hailey will have to wait.

  I run over and unlock the car door. I turn the ignition and wipe the tears from my eyes because I can’t see well enough to drive. I don’t understand Jayson’s anger at me. Doesn’t he get that I couldn’t say anything to him without betraying Julien and breaking my word? I never lied to him. Did I? Fucking fantastic. He has me second guessing myself now. Well, fuck him. I did the right thing. I won’t apologize for it. Jayson has kept things from me thinking that it’s for my own protection. I mean, look at what I found out today about Jacinda. He’s a hypocrite. He’s lied by omission to me several times. And instead of talking to me tonight, he kicked me out of his house. He yelled at me. Well, fuck him. My mental tirade has me shaking and incensed. I wipe away more tears from my eyes once more and put the car into reverse.

  Julien runs to the side of the car and pulls on the handle to open the door only to find it locked. His voice is muffled through the rolled-up window. “Liz, come back inside. He didn’t mean what he said. Please come back in with me.”

  “I’m sorry, Julien. He doesn’t want or need me around him right now. I love you. I’m so proud of you for telling him tonight. It’s good he knows. Go back inside and be with him.”

  “Liz, wait,” but I’m already backing down the driveway.

  After driving around aimlessly for an hour, I find myself parked and staring at Randy’s garage. The bay doors are down but I can hear noises and music coming from inside. I open my car door. It’s late enough that the business should be closed, but I see Randy sitting inside at the counter typing at the computer. I knock on the glass door and he looks up, a smile splitting his face when he sees it’s me.

  Randy walks over and unlocks the door for me enter. The smell of oil and rubber hits my nose. “Well, hey there, Elizabeth. What brings you by tonight?” His smile falters when he notices my red, puffy eyes.

  “Is Ryder around?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart. He’s in the garage. Hold on a sec. Let me get him for you.”

  A minute later, the music turns off and Ryder walks in with his dad, rag in his hands as he wipes the grease off of them. Randy says something to Ryder, then goes into his office and quietly closes the door.

  “Good to see you’re alive. Julien and Elijah have been blowing up my phone the past hour.”

  I nod, but don’t reply. Ryder throws the rag on the counter, his golden eyes giving me a thorough examination. “Come on. Let’s go in the back so we can talk in private.”

  I follow him into the garage bay area. He pulls up a stool and offers it to me. I shake my head no and decline, needing to stretch my legs after being in the car for an hour. Ryder retrieves a bottled water out of the mini fridge at the back, twists the top off, and brings it to me. I take it gratefully because my throat is sore and parched from crying.

  “Want to tell me what’s going on? I’m assuming that’s why you’re here.”

  Holding the bottle with my left hand since my right hand is still too sore from punching Marshall, I tip the water back and look at him. I mean, really look at him. He looks good. Strong and vital and so damn handsome. I never allowed myself to really see him before. Not just the superficial things I’m attracted to like his golden eyes I know have flecks of green in them that are the same green as my eyes. Or the way his muscles bulge when he crosses them over his chest like he’s doing now. Or the cupid’s bow on his full top lip. His tanned skin or his devastating smile I am lucky to be the recipient of often. No. Those are only superficial qualities.

  What I see now, perhaps truly for the first time, is how he always stands by me and supports me no matter what. How he has gifted me with his love and with his heart and not once expected anything in return. How he must love me so much, he was willing to give me up to Jayson and still remain my best friend even though I know it must kill him every day to see us together. I see all the years we’ve shared, all the times we keep finding our way back together, how even though I love Jayson so very much, half my heart has always belonged to Ryder.

  “I’m tired, Ryder. I’m so tired.” I do take the stool now as my mental fatigue morphs into physical exhaustion. Ryder drags another stool over to sit in front of me. He takes the water from me, putting it down on the floor, and cups my bandaged hand.

  “I never really thanked you for defending me last night. So thank you, Elizabeth.”

  “He deserved more. How is your car by the way?” I tilt my head over to the Challenger that’s currently perched up on a lift.

  “Minor stuff I can handle easily. Almost done actually. I’ve been working on it all day.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad.”

  Ryder lifts my bandaged hand and peels back the gauze to inspect my swollen knuckles. His thumb lightly rubs over each one before he pulls the gauze back down. “You should call Julien. He’s worried about you but wouldn’t tell me why. Where’s Jayson?”

  Where to start? “Jayson’s with Julien and Elijah at the house.”

  “Why aren’t you with them then?”

  “Jayson kicked me out.”

  Ryder’s head jerks back, not understanding. “Why the hell would Jay kick you out their house?”

  “He’s angry at me. He thinks I’ve been lying to him for years.”

  Ryder bites on his lower lip, considering my words. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Julien and Elijah would it?”

  I peer into his face and it hits me. “You know?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Did Julien tell you?”

  “No. I kind of clued in a while ago. I figured when Jules was ready, he would tell me himself. But, yeah, I figured it out a long time ago. Wasn’t that hard. You can tell how much he and Elijah love each other. How happy Julien is whenever Elijah is around. It’s obvious.”

  Doesn’t that beat all, I think to myself, chuckling out loud. All this time, Ryder had it figured out while Jayson said he had no idea. I’ll have to add perceptive to Ryder’s list of qualities.

  “Julien’s going to tell his parents tonight. Jayson’s there with him.”

  “You should be there too, Elizabeth.”

  “I want to be, but Jayson is so angry with me. He said some hurtful things he won’t be able to take back. Things I won’t be able to easily forgive him for this time. How many times am I going to allow him to hurt me before I say enough is enough?”

  Ryder pulls my stool closer to his, the sound dulled by the epoxied flooring. Ryder brings me closer to him and lifts my chin so we are eye to eye.

  “Loving someone isn’t easy, Elizabeth. I should know. There are so many good days that even the few bad ones can’t lessen them. Today is just one of the bad ones. You and Jayson have loved each other a long time. That kind of love just doesn’t disappear and evaporate at the first sign of anger or because you’re fighting.”

  I push away from him, pissed off at everything. I start pacing around the garage. “He’s being
a hypocrite, Ryder. He keeps things from me all the time. Stuff about Jacinda. Stuff about Marshall. Stuff with Fallon. I didn’t lie to him about Julien. If even at one time over the past few years he asked me point blank about Julien, I would have told him to talk to his brother. But I never lied. I didn’t keep secrets from him. It wasn’t even my secret to tell! What kind of friend would I be if I broke my promise to Julien?”

  I stop in front of Ryder who’s watching me from his place on the stool. “I know loving someone is hard.” I consider how he’s loved me for years. How he gave me up after that night when I didn’t even know I had a choice. “Why didn’t you fight for me?” I shout at him, my emotions all over the place. Anger at Jayson. Loving Jayson. Anger at Ryder. Loving Ryder.

  “What?”

  I come closer to him. “Why didn’t you fight for me? When Jayson snuck into my bedroom that night and you came over that afternoon. If memory serves me, you told me you wanted to talk to me that day. But Jayson got to me first, and then you guys brawled on my front lawn. So why didn’t you fight harder for me? Why did you give up so easily?”

  Ryder’s mouth opens and closes several times. The look of incertitude on his face should be funny, but I’m too upset to find the humor in it. We’re facing each other as if in a standoff. He’s not willing to answer my question and I’m not willing to let it go. You know what? Screw it. Screw it all. I feel like choices have been stolen from me. Whom I’m allowed to love. Where to go to college. How I’m to live my life. The mess with Maria. The fucked-up mess with Jacinda. I’ve always been meek and pliable, doing what I’m told, letting others decide for me and never speaking up for myself. The stereotypical good girl. Last night when I punched Marshall – that felt good. I felt strong and capable and free. I made that choice to hit him. My choice. Now, I’m choosing this.

  Before I have a chance to change my mind, I’m straddling Ryder on the stool and smashing my lips against his.

  My choice.

  There’s a second of hesitation from him before his arms band around me and his mouth opens to mine. I tangle my tongue with his, his lips so soft yet firm and oh, so wonderful. He makes a guttural moan fusing our mouths tighter together. I started out the aggressor – again, my choice – but now he’s the one taking control. A decade’s worth of unrequited love and passion pour into this kiss. I shut my thoughts off and just exist in the heady pleasure Ryder is giving me.