I was light-headed as I stood and, without noticing until I felt their cold emptiness, my hands were no longer in his. I dropped my eyes and turned, more carefully this time, and hobbled to my own bed.
I flopped onto my mattress, letting my head sink into the soft pillow.
Max appeared in my face, whisper-shouting in a barely contained voice. ‘Geeze Louise.’
‘What?’ The dim light made it easier to avoid her gawk.
‘Talk about flirtension.’ Her voice rose slightly and I desperately hoped it wouldn’t travel across the room as easily as the boy’s deep voices.
‘Keep your voice down.’ My glare did little to hide the smile on my lips.
She pointed her finger at me. ‘You’ve got it bad.’
‘I don’t.’ I spoke as if I barely believed the words myself, so quiet I may as well have mouthed them.
‘Don’t even try to deny it.’ Her eyes shone with humour.
‘What’re you two talking about over there?’ Cal’s voice rose into the air. ‘Have you forgotten our rule out here? No whispering.’
‘It’s girl stuff, Cal.’ Max turned to me, letting me know I wouldn’t be let off as easily. She mouthed the word ‘tomorrow’.
Yes, tomorrow.
A short while later the soft sounds of steady breathing told me someone had drifted off. Other than that, the room lay quiet, uncomfortably so. Tyler lay only a couple of metres away, and I was conscious of every movement I made, as if at any moment I would set off an alarm. The moon shone through the mass of windows, lending me a hazy blue light and illuminating the hands of the ticking clock – just after midnight.
‘Happy birthday, Richie.’ I spoke softly, not thinking anyone could hear me.
Cal sounded close to sleep. ‘Mmm. Happy birthday, big brother.’
I closed my eyes and rolled over onto the side I’d avoided so far, the one that faced Tyler. I tried to relax, tried to ignore the image on the other side of my closed eyelids, but it was impossible. The urge to open them was too great, and my control proved as weak as Samson without his hair. I opened my eyes slowly. The view was even nicer than I’d imagined. Tyler lay but two beds away, Cal and Amber’s feet between us. He wore the same intense expression I’d first seen at the airport. He was still, and I lay motionless. What was it about the way he looked at me that made my insides do somersaults? His eyes bored right into my soul, and I wondered what he’d see if I allowed him a view. I felt exposed and vulnerable to an unrecognisable force. Without giving permission, and with no awareness of the moment between the time before and the time after, I relinquished my control to the force that raged between us.
Exhaustion took hold, and my eyelids closed.
— 12 —
The tremendous display of red, brown, and gold leaves rippled in the breeze. A soft golden haze permeated around and through everything. My breathing slowed. Mesmerised, I started toward the tree, realising in that moment, I was all alone.
I turned slowly, freely taking it all in, school like I’d never seen it before. Not another soul in sight. No annoyingly loud girls nearby, or arrogant teachers strolling past. Bliss. It was strangely peaceful, and I sighed as the tranquillity settled over me. I circled back toward the tree and this time found I wasn’t alone after all.
Tyler sat beneath the tree, his back against the trunk, one leg crossed over the other. His hands were folded in his lap and, like everything else in this dream, he was perfect.
He had the smallest glimmer of a smile in his eyes. ‘Hi.’
‘Uh, hi. What’re you doing here?’ I sat on the bench facing him and leaned my back against the table edge.
‘I could say the same to you, but then you’ve dreamed of me before so why not again?’ And there it was again, the smirk-like grin, proving his unmistakable enjoyment.
The truth in his words didn’t make this any less strange though. ‘Seriously, this is crazy.’ I inspected our surroundings and crossed my legs. ‘Insane.’
‘I know, right, but how cool is it.’ His face beamed with infectious amusement.
‘Very.’ I smiled.
Tyler threw his legs in the air and leaped from his spot on the grass. His eyes stayed glued to me as he strode to the table, my heart picking up speed with every step. He held out his hand. ‘Wanna have some fun?’
‘Fun? Have you looked around us?’
‘Actually, no I haven’t,’ he said, sarcastically glancing around us as if for the first time. ‘I’ve had my eye on other things.’
I rolled my eyes as a warm flush crept up my neck. ‘Good one.’
‘Okay then, back to fun. We’re at school, no one’s here – and no one’s coming either.’
‘What did you have in mind?’
‘Well, what’ve you always wanted to do at school that you couldn’t? Now’s your chance.’
‘I’ve never really thought about doing anything but my work.’
He shook his head like I’d insulted the fabrication of spontaneity. ‘I’ve got an idea.’
‘All right then, master of all things fun, I’m game.’ He still had his hand out, I took hold and he hauled me up off the table.
‘You don’t wanna know what it is first?’
‘Nope, surprise me.’
We ran inside one of the building blocks, and Tyler led me into a bathroom, because the toilet block was always where the fun was, right? My face scrunched when he pushed his denim sleeves up to his elbows and bent to dismantle one of the soap dispensers, pulling out the inner pouch, two-thirds full of pale blue soap. He passed it to me with a smile, and my eagerness to know his plan grew. Once he had the other two almost full bladders out of their dispensers we pushed open the door into the foyer and climbed the stairs.
At the top of the landing Tyler stopped to put the soap down, removed his shoes, and rolled up the bottoms of his faded-black jeans.
‘Okay, now I have to know,’ I said, unable to bear it anymore.
‘Nope, you said surprise, I’m not saying a word.’ His now adorable smirk had returned. ‘Take yours off too.’
I bent to unlace my yellow Cons and cocked my eye up at him. ‘Should I be nervous?’
‘Maybe, depends.’ He beamed, a gorgeously full-faced, couldn’t be happier with himself grin. My insides flipped. ‘Do you trust me?’
I tapped a finger on my cheek. ‘Good question…trust is something you have to earn. What’ve you done to earn it?’
‘I’m not sure I’ve done anything to earn it, but I don’t think I’ve done anything to warrant being untrustworthy, have I? Trustworthy until proven otherwise?’
‘All right then, I trust you…for now.’ I finished taking my shoes off and stood until my eyes were level with the dimple on his chin. It was my turn to smirk.
We ran bare feet down the stairs to the home economics room, where Tyler rummaged through the piles of fabric in the boxes against the back wall like a dog finding a bone.
‘Voilà,’ he said, lifting out a bundle of thick, white wadding.
‘What’s that for? We doing some quilting?’
‘No.’ He paused. ‘Not unless that’s what you wanna do.’
‘Not today.’ I bounced with anticipation, desperate to know what he was up to.
Back upstairs in the completely empty hallway, I marvelled at how different it felt with no one in it. No tinny sound of banging metal from the locker doors, or the resounding yells of hundreds of annoying teens. No strong smells of sweaty bodies or rancid school bag stench.
‘What are you thinking?’
I blinked and shook my head. ‘Just how different it is without everyone here.’
‘You like it?’
‘Love it.’
‘Good, now come over here so I can attach this.’
I nervously stepped toward him, and he placed a thick piece of wadding on my backside. My pulse raced at the thought of the location of his hand.
‘Here, hold this,’ he said, and I snapped out of my daze.
He removed his arms and attached a large wad of padding to his own butt, causing a spurt of laughter I tried to contain with my hand.
‘What? Too much?’
‘Depends. Were you going for the Kim Kardashian look?’
‘No, but it suits me, right?’ He bent and deliberately arched his enormous butt in the air as he grabbed the soap pouches off the floor. Using the scissors we borrowed from the home ec room, he cut the bladders and poured the insides over the linoleum corridor. When all three soap packets were empty, and the hall looked like a unicorn had puked all over it, he grabbed hold of my hand. We both grinned boldly, puppies in a park waiting for the fun to start.
‘Ready?’
‘Yep.’ I gripped his hand in apprehension and we moved forward, the sludgy soap coating our feet like velvet as we slid up the hallway.
My legs widened, and I clutched Tyler’s hand tighter, causing his legs to wobble with mine. It was like trying to balance on a pool of jelly. We’d ungracefully slid ten metres, level with the blue door of Mr Blythe’s Maths’ room, when my left leg slid out from under me, taking my other leg with it. I let out a squeal and yanked Tyler down with me, our butts landing with a dull thud on the lino. Our laughter echoed along the corridor, Tyler’s deep cackle fusing with my raucous giggle as we lay in the slimy mess.
‘Oh God, it’s so slippery.’ I pressed a hand on the ground to sit up and slipped straight back onto my side.
Tyler wobbled to a precarious stance. ‘Here, hold on.’ He held out his sudsy hands but my slick fingers slid straight out of his grasp.
‘Sorry, I think you’re on your own.’ He grinned down at me and then launched himself along the floor as if he stood on a skateboard, legs apart, one foot behind the other.
I fell two more times – thankful for the padding on my backside – before I stood on two feet again. Then I was off, with arms flapping at my sides to maintain some semblance of balance. I glided toward Tyler, already at the end of the hallway, but with no way to stop myself I slammed straight into him, sending us to the ground in one big messy pile.
Skating on foot turned into skidding on our knees and eventually my favourite of all, penguin style, on our stomachs. Our laughter didn’t ease until we were completely exhausted, bruised, and covered completely in unicorn puke.
Tyler grasped my hand as we headed outside, where we sat, backs against the rough tree trunk, and rested our worn bodies. Our hands were interlaced, because dream me was free of all reserve – the shackles had fallen off long ago.
‘Do you think we can do this again?’ I asked.
‘What, slide down the hallways?’ He raised the side of his mouth. ‘Only in our dreams, I’m afraid. Unless you like detention.’
‘No thanks, and no, have another dream like this?’
‘It’s been fun, hasn’t it?’
Savouring the moment I rested my head on the tree. ‘Mmm, one of the best.’
‘Well, I’m glad I could be here for it.’ His body shifted so he sat facing me. ‘It’s been nice to get to know you, Lucy Piper.’
Tyler looked down when he spoke and he reached over to clasp my other hand in his. His fingers were soft, as if the salt from the sea he’d frequented had smoothed away all imperfections. I brushed my thumb along the back of his knuckles, and his eyes lifted. ‘Ma petite rêveuse.’
My pulse quickened even though I had no idea what he said. ‘French again?’
‘Oui.’
‘And it means what exactly?’ I slanted my face to meet his eyes.
‘Tu es ma petite rêveuse – my little dreamer.’ The words danced from his lips, and the warmth from his thumb radiated through me, making my heart skip a beat, moments before I realised what was coming. Tyler dipped his head until our noses almost met. He paused, his eyes drawing me in, the rush of my pulse nearly drowning me. My sporadic heartbeat grew deafening between my ears and then it was gone.
When I woke, my pulse still beating an irregular pattern, the burn of my face was a sure sign of its brilliant red. Thankfully the moon had shifted, and the only thing surrounding me was blackened guilt. I shifted my head on my pillow. Tyler’s eyes remained closed, and I couldn’t help using the cloak of darkness to take an uninhibited peek at those lips. Oh God, what was I doing? I closed my eyes briefly. It wasn’t like they were the same lips. I needed to get myself together. I tugged at my covers, hiding beneath their protection, before I rolled over, closed my eyes, and went back to sleep.
Hours later, strange voices and yellow-tinged morning light surrounded me, and for a millisecond I’d forgotten where I was. My eyes darted open, grasping at the memory of why I wasn’t in my own bed. The unfamiliar smells helped and then Max’s sleepy voice from beside me firmly anchored me to reality.
‘Morning, hon. Sleep well?’ She stretched and curled back under her blanket.
‘Yeah, you?’ The recollection of last night’s dream hit me like a deluge. My smile stretched absentmindedly across my hidden face while images replayed of Tyler holding my hand as we slid down the hallways and the almost kiss under the tree. The heat in my cheeks returned, and my smile disappeared, uneasiness settling over me like a lead blanket. I was relieved when Max shut her eyes again – she‘d have seen it all over my face.
‘Mmm,’ she mumbled, stifling a yawn.
Marie had piled the food high and wide on the large oak table; bacon and eggs and banana pancakes with everything to go with it – maple syrup, cream, strawberries, you name it. A large plate of citrus and poppy seed muffins sat beside a bowl of freshly cut fruit. I loved how much Marie adored this. Pottering in the kitchen for hours on end didn’t tire her; she thrived on it.
The raw scent of freshly ground coffee and hot bread drifted through the living room mingling with the crisp air that blew in from the lake, and we clamoured around the table, eager to dig in. The delicious commotion, and especially Tyler’s presence on the other side of the table, was anything but an intense and abrupt way to begin the day.
Cal poured orange juice for everyone, and before I even had a chance to think it, Marie stood behind me with a cup of coffee.
She patted my shoulder and placed the mug on the table. ‘Here you go, love. Would anyone else like a coffee?’
None of my friends were a ‘where’s-the-drip’ kind of coffee person like me, but it never stopped her from asking.
‘Yes please, Mrs Brooks.’
I jerked my head up to see Tyler smiling reservedly at Marie.
‘Only if you stop calling me Mrs Brooks, it sounds much too old,’ she said with a big grin. ‘Would you like any sugar?’
‘Yeah, one thanks.’ Exactly how I liked it.
I couldn’t help noticing how different he appeared today, especially those lips, and his hands, the same gentle ones that’d held mine last night. I pulled my eyes away, embarrassed by my undisguised appraisal of him. I had to remember I wasn’t looking at the person from last night – I wasn’t the person from last night. It had all been a dream. I couldn’t decide what was worse: the fact I dreamed him in the first place, the remorse for what I’d imagined, or the sadness that something so real and meaningful didn’t essentially happen.
I reached for a strawberry and my eyes fluttered up to meet Tyler’s, heated and butterfly-inducing. His cheeks rose in a knowing grin, as if he was privy to my thoughts, which only compounded my embarrassment tenfold. I distracted myself by piling loads of the deliciousness onto my plate and swivelled on the oak chair to chat to Max.
— 13 —
With pencils beside me and art book on my lap, I sat curled up on the couch while everyone else ventured out into the sunlight after breakfast. Music blasted in my ears, the outside world shut out yet again. I hadn’t intended on another day of avoidance, but after last night’s dream, the need t
o be alone, to escape the knowing glances of a certain person, were too big to ignore.
Almost of its own volition, my hand glided across the paper, the pencil’s grey tip shading the shadow of a curl over the child’s forehead, a different angle of the child who’d been killed in the train accident. Regret churned in my stomach, drawing him the only medication to ease the pain.
I squeezed my eyes tightly closed, pushing back the sadness inching over me. Sensing company, I tilted my head up and opened my eyes to Tyler. The pencil fell from my fingers.
I sucked in a big breath and pulled my buds out. My heart thundered and my chest grew heavy, struggling to slow the rhythm. ‘You scared the bejesus out of me.’
Tyler slumped onto the couch beside me. ‘Sorry. Daydreaming again?’
‘No, just concentrating.’ My heart rate slowed to normal. ‘What do you mean again? Don’t you start having a go at me like everyone else.’
He had that all knowing smile on his face again. ‘No, I only mean you’ve been somewhere else all morning. Don’t worry, I have too.’ He leaned in and whispered in my ear. ‘Ma petite rêveuse.’
A bolt of electricity hurled me away from him. ‘What the hell?’ The slight amusement in his eyes became more visible from the distance I’d created between us. ‘That was real?’
‘Not real, but I was there as much as you were.’
I shook my head to startle the part of my brain capable of grasping what his words meant. ‘Oh my God. My dreams are supposed to be private. The fact you’ve been in here…’ I pointed to my head where a dizzying pulse thumped with brutal force.
‘I’m sorry, but you know the same goes for me. You’ve also been in mine.’ He lifted a finger to his own head. ‘Do you really feel that bad about last night? I had a great time.’
Lucid Page 10
