‘It’s not that I didn’t have fun…’ I hesitated, the almost kiss replaying in my mind, and I placed my fingers across my lips.
‘But you wouldn’t have let me almost kiss you if you knew it was really me?’ His voice faltered, but his eyes were fixed in determination.
‘No.’ My cheeks warmed. ‘I mean, we only just met.’
‘So did Romeo and Juliet.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘We’re not Romeo and Juliet, and besides, that’s fiction. Anyway, doesn’t matter either way. I have no control over what takes place in my mind, so anything that may’ve happened last night didn’t really happen.’
I slumped back in the chair, grabbed a cushion and hugged it to my chest.
‘If you say so.’ Tyler glanced out the window with the hint of a smile still on his lips. He didn’t agree at all. ‘You know some people say Romeo and Juliet was based on truth, plus we met months ago.’
‘Months ago?’
‘Yeah, at the airport, in the dream.’
‘Doesn’t count, I don’t recall being introduced to you.’
‘Counts to me. I’ve seen you in my dream almost every night since then, and each day I woke hoping I’d get to bump into you. So when it finally happened…I kinda felt like I knew you.’
I swallowed. ‘Every day?’
‘For the last ten months. You?’
‘Once, the night before I saw you. Oh, and the first time, when I first dreamed of it. Tyler, this is absurd.’
‘I know, and frickin’ amazing, right? But last night’s dream isn’t so different to the first time, is it?’
‘Seriously? We created last night’s dream. The first one I came into because it’d already happened.’ Although that part had never been confirmed. The plane crash had been on the news, but the airport? ‘It did, didn’t it?’
‘Yeah, it did,’ he answered slowly, Tyler shifted in his seat, his eyes cast downward. He lifted his face, sorrow in his eyes. ‘It was the last time I saw my dad alive.’
What was I supposed to say to that? He wanted me to pretend I didn’t know the sad side of his life, but how could I now? ‘I’m sorry.’
He shook his head, eyes glistening. ‘It’s not your fault, just one of those things. I’m used to it now, well…no I’m not, not at all.’
The air hung thick and uncomfortable, and I averted my eyes from his. I gripped the cushion on my lap, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him, to offer a condolence I had no right to give.
What I could give him was the last moments of his dad’s life. ‘I…I heard him, you know…on the plane.’
Tyler’s head jerked up, his eyebrows crumpled together. ‘What do you mean?’
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and fiddled with the tasselled corners of the cushion as I failed to come up with the right words. No one had ever been able to comfortably accept the dream part of my life before, so how do you tell someone you’d heard their dead father in the moments before they died? Would he call the loony bin straight away, or wait until we’d eaten the birthday cake? Then again, Tyler had shared my dream on more than one occasion, so he had to have possessed his own level of insanity, which would make him the safest person to confide in. I filled my lungs, gruellingly walked to the edge of the cliff and took the plunge.
‘You know how I dream of things that’ve happened in real life?’ He nodded, waiting. ‘Well, my dream didn’t end when you drove away that day…It ended when the plane ploughed into the sea. I was on it.’
Tyler frowned, questions written in the lines on his face. His eyes widened and he reeled back in his seat, silently gaping as he processed my words, the recognition erasing some of his creases. He rubbed the back of his neck and eventually found his voice. ‘Holy crap.’ I huffed out a nervous laugh. ‘For real? You sure it was the same plane?’ Of course he’d doubt, everyone did. But I didn’t fear his questions, trusting they merely paved the way to his belief. I smiled.
‘Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I don’t usually dream anything random. I remember seeing it on the news last year. Flight S108 from Sydney to L.A., carrying three hundred and twelve passengers–’
‘And fifteen crew,’ Tyler finished. ‘All killed, including my dad – the pilot.’
I reached over and placed my hand over his, and we sat silently for a while.
‘What did he say?’ Tyler whispered.
‘It was only his voice over the speakers. He told us to brace for impact.’
‘Was it horrible? I mean, it was…everyone died, but before that?’ The hope in his words pinched around my heart. I thought about lying, pretending for his sake that we barely had time to fathom what was coming. But I could no longer wear a mask with Tyler any more than I could walk away from the couch we shared.
‘Yes.’ I squeezed my eyes closed. ‘Terrifying. Sorry.’
‘No, I thought so. Doesn’t change anything.’ Except now he’d lost hope.
‘Why do you think we saw each other at the airport? It makes no sense why I dreamed of that to begin with, I’d normally skip straight to the bad part.’
‘Your guess is as good as mine.’ His brow lifted and he shrugged as if it was no big deal, but no big deal would be waiting an extra two minutes in the ski lift queue, or missing out on the last white chocolate ice cream in the freezer.
‘What if it means something, like there’s some reason behind it which explains why we can do what we did last night?’
‘You like to know all the answers, don’t you?’ His mouth turned up in a grin.
‘You have no idea.’
‘I’m beginning to. But if they’re out there, how do we find them?’
‘Same way we find the pot at the end of the rainbow,’ I muttered, fearing the itch from the plaguing question wouldn’t fade as smoothly as the coloured sky on a grey day.
Tyler shared with me the story of his family. Of how close he’d been to his dad and how his father would be gone for days at a time but pack the others full whilst he was home.
‘He used to take me fishing up the coast,’ he said. ‘No boat. We’d climb out onto the rocks and spend half the day standing in the sun while the waves crashed around us. It didn’t matter if we caught anything or not, that wasn’t the point.’
His dad spent so much time away from his family and yet they were his everything. Tyler said his mum and dad were nauseating to watch.
‘They were still so in love with each other after twenty years of marriage, it was sickening.’ He let out a small chuckle, as if bringing the image to mind. ‘Dad always said Mum made him a wise man, she was the brightest star of them all and he’d always find his way home to her.’ He pressed his mouth into a tight line and stared off into the distance.
‘What was it he said to you that day at the airport?’ I asked quietly, worried the reminder might upset him.
‘He said, “Look after my girls while I’m gone”. He said it every time he left. I haven’t let him down yet.’ Tyler spoke with a heaviness, drawing on the importance of his dad’s words, which held more gravity than any time he’d said them before. ‘After Dad died, Mum didn’t leave her room for two whole weeks. She only came out to use the toilet. We took all her meals to her and even then she didn’t eat most of them. She acted as though she was the only person who lost someone. I was angry with her for a while. Angry that she couldn’t keep going for us, she should be the one caring for us, she was our mum. I think I resented her for months after that. It took me a while, but then I realised, anything more than going to the toilet for her was like climbing a mountain with half a lung, and carrying us was simply too much.’ Tyler ran his hands over his thighs.
‘That must’ve been tough.’
‘Yeah, ’cause I ended up doing all the carrying. Still think I am sometimes. Jada nearly dropped out of school after Dad died.’
‘Really?’
He gave a short nod, pursing his lips. ‘She couldn’t handle the attention that came with losing someone so publicly. It to
ok some convincing, but I managed to get the teachers on side. I used to take work to and from school every day so she didn’t fail completely.’
It hurt to witness his pain. The scars might be nearly a year old, but they were still healing. Who’d cared for Tyler through all this? He seemed to have held all the pieces together for his family, but who held him together?
‘Mum came round eventually. And she returned to being the mum we needed, I could tell she found it hard though. And that’s why we’re here.’ He lifted his arms and let them fall back into his lap.
Apparently it had always been a dream of theirs, his mum and dad’s, to leave the city and escape to the mountains.
‘Dad loved to snow ski when he was younger and he always promised to teach me when we moved here. I wasn’t always keen on the idea; leaving friends and the city and the sea. But now I wish, more than anything, that we’d done it sooner. Now here we are, one month away from winter, and no one to teach us how to ski.’ He laughed at that.
‘I can. Actually, I don’t ski so well, but I can snowboard, which is way better anyway, especially if you’re a skater.’
‘You sure you’re that good?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, after last night’s efforts in the hallway–’
I slammed the cushion into his chest.
‘Hey, snowboarding isn’t half as difficult as that was.’ I smiled as I recalled the soap-laden corridors from our dream. ‘But first, we have to teach you to water ski.’
— 14 —
Throughout the day, the sun teased us with suggestions of more warmth. It never delivered but the cooler temperatures didn’t stop us from diving into the lake and appreciating what little we’d been given. Then Harry started up the boat and we all had a ski before it was Tyler’s turn.
Cal and Sean jumped in the boat, while Max, Amber, and I sat on the shore, watching Tyler’s anticipated humiliation. We failed in our struggle not to laugh at his attempts to balance on the skis. It took three flops to get him up and now they were well and truly out of view.
I lay on the grass with the girls, the barest hint of Vivienne roaring in the distance. The crisp breeze sent a shiver over my wet skin. I sat and pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around myself, gazing out on the water as my thoughts wandered to the revelations from the past few hours.
‘So, what’s going on with you and Tyler?’ Max turned her head toward me and Amber stilled to listen. I wasn’t surprised at the question; I’d been expecting it all morning. But now, with both sets of eyes cornering me, I felt like a caged animal. Startled and in full view.
The clouds drifted across the azure horizon beyond the lake.
‘I saw you last night, and we all noticed the two of you inside, alone, earlier. You’ve got a big thing for him, haven’t you?’
‘No.’
She raised her eyebrows.
‘Maybe…all right, yes.’ I screwed up my lips to cover the smile breaking out.
‘I knew it.’ Max threw her head back and raised herself onto her elbows, her hair cascading behind her onto the grass. Her smile crept all the way into her dark brown eyes. Amber jiggled her knees up and down and squealed.
‘What did you two talk about in there?’ Max asked. ‘How do you go from barely speaking, to this, in a couple of days?’
‘I dunno,’ I said casually, except I did. ‘Just getting to know each other, I guess. He’s…I don’t know, there’s something about him that makes him really easy to talk to.’
‘His good looks?’ Max said, and Amber laughed.
‘No, Max, not that.’ But my mouth lifted in its own agreement.
The rumble of the boat grew louder as it approached the shore with Tyler behind it – still upright. The boat pulled into the sandy embankment, and Cal and Sean jumped out.
‘How’d you go?’ Amber called as she stood.
‘Simsy’s a natural.’ Cal slapped Tyler’s wetsuit-clad back. ‘Well, after we got him up anyway.’
‘I wouldn’t say natural. That entails effortless grace, which I did not have.’ Tyler’s lopsided grin found mine as they walked to shore. Instant warmth settled over my skin.
‘But no humiliation either,’ Sean said.
‘Really?’ Tyler said, flitting his eyes between us girls. ‘You didn’t hear the laughter coming from the shore then.’ We tried to feign shame, but our returning laughter made us appear anything but.
Our feet dangled over the end of the jetty, the water lapping at our toes, Tyler’s bare legs making it hard to think of any rational words to say now we were alone again. He wore a black t-shirt with bright yellow boardies, the most colour he’d worn since I met him.
A honey eater flew past us and I followed it, casting my eyes into the distance at the squat trees lining the far side of the lake. Distant laughter echoed over the water from the girls in the boat while Sean and Cal skied double.
‘What happened to Richie?’ Tyler scratched at the wood beneath us. ‘I mean, I know he died, Cal told me that much when he invited me here, but he didn’t say anything else.’
I flicked a piece of floating bark with my foot. ‘Brain cancer.’
‘That sucks.’
I let out a sigh. Reminders did that; tightened in my chest and struggled their way out in big surges. ‘Nearly six years ago now, still feels like yesterday though.’
We sat in silence, our feet creating ripples in the water.
‘So, do you think we can do it again?’ Tyler broke the stillness surrounding us.
‘Do what?’ I asked, glancing up at him.
‘Dream together again, you know, like last night.’
‘Dunno. I mean, I’ve got no idea how we did it the first time, let alone how to do it again. I usually don’t have any control over my dreams, do you?’
‘Me? Not at all. I’ve had the same dream every day for the last ten months – you – and believe me, if I could’ve had some control, jazzed it up a bit, I would’ve.’
‘What? Getting a bit bored with this?’ I said sarcastically, drawing a circle in the air around my face.
‘Are you serious? That was the best part of the dream.’ He beamed. ‘That, and seeing my dad again each night, but if I could’ve walked over and talked to you I’d have done it. If I could’ve told my dad I loved him one more time, I’d have done that too.’
‘Oh crap, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a joke about it.’
‘No, it’s okay.’ My hands gripped the wooden planks beneath us, and Tyler’s little finger moved to brush mine. My breathing wavered. ‘I can still remember that day so well, and not because I’ve replayed it in my sleep so many times. It was the last time I saw my dad alive, but something has always struck me as odd.’
‘Oh?’ Tingles of excitement glided from my fingers to my stomach, where tiny pastel-coloured butterflies fluttered.
‘Yeah, you obviously weren’t there in reality, and the first night after Dad died, and the dreams started, I didn’t see you. I remember because of the old lady. She fell and it was me who went to help her. Then one night you appeared, and well, you didn’t leave.’
‘What are you thinking?’
‘I’m not sure, but I’m wondering if maybe when you dreamed it, it was the same time you showed up in mine.’
‘You know, you could be right.’ I jumped up. ‘It makes perfect sense.’ I ran back up the jetty.
‘Where’re you going?’ Tyler called.
‘Just getting something, be right back.’
I rummaged in my bag, found what I needed, then hurried back outside, grabbing a couple of cupcakes off the table on my way.
‘Here.’ I passed him one of the cakes and landed with a thud back on the wooden slats of the jetty. ‘Peanut butter, chocolate.’
‘Merci.’ He took a big bite, his eyes flickering closed for a second. ‘Oh my God, these are amazing.’
‘I know, right. I reckon Laurie, that’s Amber’s mum, would win MasterChef with these.’
‘I’m surprised you’re not twice your size with these to contend with.’ His eyes grazed the length of me, my white see-through shirt hung loosely over my black bikini and board shorts which suddenly felt too short. His appraisal was brief, but enough to see the attraction behind his eyes.
‘I might be one day.’ I laughed but sobered when his smile fell away at a glimpse of the worn and faded book in my lap.
I placed my cupcake on the splintered wood and opened the book near the front, to the page where his face peered up at us.
‘Why’ve you got a picture of me in a book?’ he asked, his normally high cheeks rising even higher with his cheeky grin. His eyes danced with amusement and I had to look away.
‘I drew it,’ I said tentatively. ‘I draw most of the people I dream. I’ve never shown these to anyone before.’
He placed a hand over the book, brushing against my fingers. ‘You don’t have to show me if you don’t want to.’
‘Actually, I think I do,’ I said sedately, but without hesitation. ‘That’s a first.’
‘Well, I’m honoured.’
‘You should be.’ I joked with a half-smile on my lips and cautiously passed the open book to him. ‘This is nearly a year’s worth…promise you won’t laugh.’
Instead of promising he turned serious, and with a trembling voice asked, ‘Do you have anything from the plane crash?’
‘Yeah, but only the man sitting across from me and the lady beside me. They’re on the next page.’ He flipped to the gentleman’s face, and hers.
He jerked his eyes up in surprise. ‘This is the lady from the airport. She was on the plane?’ His voice cracked and eyes glazed, but the few brutal words scribbled at the bottom of the page showed exactly how much more there was to be upset over.
Plane crash – 327 dead – June 12th – seat 41H – visible.
‘What’s “visible” mean?’ he asked.
‘Sometimes people don’t see me in a dream, I just observe. Other times, like this dream, I’m there as much a part of the incident as if I were really living it.’
‘That’s intense.’
Lucid Page 11
