Tattooed Dots

by Knight, Kimberly

  “What’s your specialty?”

  “Chicken carbonara. The secret is lots of butter.” He chuckled.

  “And bacon right? Bacon and butter make everything better.”

  “Definitely.”

  “I think the last person to cook for me was Bailee when she was maybe twelve. She made spaghetti—something you really can’t mess up.” I smiled at the memory.

  “I’ll always cook for you if you want.”

  Always?

  I felt my face flush. Damn him and his sweet talking ways. Before I could say something back, there was a knock on my door.

  “Hey, why are you guys here so early?” I asked, opening the door to see Nicole and Avery standing there.

  “Early? This isn’t early. We need to leave in thirty minutes,” Nicole said, stepping past me. “Oh, shit! I didn’t know you were here, Easton.”

  “You didn’t?” I questioned, turning around to see everyone standing behind me.

  “I thought Avery would have told you,” he replied.

  “Well, he didn’t,” she said, lightly punching Avery’s arm.

  “Wait, I thought you knew he was coming and that is why you were stalling after dinner?” I asked.

  “No?” she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

  “I didn’t tell her, and it slipped my mind when we got back to her condo,” he said with a mischievous smile.

  “Enough said,” I said, stepping around them to go get dressed. Easton followed me into the bedroom.

  “I need to run to my car. I left my bag in there.”

  He left to get his bag while I started to get dressed. I was going to the hospital, so they were lucky I even bothered putting on something other than my PJs. I dressed in black yoga pants and a light blue tank top that reminded me of Easton’s eyes. I didn’t put any makeup on and threw my hair back into a ponytail.

  My life seemed like it was starting to go in the direction that I wanted it to. Easton had come into my life, making me happy. Nicole found Avery, and she was the happiest I’d ever seen her. Bailee was about to graduate college, and everything just seemed right. But I was starting to get nervous. Since Dr. Sam had told me about my tumor, I kept worrying about cancer, and I’d cried enough tears in the last five days to last me a lifetime. No matter what the biopsy showed, I was going to be strong. I’d always been the strong one. I couldn’t let people know that I was hurting inside. I tried not thinking about it, but I still hurt. The tumor needed to come out even if it wasn’t cancerous—I was tired of hurting.

  I was thirty and felt like I was eighty. I was in my prime, ready to get married, have kids and live for seventy more years. Not battle cancer and possibly die. I knew people fought cancer all the time, but what if it was something I couldn’t fight?

  After we’d dressed, Avery drove all of us to the hospital. No one brought up what we were going there for. I think they were waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t want to. I just wanted it over.

  I wasn’t only scared about the results of the biopsy; I was scared about having a needle poked into me. I was scared about the pain from the needle and about the results they would get back. I was scared of the unknown. I was trying to mask how anxious I felt, but deep down I was a nervous wreck. This test could tell me that I had cancer and that was the scariest result of all.

  After my CT, I’d met with a surgeon that Dr. Sam recommended, and he looked over the results and told me that it looked like the tumor was on the nerve between my first and second rib. It felt like my shoulder blade, but since it was the nerve, I figured it was all around the area, and it hurt like a bitch. The surgeon had prescribed stronger pain medication, and it was actually working. At first I felt high from the medication, but now I felt relieved for a short time—four hours to be exact. I was just happy that I was finally getting some relief from the pain.

  Easton held my hand the whole way to the hospital, running his thumb across my hand and soothing me without words. That was the beauty of our relationship. Even though we were new, we felt comfortable with each other. We didn’t need to make conversation. Sometimes words aren’t needed, and he knew that.

  Easton continued to hold my hand once we were all out of Avery’s truck. We followed Nicole to the correct department in the massive hospital. I stood in a small line, waiting to be checked in, but there was no way I was letting Easton go until I had to. After checking in and waiting to be called, it was finally time to go back and be prepped. I looked to Nicole, but she knew I needed Easton, so she didn’t put up a fight. She was my best friend, but sometimes you just needed the strong arms of your man to pull you through.

  A nurse led me back into the stark hallway and into a large room with multiple hospital beds surrounded by white curtains. A chill ran through me as I stepped farther into the room. Hospitals always made me nervous. There was just something about them that creeped me out. It was probably the dreary white walls—and the sick people.

  After the nurse weighed me, she led me to a bed. I grabbed Easton’s hand once I got off the scale and held it tight, not wanting to let go longer than I needed to.

  “You’re going to be fine, baby,” he said, whispering in my ear as the nurse started to pull back a curtain around one of the beds. “I know you’re afraid, and honestly, so am I, but you’re never going to be alone. I promise I’m here for you and will be here when you’re done.”

  “I know,” I said, looking into his eyes and giving him a weak smile.

  The nurse gestured for me to lie on the bed while she took my temperature. After she got her reading, she gave me a white and blue patterned hospital gown to change into.

  “Do you want me to step out while you change?” Easton asked.

  “No,” I said, shaking my head.

  Even though we had only seen each other naked the night before, I was comfortable with him seeing me change. I didn’t want to be alone.

  After I changed, I sat on the bed and used one of the warm blankets the nurse had left to cover myself up. Not long after, the nurse came back to run more vitals and then stuck IVs in my arms. Easton let go of my hand long enough for her to get me ready, and then she was gone. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I finally broke the silence. I needed something to distract me.

  “Tell me more about Cheyenne. Is she getting better at softball?”

  “I think she is. She’s one of the best, believe it or not, and I’m not just saying that because I’m her father. You should see these girls.” He laughed, shaking his head.

  “I would like that.”

  “Once you get better, I’ll take you to one of her games.”

  “Okay.” I smiled.

  I knew that he didn’t introduce women to his daughter. He’d told me that the first night of the cruise. I started to tear up as I realized I was more than a fuck to him. He kept telling me that I was his Superwoman, but it had never registered before. He wanted a relationship with me …

  And I might be dying.

  Another nurse came in and introduced herself as Danielle. She told me that she would be with me the whole time during the procedure. After she checked to make sure that the other nurse had done everything correctly, the doctor who specialized in biopsies entered the room.

  After I’d read over the paperwork that I needed to sign—the paperwork that basically said that they weren’t at fault if I were to die on the table—she started to tell me about the procedure. My hand held Easton’s tighter than before.

  Dr. Ashby spoke. “First, we’re going to bring you back, and you’re going to lie on your stomach on a CT machine. The reason why we do it on a CT machine is so that I can line you up correctly and see where the mass is. Once I have you lined up, I’m going to mark you where lasers are pointed so I know exactly where to go in. Then we’re going to sedate you, but not so much that you’re completely asleep. Danielle will be with you, and if you feel anything just let her know, and we’ll give you more of the sedative.

  The need
le is hollow and about the width of the tip of a pen,” she said, showing me the pen I used to sign my paperwork. “Once we get the hollow needle in the correct place, I’ll stick another needle inside of it and remove some of the mass so we can run tests. After that, we’ll bring you back to recovery where you will need to stay at least an hour until the sedative wears off. Will you be with her in recovery?” Dr. Ashby asked Easton.

  “Yes,” he said, squeezing my hand and giving me a hopeful smile.

  “Good.” She looked back at me, “Your surgeon, Dr. Bloom, will get the results in a few days. Are you ready to go?” I nodded. “All right, a nurse will show you to the recovery room.”

  Easton leaned down and kissed me lightly before I was wheeled through double doors. I waited in a hallway like a car waiting at a red light. I could hear that someone was in the room already, so I lay in the uncomfortable hospital bed, staring at the ceiling.

  After ten, maybe twenty minutes—I’d lost count—Nurse Danielle stopped at my bed and told me that the gentleman before me was done, and they just needed to prep the room for me, so I continued to wait. After another five minutes, Nurse Danielle wheeled me into the room. It was even colder than the other rooms I’d been in.

  Two male nurses helped me out of the bed like I was an eighty-year-old woman—oddly, that’s what my body felt like. I wanted to protest that I could do it myself, but then I realized that it was probably because of the IVs in my arms. They laid me face down on the table with my arms stretched above my head.

  After they got my arms in the appropriate position—which was the most uncomfortable position possible—they untied my hospital gown from my back and moved the table back to start the imaging from the CT machine.

  I tried hard not to move at their request, but my arms were already hurting from being stretched awkwardly above my head. Once they got the correct pinpoint, Dr. Ashby started to mark me with a marker. She marked dots on the back of my neck and the sides of each breast.

  “Okay, Brooke, Nurse Danielle is going to start the sedative. After a few minutes, I’ll begin.”

  “Okay,” I said against the firm, donut-shaped pillow.

  I couldn’t tell when the needle actually went into my neck. I wasn’t asleep, but I wasn’t lucid either. I didn’t want to remember the pain of the needle, but some time later, I felt a pinch. I didn’t say anything, but finally, after what felt like a few more pinches, I spoke up.

  “Am I supposed to feel that?”

  “No. Danielle, give her a little more.” Dr. Ashby instructed then said, “It’s really hard and I’m having a hard time getting a sample.”

  I didn’t know what that meant and I held my breath as they continued to poke me. Not much later I couldn’t feel anything and then they were done. Dr. Ashby didn’t say anything else and left.

  Were they able to get the sample or not? I was too groggy to ask.

  Nurse Danielle wheeled me into the recovery room, and I saw Easton’s sparkling blue eyes looking down on me.

  “Hey, Superwoman.”

  “Hey.” I smiled at him, the anesthesia already wearing off.

  “Brooke, we need to keep you here until you’re able to walk. That should be about an hour. Let me go get you some apple juice. Would you like a sandwich?”

  “No, the juice is fine, thank you.”

  “So, how did it go?” Easton asked as he reached for my hand.

  “I fucking felt it.”

  “You felt what?”

  “The needle. I felt the needle. Everyone told me that I wouldn’t feel the needle and I wouldn’t remember the procedure, but I felt it and I remember!”

  “Okay, baby, calm down. Do you hurt now?”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Did you tell them that you felt it?”

  “Yeah.”

  I saw Nicole and Avery walk in across the room. Nicole waved to a nurse, and I heard her say that I was only allowed one visitor, so she needed to make it quick.

  “Hey, how you feeling, B?” Nicole asked.

  “I felt it!”

  “What?” she asked, looking over at Easton.

  “Brooke said she felt the needle.”

  “You did?” she asked, looking back at me.

  “Yeah, and I heard Dr. Ashby tell someone that it was hard and she was having a hard time getting a sample.”

  “Okay. Well, don’t worry,” she said, patting my free hand. “Dr. Sam and Dr. Bloom will get the results in a week or so. Let’s try to relax until then.”

  “Okay.” But how could I relax? I had a tumor!

  Nurse Danielle stepped in, looking at my entourage, and placed a few apple juice boxes on the tray with a cup of grapes. Another nurse came over and told Nicole that she needed to leave.

  “I’ll see you in the car,” she said and kissed my cheek.

  Avery waved at me, and then they left. Easton and I talked more about Cheyenne. We talked about Halo and how he needed to hire another manager so that he could take weekends off and see me. I liked hearing him say that.

  Three apple juice boxes, a cup of grapes, and half a dry turkey sandwich later, I was finally released from the recovery room. Nicole and Avery picked us up at the front doors of the hospital, and then we were off to get frozen yogurt at the insistence of Nicole.

  As I waited with Avery and Nicole for Brooke while she had her biopsy, I realized that life was too short. I wanted to introduce her to Cheyenne. I wanted my two worlds to meet—my two girls to meet. If Brooke had cancer and she couldn’t fight it, then at least Cheyenne would meet a strong woman.

  I watched Brooke as we drove to the hospital. I knew she was hiding her feelings—trying to be strong, but breaking inside. I didn’t want to draw any attention to what she was about to undergo, so I just held her hand. Occasionally, she would squeeze it as if she was making sure I was still there. I wasn’t going anywhere—ever.

  I needed to introduce my girls because I needed to be there to take care of both of them. I couldn’t do that if I was hiding Brooke from Cheyenne. I just needed to figure out how I was going to do it. I wanted to be with Brooke every weekend and to make that work; Cheyenne would need to accept her.

  Brooke let out a soft snore as we watched the movie she’d chosen. She’d had a long day, and I didn’t blame her. I was where I wanted to be, with her in my arms and taking care of her. She deserved to be taken care of, and I was glad we came into each other’s lives at what seemed like the right time. I didn’t even want to think about where Jared would be instead of taking her to the biopsy. I was glad that fucker was out of our lives and I could be the man Brooke needed me to be.

  As the credits rolled on the TV screen, I scooted off the couch, picked Brooke up in my arms, and carried her to her bed. She didn’t wake as I moved her and placed her down on the bed. After stripping off my jeans, I crawled into the bed behind her and drifted off to sleep with her in my arms.

  The sun had set and it was dark by the time I woke. Brooke was lying on her side, facing me. It reminded me of how I would wake up with her on the cruise, but this was better. We were closer than three feet, almost flush with each other and I could feel her breath on my arm.

  “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  “Fine. Sorry, I fell asleep.”

  “Don’t be sorry. We had a late night, and then you went through all that today.”

  She blushed at the memory of the night before. “Are you hungry?”

  “I’m always hungry. I’m a guy.” I laughed. I worked out at the gym five to six days a week, which made me eat a lot.

  “True.” She laughed. “Want to order pizza?”

  “Anything you want,” I said, then leaned closer to give her a kiss.

  “I’m really happy you came.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I kissed her again.

  She slid out of the bed and walked to the living room. I glanced at the clock a
nd saw that it was almost eight, and I needed to call my peanut.

  “Hey, Daddy. How’s work?”

  “Uh … work is work. Are you having fun with Grandma and Grandpa?”

  “Yeah, they loved the snow globe I brought them back from Disneyland.”

  “That’s good, Peanut. I knew they would.”

  “Grandpa and I played catch today. My throw is getting stronger. I just know it. Before long, I’m going to be able to throw from the grass all the way to first base.”

  “I have no doubt.”

  “Why didn’t I stay with you last night at home?”

  “Because you’re spending the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa.”

  “I’ve never stayed the whole weekend.”

  “They’ve missed you, Peanut. They didn’t see you for a whole week.”

  “I know. Did you bring a girl home?” she asked, mocking the word girl.

  “What?” I protested.

  “A girl, Daddy. Like a girlfriend.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, sitting up in Brooke’s bed.

  “I heard Grandma tell Grandpa that you met a girl.”

  “Peanut …” I groaned. “I need to get back to work. I didn’t bring a girl home. We’ll talk about this tomorrow when I pick you up. Remember, I’ll be late.”

  “I know.”

  “Love you, Peanut.”

  “Love you, too, Daddy.”

  This was either going to be the easiest thing or the hardest thing, introducing Cheyenne to Brooke. It seemed that Cheyenne was okay with the fact that I’d “met a girl”. However, I was still nervous. Cheyenne didn’t remember much about Dana, so I wasn’t worried that she is going to compare Brooke to Dana … but what if she did?

  I’d heard horror stories about step-parents and step-kids not getting along. Heard how they would fight, and sometimes kids would run away. I couldn’t let that happen. My situation was different. I didn’t try to replace Dana. I’d waited—hell, I hadn’t even been looking.