Tattooed Dots

by Knight, Kimberly

  The nurse took my vitals and prepped me for the surgery. They stuck IVs in my hands (not my arms even though I’d asked). Dr. Bloom came over and ran everything by me. More nurses came by periodically to introduce themselves to me and make sure my IVs were correct. The anesthesiologist talked to me about what he would do and also about the epidural he would administer in the middle of my back once we got into the operating room. Finally, a nurse came and wheeled me to the operating room.

  The anesthesiologist asked me to sit up. “Brooke, do you know what Propofol is?”

  “Michael Jackson’s milk.”

  That was the last thing I remembered before surgery.

  “What are we going to do if she has cancer?” I asked Avery and Nicole.

  The longer I waited in the waiting room for Brooke’s surgery to be over, the more I worried. In front of Brooke, I tried to keep myself together for her sake. I knew she was freaking out and when she finally admitted to me that she was scared on the way to the hospital—I almost lost it.

  If I was scared, I knew she was one hundred times more scared.

  “Stop freaking out. If you freak out, then I’m going to freak out and then I won’t be able to sit down and it will be your fault as I pace for hours,” Nicole said, not catching a breath.

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to lose her.”

  “We won’t, man. Let’s go get some coffee or something.” Avery stood up.

  They were right, I needed to distract myself. We had at least five hours to kill. Nicole was Brooke’s emergency contact and they would call her if anything happened. We went to the cafeteria, got a nasty cup of coffee, and sat down.

  “I think we should tell him,” Avery said to Nicole.

  Nicole’s eyes became wide.

  “Tell me what?”

  “It’s too soon,” Nicole said.

  “He’s my best friend,” Avery replied.

  “Um … I’m sitting right here,” I said, looking at them across the booth style table.

  “Fine, go ahead,” Nicole said, giving Avery the okay to tell me something that made me nervous.

  “Nicole’s pregnant.”

  “Oh, shit!” I gasped.

  “Yeah, but it’s too soon. There’s still the chance I could miscarry.”

  “Oh shit,” I said again.

  Avery was smiling at Nicole. I knew for years he’d wanted to start a family; I just didn’t think he would knock someone up before he got married.

  “How far along? Can’t be too far, right?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure. I missed my period and took the home test on Monday.”

  “Does Brooke know?” I asked.

  “No, we—well, I haven’t told anyone. I didn’t want to tell her because of her surgery. I wanted to wait until after and when I knew for sure.”

  “Dude, you’re going to finally be a dad.” I leaned over the table and punched his arm.

  “Hope so.” He kissed the side of Nicole’s head.

  “Anyway, let’s wait and tell Brooke after she gets out of the hospital, okay?” Nicole asked, looking between Avery and me.

  “Yeah, of course,” I agreed. I knew once I saw Brooke, I wouldn’t be thinking about Avery and Nicole’s baby—I would be thinking about my girl.

  The three of us tried to eat our late breakfast, but none of us could eat. We were all thinking about Brooke although we tried not to. Actually, we were thinking about her surgery. I tried to just think about her smiling face. I needed this day to be over. I needed the surgery to go smoothly and I needed her to not have cancer.

  “Aw shit, we’re in trouble,” Nicole said, looking at her phone.

  “What do you mean we’re in trouble? What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “You’ll see in—”

  “How could none of you tell me that my sister has a fucking tumor?” Bailee asked, storming into the cafeteria.

  “Bai, calm down. You’re lucky I told you at all. Your sister didn’t want to worry you,” Nicole said, standing to go to Bailee.

  “I don’t give a shit what she wanted. That’s my sister, and none of you decided to tell me that she had a tumor and we don’t know if it’s cancer?”

  “It wasn’t our call. We were just doing what your sister said and I only called you because I knew you would want to be here. So please, just calm down and let’s wait until she gets out of surgery. Okay?” Nicole placed her hands on both of Bailee’s shoulders.

  “All right. Well, how much longer?”

  I looked at my cell. “At least another hour. We should go to the waiting room again.”

  “Easton, it’s good to see you again,” Bailee said. “My sister told me you two were together now. Good riddance to that fucker Jared.”

  We all laughed.

  “Yeah, good riddance is right.” I smiled.

  We sat in the waiting room for a few more hours. We were all checking our phones, the clock on the wall. Nicole and Bailee each took turns pacing. Nicole walked up to the nurse’s station when it was her turn to pace. I wasn’t sure if the girls knew they were taking shifts, but it gave me something to do and I was tired of watching the news on the TV that I couldn’t hear anyway. Nicole came back a moment later and huffed as she sat next to Avery.

  “She still knows nothing.”

  “I’m getting tired of this,” Bailee said and walked over to the nurse’s station.

  I watched her as she talked with her hands, catching a few words here in there. “I don’t care … Yes, I’m next of kin … We’ve been here for hours … I flew in from California … Yes, why don’t you? … I’ll be right there where I have been for the last few hours.” She pointed to our group.

  “What did you say?” Nicole asked when Bailee returned.

  “I told them that I flew in from California and they need to go find something out instead of just looking at their fucking computer.”

  A few moments later, the nurse returned and called Bailee over. We watched as Bailee spoke to her and then Bailee came back to us. “They said she is out of surgery, sleeping and in recovery. Only one of us can go back for a few minutes,” she said looking at me.

  “Go ahead. You came from California and haven’t seen her,” I said, giving Bailee a tight smile.

  “Thank you.” She leaned down to hug me.

  “How long is she here for?” I asked Nicole when Bailee was out of earshot.

  “She leaves Sunday early afternoon. I think the flight I booked is leaving at one in the afternoon.”

  “No wonder you knew she was coming. You know Brooke is going to kick your ass, right?” Avery asked.

  “I don’t care. I thought Bailee should know in case something happened.”

  “I’ll protect you, Nic. I think you did the right thing,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Thank you.” She stuck her tongue out at Avery. He leaned over and kissed her.

  I was jealous—I just wanted my Superwoman.

  Bailee returned a few minutes later. “She’s sleeping, but the attending nurse said that everything went as planned.”

  “Why didn’t they tell us she was out?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Apparently, she’s been out an hour or so. They said they’re waiting to move her to a room.”

  “An hour? And no one told us?” Nicole shouted and stood up.

  “Baby, sit down,” Avery said. “Nothing we can do about it. Let’s think of the positive—Brooke made it out of surgery and everything went fine.”

  She stared at him for a few beats and then sat back down. “You’re right. It just pisses me off that we’ve been waiting here.”

  “Me too. Did they say how long until she gets into a room?” I asked.

  “No, but they said they would come and tell us.”

  “Yeah right,” Nicole huffed and crossed her arms. “I’ll be checking in every thirty minutes. This is bullshit.”

  Now that Brooke made it out of surgery, I took a few minutes and called my mom to up
date her and Cheyenne. While we talked, I went to the cafeteria and got our group a few sandwiches. We hadn’t eaten much all day.

  “Chey wants to talk to you,” my mom said as I looked at the menu. She put her on the phone.

  “Daddy, what kind of flowers should I bring Brooke?”

  Jesus, my daughter knew how to pull at my heartstrings. “Any that you think look pretty.”

  “Well, all flowers are pretty, but what does she like?”

  “Well, I know she likes roses.” I smiled, trying to keep my emotions in check.

  “Okay, I’ll have Grandma take me to get red roses on the way. She told me they mean love.”

  “Yeah, Peanut, they do.”

  “You mean to tell me that my sister has been out of surgery for over an hour and no one told us?”

  Bailee? When did my sister get here? How did she know?

  “She’s in here, but she’s still sleeping. I’ll let you all see her for a few minutes, but visiting hours are over. You’ll need to come back in the morning.”

  “Can I stay with her?” Easton asked. I could tell that it was Easton, but I didn’t know who the lady was because I was still drifting in and out of sleep.

  “She’ll probably just sleep all night. It’s best for you to go home and get a good night’s sleep.”

  I woke to the sound of people talking. I looked to my right and saw that a door was open and nurses were talking in the hall. I put two and two together and realized that I must have been in my hospital room. My mouth was dry and other than that, I felt good. I wasn’t in pain like I thought I would be from having a tumor removed the size of a bouncy ball.

  I looked to my left and no one was in the room with me. I thought that Easton was going to stay, but I guessed he changed his mind or maybe the nurses didn’t let him.

  “Oh, you’re awake,” a nurse with a Filipino accent said as she walked towards me.

  “Y … ye … yes.”

  “Would you like some ice cubes?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  I sucked on a few ice cubes and lay there, staring at the dark ceiling. I wanted to ask about the surgery—ask if they got the entire tumor, but my throat was killing me. I looked down at my chest and it didn’t look like they needed to go through it. I sighed with relief; I was dreading having a scar there.

  A few minutes later, the nurse came back. “How are you feeling? You think you’ll be able to keep the ice down?”

  Ice down?

  “I think so,” I said, raising my eyebrows in confusion.

  “In a few minutes, I want to see if you can keep some apple juice down so your blood sugar doesn’t get too low.”

  “Okay.” I was pretty sure I could keep liquids down. I mean, apple juice and ice? Why wouldn’t I be able to?

  The nurse turned on the TV and flipped to the channel that I told her to stop on. I had no idea what I was watching, but it wasn’t ESPN or some news channel, so I didn’t care.

  She returned and handed me a tiny box of apple juice. I took a few sips and watched as she imputed things into the computer in my room.

  “I think I’m going to throw up,” I said after a few sips.

  She handed me a tub and I did throw up the little bit of apple juice.

  What the fuck?

  “It’s normal to not be able to keep anything down with the medication you were given during surgery. Just rest and we’ll try again in the morning.”

  When I woke the following morning … or should I say later that morning, I smelled his cologne before I saw him sitting in the chair next to my bed. I smiled to myself—I missed him.

  “Hey, Superwoman. How’s my girl feeling?”

  “Eh … worse than I did last night,” I said, trying to turn a little to face him.

  “Careful. You have a tube in you,” Easton said.

  “I do?” I asked and looked down at my right side. All I saw was a bandage.

  “Yeah, I asked the nurse and it’s a drainage tube for your lung.”

  “Gross,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

  We both laughed. It was gross and to think it was just lodged in my side and draining liquids without me knowing. Eww!

  A nurse came in a few minutes later and told us that it was time for my morning medication. She also looked at the bandage and told me that it was looking good, but it would need to be changed the next day. She administered medication through the IVs in my hands and left Easton and me alone again.

  “Where’s Nicole and Avery?”

  “They should be here soon. I drove myself this morning.”

  “Where did you stay? I woke up and you weren’t here.” I frowned.

  “Sorry, baby,” he said, rubbing the top of my head. “I stayed at Nicole’s. The nurse wouldn’t let me stay last night.”

  “Why didn’t you stay at my place?”

  “Ah …” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Your sister stayed there.”

  “What? Bailee’s here?”

  “Yeah, Nicole flew her in yesterday.”

  “Damn it. I didn’t want her distracted when finals are in a few weeks.”

  “I know, baby, but you know how Nicole is. She doesn’t listen.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” I huffed and tried to cross my arms over my chest. It didn’t work with all the IVs and heart monitors attached to me.

  “Don’t worry about it. Just rest. I’m here and Peanut should be here later this afternoon.”

  “Okay.” Having surgery and all the medication was making me sleepy anyway.

  I woke to quiet laughter. I willed my eyes open, but I was just too tired and fell back to sleep.

  “Brooke, it’s time for your afternoon medication,” a nurse said, waking me up.

  I didn’t know why she needed to wake me since all she had to do was administer the medication through the IVs, but she woke me anyway.

  When I finally opened my eyes, I saw four sets of eyes staring at me plus the nurse.

  “How are you feeling?” Easton asked.

  “Tired.”

  “You can go back to sleep as soon as I check your bandage,” the nurse said.

  My eyes fell on Bailee and I smiled. “Next time, you better tell me the moment you find out,” she said, placing her hands on her hips.

  “There better not be a next time,” I groaned as I tried to sit up.

  The nurse looked at the bandage and I saw Avery cringe, which made me smile. It really was gross. After she’d left, I stayed up talking to everyone. Dr. Bloom stopped by to check on me, and I introduced him to my friends. He assured them that I was in good hands.

  I took another nap and woke about five minutes before Cheyenne and Easton’s parents arrived. The room was small, so Nicole, Avery, and Bailee excused themselves while I visited Easton’s family.

  “Here, I brought you these,” Cheyenne said, coming up to the edge of the bed and showing me a vase of red roses. “Grandma told me that red roses mean love.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled.

  “Here, Peanut, hand them to me and I’ll put them on the table,” Easton said.

  My heart swelled in my chest as I watched her bring Easton the flowers. I didn’t know if she was the one to have the idea or his parents, but I didn’t care. They actually brought a vase full of assorted flowers and Easton put them with Cheyenne’s and the ones that Nicole and Bailee gave me. My tiny room smelled like a botanical garden and when I looked at all the flowers, they reminded me that I was loved.

  “Did you win?” I asked Cheyenne.

  “Yes, that makes us three and oh!” She beamed.

  “That’s awesome!” I smiled back.

  “How are you feeling?” Jane asked me.

  “Like I have a tube sticking out of my side.” I chuckled.

  “Eww,” Cheyenne said.

  I guess everyone was in agreement that it was gross.

  “You’ll be back to your old self before you know it,” Jimmy said, giving me a tight smile.
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  “I hope so.”

  “Then you can come watch more of my softball games,” Cheyenne said, sitting on the edge of the bed like it was no big deal. Easton and his mom were about to say something, but I shook my head that it was okay.

  “As soon as I can, I’ll be there at every one of them,” I said with a hopeful smile.

  I started to get tired again, and that was Jimmy and Jane’s clue that they needed to hit the road. I really didn’t mean for them to go, but I was exhausted. I had never been so tired in all my life.

  When I woke again, the room was dark except for the light coming in from the hall. A nurse was quietly giving me my medications and checking the bandage. She put a finger to her lips and motioned for me to look over to my left. Easton was lying in the chair that folded out into a miniature bed, his feet hanging off the end and Cheyenne snuggled against him.

  Tears started to fall from my eyes at the sight.

  I didn’t want to leave Brooke, but I had to get Cheyenne back to New York so she could go to practice and then go to school the next day. Brooke was sleeping a lot, but when she woke up, I knew she liked having someone in her hospital room to talk to.

  Avery and Nicole drove Bailee to the airport on Sunday afternoon and then Avery left to return home. Nicole stopped in Monday morning before work and assured me that she would come and have dinner with Brooke when she got off.

  I was dreading leaving because I couldn’t return until Wednesday when she was getting released. I was going to stay with her for a few days and then go home for the weekend to coach Cheyenne’s game and spend time with her.

  Brooke had a doctor’s appointment the following Monday and after the appointment, I was bringing her back to New York so I could care for her twenty-four-seven—I wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  “Nicole’s going to the doctor today,” Avery said as he stepped on the treadmill at the gym for our morning workout.

  “Do you want her to be pregnant?”