Through the Shattered Looking Glass

by Crane, M. L.

  Alice tried to calm her nerves and ignore the negative gnats by concentrating on the sounds around her. Nurse Allen’s heavy shoes dully clopped across the shabby tiles, while her soft-soled shoes made no sound at all. The lights hummed and buzzed as though the electricity coursing through them had grown weary and groaned with the effort of keeping the bulbs lit. Muffled conversations, laughter, and sobs could be heard behind the many closed doors. Alice wondered to herself what secrets and sorrows each door held.

  Alice looked down and saw that Nurse Allen was wearing a pair of floral clog-like shoes that everyone seemed to be wearing those days. She watched curiously as Nurse Allen took heavy steps. The bulky shoes flopped around awkwardly on her feet as though they were too big, and Alice wondered how in the world those were supposed to be comfortable.

  Nurse Allen noticed Alice staring at her shoes.

  “Do you like them?” Nurse Allen asked.

  “Uh…” Alice wasn’t sure what to say. She felt as though she’d just been caught staring at someone with a congenital disability.

  “I bought them a few days ago at the mall. Everyone kept raving about these stupid things, telling me I just had to buy a pair.”

  “Are they comfortable?”

  “To be honest, I think everyone was bullshitting me. So far it just feels like I’m walking around in a pair of floppy bricks. These suckers are really damn heavy! It’s a good thing that I got a good deal on them because I sure as hell won’t be buying another pair.”

  Alice giggled and said, “Well, I thought that they looked a bit awkward to walk in. But hey, at least they’re really cute!”

  Nurse Allen threw her head back and laughed, “Well, they may make me walk around like a two-year-old with a diaper full of shit, but at least I look fashionable.” She struck a pose and fluttered her lashes comically over her large amber eyes.

  Alice shook her head and chuckled, her nerves quite forgotten.

  Alice enjoyed Nurse Allen’s company. She had a way of putting people at ease with just her presence. Her loud, bellowing laughter was infectious and brought joy to anyone that heard it. Her goofy, sarcastic personality commanded attention and was better medicine to those patients than any man-made drug that was shoved down their throats. The love that she had for her patients wasn’t forced, it was genuine. You could see the passion in those large amber eyes. Those large, tired, amber eyes. She was not much older than Alice, but several years of sleep deprivation and drinking copious amounts of coffee to keep her running on all cylinders left those large amber eyes looking aged and worn-out. Alice looked at her, unable to fathom what those gentle eyes must have witnessed over the years.

  When they reached Dr. Pelletier’s office, Nurse Allen gave the door a quick knock with the back of her hand and opened it without waiting for an invitation.

  Thick, billowing clouds of cigar smoke rolled out of the open doorway, encircling both Alice and Nurse Allen. Alice tried to suppress her coughing, while Nurse Allen seemed completely unperturbed.

  “I’ll be back in a little while. I’ve got a few things I need to do. Meds to give, asses to wipe, invisible monsters to slay. You know, the usual. Do you need anything?”

  The smoke cleared and Alice found her breath. “No, but thank you.”

  Nurse Allen leaned in and whispered in Alice’s ear. “Maybe later you and I can sit down and have a cup of tea, and you can tell me how it went.”

  “That’d be nice,” Alice whispered back.

  Nurse Allen winked at Alice and motioned towards the door. “Good luck.”

  Alice nodded and watched as Nurse Allen hurried back down the hallway, heavy shoes clopping loudly.

  Alice took a deep breath and faced the open door. Her palms felt clammy, and the butterflies in her stomach did summersaults. Her nervousness had come back.

  Up until that moment, Alice had spent the past few weeks just getting to know the staff and familiarizing herself with the routine humdrum of the Institute. Today was finally the day that she would be working as an equal alongside one of the greatest psychiatrists, Dr. Pelletier. Alice swallowed hard and stepped inside his office.

  Dr. Pelletier’s office looked oddly out of place compared to the rest of the building. Large wooden bookcases, filled with old books and antique medical instruments, lined the entire length of one side of the room. The remaining walls were decorated with a collage of framed awards, certificates, newspaper articles, and old black and white photographs of birds. An antique fainting couch upholstered in royal blue velvet, sat in the far corner of the room. Alice looked down and saw that she was standing on beautiful hardwood flooring, and it felt strange under her feet.

  Sitting behind an oversized antique wooden desk, in a red leather wingback chair, was Dr. Pelletier. He was busily writing notes on a legal pad with his small metal rimmed glasses precariously balanced on the end of his nose. He removed his glasses and looked up at Alice, giving her a smile that filled her with warmth and comfort. Alice sighed as her nerves began to calm, and the butterflies in her stomach ceased their acrobatics.

  “Hello, dear! Please, come in and sit down,” he said, motioning to one of the chairs in front of his desk. “I just need to jot down a few more things, and then I will be right with you.” He replaced his glasses on the end of his nose and resumed his purposeful scribbling.

  Alice sat down, sinking deep into one of the plush antique chairs that faced Dr. Pelletier’s desk.

  While Alice waited patiently, she visually explored the items that were strewn across the surface of his desk. There was a small wooden humidor with beautiful ornate designs carved into it. A half-smoked cigar sat in a glass ashtray with tendrils of smoke lazily rising from its tip. There was a ceramic card holder that was oddly shaped like a mushroom. Next to that was a nameplate that read, Dr. Lewis C. Pelletier. A black marble chess pawn, presumably a paper weight, sat on top of a stack of old books. A handful of pens and pencils rested inside of a coffee mug. Alice had half expected the mug to have a tacky phrase like World’s Greatest Psychiatrist. But instead, the gift shop souvenir bore a high-gloss image of the royal coat of arms.

  Several other odds and ends were scattered across the antique desk which included a pack of playing cards, a bronze statuette of a griffin, and a small pewter turtle. Alice found Dr. Pelletier’s bizarre collection of nick-knacks incredibly fascinating. She wondered what stories each one held.

  Alice looked about and examined the room. She was enchanted with the black and white photographs of birds. The large comical looking Dodo was by far her favorite. She thought to herself that for such a stupid name, it looked like a rather smart bird. She imagined it wearing a suit jacket and carrying a walking stick and chuckled to herself.

  Alice spotted a taxidermied bird on one of the bookshelves. She studied it, trying to decide whether it was a Crow or a Raven.

  Are Crows part of the Raven species, or are Ravens part of the Crow species? Or are Crows and Ravens entirely separate species altogether? Perhaps Crows and Ravens are subspecies of the same species. Species…subspecies…species…subspecies, Alice wondered to herself, repeating the words species and subspecies so many times that they had begun to sound like nothing more than gibberish to her.

  Alice was so deep in thought that she had almost forgotten where she was until the sound of Dr. Pelletier’s voice broke the silence.

  “So, who are you?”

  The question had completely taken Alice by surprise. She looked at him quizzically, puzzled by why he would ask such a strange question.

  Dr. Pelletier had removed his glasses and was leaning on his desk. His fingers were locked together, and he stared at Alice, waiting for her to speak.

  “I’m…um…I,” Alice searched for a response, uncertain of how to answer him because Dr. Pelletier had known her for weeks. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

  “I said, how are you?”

  “Oh!” Alice exclaimed, feeling slightly foolish, “I guess I must have misheard
you. To be perfectly honest, I am a little bit nervous.”

  “Oh, come now. There is no need to be nervous Alice,” Dr. Pelletier said encouragingly.

  Alice smiled and nodded. She was proud to see the confidence Dr. Pelletier had in her, but it also filled her with the fear that she would fail him.

  Dr. Pelletier picked up his glasses and began fidgeting with them in his hands. “I have four rather unique patients that I believe you will find quite fascinating. Their names are Whitney Roberts, Maddock Hatcher, Chelsea Catlin, and Marsha Harris. Over the course of the next few days, I would like for you to speak to each one. I will be there with you if you need help. However, I will mostly be observing your interaction with them and taking notes.” He paused for a moment, set his glasses down on his desk, and leaned back in his chair crossing his arms. “Do you have any questions for me, Alice?”

  Alice looked down at her hands as she rung them nervously, her heart suddenly racing. She cleared her throat and said, “No, no questions. I look forward to meeting them all.”

  Alice forced herself to look back up at Dr. Pelletier, doing her best to calm the butterflies that had returned to her stomach. “Who will I be speaking to today?”

  “Ah! Now, see. That is a question!” Dr. Pelletier laughed, pointing at Alice.

  Alice giggled, despite her nerves.

  “I would like for you to speak to Whitney Roberts today. She is the youngest of the four. Now, I don’t want you to be nervous, Alice. I have every bit of faith that you will do just fine. Working with you during these past few weeks has put no doubt in my mind of your incredible potential.”

  Great. No pressure or anything, Alice thought to herself.

  Alice smiled and said, “Thank you, Dr. Pelletier. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for this amazing opportunity that you have given me. This internship means more to me than you could ever know. I just hope that I can meet all of your expectations.”

  Dr. Pelletier smiled. “I’m sure you will, dear. I’m sure you will.” He stood and gathered up his glasses and his legal pad and walked to the door. He turned and looked at Alice and said, “After you, Dr. Dodgson.”

  Alice liked the sound of that. She hoped that one day she would earn that title.

  ~~~~~

  As they walked down the hallway towards the meeting room, Dr. Pelletier quickly explained a few things to Alice about Whitney Roberts. “What you need to be aware of with Whitney is that she is very skittish, and doesn’t trust easily. Do not be offended if she chooses not to speak to you right away. Just take your time, be gentle, and have patience. I don’t want to tell you much more than that. I’ll let you get to know her yourself. Ask her questions and find out her story.”

  When they reached the meeting room, Dr. Pelletier knocked on the door and peeked his head inside. “Hello, Whitney. I have someone here who would very much like to meet you.” He opened the door wider, allowing Alice to step inside.

  Alice walked past Dr. Pelletier and gasped. What she saw was extraordinary. She had never seen lavender eyes before.

  CHAPTER THREE

  In the center of the room, there was a small metal card table and four metal folding chairs placed around it. Sitting in the chair behind the table was a little girl with bright lavender eyes. Alice was stunned by the child’s delicate beauty.

  The little girl was very petite and looked rather frail. Her long fine hair was pulled up into two ponytails on either side of her head, and it was as white as the purest layer of freshly fallen snow. The stark whiteness of her hair blended almost perfectly against her pale porcelain skin. It was strange, but her skin was so fair that it appeared to be almost translucent, giving off a slightly bluish hue. But, the child’s most incredible feature of all were her bright lavender eyes. Alice was mesmerized by them.

  Alice slowly made her way into the room, completely unaware that she had been staring so intently at the child. She pulled out the chair that was in front of the table and sat down across from the little girl, never taking her eyes off of her.

  Dr. Pelletier took the chair to the left of Alice and addressed the little girl. “Hello, Whitney. How are you today?”

  The sound of Dr. Pelletier’s voice snapped Alice out of her hypnotic trance, making her suddenly aware of her surroundings.

  The meeting room was just as run down and pathetic as the rest of the building. The floor had the same ill-looking black and white tiles, and the walls were painted the same unpleasant blue. The walls were bare except for one of those ridiculous mass produced FAITH posters depicting a sunset scenery and an inspirational quote. One corner of the poster had become detached from the wall making it curl and slump over. Ironically, it gave the illusion that the poster itself had given up hope.

  The room was surprisingly small for a space that was supposed to be used for staff meetings. The cramped quarters, coupled with the lack of windows, made Alice feel extremely claustrophobic.

  “Whitney?” Dr. Pelletier repeated.

  The young girl didn’t respond. Her bright lavender eyes darted about the room anxiously, and her breath came in short quick bursts. She looked like a petrified rabbit caught in a trap.

  “Whitney, I would like for you to meet Alice. She has been very excited to meet you. You don’t have to be frightened of her. She just wants to be your friend. Would that be all right? Whitney, are you with us?”

  Whitney’s eyes shot back and forth between Dr. Pelletier and Alice. Her tiny body trembled, and she began to mutter nervously, “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!”

  “Oh, it’s okay. You don’t have to be scared, Whitney. I promise that I’m not going to hurt you. Dr. Pelletier is right. I just want to be your friend. You can trust me,” Alice said, speaking gently to the child.

  Whitney locked her gaze on Alice while she continued to mutter to herself. Her eyes were wide and glossy as though she were on the verge of tears.

  Alice looked at Dr. Pelletier for guidance, but he just grinned and motioned for her to continue.

  Come on now Alice; you can do this. Don’t flake out before you’ve even begun. Pull yourself together and relax, Alice thought to herself.

  Alice took a deep breath and continued. “Whitney, I would love to get to know you a little bit better. Do you know why? Because friends share secrets and help each other, don’t they? Would it be all right if I asked you some questions?”

  Whitney refused to answer her. She had stopped muttering to herself but continued to stare at Alice with those remarkable lavender eyes.

  “You are a very pretty little girl. I have never seen lavender eyes before. You know what? I bet that you are the only little girl in the whole wide world with lavender eyes. I think that makes you awfully special, don’t you?”

  Whitney’s frantic breaths began to slow, and a stillness came over her. She tilted her head to the side as if she were trying to decide what she thought of Alice. Then, the little girl leaned forward in her seat and whispered, “Mary Ann, you’re late.”

  Alice furrowed her brow, confused by the child’s statement.

  “Oh, no sweetie. My name is not…”

  “Dear, she calls everyone Mary Ann, so there is no sense in trying to correct her,” Dr. Pelletier interrupted.

  “Oh!” Alice exclaimed. She looked at Dr. Pelletier and saw that he had been taking notes and had stopped to peer at her over his glasses.

  “It’s funny, really. She even calls me Mary Ann.” Dr. Pelletier chuckled and went back to his notes.

  “Why is that?” Alice asked.

  Dr. Pelletier stopped and removed his glasses. He paused for a moment, seemingly searching for an answer. “I honestly haven’t the slightest idea. Perhaps you should ask her that yourself,” he said, winking at Alice.

  “Oh, right.” Alice felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. She turned to Whitney and asked, “Whitney, why do you call everyone Mary Ann?”

  Whitney smiled shyly and said, “Because names are a stupid, useless thing. People g
ive each other nicknames all the time. People even give each other love names and sometimes they give each other bad names. So it doesn’t matter what you call someone because they’ll still answer you anyway.”

  Alice smiled, thinking that that was a very logical thought for a child so young.

  “Whitney, you said that I was late. What exactly is it that I’m late for?”

  Whitney’s smile faded, and she fell silent. Her back became rigid, her eyes nervously searching the room once again, and her breath quickened. Any progress that Alice had begun to make suddenly vanished.

  Alice sighed and realized that speaking to Whitney was going to be far more difficult that she had anticipated. She started to doubt that she would ever get information out of the young girl.

  “Whitney, can you tell me why you’re so nervous? What are you so afraid of?”

  In a flash, Whitney froze, making Alice hold her breath.

  Alice suddenly began to feel anxious.

  Whitney locked her lavender eyes on Alice’s midnight-blue eyes. The child’s demeanor changed instantly, and Alice began to fidget nervously in her chair. The girls cold, dead stare made Alice feel incredibly uncomfortable.

  “The monsters,” Whitney replied. Even the sound of her delicate voice had become cold and unnatural.

  “What monsters? Whitney, I promise you that there is no such thing as monsters.”

  Whitney’s brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed as she glared at Alice. “Yes, there is. They’re everywhere, and you can’t make them go away. They control you, and they hurt you. Sometimes, you even think that you can trust them, but you really shouldn’t. They’re just trying to trick you. They like to pretend that they love you, and some of them even look nice. But they’re all lying.” When she finished, she shot Dr. Pelletier a sharp look out of the corner of her eye.