Begin Again

by Nicole Pyland

  “I appreciate you checking with me, but it’s entirely up to you,” she replied.

  CHAPTER 25

  “I’m sorry we’re such a mess,” Chris said to her the moment they entered Paxton’s apartment.

  “Who’s the they you’re referring to?” Paxton asked, lifting her eyebrow as she tossed her keys on the table. “We are not a mess.” She pointed between the two of them.

  “I meant Wes and me,” Chris replied.

  Paxton turned to face her girlfriend. She noticed how tired Chris looked. It had been a long weekend for her and for Wes. She walked toward Chris, closed the front door of the apartment behind her, and reached for her hips.

  “You guys are not a mess. Wes will decide what he wants to do about your grandmother, and so will you,” she offered. “Just because someone comes swirling into your life asking you to change a part of yourself for them, doesn’t make you a mess. I mean, I basically did that.”

  “You did not,” Chris replied, staring at her with kind eyes. “Okay, you did. But that’s the thing that happens when you’re in a relationship with someone. I’m just stubborn.”

  Paxton smiled at her. She ran her hands through Chris’s hair, leaned in, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

  “Do you want to take a bath?”

  “Are you joining me?” Chris asked.

  “How about I run the water for you and get everything ready? You can just relax for a minute. Then, enjoy your moment of relaxation before we go to bed.”

  “Fine. I will accept your amazingly sweet suggestion.” Chris sighed. “But if you would have added your naked body to the equation, I would have been eternally grateful.”

  Paxton chuckled at her. They headed toward the bedroom. She left Chris to sit on the bed and went into the bathroom. She started the water, located a towel, hung it on the rack next to the tub, turned off the lights, and lit a few candles. She rarely did this for herself, but every now and then, she found a candlelit bath relaxing. When the water had filled high enough, she turned it off and went back to the bedroom, where she found Chris lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Paxton sat down next to her.

  “You okay?” she asked, running her hand up under Chris’s shirt to rest on her stomach.

  “What if I meet with her and I like her?” Chris asked.

  “You sound like you think that would be a bad thing,” Paxton replied softly.

  “She was in a cult voluntarily, Pax. What does that make me if I actually like the woman?” Chris turned her face to look up at Paxton’s.

  “It means she’s your grandmother, Chris. You don’t have to like everything about a person just to get along with them. I know you don’t like when I leave my socks on the floor after kicking them off while I’m asleep.” Paxton smiled at her. “It hasn’t broken us up, though.”

  “What if it does, though?” Chris asked. “What if all my baggage ends up ending us?”

  Paxton kissed her lips gently. Then, she stood and held out both of her hands. Chris took them, sitting up in the process.

  “Take your bath. I’ll be here when you’re done. I’ll be here as long as you want me to be, Chris.” She kissed Chris’s cheek. “By the way, Wes texted me. He asked if we were going to check out some more houses tomorrow and if he could join us if we were.”

  “He asked if we were checking them out?”

  “He did. Why?” Paxton asked.

  “I don’t know.” Chris shook her head. “I should go take that bath you just ran for me.”

  “Oh, okay.” Paxton reached out again as if to escort her girlfriend to the bathroom.

  “I know where it is, Pax.” She laughed. “Unless you’ve changed your mind on joining me.”

  “No. I’ll be out here when you’re done, though.” Paxton kissed Chris on the cheek. “Take your time.”

  Chris smiled, pecked Paxton’s lips, and pressed her own forehead to Paxton’s while closing her eyes. Paxton did the same. They remained that way for several moments before Chris pulled back, went into the bathroom, and slipped into the bathtub. Paxton could only hope it would help her girlfriend relax and assuage her worries.

  ◆◆◆

  As Chris bathed, Paxton readied herself for bed. She wondered about Chris’s reaction to Wes asking about them looking for a house. She knew Chris was concerned by the word we in his sentence. Paxton was happy in Tahoe. She was happy with Chris. She wanted a life with her, but she was nowhere near ready to move in with her. She did want Chris to like whatever house she bought, though. That was important. Chris was renting. If she hated Paxton’s new house, she wouldn’t want to live there one day when they were ready. Paxton didn’t want to find a great house just for now; she wanted to find something for her forever.

  “That was just what I needed. Thank you,” Chris said when she emerged from the bathroom completely nude.

  “Oh, wow.” Paxton turned to see her girlfriend standing in the doorway of the bathroom with the light from the room behind Chris, framing her body perfectly. Her hair was still wet. Her hands were at her sides. Her eyes looked tired but gorgeous. Chris was smiling. “You…”

  “What?” Chris chuckled.

  “You should get dressed for bed or…”

  “Or what?” Chris teased. She stalked over to the bed, her hips swaying as she moved. “Is there a problem?” Her lips turned up into a sexy smirk.

  “You’re tired. We should–” Paxton was interrupted by Chris moving quickly to the bed and straddling her hips. Chris smiled down at her. “What happened to you? You went into that bathroom all doom and gloom, and now you’re smiling.”

  “I wasn’t all doom and gloom.” She wrapped her arms around Paxton’s neck. “Pax, thank you for not letting me ruin this.”

  “What?” Paxton asked, looking up at her girlfriend.

  “I wasn’t good to you. I nearly lost you because of that; because of something from my past that I still need to work out. You didn’t leave. You could have… But you didn’t.”

  “I couldn’t have left, Chris,” Paxton replied, sliding her arms around Chris’s lower back. “I couldn’t just leave you.” She looked up into Chris’s eyes. “I’m kind of crazy about you, Chris.”

  Chris leaned down and pressed her lips gently to Paxton’s. Paxton’s eyes closed at the gesture. She breathed Chris in and ran her hands up and down her back, reveling in the feel of the soft skin that was still warm from the bath.

  Chris leaned into Paxton, pressing her lips to Paxton’s ear, and said, “Pax, I love you.”

  Paxton’s hands stopped moving against Chris’s skin.

  ◆◆◆

  What had she just done? Chris could feel Paxton’s heart pounding through the shirt as they were still pressed together. While she’d bathed, she’d thought about recent events. Her thoughts had turned from sad and angry with her grandmother and herself, to surprisingly happy and excited at the thought of Paxton waiting for her in the bedroom. Paxton was buying a house in South Lake. Paxton loved her brother. Of that, Chris was sure. Wes seemed to love Paxton. He was asking about the house she’d move into and wanted to be a part of the process. Chris knew they hadn’t been together long enough for her to say those words. Had she ever even said those words to another woman before? If she had, she couldn’t remember in that moment, because Paxton was staring up at her with an expression Chris couldn’t read.

  “Pax?” she asked softly.

  “I had this plan, you know?” Paxton said, still looking up at her.

  “Plan?”

  “To say that to you,” Paxton replied with a small smile, and Chris let out a sigh of relief. “I was planning on finding a house, telling you how important it is to me that you like it, and that one day I’d like you to live there with me, because I love you.” Paxton’s hands were on the move again. This time, they held onto Chris’s hips. “I love you, too. I’ve never been particularly lucky in love, Chris. My past relationships were sometimes messy, and they never went anywhere; which
is obvious, since I’m here with you right now. But, in this moment, with everything good I have in my life now, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Every stupid mistake I made and every good decision I made, they had all led me here, to you.”

  Chris smiled down at her girlfriend and said, “Damn, that’s a good speech there, Champ.”

  “Oh, I was a state champion in speech giving, too. Did I not tell you that before?” Paxton asked with a smirk.

  “No, you left that out. But I guess I should tell you now that I don’t date nerds; I exclusively date swim champs.”

  “Good thing I was both, huh?” Paxton pressed her lips to Chris’s neck. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Chris said, feeling the weight of those words as she did and realizing she was right in saying them.

  Despite how they’d met, and how much Chris thought she had disliked Paxton Williams, she knew she loved this woman now. She kissed Paxton as Paxton’s hands shifted Chris to lie underneath her. Paxton removed her own shirt while Chris watched. As Paxton stood, removing her shorts and baring herself to Chris, Chris knew she was lucky. She was very lucky. She had a job she liked that finally gave her enough money to support herself and her brother. She had a roof over her head, food to eat, a brother she loved that loved her back, and an amazing girlfriend that was currently settling on top of her.

  As Paxton’s lips pressed to her neck, Chris couldn’t help but think about how different things could have been for her and for Wes. Had her mother not had the courage to leave when she was younger, she and Wes would have grown up in a cult. She’d be married off to a man probably twice her age. He’d have multiple wives, and she’d have at least six or seven kids by now. Just the thought of that made her cringe. She’d so often disliked the life she had after her parents died. She worried daily that she wasn’t giving Wes what he needed, that they’d never have enough money, or running cars, or a house they could afford to live in. She also worried she’d never find someone to share her life with that could understand that Wes was a part of the deal; that also she had this baggage she’d likely never be able to get rid of.

  Paxton kissed Chris’s neck softly, as if this was their first time together, and moved slowly and carefully as she slid her hand down between them as her lips moved at the same pace to cover Chris’s nipple. In that moment, Chris could only think that she’d almost lost all this, because she’d tried more than once to push this woman away. But as Paxton’s fingers slid inside her, Chris thought of nothing else than the feeling of Paxton moving in and out of her with such gentleness and care. They hadn’t made love all that much in the grand scheme of things. They hadn’t been together that long. But every time they did this, Paxton knew just how to touch her. She knew where; but, more importantly, she knew how. Paxton knew to go fast or slow. She knew when Chris would want to see her face as Paxton made her come; when Chris wanted Paxton’s face between her legs. Now, Paxton’s eyes were on her. They were beautiful and kind. They were dark and filled with need at the same time.

  When Chris came, it was with Paxton staring down at her with a near smile on her face. Chris’s breathing slowed after several minutes. Paxton was still staring down at her with the same expression. Chris’s eyes filled with happy tears, but those tears didn’t fall. Paxton watched as Chris smiled up at her. She leaned down to kiss Chris. In response, Chris pulled Paxton closer to her own body as tightly as she could, never wanting to let her go.

  CHAPTER 26

  “Pax, you’re such an asshole sometimes,” Chris exclaimed.

  “What did I do?” Paxton asked.

  “You picked this color,” Chris replied, holding up a paintbrush.

  “You agreed to it.”

  “No, I said, ‘It’s your hotel; do want you want.’ To which you replied, ‘I’m going with this one.’ That is not the same thing,” Chris said.

  “It’s not that dark,” Paxton replied, using the roller on the wall to spread the color.

  “It’s navy-blue, Paxton. It’s going to take, like, six coats to get this on right,” Chris returned as she used the brush to go along the trim.

  “I told you I’d hire painters.”

  “You could have just picked a lighter color,” Chris returned.

  “It’s only an accent wall.”

  “That’s your argument? The color is so dark, Pax.”

  “The wallpaper is ivory; it’s going to work,” Paxton replied.

  “What are you two fighting about?” Wes asked when he entered the room, carrying a box of light bulbs.

  “We’re not fighting!” they both exclaimed at the same time.

  “It sounds like fighting.”

  “We’re arguing,” Paxton said.

  “How is that different?” he asked, placing the box on the floor.

  “You’ll understand when you–” Paxton stopped herself. “Get a girlfriend.”

  Chris looked over at her and then said, “And your girlfriend buys a hotel.”

  “Well, right. That, too.” Paxton smiled over at her.

  “I doubt that’s anything I’ll need to worry about,” Wes replied, shaking his head at the two of them.

  “You’ll have to worry about it if you move in together one day and have to pick a color for the living room walls or something,” Paxton replied, turning back to the wall to continue painting.

  “That better be, like, ten years from now,” Chris said to Wes.

  “Right. Ten years,” Paxton echoed.

  “And when you do move in, don’t let her pick the darkest color in the world to put on the walls. It’ll take days to get the painting done,” Chris said.

  “And don’t agree to the color and then take it back. Girls don’t like that,” Paxton added.

  “And maybe, make sure you’re really listening to your girlfriend when she doesn’t agree. She just says that it’s your hotel and you can do what you want,” Chris fired back with a smile.

  “And if you have that strong of an opinion about wall colors, maybe make it more well-known up front. That way you don’t spend all this time painting a wall and then arguing about it,” Paxton suggested.

  “Maybe–”

  “Okay… I get it,” Wes interrupted with a chuckle. “Choose only light colors. Communicate clearly. Don’t live with anyone for ten years. Did I miss anything?”

  “Don’t date a pain in the ass like your sister,” Paxton said. “Or at least, if you do, make sure she knows you love her in spite of and, sometimes, because of it.” Paxton winked at Chris.

  “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” Chris replied, looking at Paxton. “I might never have given Pax a second glance, and she’s definitely worth a second glance.”

  Paxton smiled at her and replied, “I’ll finish up the wall. It’s the least I could do.”

  “See? Compromise.” Chris turned to Wes. “But I’ll help, because it means I get to be in the same room with you.”

  “This just got weird,” Wes interjected. “You two like each other too much now. Pax, I was going to install these in the rooms that are ready. Is that cool?” He motioned to the box of bulbs.

  “Go for it. After that, you can take off for practice, though. I don’t want you to be late.”

  “Thanks,” he replied, picking up the box and carrying it out of the room with him.

  “You know his practice schedule?” Chris asked, walking over to her.

  “I had him put his schedule up on the wall in the soon-to-be back office. He has his school stuff on there, too. I want to make sure he’s meeting his commitments and that I’m not working him too hard,” Paxton replied, bending over to slide the roller into some more paint.

  “You’re an asshole sometimes, but you’re also really sweet, Pax.” Chris smiled.

  “I hope you wouldn’t date me if I was a complete asshole all the time,” Paxton replied, standing up after leaving the roller in the tray.

  “That hasn’t stopped me in the past… Many of my dates have been complete
assholes,” Chris told her, placing the brush on the side of the tray, standing back up, and wrapping her arms around Paxton’s neck. “I’m glad I found someone that only steals my parking space and doesn’t try to steal my car.”

  “Wait… What?” Paxton asked, wrapping her arms around Chris’s waist.

  “Well, she didn’t try to steal it, technically. She just borrowed it without asking one time, after she stayed over. I woke up, and it wasn’t there. I texted, called; nothing. I almost reported it stolen. She returned it later that night, saying she had to run a few errands and that she thought we should break up. I’m pretty sure she used me for my car to do something illegal. But I never heard anything, so I left it at that.”

  “Like, she needed to bury the body of her ex-girlfriend or something?” Paxton asked.

  “Yes.” Chris leaned in, pressing her lips to Paxton’s cheek. “So, you better behave, because I know where she took it, and there’s plenty of room.” She pulled back and winked at her.

  Paxton smiled, laughed a little, and then turned them around, pressing Chris’s back to the wall covered in fresh navy-blue paint.

  “Oh, yeah?” she asked, placing her own hands flat against the wall, feeling the wet paint coat them. Then, she pressed them firmly over Chris’s chest. “Now, what?”

  “Pax!” Chris exclaimed, laughing wildly as she looked down at the palm prints on her breasts. She pulled herself off the wall, turned her head slightly to try to see the damage, and saw the wall instead. “Pax… We’ll have to redo the whole thing.” She laughed, pressed her own hands into the wall, and turned. But Paxton was already gone. “Paxton Williams! Get your ass back here so I can get paint all over it.”

  “Running away,” Paxton yelled from somewhere in the hallway.

  Chris followed her down the hall, laughing as she went, knowing she’d follow Paxton Williams anywhere.

  ◆◆◆

  “I only got paint all over you in order to get you in this shower with me,” Paxton told Chris later that night.