Alex Opalstone and the Window of Heaven's View: Life 101 Part 2

by T. M. Meek

“Leena’s mom, Amelia, called. She said something about you and Leena pretending to be pregnant. Something about your… pretending to be the father.” Samuel said hesitantly. He then pulled up a chair and sat down. Alex was already seated and Meredith was close by. It was clear. This was ‘the lecture’ Alex was dreading. Everything she had messed up on recently was about to be addressed and punishments were bound to be given.

  “We’re not really angry as much as we are concerned and we think it’s a good time for all of us to talk. Uncle Samuel doesn’t have to work late tonight and we’ve all already had dinner and so we wanted to talk to you as soon as we could to see what you thought about some solutions we could agree on so that fewer problems get repeated in the future.” Meredith said with as much love as possible while still feeling disappointed. They were all seated around the kitchen table. There were a few bowls of sliced fruit and cheese and a fresh pitcher of cold water.

  “The Ferris wheel incident was just a few nights ago and the ‘pretend marriage pregnancy’ thing was a few hours ago so let’s talk.” Samuel said leaning forward just before pausing to gather his thoughts. He then looked at Meredith before continuing. “It’s clear to both of us just how much this Triple-C competition means to you. We know it means a lot and that you want to do your best in hopes of winning so we want to help you with that. So Aunt Meredith and I decided we would talk to you a bit frankly about how much it costs to have a baby…”

  “The labor and delivery costs with the hospital.” Meredith added interrupting.

  “Right. And the cost to raise a child over the years.” Samuel then pulled out a piece of paper that had some financial estimates printed on it as well as a basic outline of the topics that they planned to address that evening. “But before we go over what we have learned it takes to provide for a growing family, we also have a few other things we wanted to discuss.”

  “Such as proper manners when you visit at your friend’s home.” Meredith added.

  “But I know my manners.” Alex politely protested.

  “Oh, you mean like asking your friends parents if you can: a) borrow the keys to their $150,000+ car and b) actually get inside and sit behind the driver’s wheel of the car and c) without the proper immediate supervision of a trusted adult – such as the actual owner of the car…” Meredith said trying to make a point of the things Alex should have known better to not do.

  “But no real damage happened to the car.” Alex tried to plead in her own defense.

  “Alex it was an expensive collector’s car. It wasn’t just any kind of car. What if something bad had happened not only to the car but to you? What if another car had hit you and hurt or killed you? What if you survived as a cripple but Leena had died?” Meredith pleaded back.

  “Look, even in a car that wasn’t very expensive these are real concerns. You can die or become crippled for life in a cheap car just as easily as you can an expensive collector’s car.” Samuel added. Alex looked down in shame.

  “We don’t intend to hang this mistake over your head for the rest of you r life but we will ask you now, how do you feel about that mistake?” Meredith inquired patiently.

  “Ashamed…and embarrassed.” Alex answered barely able to look them both in the eye.

  Samuel then looked at Alex intently and asked, “What have you learned from that mistake?”

  “Not to let a friend take car keys without their parents knowing and get behind the wheel even if we don’t intend to drive it because a bad car accident can still happen.”

  “But you’re not old enough or experienced…at all to even drive a car. And a bad car accident almost did happen. Right?”

  “Yeah. That’s true.”

  “So what are your plans now to prevent that from happening again? How do you plan on correcting it.” Samuel dug further.

  “I’ll apologize to Leena’s parents and I’ll promise now not to ever let a friend take car keys without their parents knowing and get behind the wheel even if we don’t intend to drive it because a bad car accident can still happen. I’ll figure out a way to earn the money to pay for the damage to the car.”

  “That sounds like a sincere and mature way to handle it. Wouldn’t you agree Meredith?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Now, let’s plan that that is Alex’s final decision and because it’s a very responsible one that we feel is highly commendable, we’ll move onto the next item to discuss.” She said this as she offered to serve up some sliced fruit and cheese onto a plate for Alex. The snacks looked great so Alex nodded eagerly that she would gladly receive the plate of food.

  “We wanted to talk about the Meano-trio and how to solve the bullying problem before we talk about the costs to raise a family.” Samuel said. He then served up some cheese and fruit onto his own plate.

  “Your Uncle Samuel and I think it’s probably a better choice to call the girls by their given names rather than to continue to refer to them as the ‘Meano-trio’ since that label just adds to the stigma of their immature choices as well as hindering your ability to see these girls for who they really may be or who they could be if they decided to become better at being kind and considerate of others instead of remaining bullies.” Meredith said before she dipped a piece of her own fruit into a sweet dip she made earlier. She then took a quick bite. “So let’s talk about Shelly. She’s the leader of this small threesome right?” Meredith asked.

  “Yeah. Shelly is the ring leader.” Alex said after she finished spooning some extra dip onto her plate.

  “How much of her bullying is physical or verbal in-your-face confrontation and how much of it is cyber bullying such as insulting or threatening texts or internet stalking or bullying?” Samuel asked.

  “Most of it is verbal in-your-face insults and stuff. No texts yet to me. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have my number since I only gave it to Julio and Leena and they agreed not to give it out. They must have kept their promise since I haven’t received any bad texts from anyone.” She then took a bite of fruit covered in dip.

  “What about on any of your social networking sites?” Meredith asked.

  “I haven’t created one yet. You guys limit my internet access so I can’t – and not that I’m complaining. I can get my research done because aunt Meredith sticks around but I’ve never put up my own social page yet. I’d like to do that.”

  “Okay. We just need to go over the dangers of internet stranger dangers first.”

  “Can I tell you what I already know so you can see I’m ready to have my own page up?”

  Samuel and Meredith were surprised Alex was already wisely thinking of internet dangers. “Absolutely. What do you know?” Alex finished chewing before she answered.

  “I know I don’t want to end up like Stacy,” Alex said with some fear as she recalled the story of how Stacy died. “She’s the girl who met a guy over the internet who requested that she meet him someplace face to face in a way where no one else knew about it. He lied about something that convinced her that secretly meeting was okay to do. But then after her parents couldn’t find her for a week, her dead body was found over by the lake. She had been raped and then murdered.” Both Meredith and Samuel sighed in sorrow that Alex would learn about such awful facts of life. Alex continued.

  “And I don’t want to end up like Patricia either. She’s the girl who thought she had made a new friend with another girl online and when she went to meet her so-called ‘new’ friend, she learned the girl was forced to get them to meet and then Patricia was kidnapped and forced to be prostituted as an unpaid prostitute – a sex slave. Pimps rarely pay the girls and women who work for them. They force the girls to lie and act as if they are choosing to be a prostitute and the pimps watch their every move using hired guys so they can’t ever escape. The girl was a sex slave and then Patricia became one too even though she cried and begged the guy to let her go he just ignored her, beat Patricia up and raped her and then let other guys pay to rape her also for six years until she
died from complications to a forced abortion while she was a sex slave. The pimp dumped her body in a field that was discovered by a farmer later,” Alex let out a heavy sigh and then took a drink of her water. Samuel and Meredith simply sat and listened patiently as they ate and Alex talked.

  “No. I don’t want those things to happen to me. I’m not going to agree with people I talk to online to ever meet face to face so they can get me alone and harm me.” Alex was clearly more mature and smarter than most kids as she knew these things really did happen in life. “I know it was only those who don’t believe it will happen that are the same ones who become victims of such awful crimes. That’s the reason it’s so dangerous for guys to call a girl paranoid or mislabel her in that way when she is wisely choosing to remain vigilant. Guys and girls who call one another paranoid to get them to do foolish things to supposedly prove bravery are often not concerned with the safety, happiness and wellbeing of the person they’re calling paranoid. How brave is it to stand on a train track when a train is roaring at full speed towards you? It’s not brave at all to be dead as a result of trying to satisfy someone else’s foolish definition of what it really means to be brave. Some feelings of fear are there to warn us of danger. Wise people respect feelings of warning or intuitive fear and don’t silence it but they learn from it early and keep themselves from experiencing serious harm.”

  Samuel and Meredith were glad Alex was thinking enough about things like this so she could be smart and help others be smart, safe and happy too. If someone was going to call her paranoid, she was smart enough to ignore it if it came from someone who mocked her to manipulate her into thinking some lie that something that felt to her was a foolish choice was “cool” or “brave”.

  “I know that if something looks okay but feels wrong that trusting your intuitive feeling that what appears to be okay is probably wrong because feelings are often more accurate in situations like that.” Alex said seriously.

  “We’re glad you’re smart enough to recognize the dangers that exist in this world and although not all of them start online, many of them do. That means you have a far greater chance of staying safe because you’re vigilant,” Meredith said as she stroked Alex’s head reassuringly.

  “But we still wanted to market our team online,” Alex added. “I’m not sure if we can be cyber-bullied that way yet.”

  “Hasn’t Leena created a website for your Success Crew team?”

  “It’s not finished so it’s not live yet.”

  “Have either Julio or Leena told you of any cyber stalking or bullying they’ve experienced yet?”

  “Julio mentioned some texts he’s received that were insulting but he didn’t go into any details.”

  “What about Leena?”

  “Sort of the same thing.” Alex said thoughtfully.

  “Well, your Uncle Samuel and I have some ideas about what might be done to help eliminate or at least significantly reduce the bullying that goes on at North Ivy. But before we share some of our thoughts on it, let’s be clear that although it’s important to make friends and be nice to others and help others to feel comfortable, it’s not smart to make friends or be nice to someone who you have good reason to feel afraid of either because of something they said or did. Even if someone just creeps you out for reasons you can’t explain, it’s never wise to make friends with people like that, okay? You have to be smart when you choose who to reach out to in friendship. That applies for making friends with people whether you’re young or old. Got it?”

  “Got it.” Alex fully agreed.

  “Before we share any more of our ideas about preventing bullying, do you have any ideas?” Meredith asked Alex.

  “Some of the students have certain cliques they hang out with and if you’re not a part of their clique, it’s usually intentional. They figure that if they specifically exclude certain kids then they’re cool for excluding them and the ones being left out are weird or have little social worth. That’s such a messed up way of being if you ask me. Basically I think that it’s actually the ones who do the rejecting and excluding by their ignoring others or by insults or taunts that are the ones who have the problems with self worth because if they were smart enough and successful enough socially then they’d see most every student as someone worth including socially since every kid is really good at something and so we can all benefit from each others strengths. But since sometimes our strengths aren’t easily seen or recognized by others I can see how it might be easy for some of us as classmates to overlook someone’s inherent value and therefore see them as somehow unattractive as a potential friend.” Alex said.

  Both Samuel and Meredith were deeply impressed with Alex’s maturity at such a young age. It was even more clear how smart she was and how successful she would be in life because of her gift for seeking to get along with others even when it’s hard.

  “So what have you done to help other students feel more welcome and not left out?” Samuel asked. He then used his napkin to wipe off some fruit juice from his hands before taking a long drink of water.

  “Leena and Julio and I have an agreement that if at anytime we see another student eating alone at lunchtime that any of us can invite them to sit with us if they’d like. We make room for anyone who takes us up on our offer but we never make anyone join us if they don’t really want to.”

  “Has anyone ever joined you for lunch?” Samuel asked.

  “Oh yeah. So far we have six other students that have started sitting with us and then some of them have made friends with each other. We’ve encouraged each one we invite to invite others to do the same so we keep an open table. Some are too shy to invite others but a couple of them have invited others to sit with us so we all eat lunch together. If other students who also happen to sit at our table are bugged by so many other ‘outcasts’ sitting near them they just move to another table. That’s sad because they’re bugged and view them the way they do but it’s good for us because we have more seats to welcome more kids. The more we welcome them the less they are ‘outcasts.’ We may not become best friends with all of them but it’s nice that they sometimes wave ‘hello’ to us in the halls and sometimes share their best lunch treats with us. One guy brought a box of cookies and shared it with everyone at our table. So expanding our circle of friends has its perks.” Alex smiled.

  “We are amazed at your success and that Julio and Leena felt the same as you do, Alex.” Meredith said in awe as she looked at Samuel nodding in agreement. She then walked over to the sink and added more water to the filtered pitcher before placing it back onto the table. “We already feel Leena and Julio are good kids, but this additional insight causes me to be even more impressed. How about you Samuel?” She then sat back down.

  “Absolutely! It’s clear they’re an influence for good on you, Alex. Julio and Leena are getting five stars for being such good examples in my mind,” Samuel smiled proudly as he refilled his glass.

  “But what about bullies like Shelly. How do you think their bullying can be stopped?” Meredith inquired further.

  “Personally, I think that the more we as students send a message that we’re not going to put up with it because we know that we have strength in numbers then the quicker we can stop the bullying.” Alex answered as she silenced her phone that began to ring. She knew it would be rude to take a call during such an important family meeting as she was in.

  “What do you mean by ‘strength in numbers?’ How would you use that strength?” Meredith asked.

  “There are more of us at school who don’t bully than those that do. There are more of us who want it stopped than there are those who want to bully. Even the bullies don’t like to be bullied and some of them are bullied by the older or bigger students. If we all as students were to close ranks when a taunt or insult or bullying occurs then we could send a strong message that we won’t put up with treating others poorly. We can send the message that we’re all smart and we all believe that even if we can’t easily see anothe
r’s worth right now that it doesn’t mean that another student has no value. We can let others know by our own courageous Zero Tolerance perspective that we want to try and see one another’s value and worth as a potential friend and ally more than we want to allow bullying to continue in our school by students who choose behaviors of social rejection or actual threats that make our school emotionally or physically unsafe.” Alex spoke as if she had already given this great thought because she, in fact, had.

  “How would students ‘close ranks?’ There are a lot of students at your school and you obviously are thinking ahead in some great ways so I was wondering how you’d get the cooperation of so many other students when social rejection and other forms of bullying can occur at any time or place.” Meredith said. She then plopped a bite sized piece of cheese in her mouth to eat as she listened.

  “When I talked about this with Julio and Leena, Julio suggested we have everyone at school sign a personal commitment statement that says we won’t just look the other way when it happens and that we also won’t participate in any bullying. He suggested that it be short but specific so that we know not to participate in or to allow or turn a blind eye to social rejection, insults, physical threats, cyber stalking or bullying texts or any other form of social, physical or emotional harm to other students because of race, sexual preference, gender, religion, parents income status or any other reason. Leena and I agreed that was a good idea. We just have to propose it to the school principal and have the teachers sign it also. One of the problems Leena mentioned is that when someone bullies someone else that there seems to be an assumption that someone else nearby will step in and stop it but then most people have the same assumption and then no one does anything because they’re all thinking that someone else will somehow solve the problem. The bully often sees this false assumption working in their favor so they keep on bullying.”

  “Leena has an excellent point.” Samuel said thoughtfully.

  “So we have to help everyone ––the teachers and the students–– stop assuming that someone else will handle it or assume someone else will turn a bully in.” Alex added.

  “She’s absolutely right. Which is better? To have everyone assume it will be handled by someone else or to have more than one student and teacher step in to intervene or otherwise report bullying?” Meredith asked.

  “Obviously it’s better to have more than one person intervene or report it.” Samuel replied as he broke off a piece of cheese to eat.

  “I agree.” Meredith said.

  “So do I.” Alex said.

  “I spoke with Julio’s father, Manuel, about the risks of student retaliation and he said that the fact is, statistically speaking, there are fewer students that will actually retaliate against a teacher or another student if they’re peer pressured into not bullying or if they’re reported than there are students that will take a serious form of revenge. So if there are a dozen bullies in a middle school of three hundred students, less than one percent may actually try and get severe revenge which means that of all twelve bullies’ chances are that maybe only one of them would actually try and retaliate in an extreme manner. Unless the specific bully in question has a proven history of extreme retaliation – such as burning down a building or shooting someone with a gun or using a knife on someone, the chances of them trying to seek real or ‘grievous’ revenge is relatively low. We’re talking about really harmful revenge, not just empty verbal or texted threats.”

  “Why is that?” Meredith asked.

  “He said that most bullies just want attention and that if they have peer pressure to get them to do the right thing and stop bullying that many of them will actually respect their classmates for standing up for what’s right and are therefore more likely to change and stop bullying because of the demand for higher social and moral values. The influence of just a few students speaking out respectfully ––not with insults or ‘out of control anger’–– is so powerful that it turns the problem into an opportunity for everyone to benefit by becoming better people in the process. Very few experiences in life are more powerful than standing up for what’s right.” Samuel said.

  “After all, you don’t learn about your potential strength to resist an oncoming army of opposition by simply laying down and letting them conquer you. By the way, that opposition can be physical or emotional ––metaphorically speaking.” Alex added.

  Samuel took a hard look at Alex and the thought that so few young people were as obviously emotionally intelligent as Alex was caused him to ask quizzically, “Is there any chance you’re related to Ghandi?” Alex chuckled and Meredith couldn’t hold back laughing as well.

  “You think that’s funny? I don’t think that’s funny. I am completely serious.” Samuel lightly protested.

  Meredith looked at Samuel with a look of disapproval over his protest and then took on the role of peacemaker by getting back to the goal of finding a solution. “Okay. Look. Alex, we wanted to give you some of our ideas but frankly you’ve already come up with similar or better ideas and the suggestions of Julio and Leena are excellent also. I think at this point we should simply request a meeting with Principal McDougal and as many of the parents and teachers and students as possible…”

  “As soon as possible” Samuel added interrupting.

  “…to help you and Julio and Leena propose your ideas and get this problem of bullying in all its various forms addressed and resolved as much as possible.” Meredith said. She then took a long sip from her glass of water.

  “Sounds good to me. I know Julio and Leena are anxious to share their ideas too.” Alex said confidently. “I also know someone has made a team for the Triple-C that addresses face to face bullying and cyber-bullying but I don’t know which team it is or what they’re putting together to raise money by it.”

  “Wow. I’d like to know what that team is doing,” Meredith said pleasantly intrigued.

  Samuel thought for a moment and said, “We should get more information on that if we can.”

  As Meredith wrote down a few notes, she said, “So I’ll make a note to email Principal McDougal about Alex’s ideas and see what he knows about this other team and we’ll go from there.”

  “I suppose we should discuss the next subject?” Samuel suggested as he gave Meredith a knowing look.

  “Yes. The costs of having and raising a baby. It’s extremely expensive.” Meredith said soberly. Samuel left the table to go pull out a large bag from a nearby hall closet. It was filled with various baby items. He brought it over to the table to use to show which items cost what amounts. But the first item was a piece of paper with a list of various expenses related to pregnancy, child birth and raising a child. He laid this on the table before him as he sat back down. He left the bag of baby supplies on another chair near him.

  “I know. I did the math once for buying a ten years supply of my favorite cereal. It would cost over a thousand bucks.”

  “Ummm…okay,” Samuel looked baffled that anyone would count the costs of so much cereal. “Wouldn’t it expire, though, before you could eat it all?”

  “Good point.” Alex said with her index finger in the air. “I’ll just buy a six month supply instead and just keep doing that twice a year for ten years... and for the rest of my life.”

  “Did you want to discuss how much it costs to have and raise a baby?” Meredith asked trying to steer the conversation away from frivolous cereal purchases.

  “So how much does it cost?” Alex asked.

  “Labor and delivery has an average rate of between five thousand and eight thousand dollars, depending upon the hospital and any complications during the delivery.” Samuel turned the paper around so Alex could easily read it. Meredith continued. “The cost for a room in the hospital is over a thousand dollars a day and the average stay for most mothers who deliver a baby with few or no complications is about three days.” She explained it patiently as she went over the list.

  “But if you have serious complicati
ons – such as a threat to the mother’s life or the baby’s life–– then the costs go up even higher because you’ll need more specialized treatment or surgeries.” Samuel added.

  “A birth by Caesarean section, also called a C-section, is especially expensive. All in all you could be looking at costs of fifteen thousand dollars or more. And if you have any unexpected complications with a normal birth then a C-section birth may be the only option you’ll have to safely deliver the baby.” Meredith explained.

  Alex was deep in thought as she quietly mumbled, “Wow. That’s a lot of money.”

  “If you don’t have the money to pay the hospital bills for the labor and delivery and you’re late paying your hospital and related medical bills then technically speaking the hospital can use their legal right to come and take the baby away from you.” Samuel said matter-of-factly. Alex had a look of quiet alarm since the thought of someone having their newborn baby taken away from them was horrifying.

  “Then for the first year of the newborns life there are a lot of expenses needed to properly care for the child.” Meredith said.

  “There’s food, clothing, shelter, medical care, babysitting costs, furnishings, cleaning, education ––lots of different expenses you’ll need to have money to pay for.” Samuel added as he pulled out various items with price tags on them to show their costs. There was also a sticker he added to each item that had the number of times per week or per month that the item would need to be purchased and replaced.

  “So how much does it all cost?” Alex asked.

  “Well…” Samuel cleared his throat, “…it can cost anywhere from eighteen thousand dollars up to twenty-four thousand dollars or more for their first year of life.”

  “Why is it so expensive?” Alex wondered.

  “First of all, most younger people make the same mistake where they think that someone else will pay for it all. They may have parents or other family and friends who buy you a gift or two for the baby to help you out but really the facts always remain that sooner or later it all falls on you as the parent to provide for your baby. Diapers are extremely expensive since a baby uses the bathroom multiple times a day and you have to change the diapers over and over. As soon as you know the baby has urinated or passed stool that diaper must be removed and the baby properly cleaned and put a clean new diaper on so the baby doesn’t have so much damage and pain with their tender skin. If the baby were to get an infection from unsanitary habits from the diaper not being changed soon enough and the baby cleaned well enough, the baby could die,” Meredith answered with gentle seriousness.

  “Damage and pain to their skin? How?” Alex wondered.

  “The urine and the stool from the baby can be acidic and have other harmful bacteria that can harm the baby’s skin and cause them a lot of pain and discomfort. That’s why there’s usually a skin cream used on a baby’s bottom to help protect their skin and keep them comfortable –– especially if the baby is having diarrhea and passing watery stool more often. Of course diapers and creams are used only until they become potty trained later,” she said

  “Clothes are super expensive because the baby grows so fast that they outgrow their clothes so you buy clothes far more often than you do when you’re an adult. This tendency remains the same for each child all the way up through high school and sometimes they’ll keep growing for another year or two after high school.” Samuel added. “But this is also super expensive…” he said as he pulled from the bag over a dozen different kinds of baby food and related supplies. He placed them all on the increasingly crowded table in front of Alex.

  “Food is expensive because the more the baby grows, the more he or she will eat and it’s important that you feed the baby often so it can grow to a healthy and full maturity over the months and years. Breast milk is usually the only thing the baby will eat for food in the first several weeks as an infant. But eventually you’ll add baby food to the baby’s diet so the baby will still drink breast milk as a vital source of nutrition. Breast milk is not only the most healthy option for the child, but it also saves money when compared to using formula. Lots of hospitals are encouraging mothers to breastfeed as much as possible for the child’s first year and a half or so of life since the vast majority of babies benefit more from drinking breast milk than from drinking formula. There are some babies that find formula more beneficial but that’s not very often.” Meredith said. “Feeding a child is another expense that only increases with every year of age the child gets older. This trend of increasing grocery costs per child also continues all the way through high school since babies can’t live on just breast milk alone as they get older.”

  “Another thing to consider is that at any time the child can become sick or injured with a medical illness that can be very expensive and unexpected. So one year the costs to raise one child may be about eighteen thousand then the next year it can become thirty thousand for that same child just because of a serious medical condition,” she added soberly.

  “This happens to literally hundreds of thousands of parents every year so it’s not exactly uncommon,” Samuel said.

  “And if it’s a permanent medical condition, such as a major disability or a terminal illness, then it can be thirty thousand dollars or more––even increasing in costs each year––all the way up until the child passes away. Or if you struggle to pay the bills you can still be obligated to pay them off for years after the baby has died. These costs can go on throughout the child’s adult life if he or she lives long enough.” Meredith added. “And keep in mind that one of the top three reasons a couple doesn’t stay together is because of financial disagreements. Most couples have no idea of what it really takes to properly provide financially for a family so it’s one of the first things a couple argues over and they usually keep arguing over it throughout their marriage ––especially if no honest improvements are made to their financial circumstances.”

  “So if most couples argue about money, is there any way to prevent it?” Alex asked.

  “In many cases the answer is ‘yes’. Those arguments can be greatly reduced by discussing costs long beforehand. It’s like Uncle Samuel and I mentioned when you first began living with us. We made some agreements early on because an expectation is much more realistic when it’s communicated clearly and with love and it’s mutually agreed upon in advance by all of those affected. Any expectation is unrealistic unless it’s thoroughly discussed enough and mutually agreed upon by all involved first. You may not think of everything to discuss in advance but you do the best that you can to think things through and talk about them before major decisions need to be made. Things probably won’t be perfect before you take big steps like getting married and having a baby but if you do your best to plan ahead to make right decisions for the happiness and welfare of all involved then you can have more confidence to go ahead and do what you feel is right when the time comes to choose between one option or another.” Meredith answered. She moved a bit to sit more comfortably as Samuel chimed in.

  “But unfortunately most guys aren’t thinking ahead ––especially when they’re young teens.”

  “Unless they’re really mature with sympathy and have a strong desire to plan ahead for social, emotional and financial success. Believe it or not those smarter and more compassionate guys do exist. They usually have high moral values and are more confident than other guys.” Meredith added.

  “That’s right. But because of this lack of planning and forethought by most young men, the average guy won’t stick around to see the baby born when the baby is born outside of marriage since he doesn’t want to be tied down to a baby and the mother of his child. Often he avoids his fatherly responsibilities since he wants more freedom in his sex life. Many guys will lie and say they’ll stay and help the mother out but the liars always reveal their true intents when they stop calling the mother and they don’t come back. Too many guys are selfish cowards who leave the mother with all of the burdens. Most guys would rather purs
ue more irresponsible sex with someone new than have the responsibility of actually being there as a good father and husband to financially and emotionally support his baby and the mother of his child.” Samuel added.

  “I bet it costs someone even more in medical bills when they get a Sexually Transmitted Infection too, right? So there’s more costs than just caring for the baby.” Alex wondered.

  “That’s a very good point, Alex. S.T.I.’s are financially, physically and socially painful. Passing an S.T.I. onto the baby in the womb can really have expensive consequences for the parents and later for the child when she or he is an adult. But right now we’re talking about how expensive it is to have a child even when you’re doing and planning everything right such as waiting to have sex until after you’re married and making sure you don’t marry someone who has different moral values than you do. Not everyone is having sex. Believe it or not, lots of people – young and old – wait to have sex until after their married. Then they practice total fidelity after marriage. That’s the best way to ensure a happy and lasting marriage and a strong sense of confidence and self esteem for yourself.” Samuel replied.

  “I married Uncle Samuel for that exact reason. He was willing to wait to have sex until after we were married.” Meredith smiled.

  “That’s right.” Samuel said.

  “That makes it so much easier to trust each other that we’ll remain loyal and faithful to one another throughout our marriage.”

  “Absolutely.” Samuel smiled.

  “Now there’s something else most people don’t think of when they have their first baby.” Meredith continued. “When you’re a mother with a newborn, whether you’re eighteen or forty years old, you get tired of the 2:00 am feedings and the 4:00 am feedings and the 6:00 am feedings and the constant diaper changes and the crying of the baby. Even playing with the baby and enjoying the happy times spent with the baby can wear a mom out. This fatigue interrupts a woman’s sex drive and the man usually can’t relate so he gets upset when his girlfriend or wife is too tired for sex. Unless he’s a mature man emotionally he won’t help out with the middle of the night feedings and diaper changes and other needs and he therefore won’t have enough sympathy for the mother of his child. It’s that kind of selfishness and lack of compassion that can easily destroy a relationship and family.” Meredith said.

  “Now what I’m about to say is especially important so please pay close attention, Alex.” Samuel said. Alex nodded intently.

  “These costs per child per year are only the costs for each child. They don’t include the costs for each adult to live life. So when you consider that one adult usually needs at least seventy-five thousand dollars a year to live on, if they’re going to have any hope for saving some of their income, then you can see that you have to consider that there are two adults in a marriage, which means that the cost for seventy-five thousand dollars a year doubles to make it one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year in income that’s needed just to support the two adults paycheck to paycheck. If you have one adult that is trying to support one child with just one income source then at least ninety-three thousand dollars or more is needed as gross income per year to support the single parent and the one child. That’s seventy-five thousand dollars needed to support the single parent and another eighteen thousand minimum needed to support the needs of the baby for a total minimum income need of at least ninety-three thousand dollars in gross income. And when most American’s earn only forty-five thousand or maybe fifty thousand a year max in gross income, that’s a huge problem. Most jobs just don’t pay enough for a good income.” Samuel said soberly.

  “Do you know what gross income is as opposed to net income?” Samuel asked Alex.

  “Yeah. Gross income is the total amount you earn before taxes are taken out. Net income is what’s left over after taxes. I like to remember the difference as being that it’s really gross to see just how much you are making before the government sifts out what they want in taxes and the rest falls into a net for you to use as net income.” Alex answered as if she understood taxes as well as she knew how to pour her own bowl of cereal.

  “That’s a clever way to remember the difference. I like that.” Meredith smiled.

  “But how are you coming up with the figure of seventy-five thousand as the total gross amount of income needed to support one adult?” Alex asked intently.

  “Well, if we’re setting aside ten percent in savings and also paying money to a charity each year then we factor in taxes and insurance and other needs such as shelter and food and transportation and seventy-five thousand seems to be the amount needed.” Meredith replied.

  “With all due respect, I think you two may have underestimated how much gross income is actually needed to properly financially plan for the current and future needs of one adult.” Alex said politely.

  Now feeling their own adult wisdom was superior to Alex’s young mind, they both gave one another a knowing look. “Alex, we really have thought this through.” Samuel said politely. “With all due respect to your own ideas.”

  “If I show you the math, will you reconsider your own financial planning needs?” Alex asked.

  Thinking this was a good learning opportunity for all, Samuel answered, “Absolutely. Where do you think we might have miscalculated?” He remembered the conversation Alex had recently had with Linda about needing at least a quarter of a million dollars per year in income for just one adult to start to thrive financially.

  “On a few points. But I’m not done with my math yet. But I promise you. I’ll show you just how much more it really takes to provide for one adult when you consider a variety of factors. Most people don’t consider most of the math. But give me some more time and I’ll show you what I mean. I only mention it because I really want you and Aunt Meredith and your future children to be well provided for.” Alex said confidently.

  Samuel and Meredith were intrigued.

  Chapter 19: The Woes of Halloween Trick or Treating for Julio