Planet of the Apes

by Rich Handley

  LUCKMAN: What?

  SAM LAZAROV, ATTORNEY: Agent Jones, this is prior restraint. You have no authority to interfere with my client’s First Amendment rights.

  AGENT JONES: Cornelius and Zira will not be making any appearances on his program or anyone else’s. This is a matter of national security.

  LUCKMAN: A chimpanzee singing is a matter of national security? It’s a variety show. What’s the matter with letting them appear?

  AGENT JONES: That, too, is a matter of national security.

  LUCKMAN: So, wait. Where are Cornelius and Zira? And so help me, if you tell me this is a matter of national security—

  AGENT JONES: It is a state secret.

  LUCKMAN: Oh, well, that’s different.

  AGENT JONES: They have been taken into confinement for their own safety.

  LAZAROV: If so, there should be no problem with our speaking with them.

  AGENT JONES: They do not wish to see you.

  LUCKMAN: That’s hogwash. And I believe the first part—you did take them in. But I’m not so sure you even have them now. What was all that ruckus about?

  AGENT JONES: Our agents have the situation well in hand.

  LUCKMAN: It didn’t look like it to me.

  AGENT JONES: (Pause.) Cornelius killed an orderly while he was confined here.

  LUCKMAN: I don’t believe it! He’s the kindest, most decent creature I’ve ever met.

  AGENT JONES: The apes are fugitives. You can see, I expect, that having a murderer hosting a television program is likely not in the interest of you nor your television partners.

  LUCKMAN: But this news is huge. The world needs to know—

  AGENT JONES: The world will know. After his capture.

  LAZAROV: Cornelius should have access to our justice system. He has rights.

  AGENT JONES: Does he? Rights are for humans. But that will all be sorted out later. For now, Mr. Luckman will stop his inquiries—and his production.

  LAZAROV: Can he continue his production without Cornelius and Zira?

  AGENT JONES: (Conferring with his partner.) That would be acceptable.

  LUCKMAN: To whom? Nobody would watch that!

  AGENT JONES: We’ll be watching, Mr. Luckman. This meeting is concluded.

  * * *

  We were hustled out, put in a car, and driven back to Lazarov’s office. The agents had my car there, waiting. I still had the keys—I don’t know how they moved it.

  Lazarov had a few of his paralegals sneak out to make some calls. We couldn’t get hold of Stevie. We couldn’t reach Dixon. There wasn’t any way around this thing, no way to fix it. I stopped by the production office to give everyone the bad news. Hyler’s six-two, a former linebacker. I thought he was going to cry.

  The topper hit me when I got home. Buster was dead. He was an old dog, but he hadn’t been sick—and he had enough food and water out back that he should have been fine. I still don’t know what happened.

  But at the time, I almost envied him. The show was over. I was ruined.

  * * *

  I did talk to Stevie a few months later; what she had to say matched up with some of what leaked to the press. Cornelius and Zira had been in Camp 11. They fled that night I was there, and were killed. She still seemed devastated about it; I didn’t have the heart to tell her my problems. It was too late, anyway. Lucky Star defaulted on its contract with Hexagon; we lost everything, of course. There’s a photocopy place in what used to be our bungalow.

  Frank de Silva got it worse, at least at first. He didn’t get his big hit. His few affiliates dropped the network—including his New York station, which never went to cable. Hexagon folded up before the end of the ’73–’74 season.

  But he was right about the whole cable idea, and wound up a bigwig in that business. Right now, de Silva is jet-setting around the world as some kind of trade ambassador for the provinces, impressing the governor with his famous ability to stretch a buck. I hope he chokes on a ten-cent fig.

  As for me, I went back to writing. I still see some residuals now and again from Apeworld, a show I wrote for later on; I honestly think that show was a government plot, to calm people down once word got out that the apes might have come from a future where their offspring caused humanity’s downfall. Apeworld postulated an alternate reality where the apes were far too stupid to rule for long; humans eventually reconquered their planet and reigned supreme. My favorite ape character was kind to humans; I thought a lot about Cornelius when I wrote that one.

  Lazarov’s fancy footwork helped me keep the ranch, but it’s 1990 and that’s about all I’ve got. My doctors get half my money. My ex-wives get the other two-thirds. This tape I’m making now goes with my will; it’s up to Lazarov to decide what to do with it.

  Oh, yeah—I never bought another dog after Buster, and I certainly wouldn’t own an ape, even if I could afford one. I don’t like that whole business, how people treat them. It’s the sort of thing we used to write episodes about—only then we were talking about humans being enslaved.

  Sometimes I wonder whether Buster was the first victim of the pet plague, and if he got it from Cornelius—and whether the Ape-onauts had anything to do with the apes of Earth picking up more skills the way they did. I don’t know—maybe that’s crazy. But I kind of like the idea that Cornelius and Zira were able to turn the world upside down from their graves—presuming they weren’t dissected. It’s justice, sure—but it’s also a great story idea, the sort of last-act revelation that would send future generations to the credits, wondering who the writer was.

  Yeah, I like that. Lord knows we don’t live forever any other way.

  * * *

  A curious ape peers far too closely into the lives of lowly humans and opens herself up to a dangerous charge of heresy in Greg Cox’s “Endangered Species,” a story set several generations before the original film…

  * * *

  ENDANGERED SPECIES

  by

  GREG COX

  Eastern Forest Expedition, Day 37. Breakthrough! My efforts to study man in his natural habitat are finally bearing fruit. After weeks of patient observation from afar, I may at last be succeeding in winning the trust of a small tribe of wild humans. Certainly, they appear to be growing more and more comfortable with my presence…

  Janae crouched in the thick grass of the clearing, holding out a shiny green apple as a lure. Beneath her olive-green safari garb, her muscles ached from squatting in the same position for so long, but the inquisitive young chimpanzee was afraid to make any sudden movements for fear of alarming the skittish humans, which were milling about beneath the shade of a large, leafy tree less than fifty yards away. Sweltering beneath the hot afternoon sun, Janae envied the humans that cover, even as she assiduously took note of their rudimentary behaviors and social interactions: grooming, foraging, mating, child-rearing, and so on.

  If only I could get an even closer look at them…

  The apple caught the eye of a pregnant female whom Janae had christened “Flax” due to her distinctive hair, which was the color of corn silk. Breaking away from the rest of the tribe, the animal approached Janae warily. Indecision was written upon her flat, bestial features as she paused hesitantly only a few yards away from Janae. Ragged animal hides were draped loosely over the human’s gravid form. She licked her lips, clearly tempted by the treat.

  That’s right, just a little further, Janae urged the female silently. She had learned the hard way that humans found simian speech more frightening than soothing, so she bit down on her lip to keep from speaking aloud. Come on, I’m not going to hurt you…

  She held her breath as Flax crept steadily, if fearfully, closer, until they were practically face-to-face. The hungry female, who was eating for two, reached out to snatch the apple from Janae’s grasp, only to be abruptly yanked backward by an adult male human whose sudden appearance caught Janae by surprise. His imposing shadow fell over the startled naturalist, who mentally kicked herself for not keeping one
eye on the rest of the tribe.

  Who knew humans could move so stealthily—or be so protective of their own?

  She recognized the male at once. Ragged Ear, nicknamed for an old injury most likely received in a tussle with a rival male, was Flax’s primary mate and the presumed father of her unborn child. Certainly, Janae had observed them rutting enough over the last few weeks, although, from what she had seen so far, humans were far from monogamous. His protective behavior lent credence to the supposition that he was the father, and raised intriguing questions regarding pair-bonding in human colonies. Had Ragged Ear acted primarily to preserve his mate, his offspring, or some combination thereof?

  Flax scampered back to the safety of the tribe, with only a last longing look at the apple, but Ragged Ear lingered, eying Janae suspiciously from mere paces away. The stench of unwashed man offended her nose, which wrinkled in disapproval. Despite her scientific curiosity, she experienced a moment of apprehension. This was a wild animal, after all, and even the most timid of creatures could react violently if they thought their young were being threatened.

  Janae had brought a small gun along on her expedition, for safety’s sake, but had fallen out of the habit of carrying it while in the field. At the moment, the ugly metal weapon was securely tucked away in her tent, about half a mile distant.

  That might have been a mistake.

  Bracing herself for an attack, she peered into Ragged Ear’s wary blue eyes, trying to somehow make her benign intentions clear despite the gaping chasm between ape and beast.

  You don’t need to fear me. I mean you no harm.

  An endless, anxious moment passed. Then he darted forward to grab the apple from her hand before scurrying back to the others. Janae let out a sigh of relief, while also experiencing a surge of excitement. That was the closest any humans had ever come to her. Granted, the encounters had been fleeting, but they were progress nonetheless.

  One step at a time, she thought. Ape City was not built in a day.

  Watching from a distance, she was intrigued to see Ragged Ear sharing the stolen apple with Flax. As far as she knew, no ape scientist had ever documented this sort of bonding behavior between humans before; Janae could barely wait to enter the discovery into her journal this evening. Already she was mentally composing her report to the Ministry of Science.

  Just wait until Doctor Zorba reads my findings!

  A vibration shook the ground beneath her, disturbing her reverie. Lost in thought, it took her a moment to recognize the unmistakable percussion of pounding hooves.

  “Oh, no,” she gasped out loud. “Not now. Not again!”

  Leaping to her feet, she ran toward the tribe, waving her arms and shouting at the top of her lungs.

  “Run! They’re coming!”

  She had no illusions that they could comprehend her words, but her frantic efforts had the desired results. Alarmed, the humans scattered and ran from her, abandoning the clearing for the surrounding forest. She chased after them, hoping to herd them away from the oncoming threat, even as she cursed having to do so.

  Damn it! I was just getting through to them!

  The bellicose blast of a hunting horn confirmed her fears, however, heralding the arrival of a gorilla hunting party. Mounted on horseback and brandishing their rifles, the apes burst into the clearing, trampling the tall grass beneath them.

  “After them!” the captain of the hunt shouted to his comrades. “Don’t let them get away!”

  The gorilla’s name, Janae knew too well, was Atlas. They had clashed before when it came to the humans in this territory.

  “Stop it!” She ran out in front of the hunters, hoping to buy the imperiled humans a chance to escape. “Leave them alone!”

  The gorillas kept on coming. For a second, Janae feared that they might actually trample her, but they veered their horses away from her at the last minute. Pulling back on his reins, Atlas halted long enough to snarl at her from atop his steed.

  “Lunatic chimp! How dare you spoil our hunt?”

  “You’re the one who is ruining everything! You and your bloodthirsty compatriots!”

  Rage contorted his features, so that he looked almost more bestial than the humans he pursued. He drew back his hand, as though tempted to strike her, but merely barked impatiently instead.

  “Just keep out of our way!” Turning away from her, he signaled the party forward. “The longer the chase, the more satisfying the kill. On with the hunt!”

  Whooping and hollering, the gorillas galloped off after the humans, leaving Janae alone in the clearing, frustrated and fearing for the safety of “her” humans. She prayed that Flax and the others would escape the hunters, but knew better than to expect that Atlas and his fellow gorillas would wind up empty-handed. They would not be satisfied until they had bagged more than their fair share of human game.

  Gunshots sounded in the woods beyond.

  * * *

  The grisly aftermath of the hunt turned Janae’s stomach. Her gorge rose at the ghastly sight of dead humans hanging upside down from a makeshift wooden rack. More carcasses were piled in a heap upon the veldt, their lifeless remains already drawing flies. It was enough to sicken any decent ape, but Atlas and his fellow hunters were all but beating their chests in celebration. They slapped each other’s backs while posing for photos with their trophies. Janae grimaced in disgust.

  What sport was there in slaughtering harmless animals?

  “An excellent hunt!” Atlas boasted, but his jubilant mood soured at the sight of Janae entering the blood-spattered glade. A scowl made it clear that she was unwelcome. “What are you doing here, chimp?”

  Janae wasn’t entirely sure. She supposed she had to see for herself what the hunters had done to the tribe, as well as take note of which humans had been lost. She had yet to spot Flax among the trophies, but she recognized the other carcasses to varying degrees. Anger boiled over inside her, demanding expression. Somebody had to speak out against this atrocity.

  “Congratulations on your impressive accomplishment, Captain,” she said mockingly. “Armed apes on horseback against a pack of scared, defenseless animals. You and your associates must be quite proud of yourselves.”

  Her sarcasm penetrated the gorilla’s thick skull.

  “What do you care?” he growled. “They’re nothing but filthy beasts.”

  “Just because they’re animals doesn’t mean they deserved to be gunned down for sport. They’re not even predators. They live on nuts and roots and berries!”

  “So?” Atlas shrugged. “What else are they good for, except to be hunted?”

  A gorilla named Crassus came forward and slung another bloody carcass onto the pile. Janae gasped out loud.

  It was Ragged Ear.

  “You butchers!” she cried out, unable to contain her dismay. “He had a mate! A child!”

  “Jealous?” Atlas said with a smirk. The other gorillas laughed uproariously at her expense. “Maybe if you had a husband of your own, you’d have better things to do than dote on a herd of stinking animals.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Crassus chimed in. “What sane chimpanzee would have her?”

  Janae’s face flushed with anger. Averting her eyes from Ragged Ear’s bullet-ridden remains, she hoped against hope that Flax and her unborn offspring were safe.

  At least for the moment.

  * * *

  “It’s barbaric!” she exclaimed. “Something has to be done.”

  “Such as?” Doctor Zorba asked, sounding somewhat puzzled. The Minister of Science—a distinguished orangutan, naturally—sat behind his desk in his spacious office in Ape City, three days’ travel by wagon from Janae’s camp in the forest. A leather-bound collection of the Sacred Scrolls occupied a place of honor upon his book shelves, while a miniature statue of the Lawgiver rested in its own niche nearby. Family photos, sitting atop the desk, proclaimed Zorba’s status as the patriarch of his clan. Janae understood that the Minister had recently been blessed with
his first grandchild: a healthy young orangutan named Zaius, the firstborn of his son Augustus.

  “A wilderness preserve, perhaps,” she suggested. “Or some kind of animal sanctuary.”

  “A sanctuary… for man?” Zorba’s tone went from baffled to dubious. “Humans are vermin, you know that. The Sacred Scrolls themselves condemn man, in no uncertain terms, as a pestilence unworthy of our concern. To even suggest putting aside precious land for such creatures is absurd, not to mention politically impossible. If anything, humans are becoming a significant nuisance, breeding out of control, raiding our crops, infesting the outer provinces…”

  “But only because we’re encroaching on their own habitats,” she argued.

  “As is only fitting,” Zorba said. “This world was given to us to tame, to bring civilization to the wilderness. It is our manifest destiny, as laid out by the Lawgiver long ago. Ours is a planet of apes, not man.”

  “But surely that doesn’t mean that we should just sit by and let an endangered species be hunted to extinction?” Janae’s agitated voice echoed off the curved adobe walls of the office. “There must be something we can do to protect them.”

  Zorba sighed. “I admire your passion, but I confess I’ve never understood your consuming interest in these animals. You have a fine mind and a promising career ahead of you once you complete your graduate studies. Why waste your time on vile creatures unworthy of your attention?”

  “What can I say?” she replied. “I’ve always been fascinated by man, ever since I saw a performing human in a circus when I was a child.” She struggled to make the venerable ape understand. “Perhaps it’s their striking resemblance to us that intrigues me. Unlike other animals—horses or cattle, say—there’s something almost simian about them.”

  “Hardly,” Zorba scoffed. “To compare man to apes is insulting at best, heretical at worst. Any possible resemblance between those beasts and apekind is deceptive in the extreme.” His face assumed a sterner expression. “I warned you, when you embarked on this peculiar project, not to get too attached to your subjects. I’ll grant that there may be a certain practical value in learning more about man’s traits and habits, if only to assist us in curtailing their movements and keeping their population under control, but you must take care not to lose your perspective, nor allow legitimate scientific curiosity to become an obsession.”