by Mercer Scott
“If you go back to San Francisco, I’m going to be on the next flight. And I’m going to be there spending every day convincing you how much I love you.”
“What about your parents? And the ultimatum?”
“I would give up a thousand fortunes for you, Natalia. I would give up everything for you.”
“That’s not love. Love doesn’t make you give up things for the other person. Love expands, it doesn’t take away.”
“I don’t know how my love could get any bigger. But okay.”
“I just mean, I don’t want you to give up anything for me. That’s not love.”
“Then stay with me here in New York. You can do anything. Or nothing. Whatever you want. But I need you with me.”
“I can’t do nothing. I need to have a job.”
“You can do anything. Be a nurse. Buy a hospital. Anything you want is yours.”
“I’m not interested in your money. Not now. Not ever.” Looking around me at the mausoleum of chrome and granite, I shudder. “And this apartment is horrible. It’s not you at all.”
Cooper glances around the penthouse like he’s seeing it for the very first time. “I think it’s who my parents would like me to be. And it just didn’t matter, not without you.”
“That doesn’t sound very healthy. You can’t depend on another person for everything.”
“Do you have to disagree with everything I say?”
“No.”
“Do you ever say anything but no?”
“No.”
And just like that, I’m back on Maui and falling in love with Cooper Hamilton all over again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cooper
“We can depend on each other. I’m never going to leave you, babe. Not ever again.” I’m staring down at her beautiful face. I can’t stop staring down at her. I still can’t believe she’s here, or that she’s walked into my life not once, but twice. I didn’t deserve her the last time, and I definitely don’t deserve her this time, either.
She shakes her head. “And I guess I’m going to give you a chance to prove it to me.”
“So, what did you fly all the way to New York to talk to me about? Other than to tell me that you love me.”
“That is not why I came here.”
“I’m pretty sure it is. But why don’t you tell me why you think you came here.” I’m still holding her in my arms, swaying back and forth to the music only I can hear whenever she’s with me.
She looks uneasy. “We can talk about it later.”
“Are you sure?”
She nods. “Cooper? Don’t ever make me not want to love you again.”
“I won’t. I promise you that. You and me are all that matters. The rest we’ll figure out.”
Her hair is falling forward against her face, and I can’t resist reaching out to push it back behind her ear and then running my hand down her cheek. Her skin is so soft. Even after a cross-country plane ride and after breaking my heart with her tears, she’s still so damn beautiful.
“I want you, Natalia. I always want you.”
She leans back and laughs at me. “I want you, too. But maybe after you have a shower.”
“Are you implying that I’m not looking my most dashingly handsome right now?” I lean back and run a hand through my hair. I guess it has been a few days since… since I did much of anything to take care of myself. My appearance at my parents’ garden party today was a command performance.
“I’m not implying anything. You definitely don’t smell your most dashingly handsome right now. You smell like a distillery.”
I look down at myself and take a few sniffs. “You may be right about that. And I know you must be itching to wash off the plane. Come in the shower with me.”
“You go ahead. You have more filth to wash off. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay. But don’t take too long. I love you, Natalia.” A smile takes over my face. “I can’t stop saying that. So, you better not get tired of hearing it.”
“I don’t think I could ever get tired of hearing it.”
We hold on to each other until our arms stretch out between us and we have to let go, or else I’m not showering or she’s coming with me. But she said that she needed a minute, so that’s exactly what I’m going to give her. I’m going to give her everything.
As soon as I set foot into the bathroom, I hear pinging behind me. She’s probably texting her friends. I may have convinced Natalia that she still loves me, and that makes me just about the luckiest man in the world. But I still have to convince her friends that I’m never going to hurt her again. I don’t want to imagine what they think of me right now.
And then there’s my family. I’ve been miserable since I’ve been back in New York. Going in to the office every day is just not me. I never wanted that to be my life, it’s just one of the reasons I enlisted. I wanted to be out there helping people and making a difference. Not pushing papers and never lifting anything heavier than a pen to sign contracts.
Glancing around the bathroom, I see more of the same granite and chrome. Everything in this place is granite and chrome. Natalia’s right. This place isn’t me at all, but I didn’t care before. Without her, I didn’t care about anything.
When I’m just about convinced that I’ve showered off the stink of the last few days of drinking and not bathing, Natalia finally walks into the bathroom.
“Hey.” I’m more grateful to be able to say that one little word to her than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
“Hey.” She smiles at me, as her eyes scan up and down my naked body.
“Not fair. Get naked and get in this shower.”
“I’ve missed your chest. Pillows are too soft now, and I can’t sleep on anything else.”
“You’re never going to have to worry about sleeping on anything else ever again.”
Natalia slowly strips off her clothes and tosses them across the room. Then she reaches out her hand for mine as she steps into the shower. The steam wraps around us like a blanket. Finally, there’s nothing between us and our skin is pressed up against each other.
“Having you in my arms feels so right. Everything feels right when we’re together.”
She stares intensely up at me. “I’m giving you my whole heart, Cooper. Please don’t break it again.”
“I won’t. I’m always yours forever, babe.”
She leans back and squints at me as the steam swirls around us. “Did you just quote Zariah Ferré to me?”
“I may or may not have been missing you and wallowing in some classic ZaZa for the last month.”
“Really? That’s very interesting. The wallowing can stop, but the Zariah will not. You’re officially part of the ZaZaFamz now, Cooper Hamilton.”
“I want to be part of everything that matters to you. I want to care about the things that you care about. We can do anything as long as we’re together, babe.”
She smiles up at me like she believes me, and it’s the most heroic I’ve felt since I was literally saving lives halfway around the world. I need to live up to the trust that she’s putting in me. I’m going to be her hero every day for the rest of my life.
“Stop talking, Cooper.” She smiles up at me and pulls my lips down to meet hers.
This woman should have exhausted me, but Natalia coming back into my life has me wired. Everything is crystal clear now that she’s back. At least about how much I need Natalia in my life.
“What are you thinking about?” Natalia runs her hand lazily down my chest, grazing the edge of my scars without pausing. I know she can see the damn scars – and feel them – but she’s never seemed to mind them. I never thought that I’d be able to accept them, much less anyone else.
“I was thinking about you. About us.”
She smiles up at me. “Tell me more.”
“I was just thinking how damn lucky I am that you walked into my life. Not once, but twice. Not sure what I ever did to get that lucky.”
“I hope you mean that…”
“Of course, I do. If I somehow failed to make that clear to you over the last few hours, I’m more than happy to keep trying until I show you just how grateful I am for you. I’m happy to keep on worshipping every inch of your body until you’re convinced of that.”
“There’s something I need to tell you…” Natalia is staring past me at the ugly chrome and glass headboard behind my head.
“I’m listening.” And I’m starting to get worried.
“No, that’s not right. I don’t have to tell you anything. My friends were pretty certain about that. I don’t have to tell you anything. And I don’t owe you anything, either. And you don’t owe me anything. I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you.” She looks from the ugly headboard down at her hands in her lap. “I really should have told you this already. I think I screwed everything up. It just… never seemed like the right time for this.”
Now, I’m starting to think we had very different experiences over the last few hours. Because I thought we were done with all the hard stuff and now it was time for all the fun stuff. Like loving each other – and showing each other exactly how much we love each other.
“Hey, hey, I think we’re both spinning out a little bit. Whatever it is, just tell me.”
What could she possibly be this worried to tell me? Then a thought hits me like a punch in my stomach. Did she have sex with some other guy? Just because she shut down Dr. Dick, doesn’t mean that there wasn’t anyone else. That has to be it. My entire body tightens at the thought of another man’s hands on her, but I force myself to calm the hell down. It’s my own damn fault. We weren’t even together. Because I wouldn’t listen and I walked away.
After sitting in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, she still won’t look at me, so I tug on her chin until she’s staring me right in the eyes.
“Natalia, whatever it is, we’ll get past it. I’ll get past it. If you and some guy…” Deep breaths, Coop. Deep breaths. “Look, I’ll get past it. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. One hundred percent.”
“What other guy? What are you talking about?”
“If you slept with someone else, I don’t blame you.”
“What? Why would you think that I slept with anyone else?” She narrows her eyes at me suspiciously. “Did you sleep with someone else?”
“Hell, no. I’ve been holed up in this apartment or punching a clock at the office every day for the last month. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I only wanted you, babe. You can ask Archer. He’s been nagging me for being so boring.”
“You have a funny way of showing it. After you left, I mean… this all could have gone differently.” She looks like she’s about to cry, and I have zero clue what’s going on here.
“So, you didn’t sleep with anyone else?” I wait for Natalia to shake her head before continuing. “Then what the hell are you trying so hard to tell me?”
“I just…”
“Tell me. Whatever it is we’ll figure it out. I love you, and you love me. That’s all that matters.” When I brush her hair back from her face, I grin at her in the way I know she loves.
“That’s not all that matters. This matters kind of a lot. It’s a pretty big deal…”
“Nothing is a bigger deal than how much I love you, I promise.” Another horrible thought occurs to me like a second punch in the gut. “Wait, you’re not sick are you? Are you sick? I’m going to take care of you. I’ll get you the best doctors in the world.”
“What? No, I’m not sick, Cooper. I’m… pregnant. I’m having a baby. Your baby.” Natalia’s looking right at me now, and I’m sure that she’s waiting for me to say something but don’t have any words.
A baby? My baby? Our baby?
“I’m sorry, Cooper. I didn’t mean to tell you like that. Not that there was ever going to be a really great way to tell you about this. Oh my god, I can only imagine what you’re thinking right now. And oh my god, what your parents are going to think?” Natalia looks like she’s on the verge of sobbing like she did in my arms a few hours ago. “But I promise you that I didn’t plan this. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant until yesterday. Long after you left San Francisco. And I don’t want anything from you. I’m not asking you for anything. Just because you said that you want kids someday doesn’t mean that you want one now. With me. I’ll go back to San Francisco, and you never have to hear from me or the baby again, if that’s what you want. I just… couldn’t not tell you in case maybe you did want to be a dad?”
“This is what you didn’t have to tell me?” Why those are the only words I’m capable of forming, I have no idea. A million different thoughts are racing through my mind, and whether or not Natalia thought she needed to tell me that I’m going to be a dad seems like the least of them.
Her mouth drops open in shock. “I was always going to tell you. My friends just said I didn’t have to. And I do think that’s right. Every woman can make the choice for herself and her baby. But I had to tell you. That’s why I came to New York.”
“I thought you came here to declare your undying love for me.”
She shakes her head. “You keep saying that. But I wasn’t sure I still did love you. I just knew that I needed to tell you about the baby.”
“But you’re sure now?”
She nods. “I am. I love you, Cooper. But I get that this changes everything. You just told me that you love me, and then we had a lot of sex, and now here I am telling you that I’m two months’ pregnant.”
“Two months?” The words feel strange in my mouth. “That means in seven months that there’s going to be a baby?” I have no idea what I’m supposed to do to get ready for a baby. But I have an ETA on the target, so I’ve got seven months to train and develop an ops plan. I may not be a SEAL anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still think like one.
Natalia nods at me again. “So, did you have any initial thoughts on how you’re feeling about this? I know it’s a lot to process. I’m still processing it myself. I only found out yesterday. So, it’s okay if you need some time to process. You don’t have to say anything right now if you don’t want to.”
I’m in shock. I don’t even know where to start talking.
“Okay, I’m just going to go… I’ll hang out in New York for a couple of days and give you some time to think.”
It’s not until she starts to climb out of my bed that her words sink in. “Wait, where are you going?”
“To a hotel. Well, to get a pretzel, and then to a hotel. Oh my god, I’m craving a delicious salty pretzel with all the mustard on it. I’m probably going to need more just one pretzel, actually.” She’s making the face she usually only makes right before I give her an orgasm. I’m going to need to step up my game if thinking about a pretzel can make her look like that.
“You’re not going to a hotel. You’re not going anywhere.” Grabbing onto her arm before she can slip away from me, I tug until she tumbles back onto the bed with me. I and catch her and her precious cargo safely in my arms.
“You don’t need to pretend that everything’s fine if it’s not. I just dropped this big, massive, life-changing thing on you. And it doesn’t have to be any of those things for you, if you don’t want it to. It’s okay if you need time to process and figure out how you feel. I’m not judging you, I promise. I’m just going to give you some space to think.” Natalia pulls away towards the edge of the bed again.
“Time to think about what?”
“Time to think about how you feel about the baby. Time to think about what you want. There’s no pressure. I’m just going to go to a hotel – after eating several pretzels. You can let me know what you decide… whenever you decide it, okay?”
“No, not okay. I’ll get you your pretzels, even if I’m now as uncomfortable about your interest in them as I am about your interest in eighties Ben Halston. And I don’t need time to think about anything. I want you, Natalia. And I want our baby.
Did I not say that?”
Natalia punches my arm. “No, you did not say that! You didn’t say anything like that! How am I supposed to know what you’re thinking in that dumb, pretty head!”
“I’m thinking I love you.” Reaching out, I press my palm against her naked stomach. Then I look up at her in wonder. “And I’m thinking that I love our baby. I’m really going to be a dad?”
She nods at me, as tears begin to fall from her eyes. “Yeah, you’re going to be a dad. If that’s what you want?”
“I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. I want you. I want this baby. I want to be a dad. This is my baby. Our baby.” I’ll tell the woman I love whatever she needs to hear for as long as she needs to hear it. Nearly a year ago, I thought I lost my entire life, and then the woman of my dreams steamrolled into me and gave me more than I ever thought was possible.
“Are you sure?” She still looks worried.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I love you, and I love our baby. I want this baby, just like I want you.”
“I might need to hear you say that a few more times.” She laughs at me through her tears.
“I’m going to tell you so often you’ll get sick of hearing me say it.”
She shakes her head. “Not possible.”
“Always yours forever, Natalia.”
She nods at me, tears still streaking down her face. Leaning forward, I kiss them as they fall. I’m going to be here for every single one of her tears. And for every single one of our baby’s, too. I didn’t think it was possible to love this hard.
“I think so, too. And I think Zariah would approve.”
“Well, if we have Zariah’s blessing then we’re all set. And like is said, we’ll figure the rest of it out. We have seven months.”
Natalia blows her hair out of her face as she lays across my chest. “That’s not exactly a ton of time.”
“We’ve got this. And I’ve got you. Everything is going to be okay as long, as we’re together.”
“I want to believe that. But we live in different cities, neither of us has real jobs. Let’s face it, we’re basically total messes, Cooper! How has it been working at your family’s company?”
