by Mercer Scott
Cooper walks over to us very slowly like he’s trying to prove a point. Whatever it is, it’s not working. I’m pretty sure that whatever the point is, I’m the target of it. And I have no idea what he’s trying to tell me.
“What did you do, Mom?” Cooper looks at his mother, not me.
“Don’t be impolite, darling. I didn’t do anything. Natalia stopped by because she needs to speak with you.”
“She stopped by? All the way from San Francisco?” He finally turns to look at me.
Behind him, the rest of his siblings are watching us from a polite distance. But Archer is standing right next to me, listening closely to every word from a very impolite distance.
“I’m sorry to just show up like this, Cooper. But I need to talk to you. Please?” How many times do I have to practically beg for him to listen to me for two minutes?
For a long minute, I’m not sure what Cooper’s going to do. He looks like he wants to tell me to get lost. But something – probably his mother standing right next to him – is holding him back. It feels like every single pair of eyes in the entire garden is watching me, unimpressed with the uninvited party crasher who clearly does not belong.
“Fine. But not here. Let’s go.” Cooper storms right past me, through the open French doors and inside the house.
“Good luck, dear.”
“I didn’t think you liked me very much.” Even though a surly Cooper is waiting for me inside, I can’t stop myself from saying it.
“I hardly know you, dear. How could I dislike you?” Lillian asks absentmindedly staring into the house after Cooper.
“I don’t know. But I had the impression that you… didn’t.” I know that I’m treading onto dangerous ground here.
“Of course, I don’t dislike you. I don’t know you well enough yet to form any final opinions on your character. But you seem to make my son happy. Or you did. And the Lord knows that’s a nearly impossible feat. I think you just might be good for my son, and I like anything or anyone that is good for my son.” Lillian turns to me and smiles. “But I also know my son, dear. He distrusts anything that I’m overly fond of. And I wouldn’t want him to ruin something that has the potential to make him very happy just because he thinks I might approve.”
“No, he loves you. I’m sure that he wouldn’t…” I tell her, hoping more than knowing that it’s true.
“I’ve known Cooper Hamilton significantly longer than you have, dear. And he’s been stubborn since the day he was born. Good luck, and don’t give up!”
Lillian reaches out and squeezes my hand, then nods for me to follow Cooper into the house. With a half-smile at all of Cooper’s siblings, I head for the door.
“Call me if my brother’s being too big of an asshole!” Archer shouts after me as I step inside. I think he’s probably offering to help me with his brother, but I’m not completely convinced he isn’t trying to hit on me.
Cooper’s waiting for me just inside the French doors. He looks at me, but he doesn’t say anything when I reach him.
“I’m sorry for just showing up like this. Really.”
“I don’t want to do whatever this is here.”
Nodding, I feel like I’m talking to a stranger. “Okay. I don’t care where we do this, but I really need to talk to you.”
“Fine. We’ll talk.”
Cooper leads me back through the maze of a townhouse and out to a waiting Town Car. He holds the door open for me, but doesn’t even look at me as I slide inside.
When he gets in, he tells the driver to take us home.
“Isn’t that your home?” I can’t help asking.
“No, that’s my parents’ house.” He doesn’t even look at me when he answers.
“Oh…” Now that we’re this close, I can smell the alcohol coming off of him. It’s not even five o’clock, and he’s been drinking. A lot.
We drive in silence as we make our way around Central Park until the driver pulls over in front of a tower on the Upper West Side. The building looks right over Central Park. And everything about it feels wrong. From the stern doorman in his classic black suit to the chrome and granite that line the elevator and the hallways. This place is the opposite of where I would have pictured Cooper living. He must hate it. But why would he be here if he hates it? He has more than enough money to find a place that he actually likes.
The elevator exits into a small hallway with only two doors. Cooper walks through the one on the left, and I follow him. The whole apartment is cold glass, cold chrome, and cold steel. Everything is grey and black.
“You wanted to talk to me. So, talk.”
“I think I should come back later. This doesn’t really seem like a good time. You’ve obviously been drinking… are you okay?”
“I’m fine, babe. You know me.” His words slur together as he speaks.
He won’t even look at me. Not really. He’s looking in my general direction, but he’s staring past me like he can’t even bother to acknowledge that I’m here.
“You don’t sound fine, Cooper.” He’s not fine, and we both know it. Anyone looking at him would know it.
Now he looks over at me. “Why are you here again?”
“I just told you that. I need to talk to you about something. But this really doesn’t seem like a good time.” I need to get out of here. Because he doesn’t look like he wants to hear anything from me. Not now, and maybe not ever. How did things go so wrong so fast?
“Like I said, I’m fine. Feel free to go any time. Get back to what’s important to you. Your job. And your Dr. Dick.” He laughs and it sounds the opposite of funny. This isn’t the same Cooper who was always making me laugh on Maui.
“Why are you being like this? I flew all the way across the country to come and see you. I really need to talk to you.”
“No one asked you too.”
“I know that. But I needed to. I told you that.”
“That’s a change of pace. You telling me what you want.” Cooper walks over to the bar and pours himself a full glass of bourbon. And I don’t mean several fingers, I mean that glass is full.
“Stop it. Just stop it. You don’t get to talk to me like this! not now. And not ever.” I’m so angry that I’m shaking.
Cooper tips his glass in the direction of the front door. “You know how to find your way out.”
“My friends were right. I never should have come here.” Seeing him like this and hearing him speak to me like this is even worse than when he left me in San Francisco. We were fighting because we cared then, or at least that’s what I thought. But this cold, distant Cooper. I don’t recognize him at all. This isn’t the same man who makes me smile so much that my cheeks hurt.
The front door is only a few steps away, and in a few seconds, my hand is on the doorknob. I know I need to turn it and walk away from Cooper Hamilton for good. But… I am no man’s doormat. No man is ever going to treat me like I’m worthless ever again. I swore after Dr. Dick that I would never let that happen again.
Before I know what’s happening, I’m standing in front of Cooper blocking the sports he turned on in the time I stood frozen at the door. Reaching out, I grab the remote from his hand and keep pressing buttons until the TV goes black. I’m about to yell at this man, and he’s going to sit through every single word I feel like shouting at him.
“Cooper Hamilton, you are being a complete asshole! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you seriously think that you’re the injured person here? You freaked out on me and ran away. You walked out and left me! People who love each other are supposed to argue and work things out and make up. They’re not just supposed to leave and never even look back. You don’t get to feel bad and pity yourself when you’re the one who did this. I didn’t do anything wrong, not that you even gave me a chance to tell you that! You’re being a total asshole, and I want you to apologize to me right now for speaking to me like this. Do you hear me? Right now!”
At some point while I was yelling, Cooper turn
ed to look up at me. And now he’s staring at me intently – and frowning darkly.
“What did you say?”
“I said that you’re being a complete asshole and you need to apologize. Right now!”
“I heard that part. Before that.”
“I said that you don’t get to feel sorry for yourself when you’re the one who freaked out and ran away from me.”
“I heard that part. After that.” Cooper’s studying me with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“I don’t know what I said! I was yelling at you. I didn’t memorize every damn word!” I shout back at him.
Why am I the only one shouting? If Cooper wants to pretend that he’s the calm and reasonable one, fine. I’ll beat him at his own game. I can be just as calm as he can. I can be calmer and more reasonable than he ever can.
“Why don’t you tell me what you think I said, and I’ll tell you whether or not I said it.”
Cooper narrows his eyes at me and in a second, he’s standing right next to me – practically on top of me – staring intently down at my face. “I think you said that people who love each other are supposed to argue and work things out and make up.”
“That sounds like something I probably said. And?”
“Are we people who love each other? Do you love me, Natalia?”
Crap. Did I say that? This was definitely not how I ever wanted to tell Cooper that I love him. And based on how he’s been treating me since I showed up in New York, the man standing in front of me definitely doesn’t deserve to know that I love him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sure I didn’t say anything like that.” I can’t quite meet his eyes. Why am I such a crappy liar?
Cooper runs thumb down my cheek and then taps on my chin until I look up at him.
“Do you love me, Natalia?”
The look on his face makes me believe that his whole life depends on my answer. But I know that’s not true. because he walked away from me the minute things got tough. He walked away without giving us a chance to work through it. Our first real fight – and yeah it was a big one – but he just left. He left San Francisco, he left me, and he left our baby. Even if he didn’t know about the baby yet.
“I’m done loving assholes.”
That makes him smile, and he’s so beautiful when he smiles. Damn him. And damn his gorgeous light grey-violet eyes.
“Who is the most recent asshole that you’ve loved?” Cooper asks, grinning. “Any chance you’re glaring up at him right now?”
“It wouldn’t matter if I was. Because you left me, and we’re over.”
“I don’t think so. You wouldn’t be here if we were over.”
“I’m here because I need to talk to you about something. But you left me, you didn’t trust me, and we are over.”
“Babe, I’m sorry. When I saw you with him, I thought that you still loved him. And it made me crazy. I was just so damn angry, I lost it. All I can say is we’re lucky that I didn’t have a bag of Chinese take-out in my hands.”
“That is not funny. It’s not funny at all.”
“Okay, bad joke. I’m sorry. For everything. I love you, Natalia. I want to be with you. Tell me you love me, too.”
When he says the words that I’ve wanted to hear him say for so long, the tears that I’ve been holding onto start falling. Cooper closes the distance between us until his body is pressed up tightly against mine. We fit together like we always did, and like I never thought we were going to again.
“Don’t cry, babe. Don’t cry.” Cooper presses his lips against my hair.
But I can’t stop. As the sobs rip out of my chest, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to stop. Cooper holds me, rocking gently back and forth from one foot to the other like we’re dancing. After what feels like an eternity, I can finally catch my breath again as the sobs slow down.
“Hey, that’s better.” Cooper is still rubbing his hands up and down my back.
Now that I’m not sobbing my guts out anymore, this feels weirdly intimate. My wet face is pressed up against the expensive dress shirt he’s wearing. But Cooper’s chest isn’t mine to cry on anymore. When I push away from him, I’m both relieved and disappointed that he lets me go.
“I’m sorry. I should go.”
“Wait, Natalia, please. I’m the one who’s sorry. Please don’t go.” Cooper reaches out for my arm. “I love you, Natalia.”
I shake my head. “You don’t. Maybe you think you do, but trust me, you don’t.”
Cooper smiles at me and tilts his head to the side. “You think you know what’s going on inside my head better than I do?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you’re wrong. I do love you. I think I’ve loved you from the moment you steamrolled your way into my life. And I’m going to be standing right here telling you that until you start believing me.”
“I told you that you don’t love me. Stop saying it!”
“Make me.”
“I… I’ll… If you loved me, you would have told me before now.” That’s all I have. That’s the only ammunition I have left.
Cooper shrugs, and his shirt tightens across his chest and shoulders revealing the ropes of muscle underneath it. He’s definitely not playing fair, because he’s obviously trying to turn me on… and the worst part is that it’s totally working. These pregnancy hormones are no joke.
“I didn’t think you felt the same. And then when I saw you with Dr. Dick all over you, I knew I was right.”
“He wasn’t all over me! And I was handling it!”
“Which one was it? He wasn’t all over you? Or he was and you were handling it?”
“I don’t know what he was doing. Or trying to do. But I was handling it. I can take care of myself. And if I still have a job to keep, then that means I’ll still have to work with him. He’s a hotshot surgeon, and I’m just a nurse. So yes, I have to smile and make nice with that asshole. But I would never let him near me ever again. How could you think I would?”
“When I saw you looking up at him like that, with his hands on you, I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m sorry, I should have trusted you.” Cooper bows his forehead down to mine.
“You should be. And you should have.”
“I know it. I can’t change what happened. But I can and will make it up to you… if you’ll let me. Give me a chance to prove it to you.”
“What’s the point? We weren’t meant to last in the real world. I was on vacation on Maui. It wasn’t real life.” The longer this goes on, the more hope is creeping into my heart, and the more I know it’s going to hurt when it ends again.
“I want this to be real life. I’ve been back in New York for a month and look at me. I’m a complete mess without you. I’ve never been happier in my whole life than I was with you on Maui. I want to be with you, Natalia. I love you.”
“You don’t. You’re just – I don’t know – upset that your parents made you come back to New York. And you’re thinking Maui was something it wasn’t.”
“You’re trying pretty damn hard to convince me that I don’t love you – when I know that I do. Is that because you can’t convince yourself that you don’t love me?” Cooper smiles at me, the lazy grin that makes my knees go weak.
“I don’t.”
“Say it again. And look me right in the eyes this time.” Cooper reaches out and takes my hands and presses them against his chest, against his heart. “Say it.”
“Cooper, I don’t… I don’t…” I can’t say the words. Why am I such a crappy liar?
“Tell me you love me, Natalia.” Cooper smiles down at me. Smugly.
“Shut up.”
“Tell me how much you love me and want to be with me.”
“I don’t.”
“Say it. Say the words.”
“I… can’t. I don’t want to love you Cooper. I don’t want to be with you. Not anymore. You broke my heart when you walked away. When you didn’t trust me.”
“
I know, babe. And I’m sorry. I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. I’ll say it every single day for the rest of our lives. Because I want to spend my life with you. I want to wake up and see your grumpy morning face every morning. I want to take you to bed every night. I want to spend every minute of every day showing you how much I love you.”
Another tear slides down my cheek. “I don’t have a grumpy morning face.”
“Going to have to respectfully disagree with you on that one. But I love your grumpy morning face, just like I love you, just like I love every part of you.” Cooper leans down, and his breath is warm on my ear. “Tell me you love me, Natalia.”
I can’t fight him anymore, not when I love him this much. “I love you. There, I said it. Are you happy now?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty damn happy. Say it again.” Cooper leans back and his violet eyes stare into mine.
“I love you. I love you so much I feel like I’m going to explode. I love you so much that it physically hurts. And I’m still super pissed at you.”
“I love you, Natalia. And I know that you’re pissed at me. And I need you to know that I’m going to make it up to you. I’m going to spend every day making it up to you.”
“How are you going to make anything up to me?” I’m still afraid that I’m only going to walk away from this with a broken heart again.
“All the ways that I can think of today. And all the ways that I can think of tomorrow. And all the ways that I can think of the day after that. And the day after that.”
“I can’t get hurt like that again. I know I pretend to be strong, but I don’t think I could take it.”
“I’m never going to hurt you again. Not on purpose. And I’m never going to walk away again. I promise to argue and work it out and make up for the rest of our lives. I promise to never go to bed angry.”
“Cooper, I love you too much to fight you anymore. But if you’re not one-hundred-and-ten percent in this, please just let me go. I’ll go back to San Francisco, and you’ll never have to see me again.” Except if you want to see the baby that I still haven’t told you about…
