Donnell: Cowboy Scrutiny: The Kavanagh Brothers Book 5

by Ball, Kathleen

  She nodded and he thought she might cry. Then she squeezed his hand and whispered, “Thank you.”

  “My brothers are naïve fools,” he told her softly. “How did you like the house?”

  “It’s grand and I really like it. Do you think I could try my hand with the flower garden? I’ve never— I’ve hardly ever been in a garden before.”

  He grinned. “Sheila will help you. She can make anything grow.”

  “I’ll ask her tomorrow. Thank you.” She stared into the fire.

  “I know it can be chaotic with so many people and their children here, but you’ll feel like one of the family in no time.”

  “After I marry either Murphy or Fitzpatrick?” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

  He gave a soft chuckle. “No marriage required. Besides, you’re already promised.”

  She frowned. “Yes, you are right about that. I will take a raincheck on the coffee.” Suddenly she stood and practically flew out the door. It looked like she was going to cry.

  Donnell got up, glared at his brothers, and took a cup of coffee outside with him. She wasn’t taking the whole no-show groom thing well.

  He leaned against the porch railing and watched her house. Hopefully, she’d get a good night’s sleep. She probably hadn’t gotten much sleep above the saloon last evening.

  And she’d better not have bruises on her shins. He’d been kicked under the table twice, and he wasn’t happy about it. He had politely pretended it wasn’t happening, but he should have taken his two brothers to task and made them apologize.

  Near as he could tell, Joe Kingsley was mining. He apparently decided to give it all up and start a family, but he found a sizable nugget and hasn’t left since. He’d wait for confirmation on that information before he told her.

  * * *

  Clarissa checked the doors and shutters before she got ready for bed. The first few grades at the Academy the girls wore uniforms, but after that they were free to wear conservative dresses. Her mother had sent her many and Clarissa had assumed her mother had made them. The dress shop had been nothing but a dream that more than likely her mother had never planned to follow through on. But Clarissa had taken any extra classes that taught sewing and needlepoint. She could even make the finest of lace.

  She had sewn with pride and the hope that her mother would praise her efforts. Few at the school had encouraged her. They didn’t need to make their own clothes. They’d never need to know how to sew. It had never bothered her. Her excitement and commitment to her dream was all that had counted.

  She put on her nightgown that she had made herself, of a heavyweight material. The same all the girls at the Academy had worn. She washed her face and brushed her hair exactly one hundred strokes. Then she examined herself in the mirror. Was there a flaw that made it so people turned from her? Could people tell by looking at her she wasn’t quality? Maybe there was something wrong with her character that she couldn’t detect which made people think it was fine to abandon her? She wasn’t a great beauty, but she wasn’t ugly. She was plain, and that suited her just fine. She’d told Joe Kingsley she was plain, and he said it didn’t matter to him.

  She carried herself with grace and confidence as she was taught. Well, not always with confidence, but she tried not to show her fears when they seemed overwhelming. She couldn’t stay here long. It would impose on the kind people’s generosity, and that was never a good thing. After opening her trunk, she took out the ribbon-tied packet of letters. There weren’t many, but she’d kept everything Joe had sent. She took them to bed with her and after she climbed under the covers, she untied the yellow ribbon.

  Still, after reading them and re-reading them, there was nothing in any of the letters that gave her the smallest of clues where her intended husband was. He sounded honest, and he’d written that he wasn’t poor, but he wasn’t rich either and that suited her just fine. Why send a ticket if he had no intention of marrying her?

  Where would she go from here? She needed a plan or at least a goal. Securing a job would be best, and once she’d saved enough, she’d open the store that had always been her dream. She purposely wasn’t adding marriage to her goal. If she could live in the store, then she could probably do well. Yard goods could be costly, but just how costly depended on what type.

  She put the letters back in their envelopes and tied them once again with the yellow ribbon. Sighing, she put them away, got back into bed, then turned down the flame in the lantern. It wasn’t her oil to burn; she put the flame out.

  Sleep didn’t come easily. Her mind swirled with all that she’d learned, and it left her with so many doubts about herself. Why did she always take what others did and put them on herself? Her mother’s lies weren’t her fault, yet she felt shamed by them. Joe Kingsley rejecting her or whatever happened, she somehow made it her fault. She’d always been that way. Tomorrow she’d get out her Bible. She liked to read the psalms. They soothed her.

  * * *

  The next day, Quinn entered the barn and nodded at Donnell. “Everything all right with you? You look like someone ruffled your feathers.”

  Donnell gave him a quick smile. “I bet I do at that. Joe Kingsley found a bit of gold and decided he didn’t need a wife, but then he wanted to see what she looked like so he hid to see her get off the stage. She wasn’t good enough for him. Those were his exact words, according to some his friends I talked to. She wasn’t good enough for him. He said he could afford a beautiful wife now. A couple of them offered to take her in.” He ground his teeth. “I knew about the gold strike yesterday but not about him seeing her.”

  “I’m better off without him,” Clarissa said from the barn door. “He’s a man who doesn’t keep his word.” The pain in her blue eyes made him inwardly flinch.

  “I’m sorry, I should have told you before discussing it with Quinn.”

  She shrugged. “This is where you live. You can do whatever you like. If you’ll excuse me.” She turned, lifted her dress a bit, and ran back to the house.

  Donnell groaned. “I guess I don’t have to worry about telling her. I’ll send a wire to where she said her mother had lived. Maybe she has relatives.”

  “She certainly needs comfort, and if she has family all the better,” Quinn agreed. “I feel bad for her. I’d like to shake Kingsley.”

  “Shaking would only be a start,” Donnell said. They grinned at each other. They’d always had each other’s backs. “I’d best go see if she’s all right.”

  He meandered on his way to the little house, trying to figure out what to say. He couldn’t think of any one thing to help her feel better. Before he knew it, he was at the front door. After drawing a deep breath, he knocked.

  When she opened the door, her eyes were red from crying. Without saying a word, he walked in and took her into his arms. She sobbed hard against his chest as he rubbed her back. How long did women cry? Would she be done soon? Maybe he should have left her alone. No, it was probably a good thing he was here. Now what?

  He guided her to the settee and sat her down while keeping his arm around her. She seemed to calm a bit.

  “You’re right about a man who doesn’t keep his word,” he said gently. “Trust is scarce. I used to be the trusting sort, but I’m not like that anymore. I hate being suspicious of people, but if your own parents would lie to you than who can you really trust?”

  She looked into his eyes as though she was searching for something. She put her head on his shoulder.

  It surprised him. She didn’t ask him questions.

  * * *

  She lifted her head but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She’d made a fool out of herself. How could Joe Kingsley not at least give her money to return home? Not that she had a place to return to, but it was beyond vile that the man had trapped her out here. Deep down she had hoped the girls at school had been wrong about her being so plain. But the truth was the truth, and she couldn’t change it. Donnell probably cringed having to hold her.

&
nbsp; “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have subjected you to my outburst of tears.” She squared her shoulders with bravado she didn’t feel. “I try to ignore things people say, but this was different. I came all the way out here to be that man’s wife. He didn’t feel any responsibility toward me at all. He was probably in the saloon when I had to go in and ask for a room.”

  Donnell shrugged but didn’t answer.

  She stood up. “It’s not proper to have you here. I’m sure enough rumors are being said without adding entertaining men alone in this house,” she said, forcing a smile to temper her words. “I’m fine. Thank you though for checking on me. I need to come up with a plan for my future. Marriage is out; I’ll never put myself through that again. I’ll just have to save enough money to make my first dress and hopefully sell it to make a few more dresses I can sell.”

  “Someday you’ll have your own shop,” he assured her with confidence. “You have enough determination to do it. But you’re right, I’d best go. Take care.” Offering a polite nod, he showed himself out.

  She would put on her everything was fine face. She’d had more than enough practice over the years. Joe’s words had cut deep, and they’d brought her low. Now that she knew for certain he would not be coming for her, she had no business staying on the ranch. They had only offered her a place because they felt sorry for her. Maybe she should see about a teaching job. She had more than enough education. And at least the town wouldn’t have to worry about her getting married and quitting.

  Tomorrow she’d go to town and see what opportunities she could find. There had to be something. She was risking whatever reputation she had left by staying here. And she refused to play the humiliating game Murphy and Fitzpatrick seemed to be playing. They had no interest in her. They only wanted to one up the other.

  Chapter Four

  By the next day, it was clear her trip to town had to wait. Dolly arrived bright and early to help with her garden, bringing Donnell along to turn the soil over for them first.

  He had not looked pleased, but he worked quickly. Clarissa stole peeks at him as he worked, marveling at the easy way he lifted and turned the dirt. His muscles strained against his shirt. He must have done a lot of hard work in his life.

  Dolly was good company. “They had vegetable gardens at that school you went to?”

  “They did, but we weren’t supposed to get dirt under our fingernails. There was a greenhouse, and the gardener taught me so much. Then during school vacations, I always stayed behind at the Academy and I’d spend hours in the garden.”

  “You didn’t go home?” Dolly’s brow furrowed.

  “No. I got many letters but never a visit, and there was always a reason I couldn’t go home. I have to admit there were times I resented my mother. I was a very lonely girl. It didn’t help I was one of the smallest girls. It made me feel… I don’t know, inferior maybe. Silly, I suppose. But I had a roof over my head, plenty of food, and I received an excellent education.” She gave Dolly one of her fake smiles.

  “I’m sorry. It must have been hard. I’m glad you’re here. Donnell needs someone.”

  Clarissa opened her eyes wide. “Needs someone for what?”

  “He needs a woman in his life.” Dolly continued to plant seeds. “I was hoping there was interest on both sides.”

  “Both?”

  Another seed went into the soil. “I see the way Donnell looks at you.”

  “Dolly, I think you’re seeing something that isn’t there. Donnell has been very helpful and kind, but he sees me as a responsibility he’s been saddled with. He’s not happy about the whole situation.” Shaking her head, she released a sigh. “I’m going into town soon to find a job.”

  “I’d hoped you felt the same way he did.” Dolly patted her hand. “Don’t worry about it. Someone will come along for Donnell.” With that, she dropped the subject of Donnell, much to Clarissa’s delight.

  For the rest of the day, Clarissa couldn’t get Dolly’s words out of her head. Donnell had been more than kind, and he was so handsome. But he didn’t have an interest in her, let alone any feelings. Dolly must be mistaken.

  After cleaning the house, Clarissa sat. Never before had she just sat with nothing to do. Usually she was doing schoolwork, reading, or sewing. Just sitting gave her a lot of time to think. Dolly was nice and Clarissa really liked spending time with her. Before she’d left, Dolly had reminded Clarissa that she was to take her meals at the main house. But she truly didn’t feel right about that. People often offered things just to be polite. What if she walked in and they stared at her? What if someone asked why she was there?

  She paced back and forth. When she had made the decision to be a mail-order bride, she’d thought herself brave, but now she didn’t feel that way. What Joe had said about her appearance wasn’t news to her, but she had never heard it from a man before. The words had a truthfulness about them; he hadn’t said it to be mean.

  She stopped in front of the mirror and studied herself critically. Her dress was clean with no wrinkles. Her hair was pulled back nice and tight as she had been taught. Her face was washed. Her eyes were void of happiness. A sigh slipped out. She definitely had the face of a spinster. Rather than wait for a husband to leave her, she’d stay unmarried. Going to town had to be on her list for the next day. She needed to get started on her first dress.

  She poured the contents of her reticule onto the table and carefully counted the coins she had left. Just enough for a dress if the material wasn’t too expensive. But that meant she definitely had to keep eating with the Kavanagh family or she would end up very hungry.

  If her plan came to fruition, though, she eventually wouldn’t need the vegetables she planted. She’d have her dress shop with living quarters above it. She didn’t need to eat much. Oh, how she missed her mother. It was supposed to be the two of them making dresses and selling them. Part of her was furious about the deception and the rest grieved for her mother, the relationship they’d never had and the death of her dreams.

  How would she have handled knowing her mother was a prostitute when she was still in school? The fear of the others finding out would have been overwhelming. Life had been hard enough most times. Knowing her mother sold herself would have destroyed Clarissa.

  She glanced out the window and saw Donnell walking toward her house. Dolly must have made him come to get her for supper.

  Sighing, she grabbed her wrap and whisked out the door. “You didn’t need to come for me.”

  He grinned. “Oh yes I did. That is, if I planned to eat.”

  “Dolly?” she asked as they walked toward the main house.

  “Yes, she has deemed me to be your friend while you are here.” He smiled down at her.

  “I’m so sorry.” Humiliation rushed warmth to her face. “I was thinking… I can go to the gold mining camp and look for Joe. I know he thinks me ugly, but maybe I can get him to live up to his responsibilities. You shouldn’t be stuck with me.”

  He stopped and was quiet as if trying to find the right words. “I… I don’t think that would be wise. Too many things could go wrong and you’d end up hurt.”

  “Wrong?” She tilted her head.

  He shuffled his feet. Redness crept into the tips of his ears. “Most of the women in the camps are… well they’re soiled doves. If he decided he still wasn’t ready to marry, it could be your fate to become one of them.”

  “A prostitute,” she murmured.

  “It’s a rough crowd, and it’s more than likely you won’t find any kindness.”

  “I’ll put that idea to the end of the list.”

  A sigh whooshed from his lips. “Good. C’mon, we’d best get inside before Dolly comes looking for us.”

  Clarissa resisted his tug forward. “Donnell? I’m sorrier than you know that they put the responsibility of me on you. I’ll live a quiet life so you don’t need to worry about me.”

  He opened the door without responding. Had he even heard her? They walked into the
kitchen, and the grins she saw on every face mortified her. Her steps faltered; she didn’t know what to do. Donnell took her wrap and then she followed him to the table. They were seated together again.

  She joined in on the conversation at first, but the way they looked at each other with a wink thrown in here and there, made her stomach churn. Did they really believe that she and Donnell… that they would become a couple? All because they decided he’d be the one to look after her? Dread filled her. Was that why he hadn’t answered her earlier? There she was saying he wouldn’t have to worry about her and his family already had them paired together. Donnell probably wished he’d never met her.

  Did people look at her differently because she was a mail-order bride? Did they think her desperate or lacking in morals? She kept her head down and ate slowly. She was lucky to be here, and she was very grateful. Especially when she considered the alternative Donnell had told her of when she had suggested seeking out Joe in the mining camps. She’d have to make sure there was nothing Donnell needed to do as far as she was concerned.

  Purposely she didn’t mention her need to go to town. She’d ridden a horse a few times, she wasn’t very good at it, but she’d make it. Better to go on her own than make herself a bother.

  “Clarissa?” Gemma asked.

  With a start, she realized someone must have said something that needed her to answer. Embarrassment warmed her cheeks. “I’m sorry I was wool gathering.”

  “It’s a lot to take in, learning everyone’s names and setting up in a new home.”

  “Was there something you asked me?” She gripped her fork until her knuckles turned white.

  “I was saying your dress is beautiful.”

  “Oh,” Clarissa smiled as she touched the bit of lace around the collar. “My mother made it for me.”