A Letter to Delilah

by Jaxson Kidman

  I looked at Toby. “Are you watching me?”

  “Yeah,” he said and laughed.

  “So I have to listen to your rules?”

  “Yeah,” he said louder.

  “Okay,” I said. “What’s the first rule?”

  “Chocolate milk!” Toby yelled.

  I looked at Aaron. “He’s the boss.”

  “Not too much,” Aaron said. “If I get to take Rae out and come back and Toby is throwing up because of you…”

  “Go,” I said.

  “Love you, Toby,” Aaron said. “Be good for Uncle Josh.”

  “Love you, Daddy,” Toby’s voice said.

  I could handle a lot of stuff in life, but when Toby’s little voice said love you to anyone, it hurt my heart.

  For good reason.

  The door shut and I was alone with Toby.

  “Okay, little buddy, they’re finally gone. It’s just us. What’s first?”

  “Chocolate milk!” he yelled and pumped his fists.

  “That’s right. Chocolate milk it is. Do you want a little chocolate or a lotta chocolate?”

  “Forever chocolate,” Toby said.

  I laughed.

  “You’re crazy, kid. But so am I.”

  I sat Toby on the counter, went to get a kid’s cup and caught sight of him from the corner of my eye. It made the world stop for a few seconds. I caught myself reaching for my back pocket. So I could get the letter. And I could fix everything.

  But the letter was gone.

  Delilah was gone.

  She was gone.

  “Uncle Josh?” Toby asked.

  I opened the cabinet door and hid my face until I could catch my breath.

  If I couldn’t have a drink, then I needed to talk to Amelia.

  I hid behind the couch and made the shotgun pumping sound with the plastic spoon. Chick-chick.

  “You can’t get to me, man,” I called out. “I own this town.”

  I heard Toby giggle. He was working with a ladle that had unlimited firing power.

  I jumped up and started to make gun sounds, pumping the spoon-slash-gun, knowing my life was on the line.

  Toby was waiting for me, standing on the coffee table, pillow cushion in one hand as a shield and his ladle-slash-super-gun shooting so fast that I stood no chance.

  The bullets crashed into me so hard that I started to wiggle. I dropped my spoon-slash-gun. I stood there gasping for air as I reached over the couch, thinking I could get to Toby.

  He just stood on the table with a defiant and mean stare in his young eyes.

  “You’re a goner, dude,” he said.

  That’s when I fell forward over the couch. I rolled down the couch and hit the living room floor with a thud. I looked up at Toby and then shut my eyes and let my head fall to the side.

  I was a goner.

  Apparently, Rae had a rule against saying you’re dead.

  “Let’s do it again!” Toby cried out.

  I started to laugh and as I sat up my back pocket vibrated.

  Amelia was finally getting back to me.

  It had been the longest half hour of my life.

  I never knew a kid could do so much in that short period of time. I swore we had completed two days’ worth of fun already. And each time I got a toy or a game out, Toby wanted to do something else. Maybe it was the chocolate milk and the sugar making him act this way. Which meant I needed to keep him running to burn that off before Aaron and Rae got home. Aaron could only get mad at me for about five minutes. But Rae… she’d do anything to find a plausible excuse to hurt me.

  Sorry. Covered an early shift. Home now. Yay.

  I took a second to ponder the notion that I was text messaging someone. That wasn’t my thing. I didn’t do the technology thing. It was easier to set guidelines, rules and expectations over a few drinks. Making it clear that the night was going to be lived like a vampire would. Come out and play. And at sunrise, vanish before you got burned.

  Toby had retreated to the loveseat and sat with his legs dangling off the edge as a cartoon played.

  hey. come hang out. i have to tell you my story still. not your place. pussy distracts me.

  I got to my feet and grabbed some of the cushions and put them back in order.

  I put the ladle and spoon away too.

  Amelia sent another text.

  Should I come to your place? I’ll bring my notebook so I can interview you.

  I grinned.

  I looked around the kitchen and an idea came to me.

  forget the notebook. just need you. i’m sending you an address. meet me there. don’t ask.

  I could have waited.

  But waiting wasn’t my thing.

  Plus, it was always easier to navigate life with everyone pissed at me for different reasons.

  Chapter 23

  Different but the Same

  NOW

  (Amelia)

  … I don’t know if you remember the first time we met. I wouldn’t expect you to. But for me, it was a day I could never forget. Like a light had suddenly been turned on. Everything in my whole world just stopped. The clichés are so easy to grab, and I’ll grab every single one of them for you, Delilah. Maybe that’ll make you smile. But knowing you, it’ll make you roll your eyes. Which, by the way, I love when you roll your eyes. I really do. It’s half the reason I like to annoy you. But you know that already.

  Being near you - not even with you - just changes everything. It changed me and still changes me. Like I’m walking down this dark and scary alley. It’s the middle of the night. The only sounds are drunks fighting and the distant wail of a cop car. My hands stuffed into my pockets. My head down. No reason to look up and see someone and have a situation start.

  And then you’re suddenly there.

  It’s suddenly morning. A cool morning, but not cold. Birds lined up on a cable wire, singing a song together. Everything dark is light. Everything brown is green. Everything dead is alive.

  And you’re just walking.

  Right at me.

  That’s what you did to me each time I saw you.

  And now…

  Delilah… where did you go?

  I told myself I wasn’t going to do anything crazy with it. That it was fun to think of ideas and stories. If anything, just to get my mind going again and remind myself what it was like to write and create. When I got a fresh notebook and tucked the letter just behind the cover, I told myself that it was okay. I could take notes and jot down ideas based on the letter. I wasn’t going to use this story though. This was someone else’s story. I’d never find out who wrote the letter, or who Delilah really was, or what happened to her. So that part, in a fun way, was all mine.

  When I pulled up to a house smack dab in the middle of a normal looking street in a normal looking neighborhood, my heart sank.

  I thought Josh was having me meet him for a drink or for something to eat.

  But this was a house.

  A normal looking house.

  Before I could reach for my phone to text him - or better yet call him and ask what the hell was going on - the front door opened, and Josh stepped out and waved.

  I smiled, but that faded when I saw a little boy step up next to him.

  Josh put his hand over the little boy’s head.

  I still got out of the car and approached the house.

  My facial expression must have asked the obvious question as Josh smiled as big as I’d ever seen him before.

  “He’s my nephew,” he said. “Sort of.”

  “Sort of?”

  “My best friend, Aaron. It’s his kid. This is Toby.”

  “Toby,” I said. “Hey.”

  “Toby, this is my friend Amelia.”

  “Your friend is a girl,” Toby said.

  “Don’t worry, little buddy, she has no cooties or whatever it’s called these days.”

  Toby shrugged his shoulders, turned, and went back inside.

  “You coming in or
what?” Josh asked.

  “What is this?” I asked.

  “I’m babysitting.”

  I laughed. The words Josh and babysitting did not seem to belong in the same sentence.

  “I know that look,” he said.

  “What?”

  “The shock. You’re wondering how stupid could the parents be to leave their kid with me.”

  “No. I didn’t say that.”

  Josh leaned down and softly kissed my cheek. His stubble tickled me yet sent tingles through my body. “You didn’t have to say it. Come on in.”

  I followed him into the house and the entire thing was crazy.

  “Is this okay?” I asked Josh.

  “It’s fine,” he said.

  He led the way to the kitchen and Toby popped out from behind the island and let out a yell. Josh jumped back.

  “Damn, little buddy,” he yelled. “You got me.”

  Josh took a breath and touched his chest.

  “Yes,” Toby said. “I always win.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Josh said.

  I stood and watched, trying to contain my smile. My mind kept playing the images of Josh with a baseball bat, smashing up a van. Or throwing rocks through windows. Or drinking and smoking. And here he was as a babysitter. As Uncle Josh.

  This was a very different side of him. One I had never seen before.

  “Can I have more chocolate milk?” Toby asked.

  “I don’t know, little buddy.”

  “Come on,” Toby yelled. “We’re having fun.”

  “That we are,” Josh said. “You’re tough. Let me think about it.” He rubbed his jaw. “Let’s ask Amelia.”

  “Me?” I asked.

  “Go ahead, Toby,” Josh said. “Ask her.”

  Toby looked at me. His eyes were big and blue. His little round face had pinchable cheeks.

  “Can I please have chocolate milk, Amelia?” he asked.

  Heart. Exploding.

  “How do I say no to that?” I asked Josh.

  “You don’t,” he said.

  Josh turned and got a cup out of the cabinet.

  “Yes!” Toby said to himself.

  Josh made Toby sit at the kitchen island to drink the chocolate milk.

  “Early shift, huh?” Josh asked me.

  “Yeah. I was covering for someone. Glad I got out of there when it started to get busy.”

  “You wanted to hang out with me.”

  “Yeah. Exactly.”

  “How’s your roommate?”

  “Josh…”

  “I won’t say anything inappropriate around Toby,” he said with a devilish smile.

  “She’s fine. She’s emotional.”

  “Unlike you?”

  “Thanks.”

  “What? You two don’t seem to match up as roommates.”

  “It matched when I needed a place to stay.”

  “Panic decision?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Bad breakup?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I figure most panic moving decisions are because of a breakup. Right? You were with someone. Moved into his place. Things go south. Now you’re out on your ass.”

  Toby giggled.

  “Sorry,” Josh said. He pointed at Toby. “You didn’t hear that.”

  “You’re painting quite the story, Josh,” I said.

  “Is it true?” he asked.

  “Does it matter to you?”

  “No. I’m just making conversation. You don’t seem like you enjoy living where you’re at. So I’m finding out why you live there. And why you stay.”

  “Well, it’s simple, but not simple at the same time.”

  “Meaning a guy is involved,” Josh said.

  “I’m sensing jealousy.”

  “Not even close, love.”

  “Well, if you must know the truth,” I said.

  I started to open my mouth when the door behind Josh opened. In walked a man and a woman.

  “Well, the house didn’t burn down,” the man said.

  “Who the hell is that?” the woman asked, pointing at me.

  And Josh being Josh…

  He just laughed.

  “Oh, god, please say you’re not sleeping with him.”

  “What?” I asked, my cheeks feeling suddenly warm.

  “Damn, Rae,” Josh said. “Take it easy.”

  “It’s my house,” Rae said.

  “Everyone, freeze,” Josh said. “This is Amelia. She’s an old friend of mine. We go way back. Way, way back. Okay? She’s a writer. She was doing a piece on my artwork. We were going over some notes and ideas. That’s all.” He looked at me and winked. “And Amelia, this is my best friend in the world…. and her husband.”

  “Ha,” Rae said. “Very funny.”

  “I’m Aaron,” the man said as he reached for me.

  We shook hands. “Sorry to be here. I didn’t, uh… Josh…”

  “Say no more,” Rae said. “Should have known we’d come home to either the house trashed, Josh drunk, or a woman walking around.”

  “At least she’s clothed,” Josh said.

  “Josh!” I yelled.

  Aaron started to laugh. “This is too much.”

  “Is that chocolate milk?” Rae asked.

  “My second cup,” Toby said.

  “Are you kidding me?” Rae asked.

  She was almost as tall as Josh, skinny, dark hair, and her eyes narrowed and tilted just enough to make her look like an evil villain from a movie. But I liked her. The way she looked at Josh and the way Josh looked as though he was going to back down from her.

  “She did it,” Josh said and pointed to me.

  “I did what?”

  “Gave the kid chocolate milk,” he said.

  “Do you want her to write the truth about you?” Aaron asked.

  “Oh, I know the truth already,” I said. “I’m trying to dig through it to find something nice to say.”

  “How’s that going?” Rae asked.

  “I’m a good writer but he gives me writer’s block.”

  Rae smiled. “I think I like you.”

  “How was your dinner?” Josh asked.

  “Good,” Aaron said. “How was your… whatever you did here with my kid?”

  “We played with guns,” Toby said.

  “Wait a second,” Josh said. “It was a spoon and a ladle.”

  “I shot Uncle Josh ten times,” Toby said.

  “Thanks for this,” Rae said. “You never fail to disappoint me.”

  “It’s what I do best,” Josh said. “And you’re welcome for getting out of the house.”

  Rae lifted Toby from his seat. “I’m going to wash him up.”

  Rae left the kitchen.

  Josh blew her a kiss.

  “Easy, man,” Aaron said, punching Josh’s arm.

  “I thought some pizza would get the stick out of her ass,” Josh said.

  “Hey,” I said and punched his other arm.

  “What the hell?” Josh growled.

  “That’s your best friend’s… wife?” I asked.

  Josh laughed. “They’re not married. Aaron doesn’t have the balls to ask Rae.”

  “Yeah, you can leave now,” Aaron said. He looked at me. “Sorry you know him. It’s a curse that never ends.”

  “I know it,” I said.

  Aaron started to move, and Josh grabbed his arm. “Hey. I’m always here to help. Might not seem like it. But I am. The kid didn’t get hurt. We had fun.”

  “I know,” Aaron said. He looked at me again. “Nice to meet you. Good luck with him.”

  When Aaron left the kitchen, I shoved Josh as hard as I could. He barely moved though. Which angered me even more.

  “Don’t be mad at me,” Josh said.

  “I’m more than mad at you. I hate you right now.”

  “But you still want to hear a story,” he said. “Right?”

  I curled my lip. “Yeah… I do.”

 
Josh’s apartment was cozy after dark. The big open floor plan and the stony walls had an almost prison-like feel in the daytime, but at night, the entire place took a different tone of personality. The couch was super big and comfortable. He skipped the television for some music which just droned on in the background. The back wall had a few large windows that looked out to the night. If I stared long enough, I could catch the sight of a car here and there. Lights from other buildings. Or if I looked up, I could see the blinking lights of an airplane or just the stars.

  “See anything good?” Josh asked as he handed me a drink.

  “No.”

  “No aliens up there?”

  He smirked.

  “Funny,” I said. “Just an airplane.”

  “It’s kind of cool to look at. Makes you wonder who’s there and where they’re going.”

  “You think that too?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Everything has a story to it, right?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I mean, it’s stupid. But I used to love watching airplanes in the sky at night. I would get excited and think it was a shooting star. That I would finally get my wish. But it was always just an airplane. Even still, it was fun to watch. If there was a family going on vacation. Or maybe a sister going to see her sister across the country. I don’t know. It kept my mind busy.”

  “I think I like your mind, Amelia,” Josh said. “It makes sense in a twisted way.”

  “That scares me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if you understand my mind… what does that say about me?”

  “Is that an insult to me?” Josh asked.

  “Yes, it is,” I said.

  I raised an eyebrow and took a drink from the bottle of beer.

  The other problem at Josh’s place was that it was so cozy that I had gone well over my limit for being able to leave. Which meant I’d have to sleep on his couch.

  I looked at Josh. Into those eyes of his.

  You have to sleep on his couch, Amelia. Couch. Not bed. Couch. Say it with me… couch… couch…

  My lips trembled a little.

  “You okay?” Josh asked.

  “Yeah. Sorry. Thinking. As always. Uh, so… what’s the deal with Aaron and Rae?”

  Josh laughed. “You keep asking me about them. I gave you the short version.”