A Pack of Vows and Tears

by Olivia Wildenstein

  A sour taste filled my mouth as I remembered the smell of gunpowder, the gaping black hole in my father’s brown fur, the taste of metal as I tried to lick his blood away. Even though I’d thrown up the silver-laced blood, I’d had to get my stomach pumped. Had I been given Sillin then? Everything after the gunshot was such a blur.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and shuddered.

  Arms wound around me and reeled me in. “Let me spare you this, Ness,” Liam said gently, propping his chin on the top of my head. “As a wolf, you’ll see enough terrible things during your lifetime. Let me spare you one of them. Plus, I’d rather you don’t watch me exact justice.”

  For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Memories of Everest crashed through me. Like the time he and I snuck around the inn, collecting pillows and comforters to construct a fort of epic proportion inside his bedroom. When Mom had found us hiding behind our fluffy cotton walls, she lay down with us and told us the story of two little wolves that went on adventures instead of going to school. I wasn’t yet a wolf, so I didn’t think the story was about me, but her tale had allowed me to dream that I might become one. After that day, Everest and I discussed at great lengths the adventures we’d go on if I were able to shift.

  I bit my trembling lip as I realized there would be no adventures for us. A tear escaped, and then another, soaking the thin fabric of Liam’s navy V-neck. He was right. I shouldn’t accompany him. I might put myself between Everest and the weapon used to end his life.

  “I can’t believe Jeb didn’t even fight to save his son’s life.” My words trembled like the rest of my body.

  “Jeb knows the rules of the pack.”

  “This will kill him,” I croaked, my voice barely louder than the whirring fan.

  I waited for Liam to tell me that I was wrong, that my uncle was strong, that he’d get over it, but Liam didn’t say any of these things. He just held me, stroking my spine up and down, up and down, until my body calmed.

  Come home with me tonight.

  I peered up at him through watery eyes and swallowed. “Okay.”

  11

  As we drove over to his house, I realized the inn would soon belong to Aidan Michaels. Which meant I would need to find a new place to live. Maybe I could bunk with Sarah. She’d said she didn’t want a roommate, but I’d make myself tiny and burrow in a corner of her palatial apartment. Or Evelyn. Maybe I could move in with her and Frank. Or would I have to continue living with Jeb, my legal guardian? What if Jeb didn’t survive Everest’s death? What then? Would I be entrusted to Lucy . . . if Eric ever released her from his basement? Would social services come for me, or could Evelyn finally become my guardian?

  In five weeks, I’d be eighteen. Until then, my life belonged to people who were in no way fit to care for me.

  “What are you thinking about?” Liam’s voice made me look away from the star-strewn sky.

  “Everest.” I lied because I didn’t want to burden him with my problems. Besides, my cousin wasn’t far from my mind.

  Liam squeezed the steering wheel. “I’m sorry, Ness.”

  “About what?”

  “About the decision that was voted tonight.” Starlight made his chiseled profile gleam white.

  I bit my lip, then released it along with a ragged breath. “I appreciate you saying that.”

  After he parked in front of his modern wood-and-glass cabin, which was as dark as the sky outside the windshield, he picked up my cold hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb over my knuckles.

  “Don’t think for a second I’ll enjoy ending his life.”

  I swallowed. Hard. It did nothing to dislodge the boulder-sized lump inside my throat.

  He cupped my cheek and leaned over the center console of his car, ghosting a kiss across my mouth. The contact sent a shiver straight down my spine.

  “Liam?”

  His lips were tracing the edge of my jaw. “Yeah, babe?”

  “Ask him why he did it. Before . . . ” The rest of my sentence dangled silently between us.

  “I will.”

  “And promise to make it quick. Don’t torture him, okay?” I inhaled, and his potent scent swirled through me, the familiarity of it soothing.

  “I promise.”

  Before cracking my lids open, I sighed, wondering if he’d keep his promise come morning.

  He lifted my hand, flipped it over, then placed a chaste kiss against my palm. Lowering it, he asked, “Have you eaten?”

  Food was the furthest thing from my mind right now. “No.”

  “Are you hungry?”

  “Not really.”

  He tapped his finger against my cool skin. “Maybe once you see the contents of my fridge, it’ll inspire you.”

  “Maybe.” I doubted it, though. My stomach was one giant knot.

  Clutching my crossbody bag to me, I pumped my door handle and hopped out. Once inside the house, he kicked off his boots. I followed suit, lining my sneakers up next to his shoes. As I stood back up, a nervousness—that had nothing to do with my cousin’s fate—overwhelmed me. I’d never stayed at someone’s house before—well, besides Evelyn’s apartment.

  When Mom would work late, I’d stay with Evelyn. She’d fill my belly with her delicious cooking, then fit a mug brimming with stovetop-warmed milk into my hands and read to me until I fell asleep with my head on her lap and her fingers in my hair. The month following my mother’s last breath, I’d stayed with Evelyn almost every night. She’d tried to feed me, tried to make me sip milk, tried to distract me with one of her books. All I’d managed was to sleep, and even that had come in fitful bursts.

  Liam propped my chin on his fingers and crooked my face up toward his. “You just checked out on me again.”

  “Sorry.” I slid my chin off his fingers and swept my gaze over the clean, sharp décor that seemed simple but had probably cost him a small fortune.

  He sighed as he wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me toward a large door. Behind it stood a bachelor’s kitchen: beige-veined chocolate marble with copper fixings and smoky-mirrored cupboards that rose with the press of a finger. I’d come to his house before, but hadn’t ventured into the kitchen then.

  Liam seized plastic containers from the fridge and set them on the marble island, popping the lids off.

  “Did you cook all of this?” I asked as I climbed onto one of the leather stools, admiring how clean and shiny the kitchen was.

  “Since Dad died, Matt’s mom’s been sending food over religiously.”

  “That’s really sweet of her.”

  “She’s a good woman. I heard she came to help out at the inn.” He took out two plates and silverware.

  “She did. Isobel too.”

  “The pack takes care of their own.”

  A warm, fluttery feeling swept through me. I would never tire of hearing I was part of the pack.

  He tipped his chin toward the offerings.

  Realizing we still knew very little about each other, I asked, “What’s your favorite food?”

  “Steak.” He spooned something that looked like polenta onto his plate before adding a bunch of green beans and a thick piece of browned meat. “Original, huh?” He shot me a brazen smile as he slid his plate into the microwave and pressed a couple buttons that filled the quiet kitchen with a soft whirring noise. “What about you?”

  “I pretty much love everything. But I have a soft spot for Mexican cuisine. Evelyn”—I dragged my hand through my hair—“she made a lot of our meals back in LA.”

  After I prepped myself a plate, Liam set it in the microwave.

  “Want anything to drink?”

  “Water would be great.”

  He pulled open his fridge and took out a bottle of water and a beer.

  “This feels like a first date,” I said.

  He uncapped his beer, then took a deep drink and swallowed before leaning over to kiss me. “I don’t want this to be our first date. I want to take you out. Tomorrow night, you and me.”


  My heart rate accelerated, but then it dipped when I remembered that tomorrow night I would be deleting my cousin’s contact from my phone forever. A sharp spike in my breathing had Liam tipping his head to the side.

  “You don’t want to be seen out with me?” he asked.

  “What?” I tried to iron out my erratic pulse. “No, it’s not that.” I ran my index finger along the sweaty sides of my bottle. “I do want to go out with you, but not tomorrow.”

  His eyes shrouded with contrition. I wasn’t sure—and didn’t ask for fear of the answer—if the remorse was for my cousin or for postponing our dinner.

  The microwave beeped then. He handed me my plate before propping himself on the stool beside mine. We didn’t speak again after that, both of us tucking into our food, lost in our respective musings.

  I didn’t taste anything. It was just fuel for my depleted body and a means to avoid deliberating about Everest.

  I took my plate over to the sink when I was done and scrubbed it clean.

  “You don’t have to do that, Ness. I have someone who comes over every couple days to clean.”

  “Been cleaning after myself and others for so long it’s ingrained in my DNA.” I smiled at him as I dried my hands on the kitchen towel tucked over the handle of the oven door.

  “Was that really your job back in LA?”

  “That, and waitressing, but I hated waitressing.” I wrinkled my nose. “What’s the cleaning company you use?”

  Liam sipped the dregs of his beer. “Why?”

  “Because I’ll be out of a job soon.”

  “You’re not seriously entertaining the idea of cleaning houses?”

  I frowned. “It’s what I know how to do, Liam.”

  “You’re pack now, Ness.”

  “And what?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Housekeeping is beneath werewolves?”

  “I’ll help you get a real job.”

  “Housekeeping is a real job.”

  “But you can do better.”

  “I have a high school education, Liam.”

  “Tomorrow, we’ll stop by UCB and enroll you.”

  “You mean, after you off my cousin?” I snapped, voice as tight as the rest of my body.

  Liam rose from his stool and rounded the island toward me. “Ness . . . ”

  I mashed my lips shut.

  “You’re angry.”

  I was. I was angry about Everest’s fate. Angry about Liam’s belittling view on my job. Angry I hadn’t taken the next step in my education.

  He set his palms on my sharp shoulders. “I get it, but don’t be angry with me.”

  I glared at the dip of his midnight-colored V-neck, unwilling to look into his eyes.

  “An Alpha protects his pack, Ness. Everest is a threat to you . . . to all of us.” He hooked my chin and raised it until our eyes met. “As for your future, I think it would be best for you to go to college. I’m sure it’s what your parents would’ve wanted.”

  My anger dissipated at the mention of my parents. In the last month of her life, Mom had hounded me to fill out college applications.

  “I’ll need to apply for financial aid first,” I finally mumbled.

  “The pack has resources. If you want to go to UCB in the fall, you’ll have a spot there. All expenses paid.”

  “Even a dorm room?”

  “Even a dorm room.”

  So I’d only need to figure out where to live for the next month . . . This felt too good to be true. “What’s the catch?”

  Liam smiled. “No catch. You’re part of the pack. Education is one of the perks. We like our wolves to be equipped to conquer the world. Or at least, Boulder.”

  I was still going to need a job to pay back the four and a half grand I owed the bank for past rents and miscellaneous expenses, but I didn’t want to bring that up again.

  Liam wrapped his hands around my wrists and dragged down the bony blockade that separated our bodies. “Don’t fence me out. I know you’ve been taking care of yourself for years, but I’m here now. And countless others are here for you too. Let us in. Trust us.”

  “I’m trying.”

  He pressed his mouth to mine, soft as silk, but then his kiss grew harder. It took me a few seconds to relax, but finally I sighed—more of a moan than a sigh—and hooked my hands around his waist. As though my heart had migrated into my stomach, my abdomen began to thud. I tried to squelch the offensive sensation, but it soon took over all the others.

  I pulled away from Liam so quickly I half expected pieces of my lips to have stayed glued to his. His dark eyes raked over my expression, then over my body, pausing on the palm I’d pressed against my stomach. I lowered my hand, balling my fingers. The throbbing was already receding.

  “Eric warned me about this, but I thought—” His Adam’s apple worked in his throat. “I hoped it would be different.”

  “What did Eric warn you about?”

  “He said your body would reject any advance that didn’t come from its natural mate.”

  Horror filtered through me.

  “The only way to void this is distance, but August isn’t leaving.” Liam sighed, and his muscular chest deflated the tiniest bit. “I don’t know if you heard, but his mom had breast cancer a while back.”

  The word cancer soured my blood.

  “They thought she’d beat it, but it’s back. And more aggressive this time. Anyway, she’s scheduled for a double mastectomy next week, and—”

  I let out a shrill whimper before slamming the back of my hand against my mouth.

  “Fuck.” He gathered me against him. “I forgot cancer was how your mom . . . ” He didn’t finish his sentence. Didn’t have to. He smoothed his hand over the back of my head.

  I reeled from the news that hit too close to home. At least now I understood why Isobel’s husband had fretted over her back at the inn, why she’d looked so wan beside her healthy son.

  “August said the doctors were confident they’d get it this time, but he wants to stay until after the surgery. He promised he’d leave after.”

  I shook with anguish for Isobel, Nelson, and August, and with shame at how selfish I’d been. Not only had I believed that August had stayed for me, but I’d been ready to beg him to leave so I could be intimate with Liam. Ugh.

  Liam tangled his hand in my hair. “He didn’t want me to tell you, so please keep this between us.”

  I nodded, still pressing my knuckles against my mouth to stifle the dread brought on by Liam’s news. “It’s not fair,” I murmured.

  “Life’s rarely fair.” Even though I couldn’t see into his mind, I sensed he was thinking of his own mother taken from him when he was only eight, by his abusive father no less.

  “Speaking of unfair, I know you hate Everest, and I know you want to uphold the pack’s”—I wet my lips—“traditions, but my cousin did you a favor. He killed your mother’s murderer.” I hoped phrasing it that way would sway him a little. “Won’t you reconsider his sentence?”

  Liam’s fingers wrung my T-shirt as though it were Everest’s neck. “My mother wasn’t pack.”

  “So what?” Anger struck me in violent strokes. “Her life wasn’t worth as much?”

  “Don’t mistake forgiveness for integrity.” His eyes were so black his pupils seemed to have devoured his irises. “My father was a mean bastard, but he was still my father. If I let your cousin walk away from this, what sort of Alpha would that make me?”

  “A merciful one.”

  “Mercy doesn’t inspire respect.”

  “That’s not true. Compassion is a laudable trait in a leader. I’d respect you for showing compassion to someone who didn’t deserve it.”

  His gaze set on the shiny chocolate marble. “Don’t, Ness.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t tell me how to rule the pack. I’m the Alpha, not you.”

  His words grated against me, made my spine snap straight. “You might win the pack’s respect with thos
e words, but not mine.” I backed away from him and walked into the living room. “Not mine.”

  “Where are you going?” He strode behind me.

  “Outside.”

  He captured my wrist and wheeled me toward him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just tired and on edge, and with all that’s going on with you”—he gestured to my abdomen—“it came out wrong.”

  I stared at his fingers still clasping my wrist.

  “I want your respect”—he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear—“but I can’t change pack laws for as much. Not yet. In time—”

  “You accepted me—a girl—into the pack and you didn’t taint the new pledges’ drinks with the stupid fossil, so you can change things! When you want to, you can. Which just proves you want my cousin dead or you’d have forgiven him.” I flipped my hand up to loosen his grip, then yanked my arm toward me to break his hold. His fingers hadn’t hurt me, yet I nursed my wrist against my chest.

  His eyes widened as they fastened to the spot of skin they’d manhandled. He palmed the back of his head. And then he fell to his knees in front of me and pressed his face against my stomach, arms hooking around me.

  “I’m sorry, Ness. Please don’t leave.”

  I watched him for a long moment, watched how his apology made his big body quiver. It brought me back to the night on the inn’s terrace when he’d cried in my arms. He wasn’t crying now, but he was shaking.

  Liam might’ve acted strong and brave, but so much inside him was broken, and although I was good with messes, I didn’t know where to start on the one his parents had left behind. Could I even fix it? I was such a mess myself. Orphaned. Almost homeless. Penniless. Mated.

  I rested a hand on top of his head. “I won’t leave you, Liam.”

  He tipped his head up and inspected my face as though to make sure I was speaking the truth, and then he climbed up the length of my body. For a long minute, he just stood there, looking down at me instead of up, and I saw the solid man inside him rise again, push back the wrecked child.

  Then he cupped my cheeks and tilted my head up, and he slammed his mouth against mine. Even though my stomach began to churn, I pried my lips open and tangled my tongue with his.