Retreat

by Jay Crownover

  “You stink.” Emrys’s sleepy voice rolled over me as I groaned and tried to shift on the barely-there mat that was supposed to cushion my backside from the unforgiving ground I was stretched out on.

  I did stink. But the balm had helped relax the sore muscles in my legs, and the only way I was going to be able to ride the following day was if I kept smearing it all over myself.

  “I know, but you were the one who wanted an adventure in the great outdoors. This is what I smell like when I don’t get to shower every day.”

  She laughed lightly and shifted next to me. “I haven’t showered either and I don’t smell as bad as you.”

  I laughed until I was gasping and turned my head to look at her. She had her eyes closed and somehow still managed to look as fresh and as perfect as she had when we rode out that morning. “That’s because you aren’t human. You’re some kind of flawless extraterrestrial that makes the rest of us mere mortals look like dog chow in comparison.”

  She laughed again and turned her head to look at me so that we were staring at each other. Her dark eyes softened a little as she grinned at me. “I’m really glad you came with me, Leo.”

  I returned her grin and sighed as I stretched out, making my joints pop and my muscles scream in protest. “Even though you have to smell me all night?”

  “Even then. You’re a good friend, and I’ve missed you.” Her voice got quiet and the affection in it pushed some of those bricks in my newly fortified wall out of place. She always managed to find her way in. She let out a whispery sigh and then her hand curled around mine in the dark. “Do you remember the guy with the Harley from freshman year who was screwing my roommate? The one I walked in on because they were fucking in my bed because it was closer than hers?”

  I did remember that. She’d been devastated and almost flunked her first year of college because she was heartbroken and never wanted to go back to her dorm room, which led to her crashing with me more nights than not and solidifying our friendship for the years that followed.

  “Or what about the artist from Australia, when I was twenty-one? Do you remember him, with his man bun and constantly bare feet? He wanted to get married so he could stay in the country and when I turned him down, he stole my credit card information and disappeared. It took two years to get my credit fixed and almost that long to get all the paint he spilled on my hardwood floors stripped off so I could re-stain them.”

  I squeezed her hand and nodded into the darkness. “I remember. Most of the time he smelled worse than I do right now.”

  That made both of us laugh and I could feel her looking at me from her side of the tent. “You told me to stay away from both those guys, Leo, and a few others along the way. You never pretended to like them and you have always told me that I deserved better. I didn’t listen to you. Not because I didn’t trust you, but because there are some things we have to go through in order to know what better actually is. Chris gave you a hard lesson to learn, and you’ve always avoided those, so it hit you even harder than it would most. Now you know you deserve more than a man who will allow you work around him. You need a man who is impossible to move and takes up as much space as he possibly can in your life.”

  Immediately, Cy came to mind. He wasn’t the kind of man you could ignore or overlook. There was no working around him, only facing him head-on, hoping he bent enough to let you get by. There was also running right up against all of that solid strength and unbendable power and hoping it didn’t cause you to shatter when you hit it.

  “Maybe we should listen to each other a little more carefully moving forward, Em. We could save each other a lot of heartache and wasted time.” I let go of her hand, rolled over on my side, stacking my hands under my cheek, and closing my eyes. I wasn’t very comfortable but I knew I would sleep like a rock as soon as she quit talking.

  She shifted and her voice was full of suggestive humor when she muttered, “Well, if you’re going to start listening to me now, then that means you need to take Mr. Broody and Badass for a ride while you have the opportunity.”

  I responded with a groan and tried to keep the image of what riding Cyrus Warner would actually be like out of my head. It was a futile effort. As sleep claimed me, it was the vision of a naked Cy, stretched out under me as I worked myself over his rock-hard body with a wanton abandon that I’d never had in my real sex life. It was his graphite-colored gaze, cloudy with passion, as he hovered over me that I was dreaming about when a loud bang and the sound of the rest of the camp scrambling to life woke me a few hours later. I shook Em’s shoulder and clamored over her still sleeping form as I lurched for the opening of the tent to see what was going on.

  The horses were nickering at each other, stamping their feet in annoyance as another loud bang echoed through the valley we were camped in. I pushed my completely unruly hair that had long since escaped the braid I foolishly thought would tame it, out of my face and looked around with wide eyes. Both Lane and Cy were stalking around the camp with flashlights bobbing, their faces set in flinty lines. The brothers were clearly aggravated as they attempted to search out the source of the noise in the darkness. The two men who didn’t say much were also out of their tents looking at the thick woods that surrounded us. In fact, they were both fully dressed and didn’t look like they had bothered to bed down for the night at all. The younger of the men even had a flashlight similar to the one Cy held in his hand. As he swept the trees with beam, he muttered, “That was gunfire.”

  “It could have been.” Cy was frowning and didn’t stop to say anything more as he made his way over to where the horses were clearly uneasy and unsettled from the loud noise.

  The older man, the one called Grady, shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest as he gave Lane a hard look. “There was no maybe about it. That was gunfire. I served eight years overseas for this country and have been in the worst hell holes you can imagine. I know what gunfire sounds like and I know that shot was a lot closer than you probably want us to think it was. These mountains and this backcountry aren’t quite as isolated as you made it seem.”

  Lane bristled, clearly not appreciating his brother’s integrity and veracity being called into question. It was the first time I saw a little bit of his older brother in him, as his spine snapped straight and his usually smiling mouth pulled tight. He didn’t do intimidating quite as well as Cy, but he was big enough and rough enough around the edges that the menace in both his face and body language was hard to miss.

  “Isolated doesn’t mean the same thing as deserted. Like I mentioned, some of this area is a national forest, so we can’t control who uses it. That includes people who might be poaching game illegally off season, which they would be doing in the dark. It could also be vacationers camping close by who don’t know we run tours through here and are blowing off steam by firing into the sky. Guns are commonplace in Wyoming. Just because you heard a shot doesn’t necessarily mean there needs to be a cause for concern. There are a lot of possibilities, and whatever the situation may be, the safety of the guests in our care is always the number one priority.” Lane gave his little speech firmly and confidently. It made me believe he really would give up everything to keep all of us safe. Lane looked more cowboy than his brothers, but it was his dedication and his stalwartness that really pushed him over the edge into being everything I ever wanted a cowboy to be in real life. He was the kind of man woman wrote romance novels about and built fantasies around.

  Cy made his way back to where we were all huddled, sparing a quick glance at my bare legs since I hadn’t bothered to pull my jeans on when I crawled out of the tent. He stopped by his brother’s side and let his gaze wander around the tense circle we had all gathered in. “Probably just kids screwing around. This is the first day on the trail and we’re still really close to the river. A lot of locals use it for weekend getaways in high season. Everyone, go back to bed and I’ll walk a mile down river and a mile up river and see what I can find.”

  I let o
ut a strangled little sound of alarm, and without thinking about what I was doing, reached out a hand and set it on his arm. The muscle felt like heated stone under my fingertips and I almost groaned when his skin shifted and flexed enticingly under the tips of my fingers. There was something about the sheer strength of him, the overwhelming command he exuded that was intoxicatingly attractive. Touching him wasn’t smart or good for my resolve. Unfortunately, I wanted to put my hands all over him and I wanted to do it when he was far more naked than he was right now. I wanted to learn his entire, massive body through every sense I had and imprint it on my memory, so that I could forever keep those riotous and rebellious sensations only he seemed able to spark.

  “You can’t go traipsing through the woods and along the river in pitch-black darkness. What if a bear comes along, or what if you do stumble on some kids and spook them? If they are trigger happy, they might be twitchy enough to put one in you. And what if it is poachers? The last thing they’re going to want is some guy poking his nose into what they’re doing. It sounds dangerous. I’m not a fan of that plan at all.”

  His eyes landed to where I was holding onto him, and instead of moving my fingers from where they rested, I curled them in tighter so I was clutching him like he was my tether to the very earth under my feet. As if without him to ground me, I would fly off into nothing.

  “You smell to high hell, woman.” I balked at the rudeness and the blunt honesty in the face of my unwanted concern for his wellbeing. I also released my hold on him like the skin I was holding onto had suddenly grown thorns and barbs. I took a step back and crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Fine. Go get eaten by a mountain lion or shot by some weekend warrior. See if I care. I’m going back to bed.” I wanted to huff and puff with a flounce so it was obvious I was irritated with him, but none of the men were even paying attention to me.

  Grady, the newly revealed former military man, was trying to convince Cy to take him with him as he explored the area around the river. Cy didn’t seem overly enthused about the idea but he eventually acquiesced.

  Lane was busy questioning Webb about why neither of them had been in their tents when the first shot fired off. He told him he watched them come down from the woods behind where we had set up camp.

  I was figuring out the more that I watched the two silent, suspicious men that Webb was a better liar than Grady. Without pause or hint of embarrassment, he told Lane that he was looking for a spot to use the bathroom and he asked Grady to come with him as a lookout. Lane calmly explained that he and Cy had already gone over the safest and preferred places to take care of business while we were on the trail, and wandering into the woods wasn’t one of those options. Webb simply shrugged and said flatly, “We’re supposed to be working on our teamwork skills. Helping another man shit in the woods seems like a damn good team building exercise if you ask me.” He walked away without further explanation, leaving Lane to turn to me with a questioning look on his face.

  I shrugged my shoulders and pursed my lips into a tight grimace. “I haven’t been the best at picking out the truth from fiction lately, but I would bet my yearly bonus that neither one of those guys is who they say they are.”

  “Something ain’t right.” Lane’s voice was hard and sharp.

  “There is something going on there we are not a part of for sure.” I was fully aware that some of the puzzle pieces to this big picture were still in the box and not dumped out on the table waiting to be sorted through.

  “Hard to hide anything that isn’t real out here. Lies and make-believe can get you killed real quick in the backcountry.” Lane sounded tired and there was a thread of worry in his tone. I nodded and moved to the entrance of the tent where Emrys had her head poking out and was watching me with sleepy eyes.

  I stopped when he said my name. “And, Leo . . .” I turned to look at him over my shoulder and noticed his trademark grin locked firmly back in place on his ruggedly good-looking face. “You really do stink. Tell Em if she wants to bunk with me in my tent, I have room.”

  Considering he was so big on saying what he meant and standing behind his words, I had no doubts that he would welcome my best friend with open arms. However, that would mean he would be putting his sullen and surly older brother out and I wasn’t about to offer up the limited space in my tent to him if Em took his place. Especially not when I could smell myself and the fumes made my nose twitch. Initially, I thought the offensive odor would be a good way to keep Cy and my rebellious fascination with him at bay. The truth of the matter is, I was far less keen on the idea of keeping the man at bay than I should be. I wanted him close and I didn’t want anything about me to put him off from getting closer than close. Emrys was just going to have to tough it out until we got to the camp showers that were promised.

  I maneuvered past Em and threw myself down on the sleeping bag as she asked me, “What was that all about? Was that fireworks?”

  “Not fireworks. It was a gunshot. Cy took off to see if he could find out where it was coming from.”

  I heard rustling as she maneuvered her way back into her sleeping bag. There was a long pause before she muttered, “Not quite as alone out here as I thought we were going to be.”

  “No, we’re definitely not alone.” And for the first time in my life I was okay with that. The truth was it took a lot of energy and effort to keep everyone out. Surrounded by these strangers, all of us scrambling to find our footing in an unfamiliar place, I was finding I liked how easy it was to let the right people in.

  Not So Squeaky Clean

  The next day, there was no mistaking the tension radiating off the brothers and the barely concealed suspicion they had toward the two other men on the ride. Just like the day before, the older man and the younger man stayed mostly silent, unless they spoke to each other. Even the normally oblivious mom and dad seemed to pick up on the thick undercurrents working throughout the rest of the group. Meghan wrangled her mouthy offspring and made them ride between her and her husband, who I noticed smelled almost as badly as I did. He must not have been accustomed to being in the saddle all day either but waited until Em and I turned in for the night before he did something about it. The man was ridiculous and I made sure that I put myself between him and my friend so that she didn’t have to waste another day fending off his oily advances.

  Cy didn’t say a word about his trek into the dark, so I assumed his search didn’t turn up anything either harmless or dangerous. I found myself off guard at how ridiculously happy I was that he had returned to the camp uninjured. Even though I was exhausted, I hadn’t been able to sleep until I heard booted footsteps and his deep voice growling at Lane when he got back last night. I didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about my reaction or what it might mean, so instead I spent the rest of the day reminiscing with Em and enjoying the ride, now that my backside was slightly more accustomed to the jarring bounce.

  The second day’s agenda included a nature hike and rock climbing that both the kids seemed ecstatic about. I didn’t mind the hike but heights weren’t my favorite. I was nervous about doing something I’d never done before, something I’d never even thought about doing. I’d promised Em I would embrace the experience, so instead of grumbling about dangling in the air from a rope like I typically would, I worried myself sick about taking on something new. I was cataloging everything that could go wrong and mentally planning my funeral. I forced a smile I knew she didn’t buy for a single second but there was relief on her face that I wasn’t trying to drag her down into my ocean of fear and hesitation.

  When it came time to strap into the harness I balked when Cy moved toward me with the contraption. I told him I wanted Lane to be the one who strapped me in. I couldn’t formulate an explanation, one that didn’t admit to him that I didn’t want him within touching, or rather smelling distance while I was gross and stinky.

  He gave me a dark look. “Who do you think taught Lane and Sutton how to do any of this shit?” I opened my mo
uth to try and make peace but he wasn’t done proving that he really was Mr. Personality and a man not afraid to speak his mind. “You’re annoying and mouthy, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Sunshine.”

  I opened and closed my mouth like a beached fish while I tried to figure out how to respond to his rude assessment of my character. I crossed my arms over my heaving breasts and stamped my foot on the ground, counting backwards from ten as I worked at keeping my temper and sharp tongue in check. This man riled me up and lit my fuse faster than anyone else ever had. “I am not annoying; you’re just impatient and far too accustomed to people doing whatever you say.”

  He bent a little closer to me and I automatically leaned away so that he wouldn’t get a good whiff of the minty, chemical smell that was my current scent.

  “People do what I say because I know what I’m doing, which means I’m the man in charge more often than not. Now get your ass in the harness and up the rocks, Leo.”

  Deciding that arguing with him in front of everyone else was only going to waste time and ultimately end in embarrassment, I begrudgingly moved closer to him and rested a hand on his shoulder as he crouched down in front of me and helped me step into the sturdy canvas rig. His shoulders felt as hard and as sturdy as the rock face I was about to try to tackle. Everything about him seemed like it was made to be indestructible and unyielding. I gasped when he situated the straps between my legs so that they were secure between my legs and around my hips. There was no teasing touch like there had been when he helped me on the horse, but having him that close to the center of me, to the part of me that wanted more than sweaty, sexy dreams, was unnerving. All it took was a puff of air from between his pursed lips as he adjusted buckles and straps to fit me for my entire body to light up and tingle. I wanted to feel the rough scrape of his dark scruff across my legs and between them. I wanted to see if any part of him could be soft or if he was hard all the way through. I wanted him to put his mouth where my body was silently begging for him. My fingers curled into the sinewy strength that was practically holding me up as I leaned on him. His slate-colored gaze shot up to mine like he knew exactly what was going through my mind.