Cheesy on the Eyes: Fake Dating Romcom (Slice Book 5)

by Teagan Hunter

  “Oh, no, Mom. That’s okay. I’m sure Sully has so many more things he’d rather be doing.”

  “I don’t.”

  Don’t glare or you’ll blow it. Don’t glare or you’ll blow it. Don’t you dare fucking glare, Thea!

  “Well, in that case, I insist,” she pushes.

  The only other boyfriend of mine she’s met is Jaden, and we all know how that turned out. I’m sure meeting someone else I’m “seeing” is making her whole day right about now.

  “Mom, I—”

  “Harvey!” she calls out, waving at my father, who’s approaching the table with Jonas and Frankie in tow. “Took you long enough.”

  “Damn Randy and Blythe,” he mutters. He hooks his thumb over his shoulder. “Did you know they’re still hitting up clubs? Man, I hope we’re as cool as them when we’re that age.”

  “In what, five years?” Jonas snarks.

  My mom laughs. “I bet Randy has some sweet moves, too.”

  “Is it odd I find him attractive?” Frankie asks.

  Jonas wrinkles his nose at her. “Pretty sure you’re not allowed to say shit like that to me when you’re carrying my child.”

  “Who’s this, Letica?” My dad jerks his head to Sully, who he’s now standing right beside.

  She rubs her hands together excitedly, grinning. “This is Thea’s new boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend, huh?” Dad looks Sully up and down, sizing him up.

  I almost laugh at the way my dad is studying him. I guess he’s not too trusting of potential suitors after Jaden.

  “The one and only—I hope,” Sully jokes, sticking his hand out. “I’m Sullivan, but my friends call me Sully, sir.”

  My dad gives his hand a shake. “Nice to meet you, Sullivan.”

  Ouch.

  Sully takes it in stride. “Likewise, sir.”

  Dad grunts something indecipherable and scoots into the booth next to my mother, slinging his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him, pecking a kiss to her temple.

  I love their unabashed affection.

  “So you’re the poor bastard my sister is bringing to my wedding?” Jonas’ grin says friendly, but he pushes his shoulders back in an obvious I’m her brother and I’ll kill you if you hurt her move.

  Finding my eyes, Sully shakes his head, a brow raised. He rolls his tongue over his teeth, looking like he wants to call me on my shit but thinks better of it. “I guess that’s me.”

  “Jonas Schwartz.” They shake hands. “Good luck with her.”

  Sully coughs out a laugh. “Thanks, man, but I think I can handle her.”

  It’s my turn to raise a brow. Oh yeah? I say silently.

  Bring it on, says the looks he gives me.

  “Congratulations on the engagement, by the way. Thea was telling me she can’t wait to see her little brother walk down the aisle and spoiling her little niece—wishful thinking, she says—is going to be her favorite pastime.”

  “Thea!” Jonas hisses, glaring at me. “I thought I told you not to tell anyone!”

  “How is this my fault?” I argue. “You literally just called Frankie your baby mama in front of everyone.”

  “Oh. Right.” He points a finger my way. “Still blaming you for my mistakes.”

  “How is that fair?”

  “I didn’t say it was fair, Thea. It’s just easier.”

  “Like that time you told Mom I shit in the tub when you were the one in the bath?”

  He laughs. “Oh, man. I almost forgot about that. I told her you came in there, pooped, and then ran away and blamed it on me.”

  “For the record, I never believed you,” my mom cuts in.

  “Do you see what you’re marrying, Frankie?” I say to my future sister-in-law.

  She looks at him like some love-stricken fool. “I’m good with it.”

  Sully holds his hands up. “Hey, man, your secret is safe with me. My friends are always joking that I should start offering confession services.” He mimes zipping his lips. “Steel trap.”

  “Thanks. We’re just trying to keep it out of the media. We want to be the first to announce it, you know? I’m Frankie, by the way,” she says as Jonas slides into the booth next to me, pushing me back to my spot in the middle. We decided early on it would be best for Frankie and her morning sickness if she sat on the outside.

  Jonas whacks me—and not so softly—with his elbow. He tips his head toward Sully, mouthing, What’s up with that?

  I shake my head, and thankfully he drops it for now.

  “Welcome to the insanity that is the Schwartz clan. If you’re standing there thinking there’s no way this could get worse, don’t worry—it can.”

  Sully laughs as she shimmies into the booth, not looking fazed by that information.

  I sit back, liking the way he’s unaffected by my family’s madness.

  We’re not for everyone, that’s for sure. We’re loud, straight shooters, and close as hell. It’s hard to weave yourself into our fold. Jaden’s proof of that.

  In the four years we were together, my mother never once let him call her anything other than Mrs. Schwartz, and my father never tried to spend time with him. Though Jonas was away at college most of the time we were together, he never bothered with trying to throw his weight around.

  I guess they just never thought he was worth their effort, and I see now I should have taken that as a sign.

  “I was starting to wonder if you guys would ever sit down,” Simon says, appearing with a tray full of drinks.

  “They got you waiting tables, huh?” Jonas teases, knowing full well Simon is the owner. Not only have we been coming here since we were little, but Jonas also used to work for Slice. When he injured his knee and had to take some time to rehab it and decide if the NFL was what he wanted, he came back home and even picked up a couple shifts to help cure his boredom.

  I bet Simon’s missing having the extra hands around with the summer crowds.

  He laughs as he distributes our drinks. “Well, if my best driver hadn’t run off and joined some fancy-schmancy sporting club, I’d have some extra help around here.” He looks to Sully, and there’s no mistaking the humor in his eyes. “Should I move you over here, kid?”

  “Yes, please join us, Sully.” My mother bats her lashes up at him. “We’d love to get to know you. Right, Harvey?”

  Another grunt from my dad.

  “Yeah, Sully. Join ’em. Get to know your girlfriend’s family a little.”

  Sully looks like he either wants to laugh at the insanity of all this or strangle Simon for egging it on.

  I can’t tell which.

  He looks to me, and I give my head a small shake.

  Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

  I’d have no problem having breakfast with him under normal circumstances. Hell, I begged him to sit with me just the other day and then forced him into pretending to be my boyfriend.

  But making him do it when my family is involved? Even I’m not that cruel.

  Sully clears his throat. “As much as I appreciate the invite, Let—uh, Mr. and Mrs. Schwartz,” he amends when he catches sight of my dad’s glower. “Some friends are waiting for me. Sunday breakfasts are kind of our tradition since they all grew up and got married and had kids, leaving me behind in the dust.”

  “Hopefully not for long,” my mother murmurs before tucking her lips together and peeking around the table innocently. “Well, it was lovely meeting you, dear. We’ll have to get together soon.” She pins me with her stare. “Before the wedding, Thea.”

  “Picked that up loud and clear, Mom.”

  Jonas laughs. “Haha. You got scolded in front of your boyfriend.”

  “Please, Jonas, you get scolded all the time in front of your fiancée.”

  “Way to ruin my fun, Frank,” he pouts.

  I ignore them, turning to Sully. “Uh, Sully, I guess I’ll see you later? Maybe give me a call this afternoon?”

  He shakes his head. �
�No can do. My…uh, cell is busted.”

  Shit, shit, shit.

  “Oh!” I sit forward. “I’ll be at work later, so we—”

  “Come on, Thea.” My dad groans. “It’s a Sunday. Take a break from the shop.”

  “Oh hush. Like you haven’t spent a Sunday poring over paperwork before.”

  “I knew you living next to the shop was a bad idea,” he grumbles.

  I wave him off and turn my attention to Sully. “Want to meet me at Schwartz Auto at about four?”

  “I can do that,” he affirms. “Again, thanks for the invite. It was great meeting you,” he says to my parents.

  “Don’t be a stranger, dear,” my mother says.

  “I’ll try not to.” He laughs, probably because that’s exactly what he is—a stranger. He turns to me. “I, uh, guess I’ll see you later.”

  “Yep,” I say, even though he didn’t ask a question. I’m nervous. I have no idea how to end an interaction with my fake boyfriend in front of my family.

  He gives a halfhearted wave and starts to turn away before catching himself.

  “Hey, babe?”

  Just like the first time he called me that, the name slips easily from his lips, like it was always meant to be there.

  “Y-Yeah?” I say, speaking cautiously because I can’t imagine there’s anything left for us to say in this already awkward situation.

  He points to his chest. “You have something on your shirt.”

  Slice Six

  Sully

  I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything other than the clock since I walked away from Thea and her family this morning.

  What the hell happened and what did I get roped into?

  The moment I appeared back at the table, the guys peppered me with questions.

  I dodged every single one.

  I’m not ready to divulge what’s going on, because I truly have no fucking idea.

  All I know is I met Thea by some weird accident. She asked for help, I helped. I sought her out at Slice this morning because I felt bad for ruining the napkin with her phone number and I wanted to see her again. Our first encounter was…interesting, I’ll give her that. Who flags down a random person and demands he sit at her table, all so she doesn’t appear single to her ex? Then does it again in front of her whole family?

  I’d be lying if I said curiosity isn’t what has me standing outside Schwartz Auto waiting to figure out what I just got my ass caught up in with her.

  Click.

  The lock is flicked open, and I look up to see Thea watching me with her brows raised.

  “Well? Do you plan to just stand out here staring at the building for the next ten minutes, or are you going to get your ass inside so we can figure this shit out?”

  I chuckle. “You’re bossy.”

  “I know. Now come on.”

  She shoves the door open wider and I walk through, careful not to brush up against her.

  Though I wouldn’t be mad if it happened…

  I take a few steps into the dark shop, glancing around at the waiting area.

  It’s small with only four chairs and the front desk, but I suppose that’s because customers are more likely to drop their cars off for service than they are to stick around and wait for them.

  Thea clicks the lock back into place, and I turn.

  “Is that safe?”

  “Locking the door?” Her brows scrunch together. “Uh, yeah. The last thing I need is for some weirdo stranger to come barging in here trying to kidnap or kill me or something.”

  “I’m a stranger,” I point out.

  She shrugs. “Whatever. I took my chance with you when I told my whole family you’re my boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, about that…”

  “Come on, follow me. I have a couple of things I need to finish up. We can talk while I work.”

  She leads the way, pushing through a door that feeds into the main shop. Thea heads toward a door at the other end and I glance around, looking at the cars spread out, all in various states of maintenance. There in the corner is a car tucked tightly under a cover, and if I’m not mistaken, judging by those body lines, it’s a—

  “Son of a…” I almost topple over and take Thea down with me. I grab hold of her, trying to keep us both upright.

  “I thought you weren’t trying to sleep me with, Sully.”

  “What? I’m not! I tripped. I didn’t realize you’d stopped. I—”

  I follow her eyes, which are flitting between my face and my hand…which is holding her boob.

  “Shit!” I yank my hand away. “Oh, fuck. Shit. I didn’t mean to. I—”

  “Tripped. Yeah, and your hand conveniently landed right on my tit, huh?”

  “Sorry,” I mutter, squeezing the back of my neck. I can feel color stealing up my cheeks. It takes a lot to embarrass me, but this?

  Yeah, I want to stick my head in a hole full of venomous snakes.

  “Whatever.” She waves it off. “Not like it’s the first time I’ve been groped in this shop.”

  Her words put me on high alert. “What the fuck do you mean it’s not the first time?”

  “It’s not uncommon in my line of work. Guys think just because there’s a woman in their midst, she’s free game.”

  I want to strangle whoever dared lay a hand on her.

  “Christ, Thea. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. It’s not fair. My mother was a secretary in a male-dominated office too and—”

  She barks out a laugh. “Wow.” She shakes her head. “I knew it was coming, but it still stings.”

  “What’d I say? I—”

  For the first time since I entered the building, I look down at what she’s wearing.

  Coveralls.

  Grease-stained coveralls.

  I trail my eyes over her. Her hands are covered in grime, and there’s even a streak of something along her neck where she might have pushed her hair away from her face at one point. There’s a light layer of sweat dotting her forehead, and it sinks in that Thea is definitely not a secretary.

  She’s a mechanic.

  “I guess since I keep doing and saying really stupid shit, now is a good time to let you know I didn’t call because I spilled beer all over myself when your number was in my pocket.”

  A smile works its way over her lips, and she shakes her head like she can’t believe it either.

  I take a step closer, and she doesn’t back up.

  I take another.

  And another.

  Until we’re standing less than a foot apart.

  She leans back to look up at me, and I realize then just how short she is compared to my towering height.

  Standing this close to her, I can see her green eyes clearly for the first time. Rich and vibrant in color, I could easily get lost in them.

  She swallows thickly, drawing my gaze down to her lips, which are parted like she’s about to say something.

  “Can we start over, Thea?” I say, beating her to it.

  She takes a stuttered breath, and her tongue flits out to wet her lips as she studies me.

  I’m sure she hates me right about now.

  Not just because of the accidental groping, but because I’ve gone and done what probably every other jackass in the world has done by assuming that just because she’s a woman, she can’t be a mechanic.

  Add all that on top of me not calling her and feeding her some lame—albeit true—excuse about spilling beer?

  Yeah, the odds are not stacked in my favor.

  “We can.” I exhale, and she pokes a finger my way. “Only if you agree to continue to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

  I laugh and take a step back because standing so close to her is starting to fuck with me. All I can smell is the mixture of grease and sweat and apples. There’s something else in there I’m familiar with but can’t quite place my finger on. “How exactly is that an even trade?”

  “It’s not.”

  “Right.” I cross my arms.
“So I need a little more out of this than you forgetting all my embarrassing blunders.”

  “I already told you—”

  “No sex.” I lift my eyes skyward. “So I’ve heard. It’s damn funny you keep bringing up sex. I’m starting to think you want me to ask you for sex.” I close the space between us, leaning down until we’re eye level. “Trust me, I won’t be the one begging.”

  Her eyes widen, her nostrils flare…and neither are out of anger.

  She snorts out a halfhearted laugh. “Right. Like it’ll be me.”

  Except she’s the one who takes a step back this time, not me.

  “Anyway.” She clears her throat. “What do you want in exchange?”

  “First of all, I never agreed to help you.”

  “I mean, you already have…twice. Plus, you’ve met my family already, so you’re kind of in it now.”

  “I’m not, though. I can bow out at any point and leave you to pick up the pieces.”

  Her teeth gnash together as she starts to mull over her options for how to fix this…or convince me to help.

  Pretending to be her boyfriend to keep her ex away? Fine. Whatever.

  Doing it long-term and lying to people for weeks? I’m not so good with doing that.

  It’s a con.

  It reminds me too much of the schemes my father would pull, and I don’t want to be anything like him.

  She shifts, hands moving to her hips as she mutters to herself. She looks defeated, unable to come up with any solution that doesn’t disappoint her mom.

  I can feel it in my gut that she’s genuine, that what she wants out of this is purely well intentioned.

  And I know I’m caving.

  Just as she opens her mouth to beg for my help, I hold my hand up, cutting her off. “But, because I’m a nice guy, I won’t.”

  “For what price?” she counters.

  “What? I can’t just do it out of the kindness of my heart?”

  “No. People aren’t that nice. They suck.”

  I laugh because she’s right, and if she ever got the same kind of fucked-up feelings I get about people, she’d know her statement rings even more true than she knows.

  “Well, I am.”

  “I don’t feel comfortable with that. Think of something. Be a selfish asshole for once.”