So Close to Home

by Galen Surlak-Ramsey

  “Yeah, well, he shouldn’t be grabbing me like that,” I said. “He’s lucky I didn’t take his head off.”

  Okabe turned his attention back to me, and with a sweeping gesture of his paw back to his ship, he said, “We must return to my lab. Interviews. Tests. More interviews. That sort of thing.”

  “Look, I appreciate I’m some new thing for you to look at, and I can really appreciate your interest in my arm,” I said, glancing down at the implants I had. “But I’m not the type of girl who likes getting probed all day long.”

  “Probes? How barbaric,” Okabe said. “No. No. This will be a mutually beneficial relationship.”

  “Will it? What do I get out of it?”

  Okabe held up his arms, paws up. “What would you like?”

  “Food, for starters,” I said as my stomach rumbled. “New clothes. A nice place to sleep, and most of all, a tour of the planet. I want to see all things Kibnali and more. I’m not about to be kept in a cage all day.”

  “Done.”

  I turned to Tolby and smiled. “And you said I should be quiet.”

  “You should have,” he said. “And you still should. Others in the city might not share his enthusiasm for learning something new from someone so alien.”

  “Well, whatever,” I said. “That’s something Future Dakota will have to worry about. I’m tired of being hungry and dirty.”

  “Shall we go then?” Okabe said, gesturing to his ship once more.

  The sight of it made me perk, as one final thought came to mind. “One other thing,” I said. “I want a ship. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it has to be something that can take all of us from system to system.”

  “A ship?” he echoed as he scratched the top of his head with his mechanical arm. “Yes. Yes. More than fair compensation, provided you help unlock what needs unlocking. Should take a month at most. I’m certain Goshun will approve, again, provided you help.”

  Once again, I looked to Tolby for input. “What do you think?”

  “I think we need a ship,” he said. “I doubt we will find a serviceable one any faster.”

  “Okay, well, it’s like a month, month, right?” I said. “You guys don’t have some weird calendar that’s going to make me go into menopause first, do you?”

  Tolby laughed and shook his head. “No. It’ll be thirty-six days total, and each of those is about twenty-two hours,” he replied.

  “That’s not so bad,” I said before turning back to Okabe. “All right. Let’s do it.”

  “Excellent,” Okabe said. “We’ll have you stay at the casino.”

  I perked. “Casino? I didn’t peg you guys for the gambling type.”

  “We’re not,” he admitted. “But when we found this one, we made an exception. Once you see it, I’m sure you’ll understand why.”

  Chapter Four

  Casino

  “Send in the pickup,” Okabe said over the radio.

  Within seconds, a low hum filled the air, and the wind began to pick up, further increasing everybody’s anxieties. A gigantic, serpentine construct of metal and lights burst into the scene. It floated on a cushion of air and snaked around us completely.

  “Now there’s something you don’t see every day,” Jack said.

  “No kidding,” I remarked, entranced at the light display flashing along its side. “Talk about fancy.”

  The cyber serpent split open lengthwise from the top along the middle, and a grapefruit-sized metallic sphere with a single, sky-blue eye set in the center zipped out. Aside from a few minor variations in shell design, he looked like all of the other Progenitor guides we’d come across. To my utter shock, he spoke without having a slew of malfunctions, though he still had the same digitized voice as the others.

  “Eagerness and friendly greetings,” he said. “I’m here to escort you to our lovely hotel and casino resort.”

  “I hope you guys are in better shape than the museum,” I said with a chuckle.

  “Query. Which museum?”

  “The Museum of Natural Time,” I said. When he continued to stare at me blankly—which, looking back, was pretty much how he always stared since he was a floating ball of metal—I added, “The one in the Milky Way?”

  “Recognition! Of course,” he said. “Pride. Seeing how that one isn’t scheduled to open its doors for another two thousand years, I’d wager you’ll find our facilities much more agreeable.”

  I folded my arms and smiled as I shot my group a knowing grin. “See? Belly rubs, two. Doubters, zero. Now what do you have to say for yourselves?”

  Tolby, as much as I love him to death, had to be Tolby and ruined the mood. “I think we should be cautious there’s a Progenitor casino in full operation, especially given what’s happened at the last two facilities we’ve gone to.”

  “Soothing tones. I assure you, our resort is top-notch,” he replied.

  “We don’t have any other options, anyway,” I added. “Besides, it’s a casino, not a secret military installation with a super self-destruct device.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “Of course,” I said. “How bad would it be for business to nuke your patrons?”

  No one argued that point, and with that, I headed for the snake bus. “Come on, let’s go. I need food, a shower, and a three-day nap.”

  Everyone followed, with our Progenitor welcome bot (hereby named WB1) bringing up the rear. The bus’s floor was made of some sort of orange and red metal, as were the sides and ceiling. There were high-back benches along each side that made everything look like an antique 5th century PHS subway car. Those benches unexpectedly conformed to our bodies once we sat down on. There was even a perfect little cubby for Daphne to squeeze into with her little droid body. Once we were on our way, large portions along the sides became translucent, and we could see our surroundings speed by.

  We flew above the jungle canopy at a good clip, I’d wager near three hundred kilometers per hour. It wasn’t the most thrilling ride, so maybe one and a half Super Vortexes when it came to excitement, but it was pleasant enough. As we traveled, I heard the conversation between WB1 and ground control.

  “Inquiry. Slender Nine requesting permission to land at VIP parking, over,” WB1 called out. “Announcement. Coming in hot with four fuzzy samurai and a pair of naked apes. One needs medical.”

  “Repeat that last, Slender Nine. Did you say you have a medical request?”

  “Affirmative. A naked ape has a split scalp, could use some synth spray to patch her up.”

  “Copy. Medteam will meet you at the welcome mat. Go ahead and make your final approach and stick to the wheel, eight by eight. You’ve got lucky dice all the way in.”

  The conversation ended at that point, and it didn’t take long for us to reach the city. The buildings looked like works of art that flowed from one to the other, whether they were single-story dwellings or gigantic spires that grazed the stars.

  I was about to ask where the casino was when I spied it out the window. It screamed Progenitor. Well, it only screamed Progenitor because it looked a lot like the buildings we’d been running around in back on Adrestia. It stood in the very center of it all, looking like a giant snail shell turned on its side, with a single spiral tower making a run for the heavens.

  On one side sat a large parking lot for vehicles, and next to that stood a circular landing pad that we were headed for. Lush gardens grew all around the rest of the casino, and in between those were a few smaller buildings maybe twenty meters high.

  We touched down near the casino entrance, and as soon as we left the snake bus, another floating droid, with red and white stripes, raced toward us. He didn’t speak but rapidly spun around me while scanning my head with a bright blue light.

  “Stand by. Med procedures initiated,” he said.

  I tensed. “Okay.”

  A tiny nozzle came out of his belly and blasted my scalp with saltwater. It stung, but that sting was nothing compared to the goo it sprayed on t
he wound right after that. Holy snort, I’d rather have been stung by a herd of angry kiblerbees—even the ones with the three-foot stingers.

  Once my eyes were done watering, and my mouth was done cursing, the medibot zipped off and we were then approached by a tall, slender alien dressed in pink robes. He had shiny, leathery skin and a slick, bald head that fanned out in the back. He regarded us with massive black eyes and smiled at us with an unusually small mouth. Now that I think about it, he would’ve been perfect in ancient anime.

  “Honored guests,” he said, drawing out his words with a refined voice. “It is my distinct pleasure and privilege to welcome you to The Twelve Sentries Resort and Casino. I am Dreeves, and I shall have the privilege of tending to your every need, Empress willing.”

  I glanced over at Tolby, unsure what to make of the alien. “Who are these guys?”

  “Bantars,” he replied. “Servants of the Empire. A little quirky, and superstitious, but admirable servants nonetheless.”

  Jack elbowed me in the side. “Quirky and superstitious? They’re right up your alley.”

  “You know what? Next time there’s a belly rub needed, I’m giving it minus one,” I said, sticking out my tongue. “You can find your own luck.”

  Jack rolled his eyes. “I’ve done just fine without belly rubs, on elephants or disappearing aliens.”

  “Mm-hmm. If memory serves, that anti-rub nature landed you smack in the middle of a stasis tube in a museum that was about to blow.”

  When Jack rolled his eyes, again, Dreeves took charge. He waved a boxy robot over who had been patiently waiting a few paces behind him. Once it was at his side, Dreeves pushed a button in the middle, and it opened up like an armoire. From the robot’s storage, the alien grabbed some umbrellas and began handing them out to each of us. “Compliments of the house.”

  I turned the one he gave me over in my hand a few times. It was nicely made, sturdy, and though I didn’t open it, it looked to be quite big when in use. “Did I miss something in my crash course in Kibnali customs?” I asked Tolby. “I don’t remember you guys doing this.”

  “Because we don’t.”

  Jack chuckled. “You guys having trouble with your sprinkler system?”

  Dreeves waved one of his six hands at us from side to side. “No. It is customary on this planet to always offer guests umbrellas while they are staying with you. After all, they have many uses. You can use one to deflect the salty spray coming from a Poktak’s blowhole, flip it over to collect rainwater, practice your fencing skills, use it for shade while lying on sandy beaches, slow your descent in a pinch, or shield a witch from certain death should she be caught in a rainstorm. Thus, to be a gracious host is to ensure that every guest has an umbrella.”

  “I see,” I said, now having a much better appreciation for such a simple device. “Learn something new every day.”

  “How long do you plan on staying?” he asked. “I will be sure to get your rooms ready while you enjoy yourself on the game floors.”

  “Maybe a month, according to Okabe,” I said.

  “Very good, ma’am.”

  “Whoa, Nelly,” I said with both of my hands up. “Ma’am is my grandmother.”

  “Of course, miss.”

  I turned when I caught sight of all four of my furry companions giving me a strange look. “What?”

  “You don’t want to be honored like your grandmother?” Jainon said, tilting her head.

  “No, I do, but like…it’s an old thing,” I said. “I’m not ready to be that old.”

  “With age comes wisdom and experience, though,” she said, still looking confused.

  “I know,” I said, now feeling silly. “Look, that wasn’t a huge remark where I come from. People say it all the time.”

  “They don’t want to be old?”

  “Not usually.”

  “So they’d rather be young and dumb?” she asked.

  “Oh geez,” I said, laughing at myself. “Let’s talk about this later, yes? I’m starving, sore, and tired.”

  Dreeves led us into the casino at that point. It was decked out in such an extravagant fashion that it put the Chateau de Chambord to shame. Gold and platinum purfled everything from massive marble sculptures that towered over everyone and everything, to individual tiles that formed an intricate, mosaic floor. A mix of green and blue lights shone on the ceiling above, and soft music that reminded me of chimes playing to the background of a light rain drifted in the air.

  Straight ahead a wide rug with golden threads ran through the welcome center from where we walked in to the other side where it entered one of the game rooms. What was in those game rooms, I couldn’t tell at the moment, but the area was packed with patrons. And speaking of patrons, my gosh, I’d never seen so many different types of aliens in my life—and I’m not exactly a first-time space traveler.

  There were aliens running around about the size of an elephant with three heads and nine legs. There were aliens that slithered around like snakes for bodies and retro-robotic heads atop hairy shoulders. There was even a family—I presumed—of little jellyfish with wings no bigger than my pinky that zipped around the air, flashing lights at each other. I wish I had run into them again because I got the feeling that talking to them would’ve been pretty cool.

  Dreeves led us past a long line of eager guests wanting to check in and to a small desk where a diminutive alien sat. She had the face and body of a dinosaur, but the limbs and fat belly of a bear. She looked at us with wide eyes and flashed a broad, toothy smile.

  “Good morning, are you Okabe’s VIPs?” she asked.

  “We are,” I replied.

  “Wonderful! You’re going to love it here,” she said. From inside her desk, she pulled out a set of communicators and handed them to each of us. “Okabe said he’ll call you on these after you’re settled in. Do you have a room preference?”

  “No.” But as soon as the words passed my lips, I shook my head. “Actually, check that. I want my own room, and I want it as far away from those three as possible,” I said, throwing a glance to Tolby and the handmaidens. “No offense, bud.”

  Tolby snorted and shook his head. “Plenty taken.”

  I smiled and playfully bumped him with my hip. “If I have to listen to you three anymore, I’m going to icepick my ears. Either that, or I’m going to icepick your heart. So if you value our friendship, give me a little space.”

  “Fine. I don’t need you giving us that look anymore anyway.”

  Chapter Five

  Experiments

  To my utmost sadness, I never made it to my room. We’d barely gotten our room keys when Okabe showed up and snatched Jack and me away. Oh, and as long as my squirrel is kicking in, those room keys were awesome. They were small metal cards that had holographic maps on one side that showed your current location inside the casino. Furthermore, the displays were receptive to touch, so you could quickly get directions to everything from your room to your favorite gaming table to wherever you wanted to eat or catch a show. They even gave you suggestions on what to do if you hadn’t a clue where to get started and had a slew of games to play, too. I think there was an audiobook section as well.

  But as I said, I didn’t get a chance to use it whatsoever. Okabe wanted to get started on “science” being done, and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. That meant that while my furry bud and his mini harem of space kitties got to enjoy some R&R, I got a firsthand tour of Okabe’s research facility. And by tour, I mean I got to lie on a table as Okabe went to work.

  “How much longer is this going to take?” I asked after my stomach rumbled for the twentieth time.

  “We’ll be finished soon,” Okabe said, his face staring at his tablet.

  I sighed, having heard that answer a dozen times now. Now I know I’d volunteered for all of this, and we were getting a ship out of the deal, but holy snort, there’s only so long I can lie on a metal gurney before my patience wore out. I’d been there for so long, I probably ha
d bedsores on my backside.

  “If we could wrap this up before I need to shave my legs again, that’d be perfect,” I said, throwing in an extra bit of snark for snark’s sake. “I mean, the treatments I get at the spa only last six months at a time.”

  Okabe looked at me inquisitively. “You shave your legs on purpose?”

  “Yeah. And?”

  “Interesting you would defile yourself in such a fashion.”

  I didn’t feel like arguing. I just wanted to be done. That said, I twisted my head side to side to work out some of the kinks and check out the room for the umpteenth time. It was still circular in nature, not that I expected it to ever change, and it still had a dome ceiling with soft, blue lighting all around. Along the walls stood consoles and computers and tons of equipment, all of which I had no idea what any of it did, but a few of the items looked as if they might be inserted into test subjects due to their needlelike nature, and I really hoped he didn’t have plans for any of them for me. He did promise no probes, but he also promised this wasn’t going to take long.

  “What about Tolby and the others? Do you know where they are?” I finally asked.

  “Still being debriefed by Goshun,” he said. He then showed off his tablet and pointed to a small portion on the side where a chunk of text was. “I’m getting updates as they go. It seems your time in the museum and then on the research facility had a lot to offer in terms of excitement and adventure.”

  “Oh, man. Isn’t that the truth,” I said.

  “It’s a shame both were lost. The technology either could have provided would’ve been immeasurable, I’m sure.”

  One of Okabe’s lab assistants came over and handed him another tablet. “Here are the scan results,” he said. “Subject nine-seven-nine is…unique, to say the least.”

  Okabe studied the screen, and puzzlement splashed across his face. He then put his ear directly on my chest. “Incredible,” he said. “You only have one centralized heart?”

  “Afraid so,” I said. “That’s pretty standard where I come from.”