My entire body trembles violently. I struggle to breathe in shaky, broken breaths. I am dizzy. Paralyzed. Stunned and utterly defenseless to the thing before me.
“Austin…”
My eyes float away. Everything is becoming blurry. My lips tingle. I am losing feeling. I am losing control. My body is growing numb. It’s shutting down, threatening to lose consciousness. Fight, flight, freeze or run. I am freezing. I am frozen. I am gone.
“Emilia, look at me sweetness.” I can’t move. My mouth hangs open, Unfallen tears cloud my view. I can’t blink. Can’t speak. I feel his warm fingers gently lift my chin and turn me to face him. I can see him, under a cloudy haze of liquid. “Let me in my sweet. Let me in,” he gently says.
I want him. I know he can bring me peace. I know he can bring me safety, comfort, but something blocks me from reaching towards him, and taking it.
It’s her. She’s fighting. She’s weak, but she’s fighting. I can feel him inside me. He fights just as hard as she. It is a dance of swords. An internal fight amongst my soul and his. It is exhausting and I can no longer take it. I am losing. I am losing… my eyes close. I am lost…
“Sweet Emilia… you must accept me. Say the words. Accept me. Don’t let her win. Don’t let her separate us. Fight for me, Emilia. Fight for me,” he desperately pleads, while lightly shaking my head that he holds between his palms.
Fight for him? “No! Don’t give in!” she yells. “Let me in,” whispers a familiar voice. Why does it sound so familiar? I’ve heard it before. The little Devil on my shoulder. I’ve heard him before, yet I’ve never noticed… I’ve never noticed how familiar it was. “Let me in,” it whispers again. I know that voice. I know it. It’s calling to me. It wants me… “No Emilia! No!” she screams. “Yesss. Yes. Listen to my voice. Feel me. Feel me. Let me in,” the seductive voice purrs.
“Austin…” I need him. “Help me,” I internally cry. My head is spinning. It’s pounding. I am dizzy. “Make it stop. Make it stop spinning. Make the pain go away,” I weakly cry.
“I’m right here. I’ve got you, sweetness.” he coos. He pulls me against his warm body and holds my head against his chest. “I’ve got you Emilia. Just let me in. Let me in and it will all go away,” he promises.
The internal war continues, and I can feel myself losing. I just want it to end. Just end. End already. Please. “Surrender. Surrender. Let go. Accept me. Embrace me. Let go,” the familiar voice whispers. Maybe I should… “No!” she screams. “Yes,” he whispers. I am losing myself. I can feel it. I can feel him. I can take no more. I am falling. Falling into the pit of darkness. Falling into the abyss of nothing. I am falling… surrendering. Letting… go… “You’re mine, Emilia. You’re mine, my sweet, sweet soul.”
Darkness. Fire. Burning. I feel it. I feel him. He has won. The darkness has won. I am too far gone. I am gone… The monster inside me has won…
CHAPTER 19 - PAIN IS COMING
“So, party at Aiden’s tonight. You’re not bailing on me again. Plus, Cole will be there, so I’m going with or without you but you’re going so I don’t know why I’m even giving you an option,” Van says.
I sigh heavily. I am not in the mood. I didn’t get an ounce of sleep last night or at least I don’t think I did. I honestly don’t remember to be honest. I’m guessing I didn’t, seeing how exhausted I’ve felt all day today in school. I take a deep breath and try to seem interested in this conversation, even though my blank mind is a little pre-occupied staring off into the nothing. My lack of enthusiasm doesn’t fool the queen of bull shit though.
“Look, I know you’re tired. I can see the bags. Too bad my concealer is too dark for your paleness or I could cover them puppies up. Anywho! You’re going with me and Cole is meeting us there after the game tonight. Don’t say no. I’m not going to hear it. You need some fun. Especially since what’s his face, ditched you yesterday at Tony’s, saying he was going to show up and just bail on you. Who does he think he is? Bailing on you like that after saying he’d meet your parents? Ugh! The nerve. He better be glad he didn’t show up to school today. I’ll beat his ass if Cole doesn’t first.”
“Who?” I ask.
“Who what?”
“Who didn’t show up?” I repeat.
“Exactly! He doesn’t exist anymore,” she says. Who doesn’t exist anymore? What is she talking about? How tired am I, to not remember who I had invited? “Umm. You okay Em? You seem kind of out of it.”
“What? Yeah. I’m fine. I think. I’m just tired. I’m also having a little trouble remembering yesterday. Who else did we invite to Tony’s?”
“Uhh. You invited Austin. Remember? He didn’t show and never told you why and also never showed up to school today. The boy is M.I.A,” she says.
Austin… Austin. I know that name. There’s a heated feeling inside me that swirls in the pit of my stomach. It moves through every organ, every vein, every artery. Coursing its way into my heart, into my mind.
“Em? You there?” Van asks.
The heat. It’s radiating, pulsing, expanding, filling me entirely. It’s a presence. A dark, wicked presence and its… beautiful. It calls to me. Beckons me to embrace it and I do. I accept it with welcome arms and then it happens all at once. A warm, constricting hug. An eternal, comforting hug. I exhale in peace. I smile at the presence. I smile at his hello. I remember… he is in me. He is with me. He is not gone. He will never be gone, for we are joined, together as one.
“Soon, my sweet. Soon,” he whispers internally.
“Austin… my Austin.”
“My Emilia,” he whispers.
“Emilia?” Van seems concerned.
“I’m fine,” I say just to shut her up. She smiles.
“Cool. We’re going to have so much fun at the party tonight. Way more fun than last time,” she says.
“Last time?” I repeat, not really paying attention, when I glance up and spot the blue-eyed boy outside the classroom door window.
Those baby blue eyes have me pinned where I am. Van follows my gaze and sees him too. He walks away, disappearing. I turn my attention back to my best friend.
“And like that, I no longer exist,” she says.
“I’m sorry what?” I didn’t hear what she had just said. The bell rings. We stand, grab our things and head out, me following behind her.
“We were talking about the party tonight. I was saying how much fun it’s going to be, compared to last time. Aiden’s pool is up and running again, so bring your swimsuit. I honestly can’t wait for Cole to see me in my suit. Girl, I seriously can’t wait to see him in just his trunks. I mean, my God, you’ve seen those abs. The boy is ripped like a God. Uhh I can’t wait to get my hands on that boy tonight. I honestly think tonight may be the night and I am so—"
“He fucks everyone Van!” I interrupt her and snap. Van turns around. Her eyes widen. Her mouth drops. She swallows hard and glances around before speaking,
“Excuse me.” She’s hurt. I sigh. I try to calm my nerves and compose myself before I speak.
“I’m sorry Van but it’s true and you know it. He’s not a good guy. He’s a player. You know this. We’ve been friends with him for how long? We know him. We know what he’s like. Don’t fall for his cheesy flirtations. Don’t be another fool he’ll use and go brag about to all his stupid micro penis sized friends.” The disappointed look on her face proves that I had offended her. She glances away and nods. Her arms cross and she turns to me.
“You know, not all of us fools can score a ten like your precious, perfect Austin, but you know what? I don’t care. You want to rain on my parade and talk down on the guy I care for, when it was just you the other day who got angry at me for talking down on your man. I don’t think so. You have no right. No fucking right! Cole is and will always be better than that pretty boy any day! Go fuck yourself Emilia. Better yet, let your blue eyes fuck you and after you get laid, come back to me and we’ll talk. Maybe after then, he’ll fuck the ice-cold bitch out
of you,” she spits.
I am stunned. I stand there frozen in embarrassment. I want to cry, but I keep it together. My jaw clenches and I swallow back my tears. My eyes wonder to those watching. Everyone around us had gone quiet. Everyone is staring in complete shock and silence. I glance back at a fuming Van.
“Van...” I start to say, but struggle to finish. I blink and then a flood of tears fall.
“No. Don’t give me the water works. Why don’t you go find Mr. perfect and cry on his shoulder? Oh! And you might want to find him before some fool infects him with something viral, because you know, that’s all guys know, is fucking whatever comes their way. By the way, maybe you can ask him to accompany you to the party, because I know I’ll be occupied being a fool and all.”
“Van...” I cry. Too late. She sighs, turns and storms off.
“WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?” I shout in hysteria. Everyone suddenly goes about their business and hustles away, leaving me standing there in total shame.
“Sweetness?” I feel a warm, tingling hand on my shoulder. I quickly turn and pull him against me, holding him close, soaking his shirt with my tears. He holds me tight and gently strokes the back of my head.
“I don’t want to say I told you so but—” he starts.
“I know. Pain is coming. She hurt me. You were right. I should have listened,” I tell him.
“No. It’s only just begun,” he corrects. I pull back to gaze up at him. His thumbs reach my cheeks and wipes away my tears.
“Only just begun. What do you mean?” I ask.
“More pain is coming. For you, my sweet and for those who hurt you,” he adds.
“What do you mean, for those that hurt me?”
“Don’t question the unknown but embrace the now. I am your now. I am your future. I have you in my arms and you are safe. You will always be safe, my sweet,” he tells me.
I should have been worried. I should have continued to question his statement, but I let it go. I let it go. Instead, I let his warm embrace erase my sadness, erase my stress and erase my worries until all that was left inside, was him and the peace he gave me.
“I don’t want to be here,” I tell him.
“Where do you want to go?” he asks.
“Take me home Austin. Please just take me home,” I beg him.
“As you wish.” He holds me tight. I close my eyes and inhale.
I can feel the soft mattress mold into the curves of my side as I lay, nestled in the arms of my mate. He holds me against him, caressing my back, under my shirt.
“Emilia?” he gently speaks.
“Hmm?” I hum.
“We’re here, my sweet,” he softly reminds me.
“I know,” is all I say. He continues gently caressing the skin of my back, trailing stimulating tingles with those warm fingers. My eyes are closed as I focus on the comfort, his touch brings me.
“You’re still hurt. I feel it,” he tells me. I stretch my arms around his broad body and squeeze him tighter, resting the side of my face hard against his chest.
“You can take away the pain, but you can’t take away the memories,” I tell him.
“I can’t?” he questions. I pull back to see him and give him a questioning look.
“You can erase people’s memories?” I ask. He stops caressing my back and just holds me.
“How do you think I’ve gotten away with vanishing amongst the ones at school?” There’s a slick smile at the corner of those pouty lips. He’s such a cocky shit. It drives me fucking crazy.
“I didn’t even think about that,” I say, as I glance down for a second before glancing back into those baby blue eyes. “So, you erased other people’s memories of seeing you and I disappear?” I mean, he had to, right?
“I did. It’s how I cover my tracks,” he states, and I began to wonder… if he could erase other people’s memories, then had he erased any of mine?
“Have you erased anyone else’s memories?” I dare to ask, hinting at me. The hand on my back, moves to tuck some of my fallen hair, behind my ear. His fingers trail down my neck and then comb through my hair, massaging my scalp. My eyes close at the relaxing feeling.
“I have, yes,” he says. I sigh and open my eyes.
“Have you erased mine? Remember. You can’t lie to me,” I remind him. I got him. He smiles behind closed lips. It’s a quick, guilty smile. One that shows he’s been caught, but nevertheless, is not afraid to admit his truth.
“You were not ready for the truth that had been exposed. To protect your sanity, I hid the truth, but I did not erase it,” he admits. I sit up quickly in bed. My eyes are bulged, burning holes into his.
“Give it back. Those memories were not yours to mess with. Give them back!” I shout.
“No,” he firmly replies.
“Yes! Austin, I am not playing,” I tell him. He smirks. Asshole. He thinks this is a game.
“Neither am I. You are not ready to know the truth. Trust me. It nearly broke you. I’ll return them when I know you are ready to receive them,” he says. Wait, wait. Broke me? What?
“Austin… you better give me my memories back or—” I begin to threaten.
“Or what? Hmm? What will you do, my sweet Emilia?” he playfully taunts.
“I’ll—” I didn’t know what to say and him staring at me with that slick smirk and cute face, is not helping.
“I’m waiting,” he teases, and then it hits me. I smirk, because I know just the kind of leverage to hold over him.
“I won’t let you touch me,” I threaten, with a confident smile. I don’t have much to bargain with, but I did have one thing. Me. He slowly grins. Those eyes glance down and then back up. His knuckles trace gently up my cheek and back down, stopping to hold the side of my face.
“I’d believe you, but I know you Emilia. I know what you want,” he seductively says, as his fingers trace down my neck, over my collarbone, down between my breast. “I know what you need,” he whispers, lightly trailing that finger over my core, outside my pants. “And I know what you crave.” He unbuttons the button to my jeans and then slowly unzips them. My breath hitches and my heart pounds.
“And what is it you think I need?” I teasingly ask. He glances up at me and smirks.
“Me,” he says so adamantly.
“Oh yeah?” I’m nervous yet excited all the more.
Within a flash, he has me flipped on my back. He’s kneeling between my thighs, hovering over me. His hands lock around my wrists beside me. He takes them and brings them above my head. He leans in close trailing the tip of his nose up my body, lifting my shirt along with him, leaving tingling trails against my skin. He runs his nose up, between the valley of my breast, over my shirt and then makes his way higher. I tilt my neck, giving him more access. He raises up, gazing deeply into my eyes.
“I can give you everything. Everything you’ve ever wanted,” he promises. God yes, please, I beg internally. He leans back in, licking up my neck. “Everything you’ve ever desired,” he adds. He pulls on my earlobe with his teeth and I moan and tremble at his touch. “Everything you’ve ever craved, for I know you. I am inside you. I feel you and I know, what turns you on,” he whispers into my ear.
“Austin…” I moan, under closed eyes. His jaw is spread wide, over my neck. He drags his teeth gently over my skin as he closes his mouth, tugging at my skin. I feel a deep kiss from those sweet lips of his and I want them. I’ve never wanted them so badly, as I want them now.
“Yes? Sweet Emilia,” he answers.
“Why haven’t you kissed me?” I ask.
“I have kissed you,” he replies, leaving another kiss on my neck.
“No. Not just there. I mean, why haven’t you kissed me on my lips?” I ask again.
He raises, hovering just an inch above me. The tip of his nose just barely touching my own. His warm breath blows sweet air against my lips and I crave them. I want them. I need them. All I have to do is reach up and they’re mine. His lips are mine.
“It’s all I want. I thought you could sense what I wanted,” I tell him.
“It’s what I want as well, but I can’t. Not yet,” he says.
“Why?” I question.
“Because you are not ready for what follows,” he admits.
“What do you mean?” I ask, worried what he might admit.
“A kiss from me, is no simple kiss, but a final end, to death’s meeting lips,” he rhymes. My eyes grow big.
“What? What does that even mean?” I ask, worried.
“Don’t worry, my sweet.” He lightly caresses my cheek and moves his hand over my forehead. “Forget,” he whispers.
I blink a few times.
“What were we just talking about?” I ask.
“We were discussing what you desire and what I intend to give you,” he tells me.
“What do you intend to give me?” I nervously ask. He grins and releases my wrists.
He sits up, gripping my shirt and pulls me up by it. He lets go and grips the hem of the fabric with both hands and pulls up. I raise my arms as he tugs it off. Our eyes never break, from one another. I am breathing heavily. Heart pounding. Austin’s hands reach for my shoulders and slides the straps of my bra downwards. He glances down at my breast, that are still hidden beneath my bra and then glances back up at me in confusion.
“I want this off,” he says, while pulling the little material of my bra, that sits between my breast. He lets it go and it snaps back against my skin. I giggle behind closed lips at the realization that Austin doesn’t know how to remove a girl’s bra.
“What is so funny?” he asks, not amused in the least. I shake my head, still smiling.
“Nothing,” I say, as I go to unhook the back of my bra. Once unhooked, my bra falls forward. Austin’s eyes divert to my breast and he stares, hard. He reaches for my bra, pulling it off my arms and tosses it behind him, as if it is the most meaningless thing to him.
His eyes never leave my swollen breast, that rise and fall from my deep breaths.
THE MONSTER INSIDE ME: The Immortal Chronicles: Book One Page 16
