Loving Crow (Unsaintly Kings MC Book 1)

by A. Lynn

  “Why are you calling her ‘baby’, Crow?”

  “Shut up, Cleo! Get gone.”

  “No, Cleo. You stay, I’m going to go,” I say with a small smile as my heart breaks, hemorrhaging in my chest. “Crow, let me go.” She just stands there, her gaze volleying back and forth between the two of us. If I wasn’t so fucked right now, I might laugh at her.

  “Not until we talk.”

  I shake my head, trying to wrench my hand free. “I don’t have time for this. Let go.”

  “Have you been crying?”

  “Let. Go.”

  “Talk to me, baby. I swear, it’s not what you thi—”

  “Let me the fuck go, Crow!” I scream. He recoils like I hit him. He did drop my wrist, though. I manage to make it to my car and out of the lot without a single tear escaping or another glance in his direction.

  When it feels like I am far enough from the salon, I pull into a parking garage and put my car in park. The tears are coming down so quickly that I don’t even attempt to dry my face. I can’t believe he just did that to me. To us. I’m pissed that I am this torn up over him kissing her, it’s not like we’ve had this epic love that would warrant the feelings that are wrecking me. Stupid or not, too soon or not, I do love him. Not that I will tell him, though.

  I mentally smack myself, then allot myself five more minutes of tears for that lying asshole before going to go about my business like I never met him. I've got enough shit going on right now and I'm not looking to add more.

  My phone has been going off as long as I have been in the car, but I only check it now.

  Three missed calls from Crow, one from Stella and Lynna.

  Crow: Baby... please.

  Crow: Please talk to me.

  Crow: Please answer your phone.

  Crow: It’s not what you think.

  Crow: Damn it, Baby.

  Crow: It’s not what you think.

  Then there are the ones from Stella.

  Stella: Are you okay?

  Stella: Call me later, hun. Don’t make me worry, okay?

  Me: I’ll be fine.

  Stella: You aren’t going to quit are you?

  Me: No. I love my job.

  Stella: Okay. I’ll see you on Monday. Unless you want to come over without Crow.

  Me: I’ll just see you on Monday.

  Stella: Okay.

  I get off the elevator and take a left towards Ryan’s room just as the nurse comes walking out. “How is she doing today?”

  “She seems aggravated. But who knows, she refuses to speak to me.” she shrugs and walks down the hall to the next room.

  I push the door open and when she sees me her eyes widen. “What? Not happy to see me, Ryan?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You tell me.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m just tired,” she says. “I thought you’d still be at work.”

  I ignore her comment and ask, “Did you have a busy day?”

  “Not really.”

  “Huh, I wonder why you are so tired then?” I feign indifference. “I guess pushing little boys off of beds must require a lot of exertion?”

  She blanches. “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t push him off the bed,” she defends herself.

  “You didn’t,” I parrot. “Why don’t you tell me what happened when Sasha and Jordan were here then. I already have Sasha’s account of what went down.” I cross my arms in a bid to not grab a hold of her.

  “It was an accident.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have a problem telling me about it,” I muse.

  She looks away as she says, “He was trying to climb up and I put my hand out to help him... he just fell, Rea. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  I'm trying to contain my anger, but it's hard. I take a couple of steps closer to her and she shrinks back into her bed. "Cut the bullshit, Ryan. Do you think I believe anything you say? Have you forgotten that I have known you for fifteen years? You really think you can lie to my face and I won’t recognize it?”

  “Why would I lie?”

  “Why would you put your hands on Jordan like you think I’m just going to let that shit go?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “You did. The more you lie, the madder I’m going to get,” I snap out.

  “Rea—”

  “Shut the fuck up talking to me!” I pause, trying to calm myself. "I just wanted to share some of the decisions that I made today. Concerning you.”

  “What about me?”

  “One: when you leave here—tomorrow or the next day—I don’t give a damn where you go, but you are not welcome at my house. Two: you are not allowed to see Jordan if I’m not present.”

  Interrupting my tirade, she says, “He’s my son, too, Reagan.”

  “Not right now he isn’t. Think of me as his sole guardian.”

  “You can’t do that,” she says making me laugh. “What are you laughing about?”

  “You acting like you give a shit about him.”

  “I do,” she defends.

  “No, you don’t and I honestly don’t know if you ever have. If you did, you would have never pushed him off your fucking bed.” I fist my hands at my side so I don’t do something stupid, like choke the shit out of her.

  “Three: I will fly with you to Albuquerque to check you in, and I will pay for your rehab but after that, you and I are done.”

  To this, she gasps and says, “What? Reagan, you’re my biffle.” A tear sliding down her cheek.

  "No, I'm not. I was until you felt the need to put your hands on Jordan," I fume. "Quit with the fucking tears already, you did this shit. Now, where was I? Oh, right, four: If your ass is not at my house Thursday morning for our flight at noon, I will press charges on you for assaulting my son. I can assure you that Sasha will back me up.”

  She just nods.

  With that, I turn to leave, but I stop at the door, keeping my back to her. “I know your junkie ass isn’t thinking correctly so I will show restraint. But when you get out of rehab all bets are off. Get your shit together and maybe we can co-parent. But I promise you,” I look over my shoulder and hold her eyes, “if you put your hands on my son again, I will end you.”

  I walk out of her room and I don’t stop until I get to the parking lot. If my luck couldn’t get any worse, Crow is leaning against my car. I stop about five feet from him, crossing my arms over my chest, and wait. For what? I have no idea, but I just stand there and look at him.

  “Baby,” he starts.

  “I'm not your 'baby'. I thought I was, but clearly, I was wrong." I shrug, feigning indifference.

  “Yes, you are. You always will be,” he says with conviction.

  “We’ll have to agree to disagree,” I laugh without humor. “What are you doing here, Crow?”

  “I came for you. I’ll always come for you.”

  “Sure you will.” I roll my eyes and demand, “Will you just say whatever you came to say so I can go home?”

  “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

  I snort. “Is that the best you got? Real original.”

  Ignoring me, he continues, “I’m not going to lie and say that there hasn’t been a physical history with her, but baby, it was just sex. Nothing more. She is a club slut. That’s what they are there for.”

  “A what?”

  “A club slut, women who live at the clubhouse and fucks the brothers. All of the brothers. She is one of many women that cater to them. Cleo’s always had it in her head that I am going to make her my old lady. Which will never happen.”

  “You realize how fucked up that sounds, right? How in the hell do you and all your friends fuck the same girls? That’s gross.”

  He shrugs, “Maybe so, but that’s how it’s always been.”

  “To each their own, I guess." I shiver as a realization hits me, "Oh, my fucking God!"

  �
�What?”

  “You better be clean. I had your dick in my mouth last night!” I fume, “You should have warned me. When was the last time you were together?”

  He has a guilty look on his face and says, “I’ve always used condoms but the girls are tested frequently and given the birth control shot.”

  “Even with blow jobs?” He shakes his head, so I repeat, “When?”

  “She gave me a blow job a few days ago,” he says. “But I get tested monthly.”

  “Great, this is just fan-fucking-tastic.” It feels like he is reaching inside of me and twisting my guts. Why does it have to be so complicated?

  “I’ll get Sky or Doc to test me tomorrow,” he promises.

  “Her, too," I demand and he nods. "Is there anyone else I should worry about?"

  “No, baby, I hadn’t touched anyone since the night we met,” he declares. “And haven’t fucked anyone in even longer.”

  “Except Cleo, though, right. And am I supposed to applaud you for not fucking a known whore?”

  “Of course not!” He stops. “But that’s the point, I wouldn’t cheat on you, baby.”

  “Then what was that with Cleo?”

  “She kissed me. I saw her coming from Perks and before I knew it she was in my arms and kissing me. Do you really think that I would do that to you? Especially when I knew you were there.”

  “I don’t know, Crow. It’s not like we know each other that well.” I frown. “And let’s not forget that you didn’t push her off of you,” I spit. “Instead, you kiss her back while holding her ass in your hands.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. It happened in a span of five seconds and then there you were.”

  “Sorry for the interruption,” I snap. I know I’m being a bitch, but I want him to hurt, too.

  “If I could change it, I would,” he says. “She doesn’t now—and never has—meant anything to me.”

  “Is that supposed to make me better? Or make me forget what she looks like wrapped around you?”

  “Baby…” he looks anguished.

  “How would you feel if you caught me wrapped around someone else?”

  He shakes his head, “I would probably kill him, but baby, she was just…”

  I hold up my hand and say, “You should probably not finish that sentence.”

  “Can I hold you, baby? Please? I need to feel you right now.”

  “Crow…” I shake my head.

  “Please,” he whispers.

  I don’t say anything, just look at him. Why does it hurt that he is hurting? I sigh and drop my head so he can’t see how he affects me… or the anger seeping away.

  “Please give me another chance.” He stretches forward and hooks my belt loop with his finger. “Please don’t give up on me, on us.”

  “Why should I? So I can look like a fucking fool when something like this happens again?”

  “It won’t happen again. I won’t let it, I promise. You mean too fucking much to me, baby.”

  “You better not, there will not be another chance. This is it. You fuck me again and I’m done. I’m serious, Crow. I love you, but I love me, too.”

  I feel his arms go around me just as he asks, “You love me?”

  I go wide-eyed at the realization of what the fuck I just said. “What?! No! I didn’t say that shit. I think you need to get your ears checked,” I hedge, mentally cringing. Smooth, Reagan, real fucking smooth.

  “Yeah, you did.” A huge smile breaks out across his face. He uses my ‘I love you’ as an ice breaker and tries to put his lips on mine. I move my head back and scowl at him. “Baby?”

  I push against his chest, but he holds firm. So putting whatever space I can between us, I say, “You’re really trying to kiss me with that bitch’s taste still on your tongue?”

  “Don’t you think you’re taking it a bit too far?”

  I freeze. “What did you just say?”

  “I just mean, I don't think it works that way. That was a while ago, so does it really matter?”

  “You know what? You’re right, it doesn’t matter,” I say.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know, seeing as I won’t be kissing your ass again.”

  He tenses and says, “Stop it, Reagan. You’re pushing this too far.”

  “Am I?”

  “Yeah, you are. I’m too old for this childish shit,” he says as his arms drop.

  Taking a few much needed steps away from him I say, “I’m being childish? Really? Is this the way you want to play this?”

  “It’s the only play you’re giving me.”

  “Here’s a play for you, baby,” I mock. “Get fucked. I don’t have time for this shit. It’s why I stayed away from men before I met you and why I’m walking away now. So,” I pause, “if you don’t mind, I would love for you to get the fuck off my car and out of my way.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Positive,” I say as my heart breaks.

  “If I walk away, Reagan, I won’t be back,” he threatens.

  “Well, what are you waiting for?”

  “What the fuck ever. It’s not worth it.”

  “My sentiments, exactly,” I lie.

  He turns to walk away, but stops and says, “See you around.”

  “I hope not,” I reply as a tear slides down my cheek.

  He shakes his head and walks away, taking my heart with him.

  I get in my car and start it. My phone syncs to the radio and Noah Gundersen’s “Day is Gone” blasts through the speakers only to cut me even more. My head drops to the steering wheel as the tears begin. They are coming down my cheeks in troves, so fast and thick that I eventually stop wiping them away. I’m not sure how long I sat there before my tears ran dry and my throat felt like it was bleeding, but when I pick my head up, the sun is gone and so is he.

  Less than fifteen minutes I pull into my driveway and decide to just walk down to Sasha’s. As I make the five-minute walk, I get a strange feeling that I am being watched. I look up and down both sides of the street, but see nothing. I write it off as just being overly sensitive following my fight with Crow because my nerves are completely shot.

  Sasha walks out the door as I step on the porch and engulfs me in a hug I didn’t know I needed. I feel another torrent of tears begin to fall down my cheeks again. She pulls back and I see there are tears in her eyes also as she says, “I’m so sorry, Reagan.”

  “It’s not your fault Ryan is fucked up right now,” I say.

  “I know it’s not, but it doesn’t make me feel any less sorry,” she states. “I raised her better than that, or at least I thought I did.”

  “I think that it's the influence of this Cooper Jameson guy," I say. "I don't know who she is right now, I just hope that rehab can help her figure it out.”

  “I do, too.”

  “I flipped out on her at the hospital. I made some decisions that I needed to inform her on. There was an ultimatum in there, too.”

  “You did? How did it go?”

  “I told her that she wasn’t allowed to see Jordan unless I was present,” I stop when I see Sasha’s shoulders sag.

  “I understand.”

  I cover her hand with mine and say, “It’s only because I don’t want you in a position that may be physical. I know you would choose J in an instant, but she is your daughter and I don’t want that on your conscience. I love her, but I would feel no regret in putting her in her place. By any means necessary.”

  She nods. “Before today, I would have thought that was extreme. Not so much now.”

  “I know this is a difficult situation, Sasha, but I have to protect Jordan. Even if it is from his own mother.”

  She squeezed my hand. “I get it, Rea, you don’t need to explain yourself. He is what’s important.”

  “She’s not welcome in my house, either. It’s not that much of a demand since she is never there anyway,” I pause. “I can'
t control who comes into your home, but I will ask that you would do the same when J is here.”

  “Absolutely. Our houses are his safe place, I won’t violate that.”

  I sign in relief. “Thank you.”

  “No thanks needed, Rea.”

  “I’m still planning to pay for her treatment and make sure she gets there, but after that, I’m not willing to raise Jordan together. Once we know she is clean we can try the co-parenting thing with supervised visits, but apart from that, our friendship is over.”

  “That’s completely reasonable. We’ll get this figured out, and I’ll help in any way I can.”

  “That’s what I’m counting on,” I say and she frowns. “The ultimatum? I told her that if she was not at the house Thursday morning, so we can fly out at noon, that I’m going to press charges against her. I kind of told her that you would help me. Because you are the one who saw it."

  “I absolutely will.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Did she say anything?”

  “Just that it was an accident, but if I'm being completely honest, I don't believe her."

  “How do you know?”

  “We learned to lie together. I know all her tells.”

  “I can see that,” she chuckles. “You two were always into something.”

  “Can you do me a favor, Sasha?”

  “Sure, Rea, whatever you need.”

  “Would you take J on vacation this week? I’ll pay for everything,” I rush out.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “I don’t want him to be here when she has to leave. I doubt she will try to see him anyway, but I just don’t want him to be brushed aside again,” I say. “He has been so slighted by her for the last couple of months, I think he may just need to get away for a few days.”

  “Where would you like me to take him?”

  “I was thinking Legoland in Carlsbad, California?”

  “Oh, he’ll love that,” she says.

  “So, yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  I smile. “Thanks, Sasha, you have no idea how much this means to me. Do you want to drive or fly?”

  “Flying might be the best way to go. It’s what, three hundred to four hundred miles?”

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  “We can fly, then. It will be an adventure for him.”