by Maya Riley
I was just contemplating what to do next, or rather, which boulder problem to work on next, when the sound of tires on gravel interrupted my thoughts. It was early afternoon on a Tuesday, no one else should be here.
Sitting up, I crossed my legs and looked out at the white jeep coming down the gravel path, and I smiled. It was Pete’s car. He’d only been out here a handful of times. He was never much of a climber, but he still tried when he could and the guy loved to learn. He spent a lot of time chatting everyone up, coworkers and customers alike, trying to learn all he could about their hobbies and professions. He was like a sponge that could never soak up enough.
I didn’t know what more he could possibly learn from me; I never did anything new. That never stopped him from showing up though.
I watched as the jeep came to a stop beside my car and he got out, bearing food. He had a paper bag from a fast food joint and a drink carrier with two drinks.
“I brought lunch,” he called out to me from the ground. His eyes were the color of the earth after a torrential downpour, with glistening leaves poking through. He gazed around until he found me perched on top of the boulder.
“Bring it on up here,” I challenged. I’d love to see him get up on top of this boulder. It would be difficult with the food and drinks, but still, I wanted to see it.
I had a mischievous side that liked to watch people squirm. There were climbers at the gym who would climb with one arm, one foot, or even no arms once—that was impressive to see. Challenges always excited me.
I laid down flat on my stomach and reached my arms out as far as I could, and he stood on tiptoes, stretching his arms toward me. He was a tall guy, so his height helped, but not enough to lift the food and drinks up to me.
Setting the drinks on the ground, he folded down the top of the food bag, tied a rubber band around it, and tossed the bag up. I caught it with ease and set it off to the side, then looked back down to see what he would do next.
He picked up a drink in one hand and pressed his sneakered foot against the rock for leverage. Pressing up, he managed to gain just enough height for me to reach the drink and pull it to safety, before repeating the move with the second drink.
“Now that I’ve got the food and drinks,” I said with a smile, “how about you get yourself up here to enjoy them with me, yeah?”
“I will, just give me a moment to figure this out.” He stepped back and placed his hands on his hips. He glared at the wall like it was an unexpected bump during tax season.
I pointed out the route that would give him the most ease, and he managed to make it up, grunting the whole way as though it was much harder than it really was.
He liked to pretend he was terrible at climbing, but he had far fewer difficulties than most other beginners. He’d even been showing up to the climbing gym a little bit more often the last few months.
His hand popped over the edge and I went to grab his arm to help him up. My hands wrapped around his bicep and I could feel the flexing muscle beneath. Catching my breath and remaining calm like the pro I am, I helped guide him up and over.
Once we were sitting side by side, he reached over for the bag and pulled out a couple of burgers. “I know you haven’t had a proper meal today—well, nothing but coffee—so I thought you could use this.” He handed me a burger. “Some fuel for your climbs.”
I took the burger with a small and awkward side smile.
“And yes, I know what’s coming up. Now,” he bit into his burger and continued to talk around a mouthful of food, “how are we going to celebrate? Have you thought about what you want to do?”
“I know what I want to do,” I answered. “I want to climb the Carbolitas.” I added a shrug, as though it were the most every day thing to say.
He gave me an odd but thoughtful look, and swallowed the food in his mouth. “Okay,” he responded, and took another bite out of his burger. I had a feeling he may be trying to hint at something since he brought this up again today, but I was going to stick to avoidance if it meant keeping him out of harm’s way.
I bumped his shoulder and he bumped mine back. We sat in silence for a while, just eating and enjoying each other’s company.
“What are your plans for tomorrow? You’re off work, right?” he inquired.
“Yeah, I think I’m going to relax at home some and then hit up the gym with the guys,” I answered in between mouthfuls of food. “They set some new routes I want to try.”
“Did you bring your rope with you? I could belay you on some routes if there’s any here you want to work on today,” he offered.
I smiled at him. He was always willing to help. “I’m good, I think today is just a bouldering day. I’ll take it easy, while still working on technique.”
He nodded, and we finished off our burgers, both halfway lost in thought.
“Take!” I called to Ryan below, who was belaying me. Feeling the rope go taut, I let go of the holds, leaned back, and enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness as I was lowered to the ground.
Taking advantage of my airborne moments, I looked at my friends below me in the near-empty gym. Ryan, Carson, and J.D. tasked themselves with staying here as late as I wanted, so I could get in as much climbing as possible. We’d been pushing ourselves hard for the last several hours, and somewhere along the way they’d all ended up shirtless. The benefit of climbing with guys—ogling their sculpted torsos. Downside to climbing with guys—if they caught you ogling their sculpted torsos.
Once my feet landed on the rocks covering the floor near the climbing walls, Ryan loosened the rope and unhooked it from his carabiner. I undid the double figure eight knot and let it go. Ryan pulled the rope from his end, and it quickly went up and through the chains, before falling into a heap on the floor, the booming sound echoing in the deserted gym.
It was fifteen minutes until closing and we were the last ones here. Normally, my main girl friend, Jenna, would be here with me until closing time, but she had to take care of things with taking time off from her job and getting packed up for the trip. Jenna had such positive energy that she always put a smile on my face and I could use some of that right now.
“So, the big day is coming up,” Carson spoke up from my side, his hazel eyes sparkling in the chalk-filled air. “Have you told anyone yet? Aside from us, I mean?”
“No, no one except Pete. At least, not that it’s happening right now. And no one can know, they’ll just try to stop me,” I said. It’d happened too many times. Whenever I brought up climbing mountains, peaks, gorges, etc., I’d get an unwelcome lecture on why it was always best to tether my mind and stay inside the box. Even my mother, who always colored her life outside the lines, now worshipped the barriers she made to bind her.
He nodded. “I know your relationship with your parents is... complicated, to say the least.”
“That’s for sure,” I huffed. That was greatly understated, but I didn’t like to talk about it too much. There was never a point in relentless complaining over things you could never do anything about.
“You guys all packed up and ready to go?” I asked, wanting to make sure everything was in order.
“Yup,” Carson replied. “Aside from our gym gear here, we have everything loaded up into our cars. We’ll be there getting everything situated with the rangers, and awaiting your presence.” He gave me my favorite toothy grin, his eyes lighting up in the process.
Right then, my chalk bag buzzed. Sliding the strap around my waist, I reached for the pouch, unzipped it, and pulled out my phone. I looked at the screen and groaned.
Once a year, a few days or weeks before my birthday, Steve would call. Ever since he bailed on my mom and I years ago, I could no longer refer to him as a father, and chose to use his actual name instead. Forgiveness was a tough thing to give at times and I wasn’t excelling at it.
Now, the only communication he would have with me was one phone call a year. It was his fatherly duty, and this way he could also avoid acknowledging Cli
f’s birthday too. This way he could pretend he had one kid, play father of the year for a few minutes, and then disappear into his new wife’s fuck cave.
“Yeah,” I answered with a tinge of annoyance. It was sad how far apart we’d all gotten, and my hope for our reconciliation had run out.
“Hey, kiddo,” he slurred on the other end. He always slurred during his phone calls with me. “I just wanted to say happy birthday to you.”
“Thanks,” I managed to get out through gritted teeth.
“How are you doing? Any plans?” he garbled.
I rolled my eyes. Normally I’d play along, but my patience was running pretty thin right now. Couple that with the excitement and anxiety of where I was about to go in a few days, I knew I probably shouldn’t trust my mouth to run on its own.
“You know what this weekend is, Steve.” The other end of the line was silent. I’d given up on him so many years ago. I thought of him only as a guy who abandoned his family when they needed him the most, and I refused to call him by anything other than his name.
Before I could control the word vomit, I continued, “It’s my birthday. Not today, but you know it’s coming up soon. And not only my birthday, but Clif’s birthday as well.” Only silence greeted me. “I know you can hear me; you haven’t hung up yet. You may have forgotten about your only son and abandoned the rest of your family as though they were dirt on the bottom of your shoe, but I’m done pretending with you. You know full well whose birthday it is. But don’t worry. I don’t expect you to actually remember him or anything.”
“Cameron—”
“You know better than to call me that.”
“I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered. “I know, it’s not fair to you.” Sobs carried down the line and into my ear, startling me. Both my parents sobbing on the phone within twenty-four hours of each other was something new. “I know what you... and your brother had planned for this weekend. I just thought... that maybe... you wouldn’t carry on with it. On your own.”
I may have crossed a line. I didn’t intentionally want to hurt people, but when you were hurting yourself, it was hard to think clearly.
“I’m not going to be on my own, Steve,” I sighed. “I’m going to be with the few people in my life I can count on. They’re more family than you or Mom have been in these last seven years.”
“Cam—”
“Don’t,” I interrupted with a stern tone. “You’re a drunk who abandoned his family at the worst possible time.” Tears began to collect in my eyes and a lump started to form in my throat. “Nothing you say will make it okay, because nothing you say is ever true. It’s not okay, it never will be okay.” The first tear spilled over and ran down my cheek. My voice began to crack as I carried on, “this was supposed to be a family adventure. It’s what we all wanted. It’s what Clif wanted. I don’t give a damn about your self-pity.” With that, I hung up the phone and tossed it over to the squishy section of the mats.
“You okay?” Ryan asked, even though I’m sure he knew full well I was, in fact, not at all okay.
An arm slid around me and I looked up into Carson’s hazel eyes, which were striking against his dark brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. His green bandana was wrapped around his head, making his eyes stand out even more. He was so beautiful, and I loved the way he looked at me. Climbing was a dangerous sport, and I had to have people I could trust with my life. Somehow, I’d quickly found that with these guys. I shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”
“Ten minutes before closing. You want to run up once more or so? Whip or send?” J.D.’s deep voice cut through my thoughts and I smiled. Getting my aggression out was the way to go. I seemed to have a very short fuse lately.
With a deep breath, I took one end of the rope and tied a figure eight onto the harness, while J.D. hooked the other end into his carabiner and then onto his harness. “Ready?” he asked, and we examined each other’s work, assuring accuracy.
“Ready,” I confirmed, and stepped up to the wall. Reaching my hands back and into the bag attached at my waist, I chalked up while I glanced up at the route I was about tackle. It was a 5’12, one of the hardest grades in the gym.
Giving my arms a slight shake, I blew out a breath and grabbed the starting holds, before placing my feet on the wall. I slowly climbed up; each movement precise. I hadn’t tried this route before, so every move was new to me.
I reached, higher and higher, and pushed off with my legs farther up the wall. I was about halfway up when fatigue from the day began to creep over me. I grabbed on to a jug hold with one hand and crouched with my knees pulled up, hanging like a monkey as I took turns shaking out each forearm. Several seconds later, I continued.
Once I was over three quarters of the way, I was running on fumes. The anchors dangled a few feet above my head, teasing me. This was a whip or send. Either I would successfully complete the route in one go, or I’d fall and take a whipper on the route. Whichever way, I was going to give it my all.
Using the last of my energy, I gave it all I had and burst upward.
I was reaching for the hold just above the anchors when my forearm pulsed and my hand slipped. I fell downwards. It was over in mere moments, but it felt like half a lifetime.
The rope pulled taut and I was jerked to a stop, dangling midair.
“Nice one, Cam,” J.D. called from below.
“You said whip or send, right?” I called down to him.
“That I did.” He grinned at me. “You good?”
I gave a double thumbs-up, which was as awkward as possible because my forearms no longer wanted to cooperate. “I’m good.”
I dropped my arms to my side as I was slowly lowered to the ground, and laid back, spent.
Carson knelt down next to my shoulder. “Feel any better?” he inquired.
“Much,” I answered.
“You kicked ass today. Well, actually, you kick ass every day, but especially today,” Ryan praised as he walked up, his feet stopping near my head. “The only time you fell tonight was on that last route.”
“Yeah, well, there needs to be as few falls as possible now,” I muttered.
“There will be. You got this. You got us,” J.D. added as he joined us, now free from his end of the rope. He knelt down to undo the double figure eight from my own harness, and once I was free, he began to pull the rope through the chains, so I was going to have to get up soon.
“Here,” Carson said, as he reached for my hand. “I got you.” He pulled me up and lifted me into his arms.
“Oh, I could get use to this,” I noted as I laughed.
“That could be arranged.” His hazel eyes darkened, but before I could think too much on it, J.D. was calling, “Rope!” moments before it was cascading to the floor. We packed up, and I jumped into my car and headed back to my apartment after saying goodbye to my guys. The next time I would see them would be in two days. Hopefully the anticipation wouldn’t drive me insane before then.
The PDA in my hand beeped as I scanned every item.
This was going to be my last night at Rayel’s and I couldn’t be more jittery. Knowing what the next morning held for me, I was overly excited to get home, attempt and fail at sleep, and then begin heading to the Carbolitas. I’d already spent weeks packing, unpacking, and then repacking everything. I had more supplies than I needed, especially since the first part of it—except the first night when we would be in tents—would be in a cabin with food we wouldn’t have to lug up ourselves.
“Cameron!” Sam’s shrill voice cut through my mental positivity and straight to my bones. It was not a sound I would miss at all.
“Did you get all the sales reports done? The signs made for next week? Orientation set up for the new team members?” He fired off the questions as he drew nearer to me, barely taking a breath in between each one.
“Yes, yes, and yes,” I responded halfheartedly. Only a couple more hours to go until freedom, right after talking with HR. The countdown was on.
> “And Cameron?”
I cringed. How bad would it really be to deck him right here and now? It might be frowned upon, and my chances of coming back to work here later on if needed would be slim to none, if I even came back here. But how much would it be worth it?
“Yes?” I managed to get out through gritted teeth.
“Sam, you’re needed at the front desk.” Pete’s voice crackled through the walkie-talkies on our hips and I threw up a silent prayer of gratitude.
“Hold that thought,” he said, as he walked toward the front of the store.
A few moments later, Pete emerged from behind a clothing rack, and I jumped in surprise.
“What the…” My hand flew to my chest in shock. “Did you… I thought you… didn’t you just call Sam up to the front?” I stuttered out.
“Yeah, I did.” He shrugged. “I’m sure someone will need him on the way up there. It’s a busy day today.”
I laughed. I was going to miss Pete. I really wanted to tell him I was leaving, but I honestly had no idea how. Surely it couldn’t be as complicated as I made it out to be in my head.
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Yup, it really was as complicated as I made it out to be in my head.
“So,” he began, as he grabbed some items from my cart to put away, “how’s it going?”
I smiled. He knew I thrived off of generic ‘how’s the weather’ conversations that never expected any real answers. The less you were obligated to dive into a person’s personal daily life, the better. It was the main reason why I avoided cashiering as much as possible. That, and the obligatory personal talk with strangers.
“Doing good,” I responded. “Really, I am. I managed to send a new 5’12.” I grinned wide and rubbed my palms together.
“Uh, remind me again what that means?” he asked, while placing a pair of sports bras on a nearby rack.
