by Alice Harper
Later that night he dreamed he was at Shane's house again. Shane was having sex with Martin. When they saw him crying behind them, they began laughing hysterically.
“Did you really think a man like Martin would fall in love with you?” Shane had said and began to laugh in the dream.
“No, Shane would never do that to me. I trust him with my life,” he whispered to himself in sleep. When he woke up from the dream, he whispered with his eyes still closed, “Thank God. It was just a dream.” He opened his eyes in relief and with a smile. Then it hit him, that they did really have sex, and Shane did, in fact, betray him. and soon he'd begun to cry.
Now it had been a week since he hadn't gone to college. He had faked ill health to his parents. He knew they couldn't afford to take him to a doctor. Martin and Shane called him all the time but he ignored them. He decided to just switch his phone off. Every day he cried, for he couldn't erase the image of Martin inside Shane. He always went to Shane when he was going through a hard time and talking to him helped him feel better. His instincts now told him to talk to Shane about it, but then he remembered Shane was the cause of his sorrow. He didn't know which hurt worse, his best friend's betrayal or his boyfriend's.
He knew he had to go back into the world again, but he was afraid of being hurt again, of being betrayed again. He went to college that Monday and sat in the first row, which was always empty. Shane entered the class and tried to sit beside him. He kept changing seats until Shane gave up and sat in his usual seat at the back of the class. When Martin entered, he stopped walking for a few seconds looking at him, as if he was looking at a ghost.
He tried to concentrate on the words instead of their deliverer during the lecture. But he just couldn't do it. He kept looking at his watch. He felt he couldn't breathe in the class. He wanted to get out of there. He considered bolting out of class, but he didn't want to make a scene.
“That's it for today's lecture,” Martin finally concluded and everybody began to leave the lecture hall. “Jimmy, I want you to stay here for a bit. We need to talk about the classes you've missed.”
His heart raced in his chest. He badly wanted to push the professor against the wall and ask him why he's ruined his life. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't study and couldn't talk to his best friend. All because Martin couldn't keep it in his pants. Was I not enough, he wanted to ask him, that you went to Shane immediately after and fucked him.
“Listen, I can explain,” Martin began. “It isn't what it looked like.”
“So you weren't fucking Shane?” he asked.
“Yes, I was,” Martin said. “But I wasn't cheating on you with Shane. I've been dating the two of you all along. I know I should've told you sooner. I know I shouldn't have dated the both of you, but I didn't plan any of it. I fell in love with both of you. Shane didn't know about you either, until very recently. I would understand if you hate me, but Shane has done nothing wrong.”
A range of emotions went through him as he listened to Martin explain everything from his perspective. So their relationship was a lie from the beginning.
“So you've lied to both of us,” he said. “Why would you date Shane? Was I not enough?”
“You were,” Martin said. “This isn't your fault. I needed both of you.”
“You can't date two men at the same time,” he said raising his hands. “It doesn't make any sense. You have to pick one. Is it me or Shane? I can't share you.”
“I've thought about it,” Martin said. “The more I thought, the more certain I was that I need both of you in my life. I tried breaking up with Shane after you saw us together. I thought it was the only way you'd ever be with me again. But the words wouldn't come out of me. I just couldn't do it.”
“You'll leave Shane if you love me,” he said. “I can't be someone's side bitch.”
“You're not,” Martin said with a frown. He placed a finger on Jimmy's lips and then began to caress them. “Don't call yourself that. I love both of you equally. Please don't make me choose, baby. Please.”
“If you're not going to choose, then I'll make the choice easier for you,” he said as he pushed his fingers away from his face. “We're no longer together, professor. Goodbye.”
He walked out of class without looking back. He wanted to look back one last time at the man he loved, but he knew it was time to move on.
Chapter 17: Shane
After the incident, Shane had tried his best to keep Martin happy without Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't answering any of their calls. He thought Martin would eventually move on from Jimmy, that he could help him forget Jimmy. But he was wrong.
Every day after the incident, Martin had been coming over to Shane's place. They watched movies together, they cooked together and they showered together. But Martin seemed to be distracted all the time. He tried to encourage Martin to initiate sex with him. He barely wore any clothes around the house. When he saw it didn't have any effect on him, he forewent clothing altogether. He would lie naked on the couch watching TV or playing video games when Martin came home. He'd blame the summer heat for his nakedness. Martin would stare at him but never try to initiate sex. He would bend over pretending to search for things he'd lose deliberately. It was just an excuse to expose his bare ass to Martin, but he still wasn't interested.
He finally decided to take matters into his own hands and began making out with Martin. He was sucking Martin off on the sofa, and when he looked up at his face, he was looking elsewhere, as if lost in deep thought. He sat in his lap and made wild sounds to turn him on. Then he sat on his fat cock and talked dirty to him. Martin seemed to be in heaven as he fucked his brains out, but he was back to being lost in thought the minute he orgasmed.
He wanted to make Martin happy however he could. He would do anything just to see him smile again. He asked Martin to take him to that Indian place again, and Martin told him how Jimmy confronted a cheating man. That was so like Jimmy, always so righteous. It was probably a result of his religious upbringing. Shane, on the other hand, was forgiving. He forgave people easily. He quickly went from hating Martin for two-timing him to understanding him for loving two men.
Now he was waiting for Martin back at his place. He wanted to stay back with Martin and talk to Jimmy in the class, but Martin had instructed him not to. He wished Martin would come back with some good news, but he knew Jimmy too well. He sat on the sofa playing video games. He was naked just in case Martin came back with bad news and needed some cheering up.
“He wanted me to choose, just as you said,” Martin said when he came home. “I told him I couldn't. He never wants to speak to me again.”
“I had asked you to pick Jimmy,” he said with a shrug. “Why didn't you do that?”
“Would you be happy without me, though?” Martin asked.
“I would be devastated,” he said and hugged Martin. “What are we going to do now?”
“Nothing,” Martin said. “I fucked up. Jimmy will never take me back.”
“How are you going to cope with that?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” Martin asked. “I have you by my side. I'm fine.”
“No, you're not,” he said and shook his head. “You're not the same, Martin. You're always lost in thought and you're always looking at Jimmy's photos online. Yes, I've seen your search history. I think I'll just go talk to him. I've known him longer. He'll listen to me.”
“No,” Martin said. “You won't talk to him. Love can't be forced. If our love is true, he'll find his way back into my arms on his own.”
“What if he doesn't?” he asked.
“Then we were never meant to be together,” Martin said. “Do you believe in destiny?”
“No,” he said. “No one will give you what you want in this world. You have to take it on your own. I thought psychologists didn't believe in destiny. Isn't destiny just an illusion?”
“Psychologists are humans too,” Martin said. “They can choose to believe what psychology suggests, or ignore it.�
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Later that day, he went to Jimmy's home and knocked on the door. Jimmy's mother let him in and they went upstairs.
“Jimmy,” she shouted outside the door. “Shane is here to see you, honey.”
“Tell him I'm not home,” Jimmy shouted back after a long pause.
“He's very persistent,” she said. “He says it's something important.”
“Mom,” Jimmy shouted. “Make up an excuse.”
Shane opened the door and closed it behind him. Jimmy jumped up in his bed seeing Shane. He sat beside Jimmy and looked at him. Jimmy looked away at the window and then at his feet.
“Have you been eating properly?” he asked and waited for his reply, which never came. “You look so thin.”
“If you're here to tell me it wasn't your fault,” Jimmy began, still looking away at the setting sun. “then I already know. Marin told me everything. You still should've told me about him the moment you knew in the cafeteria. All this while, I've been thinking you both were laughing behind my back.”
“We would never,” he said. “We both love you so much.”
“He wouldn't have done this to me if he loved me,” Jimmy said and placed fingers on Shane's lips. “So these are the lips Martin wants to kiss every day he comes home from work. They're beautiful. I don't know why I've never noticed them before. You are beautiful. Of course he fell in love with you.”
“You're being ridiculous,” he said. “I've always been jealous of your looks. Any man with working eyes would fuck you over me. That's what I like about Martin. He isn't in love with my looks. He loves me for who I am. How are you coping without him? Are you okay?”
“No,” Jimmy said, now looking at him. “I hate him for what he did, but I still miss him, Shane.” Tears formed in his eyes. He hugged Jimmy and a tear rolled down Jimmy's cheek.
“He misses you badly too,” he said. “He hasn't been eating or sleeping. He just daydreams and looks at your pictures all day.”
“Really?” Jimmy asked, breaking the hug and looking at him. He nodded, wiped the tears off Jimmy's face and adjusted his red hair behind his ears.
“If you two miss each other so much,” he said. “you should take him back, don't you think?”
“Did he send you here to tell me that?” Jimmy asked.
“He specifically asked me not to,” he said and rolled his eyes. “But you know me.”
“But then what about you?” Jimmy asked with a frown.
“We'll continue just as before,” he said. Jimmy began to cry harder hearing his words. “You won't even know about it. We'll pretend like you and I are dating different people and we won't talk about our love life.”
“But I don't want to share him,” Jimmy managed to say between heavy breaths.
“Me neither,” Shane said. “But this isn't about what we want. It's about what Martin wants, and it's the both of us. I love him just as much as you do. I thought I'd be able to let you two get back together and break up with Martin, but I've realized I love him too much for that. He's a mess without you. Take him back, Jimmy. I can't see him sad like this.”
“No,” Jimmy said. “It doesn't make any sense.”
“The society we live in has taught us that,” he said. “But you'll have to defy what you've learned about relationships. That's the only way this can work. Promise me you'll think about it.”
As he waited for Jimmy's answer, darkness filled the room all around them. Jimmy stared at the wall in the distance, lost in deep thought. He kissed Jimmy's forehead and left the room and Jimmy in darkness.
Chapter 18: Jimmy
In class, Jimmy sat beside Shane in the first row. As Martin began the lecture, he knew he couldn't stand another day without having Martin's lips on his. He couldn't bear the distance any longer. A part of him wanted to just run up to him right then and kiss him before everyone in the class. But instead, he eagerly waited for the class to end.
“You go,” he said to Shane. “I'll see you tomorrow. I need to speak to Martin.”
He waited for everyone else to leave the hall. Martin walked towards him and sat down on the table beside him.
“It's good that you're attending classes again,” Martin said. “How are you?”
“Not good,” he said. “Shane told me you've been doing bad without me too.”
“I knew he wouldn't listen,” Martin said. “I'd asked him not to talk to you about that.”
“Why?” he asked. “Would you rather just forget about me?”
“No,” Martin said. “I couldn't forget you if I tried to, but I know you want to forget me.”
“What if I don't want to?” he asked and there was a long pause between them as they looked into each other's eyes.
“Are you saying what I think I'm saying?” Martin asked. Jimmy just stood up from his seat and placed his lips on Martin's.
“Oh, baby,” he said with their lips still touching. “I've missed you so much.”
Martin grabbed Jimmy's face and began kissing him wildly, moving his hands all over Jimmy's body. Jimmy began to do the same. He wrapped his legs around Martin's groin and Martin grabbed his ass to hold him in place.
He could feel Martin's erection grow in his pants and eagerly knock on his ass. Martin put him down on the ground and broke their kiss.
“We can't be seen doing this here,” Martin said as he adjusted his crotch. “But I love you so much, baby.”
“Me too,” he said and smiled. “I've thought about it and I'm willing to give it a try. Now, do you want to go back to your place and fuck my brains out?”
“I badly want to,” Martin said. “But I promised to take Shane out to that Indian place.”
Jimmy's smile faded, but he had to give it a try. He had to let Martin see another man if that's what made him happy.
“You should come too,” Martin said. “Please, just say yes.”
Jimmy nodded with a forced smile. Thank God he knew Shane, otherwise, it would've been an awkward group date. He just had to pretend he was on a date with Martin and Shane was there just to support the two of them.
They drove to Shane's place together and when they got out, Shane hugged him tightly.
“I knew you two couldn't stay apart,” Shane said breaking the hug. Shane leaned in for a quick kiss with Martin and Jimmy's body went cold with anxiety. He felt like he might have a panic attack. He remembered the day he walked in on them having sex and feeling helpless.
Jimmy and Shane sat in the back while Martin drove them. Shane had his hands around Jimmy all through the drive as they sang one song after another. How silly was it of him to fear Shane. It was the same old Shane he was used to having around. He was the same old Shane who punched Jimmy's bullies in the face, the same Shane who took him in countless times when his father kicked him out for sinning, the same Shane who wailed in his arms when men only wanted sex from him, not love.
“Why don't we go to a different restaurant this time?” Shane asked in the middle of singing Martha Ray's song ‘Do what you want’. “I know this lovely Syrian restaurant just a mile from here.”
“Why a Syrian restaurant?” Martin asked. “Don't they kill people for being gay in Syria?”
“I think so,” Shane said. “But this isn't Syria. We should be safe as long as we're in this country.”
Shane gave Martin directions until they reached a huge restaurant. Jimmy looked in all directions as they stepped in.
“Why is it half empty?” he asked. He noticed all the tables were round, so Martin could sit at equal distance from both him and Shane.
“Unpopular cuisine,” Shane said as they sat down at a table next to some college students.
The waiter gave them menus and they all seriously looked through them, each of them trying to pronounce the funny food names. Shane ended up ordering for everyone else, as he knew what was good and what wasn't.
“So you took us both to the same restaurant on the same day, huh?” Shane asked Martin. “I knew something was wrong wh
en the manager said you had two reservations.”
“I considered telling you both the truth that day,” Martin said. “Lying is very hard for me. But then, Jimmy freaked out when there was a cheating couple at the restaurant.”
“What's done is done,” he said. “From now on, I want the three of us to be honest with each other about how we feel. Communication is very important in a relationship, especially when it involves three people.”
“You're so wise beyond your years,” Martin said and kissed him while holding his hand. “I like that about you.”
“What about me?” Shane asked and pouted, offering his lips and hand.
Martin smiled, held onto Shane's hand and kissed Shane while still holding Jimmy's hands.
“Disgusting,” one of the college men said looking in their direction. “Look at those fags. It wasn't enough they ruined the sanctity of marriage, now they're ruining relationships.” The other men with him started laughing.
“You jerks want to get fisted tonight?” Shane asked and gestured fisting with his hands. Jimmy tried to shush him down and pushed his hands down. The boys stopped laughing and the waiter approached them. The men whispered something to the waiter, who later proceeded towards their table.
“Good evening, gentlemen,” the waiter began and looked at them apologetically. “I've had a complaint about you from some longtime customers, who wish to remain anonymous. I'll have to kindly ask you to leave. Your food will be ready for takeout at the reception.”
“Well, they started it,” Shane said. “They should be the ones to leave.”
“We're sorry for the inconvenience,” Jimmy said and stood up. “We'll leave.”
They all stood up and started towards the exit. As they passed through the table of college men, Shane slammed his palm onto the table, making everyone jump in their seats.
