by Quell T Fox
“You have no reason to apologize to me, Asha. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect, I must have run through every scenario possible, twice even. I wasn’t sure that I would ever find you at all. Right now, that you are here, all I want is to be happy, but I can’t seem to do that.”
“How come?” I say as I move my fingers across the top of the water, watching the ripples move to the edge of the tub.
“This is going to get worse before it gets better. My focus has been to find you, now that I have done that, I am not sure what to do. I want to be at the end of this, when everything is right. I’m done fighting for this. I’m tired. I feel there are a million more things we have to go through before we get to the good part. I’m afraid I’ve put you in more danger by finding you, that maybe I should have given up and left you with your life. You’d be safe.”
“That’s the problem, though, Jacob. That’s what you don’t understand.” I look up, meeting his gaze. “I’ve always lived my life safe, and it wasn’t right. In the few days that I have known you, you have brought more life into me than I ever thought was possible. It’s like I was living in black & white, on autopilot. You show up and now everything is in color and I’m free to do what I want.
“From that first moment in the park, there has been something in me pulling towards you. Something that will not let you leave from my mind. Even though my brain doesn’t quite understand it yet, I know this is what I want. All of it, even the bad stuff. I know this isn’t going to be easy, and I have accepted that.”
Picking up the wine glass by the stem, I swirl it under my nose, I notice a fruity aroma. Wine is never a first choice of mine, especially red but I take a sip. It’s very sweet and doesn’t have a harsh after taste like other wines I’ve had. I take another sip before carefully placing it back on the ledge.
“I’m sorry if I’m being hot and cold, my brain is telling me one thing and the rest of me is saying the opposite. It’s going to take some time for me to adjust and let them get in sync. I’m not used to trusting others, and I’m usually the one in control. Right now, I’m not and it’s hard for me. Don’t worry about me so much. You’re doing the best you can, and everything will fall into place. Right now, we need to focus on finding someone to do this ceremony and then we can work on us.”
“I will never stop worrying about you, it’s just not possible. I do agree that we should focus on your Bonding Ceremony. I’ve waited this long; I think I can wait a little longer.” He winks at me before he stands.
Oh my...why does winking turn me on so much? Everything he does seems to make my lady parts happy, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
“How old are you exactly?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Cause you’re pretty damn good-looking for being over a hundred.”
He lets out the most adorable belly-laugh that causes his face to light up.
“Well, my dear, if I told you, then I’d have to kill you.”
He walks out of the room, without looking back, closing the door gently behind him. He leaves me only with the wine, a tub full of now warm water and tingling between my legs. One that I’m afraid will be here for a long time.
CHAPTER 16
We’re on our way to Andrew’s house. I need to pack a few things to take with me to Maine. I’m not sure how long we will be staying there, but if it’s where we’re safe, then I don’t care how long we stay. Liza thinks she found a lead on the person who can help us out, she said she’ll be able to look into it more once we get to the house.
I had an early night last night, going to bed after I finished in the bath. I’d been lying in bed for at least an hour, struggling with sleep when Jacob came into the room. He changed into a pair of pajama pants and climbed into the other bed. Sadness crept over me. I was hoping to sleep with him, if nothing else. As if he sensed my negative emotions, he called my name quietly, asking if I was asleep. I let him know that I was awake. He told me that he would love nothing more than to spend the night in bed with me, but he didn’t trust himself to stop things from getting…heated. Even though I was not okay with it, it made sense. Our lives were at stake, sex could wait. It’s not worth the risk. We talked about if for a little while, which didn’t help the sadness, but it helped me to understand. I need to learn patience. It is not something I’ve ever been capable off. We both agreed that it would be better to keep some distance from one another, so no accidents happen. The less people we have after us, the better.
Liza has a program installed on her laptop that mirrors the data that the Hunters see. She has an alert set up to notify her if one of us pops up on their radar. Neither of them is sure how the Rogue Hunters found us, so we need to take extra precautions. Liza thinks they have developed a different program, one that she hasn’t been able to find yet. Jacob assured me that they would figure it out and keep me safe, no matter what, I believe him.
My feelings for him have grown astronomically. Which is strange, since we haven’t spent much time together, or done anything other than lay around in a motel room trying to figure out how to stop people from killing me. Feelings grow with dates, time spent together, conversations and intimacy. We haven’t had time for much of that, but each day that I wake up, my heart aches for more of him. I feel as if I have known him forever. I know it’s the Immortalite part of me sending signals, I can sense it. Now, more than ever.
I’ve been trying to reach it, my Immortal Self. I haven’t said anything about this out loud to anyone, because I do feel silly doing it. They told me that it wasn’t possible without the Bonding Ceremony, but they also don’t have a lot of experience with this, either. There has to be a way to communicate with it. Even if it’s only a little bit of information that I get, it’ll help. Something happened when I went through those windows, the memories came to me in my dreams, but they still came to me. What if I can find a way to dig into my inner self and find them on my own? That could be huge, not only for keeping myself safe, but for this relationship with Jacob.
It’s hard enough for me to be around him, and I have no memories of us. I can’t imagine what he must be feeling like. How does he keep it together so well?
Liza and I spent some time together this morning while Jacob went out to grab some things for the road. I noticed that Jacob drove away in his truck and I asked how that was possible, since it had just been smashed. She gave away one of her abilities, super strength. She was able to fix the truck by pulling out all the dents. She knows a guy that works at a shop close by, he offered to fix the rest of the damage for what I was told was a good deal. Seemed like a lot of money, but in the amount of time it took him, I guess it really was a good deal.
I was curious about the attack and asked what happened after Jacob and I left. She explained that she staged the scene to look like the Hummer ran into a telephone pole. Both Hunters were out cold, but still alive. She isn’t sure what happened after she left, but she’s been checking the local papers and hasn’t seen anything pop up about it. They must have taken off.
Needing advice on Andrew, and choosing against bringing it up to Jacob, I decided to ask Liza. She helped me to come up with a cover story. It won’t last forever, but it’ll buy me a week or two, which is better than nothing. I called him this morning to explain the situation. It’s a good thing that I lied…omitted, a lot of my past and personal details. If it weren’t for that I’m not sure what kind of excuse I would have given him. I told him one of my aunts has become extremely ill and because my parents are out of the country, I have to go and be there for her. I felt the only kind of excuse that would work was something that matched what he is going through right now. Family. I had to come up with someone just as important as his grandfather to excuse myself from going to the funeral. Andrew was always an understanding person and today was no different. Poor Aunt Claire won’t be dying an easy death, I have to milk this for all it’s worth.
We pull up to the house and everything looks the same as it did when I left her
e the other day. There aren’t any signs of someone breaking in or anything like that. Jacob parks his small truck right behind mine. Unfortunately, it was agreed that I would have to leave my car here. Liza and Jacob both have a car, and it’s safer for me to be with one of them on the drive to Maine. I’ll be riding with Jacob, with Liza following behind us.
They both insist on coming with me inside the house. I am not fighting that. Knowing that people are looking for you and trying to kill you, is nerve wracking. I’d need them both if someone is in the house, waiting for me. Plus, I’m still sore and could use the help carrying my crap. Liza thinks the house is bugged; she wants to look for signs of that while I’m grabbing my stuff. Jacob just refuses to leave myside, which I am okay with.
Opening the closet door, I start ripping clothes off the hangers. I pull down a few sweatshirts and t-shirts, throwing them onto the bed. I take an extra pair of sneakers and my boots, adding them to the pile. I move to the dresser next, pulling out a good number of leggings, almost the entire drawer of underwear, extra socks and a few bras. I stuff everything into a trash bag, including my favorite blanket. I don’t go anywhere without it and this is no exception. What if I can’t come back? Moving to the bathroom, I put my toothbrush into the travel tube, grab my deodorant and throw those into the bag too.
Raven is in her spot, on my pillow. When we came into the house, I put down an extra bowl of food and water. I have to make sure she has enough until Andrew comes back. Picking her up, I hug and kiss her even though I know she hates it. She tenses and sticks her claws out, so I put her back down and she runs away. No surprise. She was Andrew’s cat long before I came into the picture, but she’s grown on me. I am going to miss her, she’s a good kitty. I continue out the door, Jacob trailing behind me. We make it to the front porch and before I can open my mouth to ask, Liza pops out.
“Sorry guys! I got caught up scoping the house out for signs of surveillance. Nice setup you got here. Didn’t find anything, though. Kinda disappointing. I also didn’t pick up any unusual scents, though your body was smells ah-may-ZING. Where did you get it?” And apparently, she also has a super sniffer.
“Thanks, it’s one of my favorites. I made it.”
“You’re going to have to make me some. I love it.”
Jacob picks up the trash bag full of my belongings and throws it into the back seat of his truck. If you can call it a back seat. It’s very tiny, I’m not sure even a child would fit back here.
Liza gets into her dark grey Honda Civic and starts the engine. I’m just about to open the door to get into the truck when Jacob reaches the handle first. A large grin spread across his face. I roll my eyes and get in.
We head up to the road and turn left. I don’t bother to look back. I wasn’t here long enough to care. Liza is following close behind us. We hit the area full of stores and Jacob pulls into a fast food place, heading for the drive thru. Liza pulls into one of the parking spots, waiting for us to be done.
“I thought you may want to get something to eat before we start driving.”
All I can do is smile. It’s a small gesture, but a thoughtful one. Sure, it’s just food but as I’ve said before, it’s the key to my heart. He orders our food and pulls up to the first window to pay.
Were back on the road in under ten minutes. It isn’t long before we hit the highway. It’s late afternoon and it looks like rain again. It seems to rain a lot around here. I like the rain when I don’t have to be in it. Lying in bed, listening to the patter of rain on the roof makes for a good day. I look forward to days like that.
We haven’t said much since we started driving. The only noise is the radio, which is turned down low, and the whoosh of cars speeding by us. Things with us don’t feel awkward, but they feel different since we had that talk last night. It’s knowing that I can’t do what I want to do and being worried about going too far. There is a lot of tension between us, and the way I feel, if he touched my leg right now, I’d try to ravage him. It’s not easy keeping that part under control. You want something, but you can’t have it even though it’s right in front of your nose. Usually the risk is worth it, and you take it anyway but this time, the risk is death and that’s too big.
I have to break the silence to get my mind off the image I have stored in my favorites folder; Jacob standing in his boxer briefs.
“So, tell me Jacob, how did we meet?” I rest my elbow on the door and rest my head on my hand while turning to face him a bit more. You can only turn so much when you have a seatbelt on, but I feel the need to look at him. There is something about the way his eyes shine when he talks about certain things. Mostly, I’ve noticed its things to do with me, with us.
A smile appears on his lips almost instantly and he glances at me from the corner of his eyes. He’s excited to talk about it. I’m getting better at reading his facial expressions.
“You were in your last year at the Academy. I, as I told you, was with Morgan who was in the same grade as you. There was a winter dance. I didn’t want to go but Morgan wanted to show me off to her friends, like some kind of award she had won. She was persistent, and it was easier to agree then to argue. Anyway, once she became bored of me, she took off with some of her friends. She knew I wasn’t into the dancing thing and she didn’t want me to ruin her good time.” He takes a sip of the drink that he has resting in the cupholder.
“I was lingering around the refreshment table and there you were. Looking just as miserable as I was.” His face lights up at the thought. “I knew that there was something about you. I knew that I needed to talk to you. So, I did. We talked for most of the night, until Morgan realized that my attention was on another girl. She suddenly had interest in me again.”
“And how did it become more than that?” I ask, truly curious to know how all of this started.
“After that night, I couldn’t get you off my mind. I had to find you and talk to you again. I felt like I needed to be with you. I started to meet Morgan at school more often, hoping to come across you again. Eventually I did. I would accidentally run into you, quite often.”
“And?”
“And, eventually you caught on that it wasn’t an accident. ‘If you want to see me so much, you could at least take me on a real date’. Your exact words. I will never forget them. You were so sure of yourself. After that, I had no choice but to take you out.”
“Even though you were promised to Morgan?”
“Morgan and I didn’t love each other, and we never would have. That is how things were in that time. Your place in society was more important than anything else, especially to someone like Morgan. It’s why she’s so bitter. It doesn’t matter that she didn’t love me. She’s not heart broken, she’s embarrassed. Ashamed that someone like you could take me away from her.”
“Someone like me? I didn’t come from a prestigious family, too?” Lifting my chin into the air, like the hoity toity rich people.
He shifts in his seat a little. Whatever he wants to say, doesn’t seem to be coming out as easily as everything else did.
“Asha, nobody knows where you came from. You refreshed yourself and ended up at the school, but with no knowledge of what happened.”
“But I thought that’s how it worked?” I could have sworn that’s what he explained to me when he was trying to tell me what I was.
“Immortalites after the ceremony will refresh, but before the ceremony we are reborn. Reborn is when you are literally reborn from the womb to a mother and lose all your memories because you have not bonded with your Immortal Self. After the ceremony you are able to refresh at will. That is when you choose the age you come back as, with full knowledge of everything you’ve been through. That’s how it’s supposed to work.” He takes another sip and changes lanes. “You were refreshed to the school but had no knowledge of where you came from or how it happened. The elders looked you over many times because a lot of people thought you were lying, but they knew you were not. They could tell that you did not have
your bond and it scared some people, a lot of people, because it shouldn’t have happened.”
I sit back into my seat. More questions adding to my already long list of unanswered ones. Too many things don’t make sense, too many unknowns. I want things to make sense, but it isn’t happening right now and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m not used to giving up control, but I’m going to have to be okay with it. This was my choice and I need to make peace with it.
“I need a drink, or five.”
CHAPTER 17
Stress really takes a toll on you. I’ve never slept as much as I have since moving to Rhode Island. Seems every chance I get, I’m dozing off. I wake to the sound of a car door closing. Opening my eyes slightly, I notice that we’re stopped at a gas station. I look out the back window to see Jacob swiping a card through the machine. It’s dark outside, still cloudy but no rain. I was hoping for snow.
When Jacob is done pumping, he goes into the store. He comes out a few minutes later carrying two bottles of water and a small bag. Hopefully, filled with food. He gets into the car, placing the things he bought into the center console.
“I picked a few things; I wasn’t sure what you may want. I thought you were still asleep.”
I smile lazily because I am just too tired to force a full one. Between the accident, the emotional turmoil and this weather, I feel that I could sleep for days.
It’s a great feeling to know that I don’t have to pretend to be happy all the time. The more I spend time with Jacob, the more I realize how much I wasn’t myself before. Always forcing emotions, forcing happiness, fake smiles. Now, I am just me. It’s okay to not be super happy all the time, because I have nothing to hide anymore. I don’t need to blanket my real emotions with happiness. I had a meltdown yesterday, full attitude and all, in front of these two people that I barely know. I’ve never done that before; I’ve never shown weakness to anyone. I never felt that I could, but now it’s fine. It seems that this is how it should be.
