My Skylar

by Penelope Ward

  “How do you always know everything?”

  “I don’t know everything. I know you.”

  “Yeah, you do, don’t you?” I smiled. “That little girl did remind me of Summer. I was thinking about how I wished I could take her to something fun like this. I worry about her, Skylar.”

  “Why?”

  “I just have this feeling my Dad is going to fuck up again and rip apart her world someday, the way he did mine.”

  “That could happen, but if it does, she has something you didn’t.”

  “What?”

  “She has you, a big brother to turn to and someone who’s been through it and can tell her it’ll turn out okay. You’ll be there for her no matter what, even if he isn’t.”

  She always knew the right thing to say.

  I nodded. “She’ll have me.” I turned to Skylar. “And I had you. You were that person for me all those years ago.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “I was thinking of taking the train to visit her during school break. Will you come with me if your mother lets you?”

  She put her hand on my knee. “Of course.”

  Skylar’s touch felt electric. I looked down and almost put my hand over hers but didn’t.

  Her hair blew in the breeze, and I wanted to run my hand through it and tell her how much she meant to me.

  Instead, I was silent as I looked up at the starry sky. Something beyond my control was building inside of me tonight, and I started to feel inexplicably nervous, as if suddenly this moment were different from the hundreds of other times Skylar and I hung out.

  It felt like this was our first date instead of hers with the bozo stuck in the Ferris wheel.

  She was looking up when I turned to stare at her pretty side profile. She had the smallest, pinned-up nose with a dusting of freckles. When she caught me, I instinctively looked up at the sky again.

  A wind blew her flowery scent toward me and I breathed it in, wishing that I could do so much more than smell her. My heart started racing because I felt my inhibitions giving way to something else, something much stronger. It was something I wasn’t sure I could fight right now.

  “Are you going to let him kiss you later?”

  She looked surprised by my question. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought it through. I guess he’d have to be rescued first, or the chances are greater that he’ll be kissing Davey.” She laughed nervously.

  I picked at the grass. “He’s gonna try. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Davey told me that Aidan asked you out a lot before, but you always said no. What changed?”

  She looked up at the sky again. “I guess I’m growing up.” Then, she turned to me. “And maybe realizing certain other things aren’t gonna pan out.”

  Ouch.

  My eyes met hers. “Skylar…I—”

  “Don’t say anything, Mitch. It’s okay.”

  She had no idea how much I wanted to say and wanted to do.

  I was pretty sure I knew the answer but asked anyway. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

  She shook her head no but didn’t say anything.

  “Are you planning to give him your first kiss?”

  “Probably.”

  The jealousy that nearly made me insane earlier returned in full force.

  “You can’t do that.”

  “Why?”

  My heart pounded in anticipation of what I was about to do. “Because I’m stealing it.”

  CHAPTER 7

  SKYLAR

  Mitch placed his warm hands on my cheeks, and my heart skipped a beat when he pulled my face into his. I had imagined this moment so many times but wasn’t prepared for how nervous I’d be.

  I kept my lips pursed and whimpered as his mouth descended upon me. My body tensed. My eyes shut when his hot lips pressed into mine.

  I couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

  He sensed my nerves, stopping the kiss for a moment, his hands still on my face when he whispered over my mouth, “Open for me, Skylar.”

  He licked across my lips slowly, and my entire body went limp when his tongue slipped inside my mouth. He tasted like pure sugar and something else that was indescribable. It was his taste and suddenly, I couldn’t get enough of it.

  Mitch groaned when my tongue swirled fast around his. His hands moved from my face, and he gripped the back of my hair, fisting it in his hands.

  My nerves were a thing of the past suddenly, and all I wanted was for him to kiss me harder, faster, deeper. Now, my hands were in his hair, bringing him closer to me, and he moaned into my mouth. I loved the feel of his silky hair between my fingers. I had always wanted to touch it like this.

  His lips opened and closed over mine as he continued to move his tongue around the inside of my mouth. He pulled and sucked on my tongue at one point before slowly letting it go, making my nipples harden instantly.

  This was nothing like how I imagined my first kiss. This was what I imagined sex felt like: all-consuming, addictive, and it made me want more. I would have done anything he asked me to, and it didn’t even scare me because it was Mitch. This just felt right.

  Minutes went by, and we never came up for air. My underwear was completely wet, and that had never happened to me before. He kept his hands on my face or in my hair but never touched me anywhere else.

  The only time his lips left mine were to kiss slowly down my neck. I wanted him to go lower, and my breasts tingled in anticipation. But he kissed a line back up to my chin and then returned to my mouth. He growled over my lips. “What are you doing to me? I can’t stop kissing you.”

  Desperate for him to continue, I kissed him harder. “Don’t stop.”

  “I feel like I can’t, and it’s scaring the shit out of me.”

  I repeated, “Don’t stop, Mitch.”

  He said in between kisses, “l have to.”

  He kissed his way up to my forehead and finally pulled away. His eyes were full of lust, but they also looked pained. I leaned in, desperately needing to taste him again, but he backed away.

  Then, his phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket. I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth as he spoke.

  “Davey?” He paused. “Good…that’s good. Yeah…we just went…” He looked at me. “to get some pizza. We’ll meet you by the Ferris wheel in like five minutes.”

  I rubbed my lips. They were sore in the best way. “Are they off of the ride?”

  “Yeah. I guess we missed that development.”

  I shivered, rubbing my arms. “Apparently.”

  “Are you cold? Take my jacket.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “I don’t care what Aidan thinks,” he snapped before taking it off and putting it around my shoulders. “Just tell him you were cold, and I gave it to you. He doesn’t need to know anything else. You don’t owe him an explanation.”

  I nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

  Mitch seemed agitated and looked me up and down. “We should go.”

  The walk back to the fairground was awkward to say the least. Neither one of us seemed to know what to say about what had happened, so we chose to say nothing at all.

  When we approached, Davey was sipping on a giant drink while Aidan was checking his watch.

  “Hey, guys,” I said.

  Aidan looked up, walked over and put his arm around me. “Well, that sucked! Where have you been?”

  “I ran into my friend, Mitch, and we went to grab a bite until they got you guys down.” I gestured back to Mitch. “You guys know each other from school, right?”

  Aidan smirked. “Yeah. Thanks for looking after my date.”

  Mitch had daggers in his eyes. “The pleasure was all mine.”

  “Ready to go? I’ll drive you home,” Aidan said.

  Mitch looked over at me, and my heart broke. I knew he was conflicted about our kiss. I was certain he was just as confused as I was right now. Neither of us e
xpected what happened tonight.

  Still, I had come here with Aidan and felt I had no choice but to leave with him. I walked away, leaving Mitch and Davey behind. I couldn’t look at Mitch as I left.

  When Aidan dropped me off at my door and tried to kiss me, I turned my face, giving him the cheek. Between that and my disappearing act at the carnival, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t ask me out again.

  That night, I lay in bed nestled inside Mitch’s hoodie, smelling him on me and replaying our never-ending kiss. My body was still fully aroused. I touched myself and licked my lips, imagining that it was Mitch touching me until I came.

  I couldn’t fall asleep.

  If I was jealous of his seeing other girls before, now that I truly knew all that I was missing, I couldn’t fathom how I was going to handle it.

  My phone buzzed close to midnight. It was a text from Mitch.

  Let me know you got home okay.

  Skylar: Home in bed.

  A few minutes later, my phone buzzed again.

  Mitch: I’m sorry I shut down. I didn’t know what to say. And then you left with him. I haven’t been able to think about anything else.

  Skylar: I know. Me too. Don’t overthink it. It is what it is.

  Mitch: It was amazing.

  I had been trying to play it down. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. Since we were being honest…

  Skylar: I didn’t know a kiss could feel like that.

  Mitch: It normally doesn’t.

  Just when I was getting my hopes up…

  Mitch: I don’t think we should do that again, okay?

  My heart dropped. A sinking feeling developed at the pit of my stomach. I didn’t respond.

  Mitch: It felt like I was losing control. Like I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t want to take things too far and lose you.

  He kept on.

  Mitch: Do you understand what I’m saying?

  A teardrop fell down my cheek. I understood where he was coming from, and a part of me worried he was right. But that wasn’t going to change how I felt.

  Skylar: Loud and clear. Goodnight.

  I shut off my phone before he could respond, took off his jacket and cried myself to sleep.

  CHAPTER 8

  MITCH

  It had been a couple of weeks since the kiss at the fairgrounds—the kiss that changed everything. It was proof that I couldn’t trust myself with her anymore. All of the reserve I had worked hard to build up was shattered, and it felt like I had to start all over again now.

  That meant avoiding being alone with her at all costs, at least for a while. I had Davey come over on the days Skylar and I did homework together. I had to tell him what happened that night, and in typical Davey fashion, he busted my balls about it.

  During Spanish homework one afternoon, the dickhead asked Skylar and me if we knew what beso meant. When she nonchalantly answered that it was the word for kiss, I wanted to throw my textbook at his head.

  She was doing a good job of acting like nothing had changed between us, though, which made it easier but also bothered me a little because for me, it was an internal struggle.

  I could try and act like nothing had changed in front of her during the day, but without fail, every night, that kiss replayed in my head. My mouth would water remembering how she tasted or the noises that she made when I kissed her neck. I wanted so badly to experience it again or even worse, to know what noises she’d make with me inside of her.

  I had kissed a lot of girls, but it had never felt like that. Then again, I never actually had feelings for any of them. Seeing Skylar with Aidan had triggered a primal reaction and made me realize how deep those feelings actually ran. It was an insoluble problem: keep away from Skylar and keep her away from other guys at the same time.

  So, when you can’t figure out how to handle something stressful, create a distraction. That was my new motto.

  Skylar and her mother would be over for dinner any minute, and I had a surprise for her, one I hoped would help ease the tension between us.

  Even though it was a Friday night, I had no other plans. When the doorbell rang, my heart started to beat faster.

  Cut the shit. It’s just Skylar.

  The smell of my mother’s eggplant lasagna wafted through the house as I made my way downstairs. The cold, fall air blasted through the door when my mother opened it.

  I stood awkwardly with my hands in my pockets, trying to look nonchalant, like I hadn’t just been fantasizing about her. “Hey Tish…Skylar,” I said.

  Skylar took off her black puffer jacket. I was grateful that she had changed out of her sexy school uniform into some sweats.

  “Hey,” Skylar said before walking over to the living room where she looked through my mother’s magazines with her legs crossed on the sofa. I loved how comfortable she was here.

  “Mitch, your mother told me about all of the A’s you’ve been getting lately,” Tish said.

  “Yeah, well, gotta focus my energy on something. Might as well be school.”

  “Well, keep up the good work.”

  “Thanks.”

  That was another thing. I’d been diving head first into my schoolwork in an attempt to transfer my focus onto something other than what happened with Skylar. Apparently, it was paying off.

  She was being uncharacteristically quiet tonight and hadn’t said anything since they walked in the door. As we sat down to eat, my mother broke the silence.

  “So, what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?”

  “Well, Oliver wants Skylar to spend it with him and his beautiful bride down in Florida.”

  My mother put down her fork. “Beautiful bride?”

  “You heard me.” Tish took a long sip of her wine.

  “They got married?”

  “Apparently, they went to a justice of the peace in the city last week. We just found out when he called about an hour ago. They’re doing a little ceremony down in Miami with her family over Thanksgiving, and they want Skylar to fly down.”

  Shit. That’s why she was being quiet.

  I looked over at her until she would look at me. The disappointment in her eyes was palpable. I hated seeing her upset. She very rarely let things get to her. My rock.

  Skylar went to visit her father in Brooklyn about one weekend a month. She wasn’t crazy about spending any long amount of time with him, but he was way more involved in her life than my father was in mine. Still, it freaked me out sometimes how similar our family situations were.

  While Skylar’s Dad didn’t leave Tish for another woman specifically, he hadn’t exactly been faithful, either. He’d only had one serious girlfriend since the divorce and recently moved in with her. She was apparently now his wife.

  My mother turned to Skylar. “Honey, are you okay with all this?”

  She wiped her mouth with a napkin then threw it down. “Am I okay with Oliver marrying titanium tits? Sure…whatever. But am I okay with him casually calling to tell us about it after the fact, like he was announcing what he had for breakfast? No. I’m not okay with that.” She got up from the table abruptly. “Excuse me.”

  I got up a minute later and found her in the living room where she was standing by the window. It was still early in the evening, but it was already dark out.

  “Hey…you okay?”

  She turned around to look at me before returning her gaze to the rain that had started to fall outside. “It’s not even about me. I’m mad for my Mom. My parents were together for fifteen years. She’s acting like this doesn’t bother her, but I know it does. I always tell myself they’re better off apart, but God, this must sting. She hasn’t even dated anyone, and he elopes with the first serious girlfriend he gets and acts like it’s nothing. It’s the lack of respect that gets me. She just doesn’t want it to show, but she’s hurting right now.”

  She was more concerned with her mother’s feelings than her own. Typical Skylar.

  I wanted to hug her. A few weeks ago, I might have, but now, I
really needed to refrain from touching her. “I wish I could say something that would help. But only time usually fixes these things. You know I understand.”

  She turned to me. “Yeah…out of everyone…I know you do.”

  “Don’t let Oliver’s dumb decisions ruin your weekend. Your mom will be okay. She has my mother now, who definitely knows what she’s going through, and she’s damn lucky to have a daughter who cares about her so much.”

  She finally cracked a smile. “Why are you home on a Friday night anyway? I figured you’d be out with the girl of the week.”

  “I decided to stay in for a change and…” I hesitated.

  “And?”

  “So…I kind of have something that might cheer you up. It’s sort of an early birthday gift.”

  Skylar squinted her eyes suspiciously. “What are you talking about?”

  “Come with me.”

  Come with me? Really? Nice word choice.

  She followed me through the kitchen past our mothers who were now polishing off the bottle of wine. My heart was racing in anticipation as we walked up the carpeted stairs to my room.

  The look on her face when the door opened was priceless. Where was Angie and her camera when you needed her?

  “Seamus?!”

  She rushed over to the cage in the corner of the room. The parrot flapped his wings excitedly and tilted his head repeatedly like he recognized her.

  “Holy Toledo!”

  I laughed because it was the first time he used his signature phrase since we left the pet store earlier. Figures, he would show off for her.

  “I’ve been hiding him in here all day. I got lucky because he was quiet all throughout dinner and didn’t ruin the surprise.”