Landon: FBI Special Agent: FBI Brotherhood Book #3

by Ann, Bry

I’ve been so fucked up since that day with Essie. I can’t even put into words what I'm feeling. I don’t feel guilty for caring about her, but being turned on by her, that scares me. I don’t want to taint the friendship I’ve developed with her by showing that I feel that. She’s had enough of that in her life, for Christ’s sake.

  Thankfully, today I'm visiting Evie. Essie’s in intensive therapy today, so strictly unavailable. She has to deal with her drug addiction and trauma separately, so some days, she’s in therapy almost all day. Thankfully, they balance it out. At night, they have movie options, popcorn, and a reiki treatment for each patient once a week. I paid for Essie to get reiki twice a week. She seems to enjoy it, which is a little surprising to me given the physical closeness of it, but if yesterday is anything to go by, that doesn’t seem to be a scar she has so much.

  “I'm here to see Evie,” I tell the lady at the front desk.

  “Of course,” she murmurs, throwing me pity eyes. “I’ll grab her now.”

  I nod and glance down at my cell phone, throwing a text to my guys.

  Me: Ready in ten?

  Kyle: Yes

  Collin: Whenever you need us.

  Carson: Definitely

  Derek: Ready to go

  Poor Ram is reading some manual back at the office, but he doesn’t know Evie. It wouldn’t be appropriate for him to be here. And let’s all take a moment to appreciate the fact that Derek flew out here with a pregnant wife to do this for me and Evie. Good fuckin’ guy.

  A good five minutes later, the front desk lady walks out with Evie. Evie is bundled in an oversized sweatshirt with a blanket wrapped around her and she’s not looking at me. Yeah, I’d be ashamed to come out here, too!

  Goddamnit. This has to work.

  “Evie,” I greet curtly.

  “Hey.”

  “Come on. We have a private room where we can talk. Follow me.”

  I hear Evie grumble under her breath, but she doesn’t really have a choice but to follow me. I lead her into the room I had the treatment center prepare for her.

  “Landon, I—”

  “I'm not in the mood for your excuses, Evelyn. Have a seat.”

  “Don’t call me Evelyn. I hate that name.”

  “You know what I hate?” I ask calmly, deceptively so, as I take a seat. She follows suit. “I hate when I find out my little sister is trying to get herself killed. That’s what I hate.”

  “You don’t understand. I—”

  I hold up a hand. “No, Evie. I'm done with your excuses. I'm so done.”

  I slide a phone across the table. She looks at it warily.

  “Take a good look at that, Evie.”

  “Hey, that’s mine!”

  I rattle off a text to my team while she scowls in her seat.

  Me: Ready

  “You can’t just—”

  Evie’s cut off when the door opens and in walk Collin, Carson, Kyle, and Derek. She freezes and all the blood drains from her face.

  “L-Landon.”

  I keep my stern face in place, even though I hate seeing her this way.

  “L-Landon,” she repeats, wide, blue eyes scared and darting to me. I fight my instincts and ignore it. I nod at the guys as they take a seat and all greet Evie with the same stern expressions in place. Even Carson, who I was most worried about, is taking this seriously.

  “What are you all doing here?” Evie whispers, curling into herself.

  Collin, who is best suited for this kind of thing, takes over for me.

  “Do you know what that phone is for, Evie?”

  “No,” she whispers.

  “It’s for you to call homeless shelters with.”

  My heart gallops in my chest, but I try to stay as strong as Collin’s being. The guys have been around Evie for years. Watched her grow up. This is hard for all of us.

  “I have an apartment,” she sobs. “Why would you say that?”

  Collin remains stoic. “Because when you can’t work anymore, none of us are taking you in. If you leave here AMA, we’re done. All of us. We won’t help you, Evie.”

  Evie turns to me.

  “You’d never do that to me.”

  Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

  “Yes, Evie. I love you, so I would.”

  She turns to Carson, lip quivering. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t have to. Her blue eyes say it all. She cares for him. She thinks he’ll save her from this.

  We’ve talked. He knows how important this is. In this moment, he won’t.

  Evie and Carson have a silent conversation with their eyes. Whatever they say has Evie snapping to look at me with so much hate in her eyes, she looks nothing like the sister I know.

  “Fuck you, Landon!”

  She takes her cell phone and throws it at my head. Luckily, Kyle is more present than me and snatches it out of the air before it can nail me in the face.

  “I hate you!” she screams, shoving her chair back.

  “Evie,” I start, but Kyle grabs my arm and looks at me.

  Don’t chase her. All this is to help her.

  I hiss out a deep breath and remain seated. That makes Evie’s eyes flare and fill with tears as she bolts from the room. As soon as she leaves, my head falls into my hands.

  “I'm failing her. Fuck, I'm gonna cry like a bitch.”

  “Hey,” Collin’s voice cuts in softly, but firmly. “We won’t let that happen, man. You hear me? You have all of us and we all love Evie. We won’t let anything happen to her.”

  “Yeah, man. I can get Iris up here big and pregnant and all and she’ll stutter her way into Evie eating chicken and waffles.”

  I can’t help it. Even with a broken heart, I laugh. It’s so ridiculous, but so something Iris Jane Johnson would do.

  “Let’s not do this here,” Kyle says. “Let’s go get lunch. We’ll talk there.”

  “Alright.” I glance over at Carson. His head is down and he’s pulling on the ends of his hair. “Carson?”

  His head snaps up. I see pain on his face before he schools his features. I know he cares for Evie, but he’s only asking for heartbreak with her like this. She doesn’t love herself, how the hell can she love him?

  “She won’t hate you forever, Carson. It’s just… this is how she is when she’s sick, man. She’s mean. Cruel, even. But it’s not her. It’s her disorder. You weren’t around for the worst of it last time. You’ve only seen sweet, sarcastic, crass Evie. You’ve never seen this side of her, but it exists and it’s heartbreaking.”

  “Yeah,” he whispers. “I hate this disorder. Why can’t she just see she’s beautiful?”

  My heart cracks hearing him ask the question I’ve been asking all these years.

  “I don’t know,” I murmur. “I don’t know.”

  “Hey guys, let’s go!” Derek calls from the doorway.

  I place my hand on Carson’s shoulder and push to stand. We both drag our feet the whole way out, but Collin, Derek, and Kyle don’t let us ruminate on what just happened. They talk the whole time, planning, joking, comforting. They’re just good friends. That’s what they are. The fact that Collin is here, not at all playing the boss card, makes me respect and care for him so much more. He’ll always have my loyalty.

  “We’re here!” Derek says with a twinkle in his eyes I don’t quite understand.

  We all get out of the car. I walk into the small, well-lit Mexican restaurant first. I'm not really paying attention when I walk in. I glance up to greet the hostess when I'm pinned with intensely vulnerable green eyes from across the table in front of me.

  With a sigh, Essie waves, one finger at a time, before fidgeting again. That’s the only sign at all that she’s nervous.

  “What the… what are you…”

  I feel Collin come up behind me.

  “Edna’s here.” He flicks his head to the corner of the room. “Essie called Kyle and wanted to know what was upsetting you. He told her a bit about today and, well, sh
e wanted to make you feel better.”

  “You’re fucking with me.”

  “I'm not,” he whispers, patting my shoulder.

  My head whips over to Kyle, who nods. With that, they all leave and I'm left alone with Essie, completely confused.

  “You look lost,” she comments.

  “I'm a little… confused,” I say as I take a seat.

  She rolls her eyes like I dragged her here.

  “I earned a day out.” She shrugs.

  “And you’re here with me?”

  She shrugs again.

  “Essie,” I probe gently.

  “You looked sad, okay? I— you’ve been there for me every single day since I got out. Did you know whenever I tried to sneak drugs, the staff would bring you up and I’d refrain ‘cause I didn’t want you to see me high on top of insane?”

  “I don’t think you’re—”

  She holds up a hand. “Save it. You’re missing the point. You’ve fucked with my head. I should be hating men. Hating touch. Hating life. Hating everything. Because I'm a monster and a whore. Yet here I am, counting the minutes ‘til I can see you again. Loving every second you touch me. Loving having you around me because you make me feel… I don’t know. Clean, maybe. Like I don’t want to tear out my insides.”

  “How very… graphic of you.”

  “I thought you’d appreciate the visual.”

  I give her a lopsided smile. “It got your point across.”

  I reach across the table and thread my fingers through hers.

  “I should be more of a mess than this. I-I should be—”

  “There are no shoulds. None. Sage is in love.”

  That gets Essie’s full attention. I'm not sure I should be talking about this, but fuck it. The desperation in Essie’s eyes tells me all I need to know.

  “Nix?” she asks, wide eyed.

  “You know him?”

  She gives me a flat look.

  “Don’t insult my intelligence. I know you know what he did for me before he got Sage and I out. Before he killed Marcus, Sty, and Z.”

  She stiffens at the mention of his name. He may be gone but he still has power over her. I suspect he will for a long time. And yeah, I did know that. Nix helped the girls out as much as he could. It’s a long story and not mine to tell. It’s Nix and Sage’s.

  “Yeah, it’s Nix.”

  Essie smiles and it knocks the wind right out of me.

  “Good for you, kid,” she whispers.

  “Were you two close?”

  She shrugs. “As close as you can be with your sex slave trainer. She was closer with Pamela.”

  Essie’s voice is hard. She’s shutting down, and as weird as this is gonna seem, I think I know the way to stop it.

  “Ellie’s throwing Pamela a funeral,” I murmur.

  “Do you miss our chats about the animal kingdom? ‘Cause you’re asking for it.”

  The smile I give her is sad. “You want to know this. I know you do. This is the best place to have this discussion. Having the talk here, in public, will help you focus. But I'm game for animal talk if that’s what you need.”

  “This is blackmail,” she mutters.

  “I prefer to think of it as incentive.”

  “Classy, agent.”

  “It’s gonna be a little… crazy.”

  “How so?” Essie seems pissed. Worried it won’t be everything Pamela deserves.

  “I told you Ellie is in charge, as she should be. Well, my team and Brad’s have made sure there are no financial constraints, so Ellie is making sure every single thing her mother loved is there. Tenfold.”

  Even heartbroken, Essie smiles a little. “How so?” she murmurs.

  Her head snaps down. She’s crying. She’ll hate herself if she cries in public.

  “I think she ordered over a hundred big ass lily flowers.”

  Essie’s gaze snaps up with a startled laugh. “What?”

  “Yep. All the colors, too. It’ll be gaudy and perfect as hell.”

  Essie lets out a half laugh, a half cry, but it’s the happiest I’ve heard her sound. The waitress comes right then.

  “What can I get you two?”

  I glance at Essie for her to go first to be polite, but she looks paralyzed. I mean frozen as she stares at the menu.

  “Essie,” I whisper tentatively. When she looks up, I know she’s gone and all I want is to get the waitress out of here so I don’t have to tell Essie she lost herself in front of a stranger.

  “Shit, ma’am, I'm so sorry.” I turn on the charm. “I just forgot I have to pick up my little sister.”

  I dig through my pocket and slam a ten down as I round the table for Essie. She has started muttering to herself, earning strange looks from the waitress I don’t appreciate.

  “For your trouble,” I bark as she catches sight of the cash on the table.

  Right as she reaches for it, I reach for Essie and pull her away. Essie’s like glue, totally moldable as I pull her away. It makes me sick to think this is what she did when those monsters manhandled her back in that damn room.

  “Edna!” I call out, maybe a little too harshly. “Are the guys still here?”

  “They-they’re driving around,” she stammers, glancing at Essie. “I just texted them.”

  Wow, didn’t see her do that. I'm impressed. Edna pulls out her phone.

  “They’re out front. Let’s get her out of here.”

  “Agreed,” I mutter, hurrying Essie out.

  Collin whips the car around. Edna watches as I usher Essie into the back.

  “I have meds and… I'm prepped for her to make the trip back with me. I—”

  “She’ll be going with me,” I cut her off. “Thanks, but she’s with me.”

  Edna nods. “I figured,” she mutters. “Wait here one second.”

  She runs to her car and comes back with a black bag.

  “These are her meds and things that are familiar to her back at the center, should you need them.”

  “Thanks, Edna.”

  “Shit, I should have just ridden my motorcycle, then,” she grumbles.

  She throws her hands up and walks off. Both of my eyebrows raise. This chick rides a motorcycle? Damn, she’s fascinating.

  I climb into the backseat by Essie. Luckily, this car is huge and Essie and I have the whole third row to ourselves, but I can see all the guys looking back at me.

  “Why the fuck did you all let her come?” I snap as Essie curls into the side of the car, going on and on about how violent snowy owls can be.

  Kyle looks back at me, brown eyes intense. “I told you. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. She’s a genius. She was going to be here with you whether we said yes or not.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Landon

  Essie fell asleep forty minutes ago, and thank God. I don’t know who was getting more twitchy, me or Essie. Seeing the guys’ looks as Essie yelled at me about owls was uncomfortable for me. None of the men in this car with me are judgmental, but Essie’s condition is like nothing we’ve ever seen before.

  They were all unsure and quickly getting more concerned over the feelings I hold for her. I was ready to medicate her and, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if it was more for her or me. Essie is going to die when she finds out my whole team/friend group saw her this way. I’ll have to quickly introduce them so she can see for herself what good people they are.

  But all of this is irrelevant right now. Forty minutes in, Essie grabbed my bicep—present or not, I don’t know—and used it to gently place her head in my lap. She immediately fell asleep. Now my hand is running through her long hair as all the guys stare at me except for Collin, who’s driving, with their brows pulled tight.

  “So, she still has some work to be done,” Derek says quietly, trying to break the tension in the car.

  “She just has these episodes,” I mumble, looking back down at her. “It’ll take time. She’s already gotten a lot better.”

 
“She’s suffered a serious trauma,” Collin cuts in. “This kind of behavior is to be expected. She’ll recover herself in time.”

  He glances back at me and I’ve never been more grateful to him in my life.

  Thank you. I nod my head at him.

  You’re welcome. He nods back.

  * * *

  One Week Later

  Today’s the day of Pamela Reynolds’ funeral.

  I never had the privilege of meeting her. No one’s been able to retrieve her body. Yet the air still feels heavier. Like the world knows we’re mourning this incredible woman.

  After days of indecision, it was eventually decided that Sage would not be notified. I know. It’s wrong. I am against the decision, but I see everyone’s perspective. Sage is struggling. Unlike Essie, she’s been able to maintain some semblance of a normal life. We’re working to not thrust her back into her old one in any way. The reason she can’t see Essie is the same reason she shouldn’t attend Pamela’s funeral. Besides, she got the thing that Pamela treasured most, other than Ellie, of course, her stuffed hippo.

  Essie has nothing but her memories.

  That said, Essie will not be going either. Essie managed to write me a letter to read from her and she’s reuniting with Ellie in a few minutes, but as much as it crushed her, she knows going to Pamela’s funeral would be something she could not cope with. I mean, she sobbed in my arms for hours after the menu incident, terrified she’ll never have a future. I consoled her, but it cemented the fact that Pamela’s funeral is not feasible right now. The guilt of that is minimized by the fact that she knows in her heart she’s doing what Pamela would want: taking care of herself and Ellie, her daughter.

  “Knock, knock.”

  Once again, Essie got a day pass out. In fact, long-term discussions are starting to be had. Dogwood is ready to discharge her. She’ll need intense therapy forever, but she no longer needs inpatient care. Healing will just take time.

  “Come in!”

  Essie walks in, fidgeting for a moment before fast walking over to me and wrapping her arms around my neck, showing me the tenderness she keeps boxed away from the rest of the world.I don’t say anything as I run my hand up and down her back. We stay like that for a long while before Essie pulls away all stiff and trying to be strong as she thrusts the paper she wants me to read in my hand.